Friday, October 28, 2005
little patient thought would make anyone agree, for it's indisputable the complexity of women. And yes, despite being a female myself, I'd agree to this (ir)rationale of the women's mind. I'm not really out here to divulge too many secrets here, but just to relate more aspects which force me to think if I look at them from a disjoint perspective, keeping myself away from it.
The most conspicuous of these are the issues of choices when it comes to marriage/relationships/life partners. Sometimes, the choices are pretty baffling, even if they are relatively free from the "love-is-blind" syndrome. (In my vainest moments, I've lamented once or twice to guys who call girls brainless that I agree with this fact on the sole grounds that girls DO fall for guys and care for them).One such issue, rather contemporary around me, is the baffling number
of girls I see in IIT who have married IIT-ians! Almost all of them have married either their batchmates or a senior or something like that. And obviously all of them can't be happy love stories born in college culminating in marriage. Yet at a recent alumni meet in my hostel, every woman was the wife of an ex-IITian. which brings me to my first question- why are they so stupid? Can't they find anyone else?
And irrespective of the title of the post, it's about men as well- Why do they agree??!!?!?!
Leave the cynicism apart pls, and try to think a little reasonably. For four years or more, IIT guys continue calling every girl in the college all sorts of things, and girls have sufficient frustration and disregard for them. Sure there are the few lovebirds around, but for it to be a mass phenomenon, there has to be a deeper story.
My theory goes as follows:
1. We're at one level victims of the herd mentality, and therefore we ridicule the opposite sex as "Ah! these IITian guys!" or "These IITian gals!" just because everyone seems to be doing so, and generalisation is convenient. At a personal level though, we feel differently when it comes to individuals so statements like "all guys are disgusting, pervert B******s but X is a sweet guy, and Y is a cute friend, and Z is so decent" are equally true.
2.Even though you may argue that not all guys marry IIT gals, I believe that's more because of the ratios than anything else. I think a lot many would agree to have an IITian wife, if they have an option. Not all, but a substantial number. I feel this because of the COMPATIBILITY factor. I feel a lot of IITians do not fit in that well in the society outside, because of the 'different' ways of growing up. It's tough
adjusting to the 'outside' way of life after all u have seen is childhood, acads, JEE, four yrs here, an rigorous job schedules. I feel it's tough for IIT guys to adjust with a DU-type girl, and vice-versa.
3.The ways of thinking are so radicaly different. Understanding comes naturally in same college-same profession cases, as even practical things like adjusting to habits, language, work timings etc becomes easy.
3.For girls, it's more about a natural preference for a life partner who's superior to them-esp. professionally. As Shalabh put it, there has to be a power balance in a marriage, and one doesn't want to end up with a husband who has an ego clash with you because you earn more! For
someone from IIT, the bare minimum is another IITian.
4.Someone might say, that's because nobody else marries IIT girls. But obviously that isn't true. IIT girls are bold, smart, intelligent, mature and understanding. And for all cynics, the fact remains that you don't want a show piece or a glam doll for a life partner, do you? It's a question of life, and therefore sanity is the need. So there shouldn't be a problem, unless insecurities are a huge issue.
5.IITians are like a certain elitist section in the society, with whom every interaction has an 'aloofness' factor. But that's just a stupid idea!
Having said all this, I'm a little at peace, but still a little amazed at the extent of this phenomena...No, I'm not looking for a guy around as my life partner. Not yet.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Again everyone has their own innovations and improvisations, like aidoneous's three-state automata and Mani's arbit improvisations. There's also this art of "writing" down abuses in a way where u do not exactly say it, but everyone knows what u mean. Use the "strike" HTML tag, call it "an obscene four letter word" like him , or use strategic asterisks like me, him, him and so many others- the choice is yours! But in all cases, it mostly always brings a faint smile to my lips while reading!
I think abuses would also rank high on the list of words we use without knowing, or caring, what the real meaning is...Not to be taken literally is the key, but the feel, the effect, the PUNCH...is what really counts! Some sentences almost feel incomplete without an abuse, though of course this does vary from person to person.
No wonder, one of the most popular songs this year has been this by Zeest.
For those who use it a lot, especially students who stay away from home in hostels etc., I guess one of the biggest practical problems faced are to control the "natural flow" when at home , or in front of parents or profs! I know of people who almost can't finish sentences without at least two 'censored' words, and there was a time I grew so used to hearing them from all the guys in my group all the time(of crse among themselves[:P]), that my ears used to miss the sound at times!!!:D Initially, there used to be a time when they didnt know me much and actually used to come up an apologize if by chance uttered an unspeakable word! That apology bit used to be a little embarassing to me, to be frank. But later, everyone got used to it.
Personally, I dont abuse much...hardly actually, and sometimes
I feel so angry at myself, as well as handicaapped, because I feel like venting my anger and frustration out somehow, but cant and dont. It's the case with most girls actually, for very few of them do swear, atleast in public. Speaking for myself, I feel greatly pissed if a girl loudly abuses in HINDI, because curiously enough hindi abuses sound so so so much gross as compared to anything in English. So I cant tolerate atleast girls in Hindi. With guys you can say I've become rather used to it, so it doesnt matter much. I'm pretty comfortable oif the guy is, and if thats hw he speaks. I rather feel uncomfortable when guys speak under the breath and in conscious nudge-nudge-wink-wink camouflaged language, suppressing words just because "there are ladies around!". It's best when ppl are themselves-even girls, and therefore I do not disapprove of anyone speaking their mind out, of crse appropriated to place and time. It's kinda fun calling all men B*****ds in all-girl meetings!
The best option, when it comes to language, if you have the luxury, is to abuse in your "mothertongue"-by which I mean a language that people around do not understand. The person being abused may or may not. Sometimes though, this does irritate the 'audience' in for a juicy audio-visual treat, but I've seen that often the audience too enjoys the addition of a new word to vocabulary.[:P]
Some little facts I was wondering about are these....
1. We often use names of animals as abuses...Isn't "human" sometimes a bigger abuse!
2. why do "females" form so often a part of abusing...as in ur sister..... and ur mother.....why always drag females!
3. Why do some abuses become "chalta hai" after some time of use, irrespective of meaning?
OK, no more Q/A sessions here...just tell me..wat's ur favourite abuse?
And yeah, pls don't give me one now!
Monday, October 24, 2005
That’s the message that flashed in front of my colour-blinded eyes and humbled mind the last time I visited a few college campuses in Delhi!
I was wondering why Jassi took all the pains of going to Mauritius and spent on expert advice from expert advisors all over the world when our own GenNext here could’ve flooded her with expert tips on the trendiest overnight transformations! The most shocking example I personally witnessed was my “friend”, whom I’d gone to meet in her college. She was so unrecognizable that I almost walked past her, and had I not heard her familiar voice (thank God she still retains that!) call me out, I’d have never got to meet her! All this when she’s the same girl I spent almost every minute of the last two years of my school with! But that’s exactly the point-she wasn’t the ‘same’ friend. Something had transformed the simple, sweet, straight hair-salwar-suit girl (mmm….what was the term she said…yeah…”behenji” type of a girl) into this cooool, aggressive, permed-plus-streaked-hair, torn jeans kinda creature!! (If you ARE from another planet, voila, you might just be reminded of someone back home!!!)
I’d have probably stared at her with dis-belief and a half-open-mouth forever, had I not been distracted by the tinkling bells in the long beaded hair of her friend standing next to her who was trying to (as I realized later) give me a “Hi-fi”. At that moment I guess I was too overcome with emotion to manage anything more than a plain general Hello! Her friend gave me a disgusted snigger and walked away(in a strange kind of walk I later learnt is called ‘moon-walking’) but my friend was quick to explain..
“Oh! Don’t mind him…He’s just….”
“Him!!!!!” I thought that was a……Forget it!
“Gee,,,look at you. Two years and still the same boring hairstyle. And for Heavens’ sake, why do you still wear these huge awful black spectacles!! Get a life, dude! What HAVE you been doing in this college all this time?”
And then I looked around. It wasn’t her who was different-she was just one among a whole population of tattooed “colorful” students around us- it was actually ‘me’ who was different. Yeah, probably I belonged, and do belong, to another world altogether, for wherever I went that day, I was greeted with the kind of stares normally reserved for someone who’d walked in to attend a top-level Board meeting with his bathrobe on!!!!
Never before had I realized that my disinterest in the Page-3 and Fashion segments of the newspaper, in FTV and MTV-style on the TV, my lack of recall for the fashion-designer of everybody-who’s-somebody in bollywood/modeling world, and my disinclination to spend any more than a day on getting dressed up was such a big deal!! You can’t imagine how much I learnt in the two hours- lotsa words, oops lingo, like cooool, hip, happening, yo, etc; that I could actually wear my favourite jeans that I’d sadly kept aside because it got torn; that wearing T-shirts and tops with unequal sleeve lengths(or no sleeves/ spaghetti straps) is happening; that all the redheads and blondes that I saw around weren’t actually redheads and blondes, and so on and so forth!
I was astounded when I did a quick mental estimate of the amount those people must be spending only on cosmetics and tattoos and haircuts and bleaches and clothes and accessories, but thankfully figured out soon enough where the money came from- the students around me carried less than one book per person in their Rs. 899/- only embellished Ebony bags!I had a few more practical queries to shoot, like didn’t their heads and ears and waist hurt with the headbands, huge danglings and ulta tight jeans, but I was quickly labeled a 16th-century-nerd and made to shut up.
And I realized shut up I must, because I suddenly realized that the bug has bitten not just the college going youth, but EVERYONE- be it the aunties who watch other aunties on television who wear full makeup even when they sleep, or the so-called metrosexual men, or the Versace-stuck uncles…
Back now from the enlightening trip, I think I’m gonna book my tickets for Saturn s soon as I finish writing this one. Anybody willing to give me company?
Sunday, October 23, 2005
I know you won't believe me. Nobody does.
"Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am in the thousand winds that blow.
i am in the diamond glint of snow.
I am in the smile upon your face.
I am in the happiness you embrace.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there. I did not die!"
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
THE CONCEPT OF TRUTH IS A FARCE!
# Days and nights, that literally define and decide existence for us, are transient and temporary, and differ at different places even at the same time. They're not the truth.
# Desire is but a manifestation of our stubbornness, or ego. We never know what we REALLY want, but still pursue desires all our life..setting our own parameters, our own truths. They're not truths.
# Everyone holds, forms and 'suffers' from opinions. They dictate lives to huge extents, but thet're not truths.
# Relationships, emotions, the "forever" feelings-love, friendship, repect etc- none of these are permanent. They continuously change and evolve in meaning and character. Emotions often become antagonistic to themselves. They're the pillars of our lives, but not truths.
# If you're reading this line, you might have read everything above this. but if you claim yes, just ask yourself, is that THE TRUTH?
Having said that, I'm NOT saying that all this is a plain lie...it's just incomplete, it's just, half the truth!
Life is a battlefield of half-truths!
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
But, that's only half the truth.
The night mocks at me from outside the window. The lone flickering candle mocks at me from inside. I lay on the floor, unclothed, by the bedside, in waiting; the bed, the clothes, the aroma in the sheets- they all itch against my skin. Every inch of my existence feels incomplete. Shadows from yesterday fall upon my abandoned body. I hate their touch; I blow the candle away.
The 3 a.m. breeze whistles past the house. It is slightly chilly outside; I am very cold.
It is a silent, serene, peaceful night.
But that's only half the truth.
when you lie to me.
Because your eyes don't
Your face doesnt
Your hands, your breath
Everything but your tongue
They tell me
You're trying to lie.
and you continue trying.
While I try to understand-
Just why do you need to lie..
about anything, to me? And then
I hate myself.
Monday, October 17, 2005
Straps are so inconvenient. They probably have managed to survive so long only because strappy dresses are oh-so-much sexier than the rest!
"Less is more" is fashion's prime diktat, and straps seem to serve that objective well. Sometimes, they facilitatae an exhibition of the best while providing still the much needed life-saving support to the crucial apparel that hangs below, hiding what must be hidden! Occassionally then, they hit headlines if that apparel happens to be a skimpy blouse of a dumb diva ornamenting the gentleman's game.
Mostly however, they are buried behind layers of clothes and modesty and therefore, until one strips, they remain stripped of any glamour!
But still, they continue to cling tightly to the body, pulling at it at several places and hurting the delicate and supple skin, and sometimes even gifting it with cruel red rashes. They're fine when they tie around the body visibly-the sensuous feel can make one fall in love even with the self- but barring the security aspect, there is no reason why a strapless off-shoulder or backless version of the attire is not way better!!!
But MOST of all, straps are inconvenient-rather LOATHABLE- in delicate moments like these. Moments when the world has shrunk to the half a millimetre between the neck and the caressing lips, the entangled hair and the stroking hands, between the sighs and the deep breath, between two hearts beating faster than the speed of the light which struggles to percolate between the two hands whose fingers have lost in each other. The lips gently touch, wet, caress the back of the earlobe and slowly move downwards. The body beneath convulses with pleasure in tandem with the sensuousness of touch. The drama is heightening. The kissing pair reaches the shoulder, threatening to plunge to greater depths anytime. The movement is slow but steady; the clothing yields too. but then, something obstructs the smooth path of eternity-the flow breaks, the harmony stutters. The lips separate from the body.
Aarrrrrggghhhhhh!!! the strap.............
Monday, October 10, 2005
Tonight I'm gonna present Phoenix-the LOVEGuru's very own super-special funde on the various types of couples, and their respective properties!!!
We've all seen them all, they're our friends, foes, acquaintances, neighbours, classmates, the hot guy/chick next door with their lovers, or they are US ourselves....but have you ever tried to classify them into kinds and types and classes or something? Here's my take...
The Ghar-Ghrahasti Type: Simply put, this the typical husband-wife before marriage type of a couple! You've seen them, haven't you- couples who have a family-feel to their relationship, where each partner is assigned certain routine jobs( personalized equivalents of cooking and cleaning and shopping), one of them keeps track of their finances and spendings, the other of their social equations, and they're caught nagging on the most trivial of issues...Ah! the joys of marriage!
The Bollywood Reignman(and woman): This is the Heaven-made union of an ultra Bollywood inspired gal with a tinseltown crazy lad, where both of them have spent their childhoods and adoloscence eating, sleeping, drinking and dreaming of Bollywood, and hence, their idea of love is almost a running-around-the-tree, dancing-in-the-campus routine! The drama in their lives is amazing, trust me, and everything is accompanied with a high voltage ACTION! and a background song to team up! The relationship is full of gifts, roothna, manana, happy songs, sad songs, the 'other' one, and wat not!
The Coochi-cooing Twosome: Yeah, the too-close-for-comfort(of others ofcourse) this often irritating(to em at least) breed of couples are the ones who can sit together on less than one seat, hold hands (and..........) 24 hours a day, see pink and mush in everything in life, and can cry at the drop of the hat(or even a flutter of the same). Their relationship features less of love and more of the idea of obsession with love.....Add the "jaanus, dearest sweethearts and things likë that" for effect! Prominent trait: Over-possessiveness.
Shy, but why? This is the sweet smiling shy couple, about whom the whole world knows that they are seeing each other, but they are so recluse about it as if it's a huge secret. Of course, it normally belongs to the shy reserved type of people, where the "YES"might have taken upto a few years coming...The chemistry is amazing, but also amazingly funny. Sorry, i dont mean any offences, but for a third person observing, the half smile and the half shut eyes and the half hesitation with which they half approach each other half the time is sshhhooo chweeeetttt as well as so funny! Lots of secretiveness there, but yeah passions too. A genuine advice if u identify with this one is to be a little more expressive and open within each other..greatly helps!
Ultra Bindaas : This is the fun types, where best friends and boyfriends/girlfriends are equally close! The people involved belong to a specific breed too, to understand which, IITD junta have the advantage of imagining someone cool and bindaas like him and a bindaas tashni bandi(u know who,I wont name her) , while others need to exercise their imaginations a bit, and now imagine a cool group to which they belong(and continue belonging, unlike other breeds where couples do not belong to any friend groups other than their own!) and are good friends with EVERYONE else as well...Of course their own chemistry is distinctive and fun, with little qualms about ANYTHING, and life is fun...There are little ego hassles sometimes, and breakup is public gossip!
(IITD junta(girls, and GUYS too) pls dont misunderstand. Amol is still single and AVAILABLE, to the best of my knowledge!)
The Senti and the mental: This is the long-distance foresighted, largely serious "committed"type of no-nonsense junta who create little fuss, and invest a lot on care, sentiments, "mental"chemistry, long term planning, trust etc etc in their relationships. Breakups, God forbid, are extremely painful. But yeah, they need a dose of practicality sometimes!
There are another one or two loose categories, but I guess the time-slot for this lecture is over.
See you in the next Slot-L class!
P.S.1. Doubts, if any, are welcome in the comments section(but pls do no ask me to put myself in one of these categories, invalid question!). It's advisable that you clarify them asap, because if u're too careless or too late, u might just flunk the surprise quiz/tutorial/home assignment, that me-the loveGuru will soon setup for u!!!![:D]
OK enough, this professorship is not for me...let Shalabh keep that to himself!!!! ;)
2. This discourse is valid strictly on bisexual couples. Gay and lesbo couples with similar EQs may derive analogies, but strictly speaking, the rules do not apply as it is!
Saturday, October 08, 2005
Coincidence- the chance factor- things that are said to have just happened somehow the way they did and at the time they did! Everyone knows coincidences happen-afterall they happen with everyone- and mostly we accept them with a variable mix of reactionary surprise, scapegoat-hunting frustration, agony and joy, and move on. But come to think of it, it's not really that hard to realise that these so called coincidental happenings do very often impact our tiny lives and feeble thoughts in a considerably important manner-so much that I almost want to take the liberty of claiming here that the whole of this world is a coincidence in itself, and that the fact that the phenomena of coincidence is called coincidence, and hence often interpreted wrongfully trivially, is a huge irony in itself! So many things, so many important things happen to us and around us based on, caused by and aided by simple coincidences that the realisation itself is pretty overwhelming.
Several of our friends are our friends because of coincidence. We just happened to be in the same place at the same time! It was a coincidence that two people were alloted the same rooms/wings in the hostel, and eventually, they became the best of friends for the rest of their lives as they got to know and like each other better, inspite of the fact that when they first met they were as much strangers for each other as the others around them. It's a coincidence that someone read out exactly the same concept/question on an impulse five minutes before the examination, and it appeared in the exam and he/she aced it. He saw her in a crowd once by chance and was immediately attracted to her. Knew nothing about her at all, and soon she was lost somewhere in the crowd, though her memories weren't. And a few days later, she turned out to be exactly the girl in the pic his mom was trying to show him to convince him to marry the girl. Love, and life, so often, is brought about by a series of coincidences. It's when so many things that could have happened didn't happen, and had little probability to happen or last did exactly that, that the maze of coincidences is woven and life entrapped. Or perhaps released, from the monotony of existence!
So many smiles and tears in our lives have been products of coincidence. Be it the innocent little laugh we break into when we just "happen to" say the same thing at exactly the same time with someone, or the exhilaration when you just made it to the last bus of the night reaching there a split second before, or be it the disappointment that ruined it for us when two or three things cropped up at the same time 'by chance' without notice and made us cancel/forget something more enjoyable, we've all been through these experiences. Some of you might be reading this only because you reached this page as a matter of coincidence, today or a little while ago. Infact a lot of my friends in blogosphere are people who landed up on my blog, or they on mine, purely by chance. Yet, it is a hardcore reality today.
Call it fate, chance, luck, destiny, whatever you wish. The best word is still Coincidence.
This world is a coincidence.
Not all coincidences are pleasant, but neither is world, and neither is life. Coincidence is something even providence can't account for, coincidence is Someone's way of telling us...
It's meant to be!
Zindagi ittefaq hai...Kal bhi ittefaq thi, aaj bhi ittefaq hai!
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
"Believe me, u believe in arbit beliefs!" I cried.
"Arbit what?!!?!?!?" He cried to me(I believe he needs hearing aids...I cried that one so many times(without tears)! Even 'Arbit' sitting in his hostel 1.5 km away heard it....)
"Belief!!!!" me cryingly yelled!
"What???!!! I am a man/human/ monster/keeda/chapaater....how can I be a leaf! "
Then suddenly uski batti chamki....
"Arey haan, I'm wearing green today...maybe that's why u believe I can be lief!"
"Hey bhagoo..." I was max frust and cried out now(I don't cry in, you see!)
"Maniiiiiiiii, be alive, how can u be such a moron....Get a life man!"
"OK OK Dead bird(that's the ghatiya name he addresses me with, when I call him his real name "colorful keeda") just tell me one thing....u want me to be live(as in cric match) or be alive, or be a leaf! Decide and then order me..."
"Order order...." Creepu cried, as usual....(he was trying to study you see)
So we started to believe that Creepu was a waiter(he is too chhota to be a judge, See here to confirm ) and ordered one maggi and two iced-teas. (I'm very fast these days, so I don't eat!)
We even give him some tips (for the exam)!
Creepu ran out from the ex hall, because he was max^100 frust now, and he cried (with tears) and also yelled "I believe both of you've turned mad!"
Suddenly 'Arbit' came.He had heard us earlier, and had come running from his hostel. He heard the creepu and joined the crying...
"Oh Yeah Creepu...I believe in your beliefs as well..."
And so now the whole world believes that even I have arbit beliefs like CK...which is like :O:O:O:O.
Just because he is become me's teacher these days and therefore I spend more time than usual(without crying) in a radius<=2.0965365 approx Sq. ft/m with him these days, people believe that my beliefs have become as arbit as his(his=Chapaater's, not Arbit's) .
So, are you people? I mean do you believe in such arbit beliefs? I hope not, else I believe you deserve a chapaat for such unbelievable beliefs.
This world is not fair(and lovely). Everybody has their own beliefs, but I believe they are wrong.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Forgiveness is greater than revenge.
You can never have everyone praise you, nor will everyone condemn you. Never in the past, not at present, and never will be in the future.
It is not easy to change.And it's foolish to expect people to change. Only because 'we' believe they're foolish the way they are. It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations.
Everything we do and believe is at som level a manifestation of our love and hatred for ourselves. "I" is the most dangerous word.
Life resides not in a momentary anger, and the insignificant pain we feel.There's a lot of pain around ur, and a lot of happiness too, Life resides in the rare moment we see that pain, and 'know' how trivial the I is.
Life lives in the tiny feeble hands of the three year old who helps his grandfather cross the road.
Sunday, October 02, 2005
While two souls died, and fate itself trembled.
Destiny weeped at itself, yet no tears
fell from the stone-eyes, not a word mumbled.
"You weren't a coward, then why did you run?
..why did you choose to escape...alone?
Why did you break your promise and leave?"
Questions unquestioned, yet alive in the moan.
Words-two words- a little ink on paper.
That got spilled in a life and darkened it forever.
An apology! But for what and to whom?
There's no point saying sorry to the dead-never.
A face-a memory- floats in the hazy eye
Then begins to fade as the tearlets grow.
Panicking, the lip quivers, to stop, or atleast say bye
Still nothing's heard, but the echoing words-NO MORE...
Saturday, October 01, 2005
That's my mantra.........
(The first half of that condition is not compulsory!)
Most probably, like most other things, most of you will not understand this. Skip it.
For others who wanna attempt reading it, it's an absolute sponti, and very pathetic. Skip it.
Hazaaron khwahishon mein khoyi sachai ki kasam
Zindagi jeene ki bas ek nanhi si khwahish ka naam hai
Na maano to har sach khwabon se zyada jhoota hai
Maano to har khwab apne ap mein ek jahan hai
Kabhi kabhi namumkin sa lagta hai astitva jiska
Khud se door rakh ke dekho to lagega kitni asaan hai
Haan khud ko khud se door kar rahi hoon main
Lo, ek bar fir, mere labon pe wahi muskaan hai
Pal do pal ka andhera hai, par roshni ki talash hai
Fir bhi lagta hai is talash ka, na aagaz na hi anjaam hai
Katra katra karke har khwahish kho rahi hai
Sachai ab bhi zinda hai, shayad zindagi isi ka naam hai
Ek aawaz ke sahare....forget it, somethings are best incomplete.