Let Go.

It it said that there are five stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining/Desperation, Depression/Passiveness and Acceptance.

After having being stuck at the first stage for way too long, I've managed to zip past the rest in a relatively short span of a few days and have finally arrived at the point where I can ask my mind to stop working overtime and simply let go.

What's there is there. What's not, isn't. :)

Howmuchever you would have liked to wish for it.
This feels happier, lighter, peaceful. :)

But just for future reference, is there a shortcut to zip past to the last stage? It's kinda painful a journey....

Dreams on Sale

[[This one was for the campus magazine, but now I'm told by people I should put it here because they never read the magazine! Sad?]]

If you have ever asked yourself seriously, why did you ever come to IIT, it is likely that after the initial lists of parents, society, dreams, technology and I-don’t-knows, you’d get to the part where the reasons boil down to a promised great career, top job, money, status, the works. Face it, who of us does not want a successful spectacular future, hopefully doing something respectable that we like for the rest of our life. Isn’t that dream why the IIT degree is largely perceived to be worth what it is? Is it a surprise then that come final year, ‘placements’ is almost the most important word in the dictionary for most of us? And why just final year, come December and the whole of IIT is drowned in one compound emotion of one part joy, two parts sorrow, four parts preparation, four parts fear, one part motivation, one part jubilation and the rest frustration.

Yes, I’m talking about the job season, something I’ve closely witnessed this year again, something that has made me sleep every night of the last two months a little happy and a lot anxious for everyone around me. Powers bring responsibilities, and there’s no responsibility bigger than the weight of someone’s dreams and aspirations. There’s also no job more thankless than sweating 6am-2pm everyday trying to run the day’s proceedings in a smooth, honest manner when all you get is a bunch of brickbats for every minor slip, and no appreciation for doing a good job after all. Yet, I guess, the daily dose of profanities received apart, it’s worth it for the sake of a few sparkling eyes everyday.

But it’s not to word my memories or to talk about my job that I write today. I only wish to share a few words that might affect how your memories and your jobs might look like someday. First the good news: There’s a feeling widespread on campus this year that placements have been bad, especially in comparison to last year. While it’s not hard to understand why this feeling has arisen, the facts and the larger picture put clearly together do not do much to substantiate it. Yes, the fact that we started late in comparison to other IITs (nobody’s fault really, our semester is 14 week long with 2 minors in comparison to 13 at other places) did hit the placements somewhat. Companies who came here regularly told us that they found our students very good but couldn’t pick more than a certain number because they had already filled in a large chunk of their requirements from Bombay and Kanpur. And in comparison to last year, there’s an undeniable slowdown in the US economy, esp. in the finance sector, and that’s bound to affect jobs globally. But aside from these two external factors, and even despite them, it remains a fact that around two-thirds of all our students (UG+PG+PhD+M.Des) have been placed before the first half of January is over. And it’s also a fact that with the exception of one company, all first phase companies had a CTC>8 lacs. The number of new companies on campus has increased significantly, which means that absence of a few big names on Day one hasn’t hit us as bad as most believe it to. When more detailed statistics are made available, this story should be visible on a more concrete ground and in black and white for all to read, but for the moment all I want to do is to reassure. There’s nothing to be alarmed about. Your dreams are reasonably safe. IIT Delhi is still a brand to be proud of.

But then, for the bad news, at the same time, there are reasons to ask and understand what has not gone well for us this year as also the previous ones, especially as individual stakeholders of the process. It’s one thing that we all entered IIT after toiling hard for years for the sake of our dreams, and that’s why we feel at some level that IIT owes it to us to make them come true. It’s another thing that during our stay at IIT, we hardly ever cared to work sincerely and hard enough for becoming good engineers and mature people four years down the line. It’s an undeniable fact that there’s a direct correlation between CGPA and the quality of job one gets. It’s an undeniable fact that most of us lack basic clarity of fundamentals when it comes to technical knowledge and hence core jobs.

The one thing that is obvious yet subtle about our being IITians, the very best of the lot, is that here when we compete, we compete with IITians too, and some of us are undoubtedly better than the rest. But even then, the one thing that I still fail to understand that is that even as we all claim the best of the lot tag, why do some of us have to be so much worse than the rest? Why is it so hard to maintain a GPA of 6.0 all through the academic years irrespective of the department, interest, course or whatever reason there may be? Why do some of us have to cheat in an aptitude test? Why do people have to be punished for indiscipline? When a job is admittedly so important for us, why wouldn’t we care to appear in interviews and tests on time? When our careers are at stake, how do we apply for companies we do not know a thing about and expect to get through in the interview? Or more, how do we apply in the first place for the ‘wrong’ companies, places we are so sure we will never want to work at that we do not turn up for interviews when shortlisted? I’ve heard a million whines about TnP cell or IIT Delhi system not being good enough every time a company refuses to come on campus or shows displeasure with the students here. All that is fine at some level, but we as a student community need to look in the mirror too about what we do to “Brand IIT Delhi” which we are keen to encash every time we are caught cheating in a company’s test, every time we barge into the company officials’ room with a resume in hand against all rules and request them to break the rule too for our sake and every time we just don’t show up for a company waiting for us despite their having spent time in reviewing your candidature beforehand just because we don’t feel like any more. Now my purpose is not to criticize any single person. I know it’s easy to be selfish. If I weren’t entrusted with the job of enforcing rules to the best of my ability in a manner that’s fair and transparent for everyone, I would probably say it’s completely alright to be selfish and do what it takes. But in the slightly larger picture, for the sake of not one but all, I beg to differ.

Some things must change, and that change has to begin inside each one of us. I know we are all extremely competitive people to the core, but I don’t know why it should stop us from being honest, ethical and helpful to each other. I also know in IIT there is a glamour tag associated with being a stud in extra-curriculars, but I don’t know why there’s none with the curriculum. How come our parameters are so skewed that to us, being a coordinator is so much more valuable than being a participant or even a winner? I agree it is extremely important for each one of us to have well-rounded confident personalities and IIT is the only place where we can learn and hone basic skills of leadership, team-work, creativity and communication. But at the same time, what we shouldn’t forget, and what we shouldn’t forget constantly advising our juniors also, is that while it’s important not to have only a GPA and nothing else, it’s much more important to have a GPA at least. You know why most companies have CG cut-offs of ~7, the average mark? That’s because no matter what your real strengths are and what else you might be brilliant at, you still are expected to have a CG of 7 because although grades never truly prove your intelligence, they do prove your sincerity, and the company wants to know that you were sincere to the job you were supposed to do prima facie in your stay at IIT because otherwise they don’t believe you’d be sincere to the job they are going to hire you for.

I’ve been around in this college for long enough to know the system, the attitude and the mentality. Definitely, not all is right with the way things are run here, and definitely, the more there are rules, the more there are ways to get round them. But at the end of the day, I’m looking at what is it that we seek to carry out of this place. Hopefully that includes a good wholesome education, and hopefully that includes a growing-up process that’s healthy, inclusive, mature and strong enough to teach us to differentiate between right and wrong, ethical and unethical. If not for our own sakes, at least for the sake of the country we live in, and our dear alma mater.

Silence.

When it hurts really bad
soundless become all screams
The most familiar silence
is the noise of shattering dreams
The one who weeps the most
has a tearless eye that gleams
The most painful silence
is the one that knows what it means.