Dream diaries-II

Weird dreams are more the rule than the exception with me, but this one was strange.

I'd omit the preceding parts, the ones which I remember, but this is what I said at the end, and woke up saying:

I'm not lost, just waiting to be found.

Psychoanalysis, anyone?

Me-tales etc

Huh

Long time no see.

You know how it's weird that being really wela is almost as paralysing as being really busy, and a lot of things just don't get done at either extremes. Like blogging regularly. But nothing much even happens these days, and my crappy net connection just refuses to go away to be replaced with something saner.

So, I didn't find a useful intern of any sort. Guess nobody finds me of any use, and the company that hired me last December - well, it's still >2.5 months till I start there and I can already bitch about it! Tch tch. However the incredible soaring heat has reassured me that my decision to quit HT was wise. I have been out in the afternoon twice in the last 3 days and it's murderous out there at 46 degrees, doing that everyday for going to an unrewarding work would have truly killed me.
Anyhow, am planning to help out a couple of friends with their startups, 'if' they find me eligible to do something. Wait and watch, some more. If nothing else things can always get plain worse in 20 days with my bro moving out to new college/hostel.

I'm reading weird books these days, like Caster's blog: A geek love story. :P I swear I see so many of my friends come alive in the characters ;)

I've been gymming, hour and a half daily- actually I skip sometimes so lets say 5-6 times a week - but that doesnt seem to do anything to help me lose the extra flab I'd collected over the past year. :( It's so depressing. But keeping on with it.

Tell me someone, what have you people been upto?
I'm bored and lonely.

..but wouldn't that defeat the purpose?
Wouldn't that adulterate the pain?

Nthng

There is very little to say, such is the emptiness.
Not sadness, nor joy, just a void, and darkness.
From life, I take a break, for merely existing
Reality can happen, stepwise, shakily, certainly.
Tomorrow is beyond knowing, yesterday already over
And today, it's not even happening, not in the sun or in the rains
Today is just waiting, for one day it will be, maybe
But at this moment it crumbles, along with something in my veins

In the interim, again

It's been a week now. I'm home, and while it's not entirely an unhappy feeling, it is weird. Still, if you asked me if I miss IIT, I'd probably not say yes immediately, and that's because it still hasn't sunk in that it is actually over. Yeah, I have a delayed response to all major events in my life, particularly the anticipated ones. I still remember that the fact that I was going to Sweden for exchange for a whole semester did not sink in till I woke up there on my second morning. It is a funny thing though, if you consider how I over-react to so many little things in life.

Anyway, yeah, I quit the HT intern despite everyone advising me not to. It really wasn't doing any value-add (it wasn't as if I was getting any of the girls), and going at 3 in the afternoon heat fora month to do grammar-check wasn't worth it, especially since I'd have to find something for July and Aug neverthless. I always wanted an opportuniy where I could write some, so maybe the area local newspaper would have to do, because learning photoshopping (actually, Quarkpressing) wasn't helping. So am looking for another intern, and meanwhile killing my time with little things at home. Have started gymming though, even started enjoying the daily hour of workout now, so hpefully all that extra flab I collected will begin to melt in a few weeks :)

Will go to IIT tomorrow. This feeling needs to hit me now, before I find myself struggling with Mumbai monsoon alone in a place far, far away.

In the business of news

Today is my last night at IIT. Last night of walking into a messy hostel room and crashing, for quite a while definitely. Tomorrow, I'll pack and move out. Still I don't really feel anything, yet.

Today was also my first day at HT, as an intern. The most dominant thought in my mind earlier in the afternoon sitting there waiting for my mentor for almost an hour was that all those girls we see on the streets of Delhi, in malls and multiplexes, but never in colleges and offices we frequent (and by we I mean girls and (especially) guys at IIT and similar places who occupy an artificially skewed nerdy environment most of the time) - all those girls don't disappear, they work here and places like these! There were guys, about 40%, but it was obvious the fairer sex is the smarter, dominant species in here.

Essentially I was excited about a stint like this primarily for meeting diverse, different people, and to do something different and exciting in itself. The first part does hold, but the work is fairly non-challenging and mechanical. I learnt I need to put in 3-4 hours a day late afternoons and evenings on editing and page-making at least for the next two weeks. Checking stories for spelling and grammar is hardly a value-addition, and I'm already bored and in two minds about continuing a work clearly unfruitful (and one that involves travelling in afternoon heat AND evening peak traffic). That said, I do get to read half of tomorrow's newspaper in advance for the next four weeks.
What's your take? Continue or quit?