Done and dusted

I wasn't used to being below par

The first time it happened, blamed the tester

The second time, I found faults with the test

Excuses followed: the system, the culture, the skill, the will

But soon it was the norm

I am just average now, most times

And occasionally, I am not good enough

I wasn't used to being below par
But I found I was anyway, and that I don't care

I didn't think life could be so tiring

But I was wrong too, for I am exhausted

I didn't believe I had no ambition

But I do not now dream any dreams at all

I did know I was fungible and replaceable

But now I realize I don't need me even in my own life

I asked myself what mattered

And answers started dying up

Love, friendship, happiness, purpose

Reduced to mere good-to-haves

What for, then, to wake up from the sleep?

Where to find the energy to breathe?

Why don't I stop asking silly questions?

Is it all over yet, or do I need to repeat?

The actual conversation

What you begin to say
but skirt at the edges
What your eyes betray
But your vocabulary hedges
I read it, I hear it
But I shall wait to listen
The tears maybe unshed
But in your eyes they glisten
You say words betray
But they're still being your allies
It's ok, I shall wait, until you figure
The truth is easier than the lies

Rules of the game, please?

Is this a journey with a goal?
Are we actually trying to get some place?
Or are we delusional, in this rat race,
merely, for the thrill of the chase?

Is there a zenith, a winner's post
for whoever runs at the fastest pace?
A blissful, content, shiny life prize
If only I outlast this "short, tough phase"?

What if I tire, what if I am hurt?
Where would I go if I fell from grace?
What if I can't win, is there a darkness
for the losers and quitters to hide their face?

What if I am afraid, running alone?
Will someone be waiting if I return to the base?
What if I realize, at the end when I've won
That I am out of time. That life beat me anyways...