Is tarah pehron tujhe sochti rehti hoon main
Meri har saans tere naam likhi ho jaise
Jaagte jaagte ek umra kati ho jaise
Jaan baaki hai magar, saans thami ho jaise.

Zindagi tez, bahut tez chali ho jaise.

Died of Pneumonia...

A wet moonlight bathed my outside. A viscous, toxic, painless fluid bathed me from inside. Drenched I lay, abandoned and forgotten, on an empty vastness that mocked at me in the days, but warmly absorbed me in the night. I tried to feel, but succeeded to fail; death, sleep, numbness prevailed.

I tried to remember, from not so long ago, memories of a warmth that blanketed me when I slept. I tried to see, peeking inside the mind, moments when I had smiled and wept. But it as all a blur, a haze swallowed it all, and there I lay, exhausted and spent, in an endless wait. It was a wait for noone, for they had all left me and gone, but I still believed I had to wait, for someone to hold my arm. The night grew darker; I got wetter and colder. My lips began to shiver, something froze inside. The eyelids had grown so heavy I let them fall, albeit slowly, but just before I resigned to complete annihilation, I saw him, and I felt his touch on my hand, and I knew he had come to take me. I was finally released from the poisoned body.

My soul came alive in the rain of love that day.

Things will be better someday....

Someday, the exams will end.
Someday, there'll be no more assignments to do.
Someday, there'll be no more quizzes to do badly in.
Someday, there'll be no more profs to jhelo for a while.
Someday, there'll be no more 'ugly' scoldings to live with.
Someday, I'd stop being sooo careless with my studies, that makes me repent later.
Someday, I'd score good marks again.
Someday, I'd see my life again, for as long as I wish to.
Someday, cyber despos would stop existing (and bugging people on Orkut!)
Someday, the LAN at IIT would work like it's supposed to.
Someday, the readership at my blog would increase again.
Someday, I'd write sensible posts and better poetry.
Someday, I'd stop making senseless mistakes.
Someday, he will know what I mean with some silences.
Someday, 'they' will understand.

Hope, is a beautiful thing.

If I'd been a genius, then I'd have known something I do not know right now.

Why (and I hate why questions) do people commit silly mistakes only when they know they have done well enough not to commit a serious mistake?

The Soul Witness

In the dark

When the shadows blur

Within you and me

Within us and each other

When fingers are lost

In spaces between

When spaces are lost

In a surreal dream

When touch completes

A union of soul

When lightning strikes

And shivers the whole.

When lips quiver

And feet go numb

When eyes talk

And the world is dumb

When hearts refuse to beat

When breathe loudly talks

When arms hold life

And life simply stops

When everything is wet

Everybody is drenched

The thirst just grows on

More and more, unquenched

Swept off my feet

All over again I fall

All over again you catch me

And the full moon sees it all.

The Conspiracy

A long dark lonely road lay ahead, waiting to be trampled underfoot by me, perhaps in the hope that the touch of my fet would give it a companionship that would cure it of its loneliness. Foolishly, it laid itself bare before my eyes, tempting me to begin a journey that would complement its own purposeless existence by sucking on some bits of mine. Even an alluring mirage sat at a distance (was even the moonlight scheming along?) showing me a path that was yet unexplored and led to an unknown nowhere. But I wasn’t so stupid. I wasn’t going to leave my own oft-trodden paths that led to known-nowheres. I wouldn’t let my compassion overpower my sensibility and lead me into a journey to where-no-man-has-gone-before only because I thought that it was a nice-boys’ thing to cure a lonely road of its solitude in life. Especially when I had no assurance it would cure me of the loneliness in my life. Better safe than sorry, I thought, and swore my loyalty to my established spiral-roads of life. I’m a strong person; I wasn’t going to give in to fals hopes and temptations of an unreliable better future. Who knows….there could have been a dead end just a few miles ahead, or worse still, I could have been trapped in a swamp with nobody else and no chance to return. I wasn’t stupid enough to take that huge a risk. In fact I was smart, for I saw the tiny thorns and pebbles that the gleaming inviting path had been wearing. Sure enough, my feet were already blistered, but who knows, there could have been land mines there?!?!

I asked the path, trying to sell itself to me like a salesman “Where do you go?”
“Wherever you want to take me!” was the absurd reply.
Clever, huh! Trying to blind me into a deal?
“Where are you going now?” I was asked again.
“I don’t know, but everyone goes this way. Therefore, it’d for sure leave somewhere!”
“Come to me, and everyone would follow. You just be the first…”

And then, I saw it. The scheming spark of wickedness in its eye!!!(or was it just the sparkle of a hopeful promise?)

I wasn’t a moron. I refused and refuted all temptations, and here I am, safe and crawling amidst a crowd of equally fatigued legs that don’t know why they are moving, and where to. At least I’m not the only one. At least I’m not alone.

And this was how I avoided a well-planned conspiracy. Not too well-disguised though, I must add!

I don’t know why she says I managed to avoid an ill-disguised opportunity instead.
Women!!!! Sigh….

I want to write something happy!

and I cant figure out what.
except: --> Something happy.

Bad joke I know....but I need to smile. somebody tell me a good pj please.
ok i'll start:

Q.Why cant a dumb cat walk?
A.Because mew=0.

Fine, it's horrible.
Even I can't smile, but I want to be happy. HAPPY. Desperately. Help me. And do something to my headache too.

:((((

THE ENGLISH DEBATING AND LITERARY CLUB, IIT DELHI

The Year That Was, The Excellence It Is, The Glory That Shall Always Be...

Finally, the post that has been in the pipeline for quite some time now. Time constraints and emotional choking have ben delaying this particular ode to what has been an integral part of my life over the last year, the EDLC at IIT Delhi.

For the uninitiated, the English Debating and Literary Club at IIT Delhi is the official LitSoc/DebSoc of our college, that organises several inter-hostel and other competitions throughout the year like other such cultural activity clubs, its members being one rep from each hostel, a Secretary, some Panel members and a nominal Prof who's the Club President.

I still clearly remember the day I became the EDLC rep for my hostel, though a lot of that memory should be attributed to the highly unforgettable politics that I witnessed, though not with regards to any of the rep posts. I also clearly remember how I was reluctant to take the post because all my life I've never associated any importance to the 'post'or the 'title' itself, and I always thought I don't need a title to work for something I truly love. EDLC has been something I have truly loved forever, perhaps right from the day I participated in the opening event of my first year, which was the Freshers'Debate, where incidentally we won the second prize and I got Best Speaker (something that a good many people STILL hate me for...but for Heavens'sake, I was NOT judging!!). Anyway, the point was I was always hooked to the club because I like both the activities and the people, and over time, I've also come to appreciate the bonding between the EDLC(and extended QC) family. As a result when I became the rep it came as a surprise to no one, not in many hostel because hardly anyone in my year had ever been involved in EDLC, but not even in the institute, perhaps because I had been a regular participant.

And so, on 31st March last year, I was officially given the post for which my name still figures on the Black Notice Board at the entrance of my hostel. I remember clearly my first meeting, and I remember being sooo upset after it because I had been told the wrong time for the meeting and was thus 10 mins late. I'm normally a punctual person, and I'm generally not late, and for something like THE first meeting, I never wanted to be late, and so I felt so angry at myself later (and also worried that my Secy and co-reps would find me the most irresponsible member already! :P) Thankfully, as things turned out later, that didn't quite happen, and I also don't remember being late or skipping too many meetings over the year. Commitment, anyway, comes first-of-all.

Hmm...so onto the club then. We had no events April last year, and all I did was got to know some of my co-reps who I didn't previously know, and form the non-comp groups. That was all EDLC meant, except for a little bit of Rep's Homework during the vacations. And then, came the new semester, and lot more.

The Events

I think Freshers' Events, both the debate and WordGames, were the events I perhaps enjoyed the most over the year, apart from the Parliamentary Debate at the finale. There was a unique kick I felt at beign a part of the organising team, at scrutinising and training fachis from my hostel for the competition, at making the word games, at checking them, at just being there. Then the ball got rolling, with several other events time to time till Feb this year. One distinct memory remains that of the Extempore in August, because of, among other reasons, the Electricity jinx. I remember shifting the event twice that night at different venues because of unexpected power cuts, and eventually it got cancelled and postponed because it always turned out that the place we were in happened to be THE only place with no power as soon as we put the event together. Another distinct memory is for the numerous events we organised during Rendezvous, because they were always amazing fun, except for one of them where NOBODY turned up! Especially the JAM was something I'd never forget for the amount of leg pulling I was subjected to. There were many more gems, esp during Three Muses, and Inter Hostel PD, which was made unforgettable by the unprecedented number of Definition Challenges(something that my team, and in effect my suggestion triggered:P) and gems like Nil v/s Himadri debates [;)]. We lost, perhaps all my fault, but the experience was amazing.

I also had two non-comps to organise, and the first one was especially close to my heart. Luckily and thankfully, both TURNCOAT and GD were fairly successful, and I really enjoyed doing them. The tiring part used to be getting together practices in the hostel and keping up with everybody's tantrums, but with hindsight even that doesn't look bad.

The Inter College Parliamentary Debate

This is the biggest thing to have happened to IIT-D this year,and I feel soooo proud at being a part of the pioneering effort. The idea was big, the motivation required was strong, the efforts required were immense, the commitment shown was remarkable and eventually, under the flagship of able personalities and what I think was a really able team(I'd come to the people in a while), we pulled it off pretty well. In the end we were all happy with it. Tired but smiling. And now that the foundation is laid, I'm sure next year would be much bigger and better.

I remember being immensely tired at times juggling several other commitments with the all important PD work. I remember skipping lunch almost everyday for the meeting@noon and then the marketing business. I can never forget eating at Sip-n-Bit during the debate, and not eating nights before because of the invitation that needed to be sent. I remember losing sleep because I was either too tired or too busy or too excited. I remember a rare degree of commitment, and hardwork on the faces of some. I remember stalking volunteers for distributing work, and stalking coordinators for getting some. I remember myself being a part of the Swing team. And I remember all this with happiness. Now I have three more material things in my treasured items' list: A poster of the debate, the debate T-shirt, and a pic.

The People

Undoubtedly, a crucial part. Because for me, people around us make our life.

I had the honour of working with some of the best people in the college over the year, many of whom have become great friends now, and also meeting many others who are the Club regulars. Trust me, it has changed my life.

I start with my co-reps. 8 of them. Or actually 7. Since I've met the Satpura M.Tech rep only once. And now that I'm down to seven, I cant decide who to write about first. I think Ï'd proceed alphabetically.

Arpit Maheshwari, Jwalamukhi. The eventual trophy winners and a very talented hostel. But as far as this guy is concerned, he's this mini-stud with major fundas for everything which most people dont understand. [:P] Loves pulling my leg, but is a nice chap(and he has to give us a treat for the trophy, so..mmm...he's really nice chap!). He is eternally busy being wela,except when he's playing counter strike or slogging before exams I supppose.

Ashwin Goel, Aravali. My non-comp partner, and a real mast banda. You give him any work and he'd do it, but not without "I'm sooo tired..do I have to" :P. Make no mistake, he;s very efficient at work, just that he likes to pretend being lazy, and he likes missing meetings a lot:P I remember during our First non comp, I had to push him to quickly do all I figured out we needed to, and he cdnt help saying ""Itni jaldi kya hai...kitni fight machati hai tu!!" :D

Gaurav Dosi, Nilgiri. Stud boy. One of the most famous of us all I guess, for his basky skills, lifestyle looks and also intelligence. In the end I was pleasantly surprised by the amount of work a Nilgiri rep put in [;)][;)] but he's sincerely cool,and fun.

Gaurav Lodha, Shivalik The new Secy sir,and my non comp partner. His association with EDLC is going to be longer than any of us, now that he's been elected Secy for the next year, and going by the amount of work he has put in over the last year, for which he truly deserves the BEST REP award, EDLC is in for good times. Of all the things, an EDLC Secy was perhaps the only post I'd have accepted to take, simply because I love the club too much, but I had my constraints, nobody offered me the post[:P] and mot importantly, I'm more than happy with Gaurav being the secy anyday over me.
Gaurav is one of my best friends and the most hardworking sincere sweet people I know. He's always given more than his 100% for his job. He calls me didi,and I call him bacha:P but uski baatein and knowledge is of bigger better men. Bad traits: Hasn't YET started a blog, never comments on my blogs, never takes care of his health or studies enough, for which I always scold him, and cannot decide at times ki baat kis topic pe karoon![;)]

Prabhpal Grewal, Karakoram. Or in other words, the new bright shining star of debating at IITD. Part of the various teams that won Inter college competitions outside IIT, this guy is the star debator, the ace sportsperson, and a great person as such. Always equipped with fashionable one-liners, and mostly dressed in basky shorts, he's quite a person to have around. He's never been too fond of me, but that's understandable, so we havent worked too much together, but then this guy is such a charmer u really cant miss him![;)]

Ritu Sharma, Himadri. She's such a darling I swear. Really cool, very soft spoken and pretty dedicated at work. I dont rememebr any job she was assigned and she never did. I also dont remember her spekaing at all during any meeting at least the previous sem. She is nice to talk to, once she starts talking. I loved all the discussions we used to have, often walking back from meeting, discussing and leg-pulling everyone in the EDLC parivaar. :P

Udit Chopra, Kumaon. I need to gift him a one-rupee coin next year on his birhday, because sikkon ka iski zindagi mein bahut bada haath hai. He's the quintessential Kumaon rep, who works with mast dedication and has his on share of "ego fights" too :P Jokes apart, he was almost Kailash's co-rep, because he always took special interest in my practice with the fachi batch, and hence he's special to me. He's a really chill guy otherwise, jo is sem mein KKP ho gaya hai, and is a dear friend forever. One of my toughest moments was to vote between him and Lodha for the Secy post, because on merit there's barely any distinction.

Vivek, Vindhyachal. Serious, responsible and truly a lovely guy. I think he is an introvert, but he's one of those who became really good friends with me over the year, and now I can barely make him stop talking at times. :D. Good speaker, great writer(check his blog), very efficient worker, extremely intelligent, very modest and a gem of a person to have in ur team. I admire his patience a lot, and also his talents. Now that he's going to France on exchange, I hope he really has a great time. Because he deserves it.

And now, onto the most important member of the team. The Secy Sir himself.

Shalabh Gupta, Shivalik House.

I can probably write a whole book describing this guy, so I'd limit myself to describing the Secy he has been. Probably the BEST SECY award that he got last night says it all. I've had mixed times working with him, and there have been fights and misunderstandings as well as long interesting conversations, chats and a semblance of a friendship too(though I still am slightly scare of this harmless guy). If you already dont know him, his blog should easily tell you the kind of person who he is, and I remember one of the funniest experiences in our clubs used to be when some of us reps would place a bet on Shalabh's mood-of-the-day, and bid on ho all is going to be scolded tonight. I was always a part of that list without fail, and I've won a couple of dinners because of that. But despite that, the amount of respect he commands, at least from me, is immense. Some of our conversations, like the one after majors last sem, have been amazingly good. He's a hinker and a worker. Sometimes he gets tired and lazy, sometimes he gets overly enthusiatic, and he often gets frustrated, but his love for his club has been unquestionable. I have/had my share of grudges, but that's a part and parcel of life, because a lot of that was plain misunderstanding. I admired his commitment during the International PD when he worked 24*7. I like his knack of eventually coming about just fine, I am amzed at the amount of theories he made about me, and I am scared of his reaction if and when he reads this post.

The only complaint a this moment is WE WANT A TREAT, and atleast two more. Otherwise, Shalabh, it's been great working with you. Absolutely and truly.

And now quickly coming to the others. The four panelists...Joseph Mathew, Nidhi Nakra, Kunal Chandra and Saurabh Rustagi. None of them need an introduction, and I'm noone to ven consider a description. They are the established Gods and Goddesses of IITD,and one of the best parts of being a part of EDLC has been getting to know them, and some others too, well. As Shalabh said in his opening speech of the year at the Freshers'Debate "EDLC is a place here u find great friends, mentors, people to lean from, and if u r lucky relationships too!!" This people are truly inspiring, and especialyl working with Saurabh during the Inter collge PD was just great, even while getting scolded by him. He's a hard task master, but knows how to have fun too, and his contribution was perhaps the greatest. Nidhi I'm especially close to because she's one of my most respected hostel seniors, and I loved being in her team during Inter hostel PD. And about Anna and JoeMatt, they are the undisputable Gods of debating, and I can only bow to them in respect.

One cannot forget Rohan Trivedi either, for his contribution during the inter hostel PD. It was amazing working Mr. Convener's guidance too, and I cant possibly thinking of better learning experiences.

The others who have been an integral part of the EDLC family, and whom I've got to know ove rthe last year and can never forget, would include at least Arnav, Vibhor, Manu, Rajat, Tanuj Bansal, Aditya Bhatla, Anirudh Jain, Ojha,Ashish Nagar, Mekala , Piyush Pandey and Aditya Agarwal, among others.

Last night, EDLC got the trophy for being the BEST CLUB of the year. A truly desrved honour, and I felt soo proud of being a part of this club last evening. It jut goes down in my life as a crucial chapter that actually taught me a lot, perhaps abou life itself. I saw the lows, when I actually fought for a couple of days in my hostel to be allowed to resign. And I saw the highs, when big and small succeses brought tears to the eye. Fittingly enough, everything culminated with a couple of deserved and treasured trophies at last night's awards ceremony. As always, it hurts to say Goodbye to something you love. But fresh beginnings nd to be and shall be made with newer better people. Even then, my association with the club is not really over, because I'd atleast stay a part of the larger family.

Here's wishing lots of luck to the next team, and also to all the existing family members.

EDLC truly rocks!!:D

Yo! EDLC :)

At this moment...

...an incredible peace encloses existence, and all its current turmoils. At this moment, a strange feeling of death overrides every other emotion, felt and unfelt. At this moment, an alien (or perhaps way too familiar) silence is pouring down the recent cracks in the soul, and drop by drop it percolates to hitherto unknown parts of the being, bringing alongwith itself a fresh pain, a fresh numbness.At this moment, an astonishing amount of unheeded history and unacknowledged hurt is suddenly resurfacing from absolutely nowhere, for the lava only to be frozen by the here and the now into icy stones that hurt as they hit while falling upon the body, but leave only visible scars and no pain. At this moment, a bewildering listlessness is overtaking the senses, and it's hard to decide whether the sense of being lost overrules the lack of need for a direction, or vice versa. At this moment, darkness looms large before the eyes, and every 'ray of hope' is bright enough to be blinding, so it's only darkness that is, or is not, seen. At this moment, nerves reel under weightlessness of a free fall, but it's also relieving, with zero apparent stress on the system. At this moment, fingers feel in the keys something that is not meant to be said or read, thought or understood. At this moment, someone somewhere is trying to live, and trying to die, without knowing why, but is unsuccessful in either. Yet, there's a strange overriding bliss, a contentment of the sort that comes from wishlessness, a melodious harmony of the sort that emptiness sings, that fills the ambience at this moment.

At this moment, I have the voice in my ears which makes me breathe, the memory in my eyes that makes me smile, the warmth in this tear that has been missing for some time, the smell in my heartbest that defines intimacy and the touch in my hands that makes me feel alive.

At this moment, I am happy. At this moment, I'm loved and hated and kissed and scolded and blessed and cursed. At this moment, whether I feel it or not, there is a life within me. At this moment, there's the pillar of my existence intact and strong, touchwood. At this moment, my star is shining bright, only for me.

Who says then, that I am alone at this moment?

BREATHLESS

Life is not measured by the number of breathes we take,
...but the moments that take our breath away.