Saturday, February 09, 2008

Dreams on Sale

[[This one was for the campus magazine, but now I'm told by people I should put it here because they never read the magazine! Sad?]]

If you have ever asked yourself seriously, why did you ever come to IIT, it is likely that after the initial lists of parents, society, dreams, technology and I-don’t-knows, you’d get to the part where the reasons boil down to a promised great career, top job, money, status, the works. Face it, who of us does not want a successful spectacular future, hopefully doing something respectable that we like for the rest of our life. Isn’t that dream why the IIT degree is largely perceived to be worth what it is? Is it a surprise then that come final year, ‘placements’ is almost the most important word in the dictionary for most of us? And why just final year, come December and the whole of IIT is drowned in one compound emotion of one part joy, two parts sorrow, four parts preparation, four parts fear, one part motivation, one part jubilation and the rest frustration.

Yes, I’m talking about the job season, something I’ve closely witnessed this year again, something that has made me sleep every night of the last two months a little happy and a lot anxious for everyone around me. Powers bring responsibilities, and there’s no responsibility bigger than the weight of someone’s dreams and aspirations. There’s also no job more thankless than sweating 6am-2pm everyday trying to run the day’s proceedings in a smooth, honest manner when all you get is a bunch of brickbats for every minor slip, and no appreciation for doing a good job after all. Yet, I guess, the daily dose of profanities received apart, it’s worth it for the sake of a few sparkling eyes everyday.

But it’s not to word my memories or to talk about my job that I write today. I only wish to share a few words that might affect how your memories and your jobs might look like someday. First the good news: There’s a feeling widespread on campus this year that placements have been bad, especially in comparison to last year. While it’s not hard to understand why this feeling has arisen, the facts and the larger picture put clearly together do not do much to substantiate it. Yes, the fact that we started late in comparison to other IITs (nobody’s fault really, our semester is 14 week long with 2 minors in comparison to 13 at other places) did hit the placements somewhat. Companies who came here regularly told us that they found our students very good but couldn’t pick more than a certain number because they had already filled in a large chunk of their requirements from Bombay and Kanpur. And in comparison to last year, there’s an undeniable slowdown in the US economy, esp. in the finance sector, and that’s bound to affect jobs globally. But aside from these two external factors, and even despite them, it remains a fact that around two-thirds of all our students (UG+PG+PhD+M.Des) have been placed before the first half of January is over. And it’s also a fact that with the exception of one company, all first phase companies had a CTC>8 lacs. The number of new companies on campus has increased significantly, which means that absence of a few big names on Day one hasn’t hit us as bad as most believe it to. When more detailed statistics are made available, this story should be visible on a more concrete ground and in black and white for all to read, but for the moment all I want to do is to reassure. There’s nothing to be alarmed about. Your dreams are reasonably safe. IIT Delhi is still a brand to be proud of.

But then, for the bad news, at the same time, there are reasons to ask and understand what has not gone well for us this year as also the previous ones, especially as individual stakeholders of the process. It’s one thing that we all entered IIT after toiling hard for years for the sake of our dreams, and that’s why we feel at some level that IIT owes it to us to make them come true. It’s another thing that during our stay at IIT, we hardly ever cared to work sincerely and hard enough for becoming good engineers and mature people four years down the line. It’s an undeniable fact that there’s a direct correlation between CGPA and the quality of job one gets. It’s an undeniable fact that most of us lack basic clarity of fundamentals when it comes to technical knowledge and hence core jobs.

The one thing that is obvious yet subtle about our being IITians, the very best of the lot, is that here when we compete, we compete with IITians too, and some of us are undoubtedly better than the rest. But even then, the one thing that I still fail to understand that is that even as we all claim the best of the lot tag, why do some of us have to be so much worse than the rest? Why is it so hard to maintain a GPA of 6.0 all through the academic years irrespective of the department, interest, course or whatever reason there may be? Why do some of us have to cheat in an aptitude test? Why do people have to be punished for indiscipline? When a job is admittedly so important for us, why wouldn’t we care to appear in interviews and tests on time? When our careers are at stake, how do we apply for companies we do not know a thing about and expect to get through in the interview? Or more, how do we apply in the first place for the ‘wrong’ companies, places we are so sure we will never want to work at that we do not turn up for interviews when shortlisted? I’ve heard a million whines about TnP cell or IIT Delhi system not being good enough every time a company refuses to come on campus or shows displeasure with the students here. All that is fine at some level, but we as a student community need to look in the mirror too about what we do to “Brand IIT Delhi” which we are keen to encash every time we are caught cheating in a company’s test, every time we barge into the company officials’ room with a resume in hand against all rules and request them to break the rule too for our sake and every time we just don’t show up for a company waiting for us despite their having spent time in reviewing your candidature beforehand just because we don’t feel like any more. Now my purpose is not to criticize any single person. I know it’s easy to be selfish. If I weren’t entrusted with the job of enforcing rules to the best of my ability in a manner that’s fair and transparent for everyone, I would probably say it’s completely alright to be selfish and do what it takes. But in the slightly larger picture, for the sake of not one but all, I beg to differ.

Some things must change, and that change has to begin inside each one of us. I know we are all extremely competitive people to the core, but I don’t know why it should stop us from being honest, ethical and helpful to each other. I also know in IIT there is a glamour tag associated with being a stud in extra-curriculars, but I don’t know why there’s none with the curriculum. How come our parameters are so skewed that to us, being a coordinator is so much more valuable than being a participant or even a winner? I agree it is extremely important for each one of us to have well-rounded confident personalities and IIT is the only place where we can learn and hone basic skills of leadership, team-work, creativity and communication. But at the same time, what we shouldn’t forget, and what we shouldn’t forget constantly advising our juniors also, is that while it’s important not to have only a GPA and nothing else, it’s much more important to have a GPA at least. You know why most companies have CG cut-offs of ~7, the average mark? That’s because no matter what your real strengths are and what else you might be brilliant at, you still are expected to have a CG of 7 because although grades never truly prove your intelligence, they do prove your sincerity, and the company wants to know that you were sincere to the job you were supposed to do prima facie in your stay at IIT because otherwise they don’t believe you’d be sincere to the job they are going to hire you for.

I’ve been around in this college for long enough to know the system, the attitude and the mentality. Definitely, not all is right with the way things are run here, and definitely, the more there are rules, the more there are ways to get round them. But at the end of the day, I’m looking at what is it that we seek to carry out of this place. Hopefully that includes a good wholesome education, and hopefully that includes a growing-up process that’s healthy, inclusive, mature and strong enough to teach us to differentiate between right and wrong, ethical and unethical. If not for our own sakes, at least for the sake of the country we live in, and our dear alma mater.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Silence.

When it hurts really bad
soundless become all screams
The most familiar silence
is the noise of shattering dreams
The one who weeps the most
has a tearless eye that gleams
The most painful silence
is the one that knows what it means.


Thursday, January 31, 2008

Two Halves

A desire to fly unhindered, alone
Another to snuggle in the cosiness of bounds...
One to embrace a limitless sky
Another to stand firm on the grounds!

Conflicts of desires are whimsical functions
Of time and being, of place and mind.
Though neither desires nor conflicts are trivial;
The story of life doesn't have a rewind.

A half of me is fraught in this war
The other half seeks peace and respite.
A half of me just wants it all
The other struggles to get past the night.

A half of me tries and struggles
to be, to give, to achieve, to smile.
The other half seeks comfort in pain
Fatigued, in dejection, watching ills pile.

I'm the half that wins, I'm the half that loses
and I'm the void in between that grows without a goal
I'm the outsider inside me who watches with sadness
How two halves don't always make a whole.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Nok - jhok

Hum ruswa hain unki khamoshi se, kyon zuban nahi deti unke ankhon ke prem ka sath
Aur woh khafa hain humse ki hum kyon, zubaan se keh dete hain unse dil ki har baat

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Weepies

Everybody scolds me.
*sob sob*

I'm such a cute kid, fir bhi!
*sob sob*

So what if I don't have dimples?
*sob sob*
..pimples to hain na
*sob sob*

Sorry bolo to aur bhi daant padti hai.
Nahi bolo to gandi bachi bolte hain!
*sob sob*

If I say the truth, people scolding scolding
If I don't, all call jhoothi jhoothi
*sob sob*

Sare bade log jhadoo se marte hain
main koi bhoot hoon!
*sob sob*
...hoon bhi to cute bhoot hoon na

Nobody believes me...no uncle n no aunty
*sob sob*

Koi mujhe orange bar bhi nahi khilata
*sob sob*

Galti hi to ki thi, mistake thodi, huh!
Main sab se katti katti katti
:D :D



Monday, January 28, 2008

Just wondering

...if I died right now, would YOU be happy?

I certainly would be.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Books! :D

So I've been tagged by Madam Dreamcatcher herself! How could I miss this one....:-)


Off already:


A book that made you laugh
: Hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams...one of the few books which is a blast right from the word Go. Unputdownable once you start!

Also my all time favourite: Calvin and Hobbes.

A book that made you cry: I've contracted a crying disease in the last couple of months or so...I bloody cry in the middle of every half decent movie or book, most of the times unwarranted (half senti scene normally laughable in a B-grade hindi movie included!! Gosh I need a doctor..). Plumbing problems aside, there've been books beautiful enough to make me cry a little including The Kite Runner, Love Story etc

A book that scared you: Family Matters, Rohinton Mistry; Noi Chhoii.

A book that disgusted you: The one and only Mils and Boons I've ever read in life. Downright disgusting. I think it was called "Forsaking all reason" or something like that (sure did read like that!)

A book you loved in elementary school: Alice in Wonderland, Chacha Chaudhary, the first Nancy Drew I read too.

A book you loved in middle school or junior high school: Romeo and Juliet. Can't think of more immediately.

A book you loved in high school
: Love Story, Eric Segal.

A book you loved in college: Plenty. I'm still in college, still loving books day in and day out. Loved Midnight Children, Salman Rushdie. Never Let me go and The Remains of the day, Kazuo Ishiguro. Shadow Lines, Amitava Ghosh. Siddhartha, Hermen Hesse. English, August.
And more and more...

A book that challenged your identity: Dreamcatcher's remark about Urvashi Butalia’s The Other side of Silence reminded me of the similar effect it had on me too. In addition there was Noi Chhoi, Siddhartha, Husband of a Fanatic, Fountainhead and a few more.

A series that you love: Lord of the Rings, including The Hobbit, by Tolkein.

Your favorite horror book: None. Still looking for one that could scare. The Exorcist was a nice read though.

Your favorite science fiction book: 2001: A space odyssey, and The Invisible Man.but if I included dystopia too, 1984.

Your favorite fantasy: LOTR.

Your favorite mystery: Used to love mystery when I was younger esp Holmes. Never swore by Sheldon or Dan Brown, but I remember enjoying If tomorrow comes.

Your favorite biography:
will be the one I write for myself :P Kidding...My Experiments with truth, I guess.

Your favorite "coming of age" book: Fountainhead

Your favorite classic: Too many. Alice in wonderland, 1984, most by Marquez, Little Women. Macbeth, Pride and Prejudice.


Your favorite romance book
: Love Story, Eric Segal.



I must have missed like a gazillion good ones in this impromptu listing. But still, books are awesome. They are the best, and sometimes the only, friends.


Tag passes on to:

Catalyst (to do in his own anonymous blog and mail me the post :P)
Vikram
Vibhav
Vibhor
Arnav
Shantanu
Yashshri
Doc
Tapasya
Oracle
Akshay
Pooja

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Fragments


Excerpt from a story that never got completed :)
Miracles do happen.

Most of the crucial and life-changing moments—the ones that bring about changes for the good--- come in out lives without as much as a whimper, as if bare-footed. The noisier big-bang announcements generally turn out to be for things much less substantial, beautiful or useful than expected. The same goes with people. Friendships and infatuations that begin as feverish flings are often just that –short, temperamental flings; they grow quickly like shadows in the morning which shorten enough to disappear in the heat of the noon. People who come to stay are often those who’ve places their feet firmly in your life before you even realize that properly, and then it feels nothing short of a miracle if you think about it.

****************

Adversity teaches everything; a hard life turns every donkey into a philosopher.

*****************

I don’t think I ever had a sustainable magnitude of courage to do anything all of substance. It’s always a fleeting handful of moments, and I make up for the rest by pretence of an equal strength of nerves, and to my credit I’ve managed to be good at the pretence all my life.

******************


Thursday, January 10, 2008

Anti climax


She smiled.

She was looking at the person walking towards her at this moment. She knew he would come at exactly this moment. She knew what was going to happen next. She was ready.

He wasn't far, actually had never been. He was just not meant to do this any earlier, and he hadn't. That was a good thing too. She prepared herself in her mind; the moment for her to break her silence had come and say everything she had been practising to say to him exactly the way she was supposed to.

He was there. He stopped. She looked towards his right hand and he raised it, as if to shake his hand. She opened her mouth to speak, but suddenly it didn't feel right. All her excitement disappeared instantly. She forgot what to say. She didn't want to stay anymore. She ran out.

Voices were heard behind her calling her back; commotion ruled everywhere. But all she heard was the voice in her head that told her, this was not right. She was not meant to be here. Finally she knew what she wanted to do in life.
She did not really want to be an actress. This stage was not for her.

Well, better late than never.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Rules


Rebellion is intrinsic to human nature, in whatever measure. There's a charm of its own in breaking rules, a thrill, an attraction. It's not really proportional to how often you actually break them which really varies from person to person but the desire for anarchy, for self-rule, for breaking all laws in nearly omnipresent. But what happens when you are on the other side...when you are the one who's made the rules or is in the business of upkeeping them. It is then that obedience and rebellion acquires a whole new meaning. Law-makers and law-protectors CANNOT be rule-breakers or else their rules and their institution entirely loses all respect and meaning. Parents cannot make the same mistakes they punish children for. Policemen and judges cannot be murderers and thieves.

But unfortunately, in the real world such moral blasphemies happen everywhere. People in position of power misuse it all the time, and 'every rule can be bent' seems to be a universal rule nobody finds comfortable to break. In recent times, I've been in a number of such situations where I either saw rules being twisted, or was ask to twist them. Rebel that I am no matter, I still find it uncomfortable and totally unethical to be "unjust" just because I 'can', at that point of time. And the rhetorical reasoning that people use to convince/console me simply goes "Everybody does it honey!". Now I know I've created for myself several grudges and judgements by refusing to budge at times, but somehow I feel worse about the times when I've seen injustice and kept silent about it, simply distancing myself from the proceedings because I had little say or power in those matters. With people senior to me taking the decision I could do no more than a meek protest and maybe at some level this silence makes me a hypocrite at times when I fight and argue to maintain my stand. Sometimes I feel happy for myself for sticking to the right, sometimes I feel so alone. Because when I look around, that's all I see. How can the IIT administration expect us to follow the often unreasonable rules they make when the staff, the professors and the deans themselves are seen to do out-of-the-way things. I don't want to take names here but I've seen with my own eyes some examples of rule-bending and unfair advantage. It may have been small in absolute size in those instances but it's question of integrity and the moral right to enforce the rules on others.

Power seems to do everything in this world, and that is sad. The power to give a wrong decision and change the course of a game, the power to cheat, the power to alter a rule for a friend, the power to flunk a student, the power to give someone an award they do not deserve, the power to keep merit out of the race, the power to be blindly selfish and get away with it. I have found myself in the middle of arguments and sticky situations with friends and colleagues in recent times when I refused to budge from my stance simply because it was my duty to implement a rule fairly for everyone and I wouldn't do anything but that. There was a possibility that someone would have got a job if I didn't stand in the way, but it was unfair to so many others who were denied a chance because they didnt argue long enough with me or werent there at that moment. But then, a few days ago, I stayed silent to manipulations and favours in another field (with much lesser at stake) and someone deserving didn't get a chance. From outside, it would have been so easy to be morally upright, to criticise and to recommend the middle path, but inside, that middle path is a very very thin line.