I have spent a lot of time thinking, realizing, re-realizing over this weekend, how little so many things matter. Things that seem SUCH A BIG DEAL when they are happening, matter so little after some time. It is humiliating, almost, to remember how much time, thought and emotional investment went into those meaningless things. I was shocked, for example, to realize how little I remember certain events, several words and even some people that occupied so much of my consciousness only 8 or 9 years ago. I guess the lesson is I should not read old emails.
But there's another lesson. My roommate says we pay so much attention to stuff to keep ourselves occupied, "to kill time" so to speak, because life would be too long for most of us if we didn't fuss over the small stuff. If we didn't give in to emotional response and rational over-thinking on most of what life serves us. She is probably right. But it is a little disturbing too.Does that mean life really has no meaning? Or, more likely, most of us never manage to find that meaning and just survive, deliberating over one issue or the other to "kill the time"? Is the point of life to just "kill the time" until time is up? That seems kinda disappointing, doesn't it?
That almost makes me want to call time and stop living. What's the point, anyway?
Maybe it is the fast-approaching winter and the shortening days filled with chilly breeze and falling leaves, or maybe it is just the colossal amount of thinking B-School provokes me to do, but it feels more and more these days that "what matters most to you and why" is definitely the world's hardest question. There aren't that many things in the world that feel "worth mattering", these days.
Which leaves us with the ones that do seem that they "should matter".
Like morality, the sense of right and wrong, and the courage to do the right thing. It feels like that should be the most important component of the leadership of this world, more than "skills" and "fit". And yet, hardly ever do we screen CEOs, employees and politicians with it. Hell, I don't think we even know how to screen effectively those who are "just faking it". And yet, "intent" seems to matter somehow. That grey fuzzy area of intent, really does seem to matter more than words and often, even actions.
The other close cousin of morality, honesty, seems to matter too. Honesty allows us to be human. To make mistakes, to forgive mistakes. Honesty allows intent to survive. Honesty allows us to work together, without agenda and conspiracy, and we can often solve problems better together than alone. Honesty allows affection and trust. But honesty is so Goddamn uncomfortable so often.
There's one fundamental thing that humans have an innate need for, and that is fairness. Humans may not behave fairly, but they always want to be treated fairly with those they consider their equals in that context. The absolutes itself do not seem to matter, fairness is relative and desired by everyone on all ends of the spectrum. People get upset over low salaries, but outraged if they get a salary hike just a little bit less than their peer. It is ironical, of course, that often we are ok with unfairness as long as we are perpetuating it on other, or as long as we are the beneficiary. Mostly though, we just choose to ignore unfairness on others until it starts affecting us. We know it instantly when we feel prejudiced, but we are blind to our own privilege and prejudice. But the noise aside, the bottom line is clear. People demand and deserve to be treated fairly. And honesty and the right intent can go a long way in removing unfairness from this world. Discrimination on caste, gender, race, sexuality, religion, profession etc is unfair and must go. Starvation of some while others waste resources is unfair and must be corrected.
It is hard, but restoring fairness in this world seems like something that matters. Something worth thinking about and acting upon.
Beats "killing time".
