I got the first ever Zukk! of my life. I expected it, almost. And I managed it . Zero. Also the same as what me, my life, my thoughts, this blog, and my life is worth. Zero.
:-
Where am I taking my life, MYSELF, by choice?
Do I even care?
No.
Friday, September 30, 2005
Thursday, September 29, 2005
RENDEZVOUS'05: THE OTHER SIDE
It's been almost 90 hours now since Rendezvous 2005, IITD annual cultural fest, ended. I didn't want to write about the fest at all, and not just because it's been mentioned by me in bits and pieces in several posts before, or because several ppl have mentioned several aspects and their own points of view of the fest already,[ or to be more honest and blunt, have already rubbished it and laughed on it several times over], but because I had a slightly different perspective to offer, and even though I'm neither favouring nor opposing anybody here, I didnt exactly wanna offend anyone with my opinions. Still, I've been repeatedly asked to write something, and thus this post...But I'll try to be extremely cautious not to tread the line here.
All right, let's face it, this year hasn't exactly seen the best of fests. Lots has been said about the [lack of] organization, the missing 'feel' of Rendezvous in the campus, the bias, the incapability of the G.Sec. etc etc. We, inspite of being inhabitants of the same college, have gone to every depth possible to ridicule our own fest, while surprisingly, the most encouraging comments I've heard have all come from non-IITDians. But that's Ok. Criticism is a good thing, and a lot of it here is also deserved, plus outsiders don't really know much abt the system, and obviously we have the luxury of hindsight and comparisons with the past.
Yes, Rendezvous 2004(the only one other than this I've closely watched, though I've visited a couple more) was more enjoyable, for the lack of a better word, than this, and what I hear from seniors the 2003 and other editions were even better, and I accept and appreciate that. I know how this time round the Professional nite got almost screwed up at one point of time, and how the sponsorships weren't adequate. We all laugh and ridicule, of crse other than when we are getting our refreshments/coupons/passes/protocol etc [for those who weren't involved with anything, yes, we laugh and ridicule all the time], but I somehow get the feeling we are doing this a bit too much. Rendezvous suffered from a lack of organisational manpower, but in the end, the very few working hands actually managed to pull things off very very decently if u look at it without prejudices. Even things that had to be conjured at the last minute somehow managed to be decent enough, and trust me the non-sceptic junta really enjoyed. Nobody even notices that there was a DJ from Europe for the RDX, that over 2 lacs worth of fircrackers were burst during the meganites, that most events (and infra reqts) were managed 'on time'. Yes, we had crowds less than last time, but blame the rains and the coinciding mid-sem exams of an astonishing number of colleges for that. Despite that, do you think it was easy to get entry anywhere for the avg junta...The crowds were still overflowing! AND, it was infact tougher for IITians to get fraud entries for themselves and kins. I know this contributes to a lot of anger within us, but look at it from an overall point of view. This only means more honesty, more transparency, better security and better organisation than ever before. Even ppl from the organising hostel had a tough time negotiating the security ppl. It might make u angry if u take it at a personal level, but then, sometimes one has to think at the macro level. So much for the bias allegation! And whoever just cribbed Poltu, well I definitely agree it was there. And I'm refraining myself from discussing the malpractices and the alliance breaches here, but wat-the-heck, don't things like this happen everyyear everywhere all the time!!! Wake up, this is IITD. And u know this don't u, that those who did all the ugly work ARE the ones who are gonna suffer the most in the aftermath, esp politically. The sad part is that those at the lower tiers, the fachas for example, who worked 20 hours a day doing menial jobs, carrying stuff, running around, doing the deco, and things like that selflessly and tirelessly, will suffer too.
I'm sorry. I neither wanna defend anybody, nor refuse the fact that things were a lot worse than they could have been, nor do I intend to invite another controversy on this blog.
My point is just this much, and not exclusively applicable to this fest only:
It's the easiest thing in the world to complain and crib from a distance. You have to be in it to now how difficult things can be. It's very simple to give advice, to sit back comfortably and shoot opinions, judgements, advices, whims and critique on what SHOULD be done and what not and how etc. This is India, and everybody here thinks they can be the Prime Minister!!!! But as much as one is free to give random advices and opinions, let us not, in our comfortable rubbishing of the whole world, insult the efforts of the few who gave their 100%. It pains me when ppl overlook the positives totally because of the negatives, and not just here, in general in life too. Tell me, is the 'ugly' really that much more attractive?
All right, let's face it, this year hasn't exactly seen the best of fests. Lots has been said about the [lack of] organization, the missing 'feel' of Rendezvous in the campus, the bias, the incapability of the G.Sec. etc etc. We, inspite of being inhabitants of the same college, have gone to every depth possible to ridicule our own fest, while surprisingly, the most encouraging comments I've heard have all come from non-IITDians. But that's Ok. Criticism is a good thing, and a lot of it here is also deserved, plus outsiders don't really know much abt the system, and obviously we have the luxury of hindsight and comparisons with the past.
Yes, Rendezvous 2004(the only one other than this I've closely watched, though I've visited a couple more) was more enjoyable, for the lack of a better word, than this, and what I hear from seniors the 2003 and other editions were even better, and I accept and appreciate that. I know how this time round the Professional nite got almost screwed up at one point of time, and how the sponsorships weren't adequate. We all laugh and ridicule, of crse other than when we are getting our refreshments/coupons/passes/protocol etc [for those who weren't involved with anything, yes, we laugh and ridicule all the time], but I somehow get the feeling we are doing this a bit too much. Rendezvous suffered from a lack of organisational manpower, but in the end, the very few working hands actually managed to pull things off very very decently if u look at it without prejudices. Even things that had to be conjured at the last minute somehow managed to be decent enough, and trust me the non-sceptic junta really enjoyed. Nobody even notices that there was a DJ from Europe for the RDX, that over 2 lacs worth of fircrackers were burst during the meganites, that most events (and infra reqts) were managed 'on time'. Yes, we had crowds less than last time, but blame the rains and the coinciding mid-sem exams of an astonishing number of colleges for that. Despite that, do you think it was easy to get entry anywhere for the avg junta...The crowds were still overflowing! AND, it was infact tougher for IITians to get fraud entries for themselves and kins. I know this contributes to a lot of anger within us, but look at it from an overall point of view. This only means more honesty, more transparency, better security and better organisation than ever before. Even ppl from the organising hostel had a tough time negotiating the security ppl. It might make u angry if u take it at a personal level, but then, sometimes one has to think at the macro level. So much for the bias allegation! And whoever just cribbed Poltu, well I definitely agree it was there. And I'm refraining myself from discussing the malpractices and the alliance breaches here, but wat-the-heck, don't things like this happen everyyear everywhere all the time!!! Wake up, this is IITD. And u know this don't u, that those who did all the ugly work ARE the ones who are gonna suffer the most in the aftermath, esp politically. The sad part is that those at the lower tiers, the fachas for example, who worked 20 hours a day doing menial jobs, carrying stuff, running around, doing the deco, and things like that selflessly and tirelessly, will suffer too.
I'm sorry. I neither wanna defend anybody, nor refuse the fact that things were a lot worse than they could have been, nor do I intend to invite another controversy on this blog.
My point is just this much, and not exclusively applicable to this fest only:
It's the easiest thing in the world to complain and crib from a distance. You have to be in it to now how difficult things can be. It's very simple to give advice, to sit back comfortably and shoot opinions, judgements, advices, whims and critique on what SHOULD be done and what not and how etc. This is India, and everybody here thinks they can be the Prime Minister!!!! But as much as one is free to give random advices and opinions, let us not, in our comfortable rubbishing of the whole world, insult the efforts of the few who gave their 100%. It pains me when ppl overlook the positives totally because of the negatives, and not just here, in general in life too. Tell me, is the 'ugly' really that much more attractive?
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
The Unbecoming Engineers
A lot of you would have already read this one, it's appeared in this month's Campus Rumpus, still, i was asked to post it here, and I guess it does make sense for ppl other than the few CR-reading IITD junta, so am puttin it here. Will like you reviews, though am sorry for the length..:)
THE UNBECOMING ENGINEERS
Before I proceed to say anything, I request you all to kindly excuse any content that maybe regarded as capricious jargon or insensitive ballyhoo on my part, or merely a dangerous figment of my over imaginative faculties. I do not seek to pronounce personal, opinionated judgments on the state of worldly affairs that have come under the purview of the narrow range of my vision, both physical and mental. All I endeavour is to relate a certain incident that has rudely shake me up a bit from my perpetual state of utopian bliss and self-satisfaction, and the chaos that it has temporarily triggered off in my sparingly used mind. I also intend to use this rustiness of my mental factory caused by the almost complete absence of regular exercise and over-exposure to junk, as an excuse to cover-up any absurd comprehensions, preposterous misconceptions and wrongful analysis that I might have made and you shall be reading about (hopefully) in the following paragraphs. I have also dared to use the pronoun “we” more than a few times to stand for the entire IITian community while speaking of certain actions and sentiments I find myself sharing with almost everyone I know here. I urge the sensitive, intellectual population of the IIT Front Benchers’ Association to kindly overlook my outrageous attempt at humour and avoid filing a defamation suit on the charges of “malice aforethought” against me for the liberties I have carelessly taken. And now if we are done with the disclaimer, let me move on to the purpose for which I have decided to waste two rupees worth of my pen’s ink, a couple of A4 sheets and 200 calories worth of my energy today.
Well, I for one am a very peacefully content, blissfully ignorant and lazy individual who, like a substantial chunk of the IIT population, is extremely happy and content doing nothing at all and yet being perceived by the whole world as doing something respectable (?) simply by the virtue of having an IITian tag.
Yeah, this tag- this stamp of being an IIT student- that everyone gets by default the day he/she manages to crack the all-important, sleep-devouring exam, the IITJEE- and enter one of these high profile institutions. No wonder so many students work and pray so hard for this stamp, so many dreams are hinged on a single result, because once we’re in, we can really afford to be mentally out!!!
It is strangely funny (and had I been normal, worrisome too) the manner and the speed with which we all get transformed from serious, sincere, diligent, highly ‘academic’ children to a bunch of casual, perpetually cribbing but still “happy” bunch of individuals, unaffected by most serious and academic issues, esp. subjects, lectures and profs. I sometimes wonder if the air of IIT causes some genetic mutation in the residents’ bodies such that they metamorphose into creatures of a strangely violent, occasionally brilliant, seemingly busy, perpetually somnolent nocturnal species.
Anyways, I do not intend to dwell any further on this, firstly because I myself am a proud member of this species, secondly because like most of us, I do not really care, and lastly because this careless detour of thought is not what has woken me up from my reverie, but something else which I shall hopefully soon tell you about.
See, I’ve always subscribed to the view that it’s not really important what you do, but what matters is what others think you’re doing. I’ve seen this thumb rule work reasonably well within the IIT system too. If people believe that you’ve put in sincere efforts discharging your responsibilities at some particular post in your hostel or the BRCA etc., you stand to earn a lot of extra goodwill (and trust me, a lot of votes the next political season too), even if you’d actually whiled away the year distributing your work among others as much as possible, organizing meetings just to fix the next meeting date, or shrugging off responsibilities with a most serious face and my favourite clichéd of “I’ve got responsibilities!” in front of your superiors, but still managing to make an appearance at all places and times when it counts. Similarly, one could help one’s own grades by a simple trick: Occasionally, take a little pain to wake up from the lecture time nap five minutes before the class ends (it’ll be cruel, foolish and mortally impossible in most of the cases to try and wake up the whole lecture) and let a few words and terms enter your ears (it may be advisable to employ the alarm on your cell phone, since alertness in those five minutes is crucial). Then crowd your prof. at the end of the class (yes, along with the revered front benchers) with some doubt or question. Ask anything whatsoever, but make sure the discussion lasts at least five minutes, and the prof leaves with an impression that at least someone was attentive in his class and he must remember your face (if possible, name and entry number too). A one-to-one meeting with the prof in his room later works thousand times better, but you’ve to be really brave and slightly more alert for the longer rendezvous…. Clever, huh?
So coming back to the point, deceptive looks can be really handy. Especially so for an IITian outside IIT. You may be a nine point someone, or a five point no one, but to the average laymen you’re the descendant of some highly brilliant species- the license of this being your Institute I-Card, or B.Tech. Degree, as maybe the case. Sooner or later, we all start enjoying our stay in this ego-boosting castle of illusion and believing in the falsehood of the superiority claims.
Normally whenever I happen to meet, or am introduced to, an over enthusiastic neighbour at home, an inquisitive relative, an aware sexagenarian, or a semi-intelligent professional, I’m used to zealous congratulations, gratuitous advice and good lucks, and a general expression of how happy they’re since I have the privilege of studying in IIT. Privilege it certainly is, studying…err…well…
Anyway, the funnier situations are those when my acquaintance is a part of the intellectually deprived, informatively challenged junta who do not really know what IIT stands for. And I happily oblige with a flattering explanation of the world-renowned, India’s finest premiers of technical education. I must confess the awestruck expressions of my audience are pretty enjoyable, but trust me, it really makes you angry when someone confuses IIT with ITI!!!
The incident (finally!!!) that I’ve been talking about since the start of this article happened a few days back-when I was home for my mid-semester break. One of my father’s old-time friend and colleague had come to our house for lunch with his family. After the usual exchange of greeting, introductions and the first round of tea and snacks, everyone settled for a round of conversations and discussions. Uncle asked me what I was doing, and I casually replied I was studying, expecting the usual.
“What are you studying child?” his wife suddenly took over.
“Well, auntie, I’m studying at IIT Delhi” I retorted confidently.
“That’s fine, but what do you study?” She repeated her question. I looked at her calm face and half-laughed to myself thinking here comes another who doesn’t even know what is taught at IITs.
Outwardly though, I just said, “I’m doing my B.Tech. in Chemical Engineering. First Year.”
“Good, so that means you’ll soon be an engineer. Infact you already are 20% of one.”
“Uh…well…” I hardly knew how to respond.
But she continued. “So, who is an engineer? I mean. What all does an engineer do? What exactly are you going to do as your job all your life?”
Now the last one was a real googly. What was an engineer afterall? Am I really 0.2 of what I’m supposed to be in another three years when I have a degree in my hand? Certainly, doing four times of what I really do right now is not the supposed job of an engineer.
I realized all eyes were on me. I was expected to give a brilliant reply, befitting my somewhat respectable status, but in reality, I was at a total loss of words, and thoughts. My mind had blanked out, and it was sheer luck that saved me from the mess, because almost miraculously my phone rang at that very instant and I got a little reprieve. Plus my mom almost simultaneously announced lunch and invited everyone to the dining table, and thus, somehow, the topic was forgotten for the day.
They left in a couple of hours, but the question didn’t really leave me. The storm hadn’t really abated, at least not the one within, because suddenly a single, seemingly innocuous stone of reality had shattered the castle of my illusions, and five words…are we really becoming engineers?
One of the first things I did once they left was check out the dictionary for the meaning of the word “engineer”, and this is what Oxford had to offer:
A skilled professional who applies scientific knowledge for the planning, design, manufacture and utilization of a technological enterprise.
Heavy words indeed, but is that really the direction in which my steps are heading? Well, I certainly plan enterprises, but technological??????? I know how to utilize my time in the lectures to cover up for lost sleep, and to finish practical files and assignments, and the only thing that comes to my mind at the mention of manufacture is a MEL120 class, and well…that makes me yawn immediately. Ahem, so…it that enough? Are we really gonna become skilled professionals by practising our routine skills of bunking indefinite number of classes for the sake of making up for those night hours lost in gossip, attending lectures only to sleep, avoid attendance Fs I case of stricter profs and oblige friends with proxies, discussing Nescafe coffees, sassi paranthas, wind–t crowd, girls, guys and profs all day long, and somehow scraping through the years? I don’t think any of us actually learns anything on the curriculum- except for how to be experts at fraud thanks to the practicals.
Our knowledge v/s time graph seems to follow exponential patterns; a steep rise4 from zero to a certain maxima within a few hours before the exam, and a rapid exponential decay that begins the instant we step out of the exam hall, such that it’s entirely possible to forget the entire course content before the first minor by the time minor 2 arrives- a fact which can be proven by asking yourself how many course titles of your courses last semester do you genuinely remember.
I recently asked one of my seniors at the fag end of his third year if he really feels like 75% of an engineer. He was initially aghast, but later responded, “Only if I were to get a degree in redundancy and not electrical engineering, yeah I’m 75% there…”
We both giggled, but later I though, how true. And if this was the situation at IIT-supposedly the best of the lot-what about the thousands of other engineering colleges across the country? Do we really do what we are supposed to be doing, or is it sufficient that a lot of people think we are? I don’t really know. I would have pondered more and worried myself to death over the future of my beloved country, but the fatigue of my suddenly over -exercised mind now threatens to drown me and I know very soon I’m going to re-collapse to my utopian world of egocentricity.
Until then, just a single thought rankles my brain:
Am I really becoming an engineer, or an unbecoming one?
Monday, September 26, 2005
TAG-O-MANIA
Three people have tagged me till date, and though I am averse to the idea of following tags myself, I just feel like posting something light, something that doesn't strain my tiny mind that's anyway too tired with the most hectic week of the semester just past.For anybody who expected me to write on rendezvous, wait, or forget it. There's very little chance I'd write on it, at least not soon. I'm exhausted.
I never thought i'd follow Pradyot's tag of the 55-story ever. It's just two less for me.But anyway, here's some crap. 55 words.One story. Or is it?
SILENCE
Silence.
Empty.
Dull.
Lifeless.
A flutter.
Freshness.
Life.
A smile.
Silence.
Suddenly warm.
Suddenly alive.
The eyes.
Depth.
Promise.
A blink.
Silence.
Excited.
Happy.
Anxious.
A surge.
Apprehension.
Desire.
Nerves.
Silence.
Terrified.
hopeful.
Courage.
Collected.
Fragile.
A final sigh.
A hand.
Outstretched.
Words.
No words.
Silence.
Pregnant.
Murderous.
Another blink.
Another smile.
Her.
Me.
Silence.
-------------------------------------
Anjul sir has also bestowed upon me the privilege(?) of a tag, and I thought I might as well do that too.
5 years ago:
I was studying. Supposedly. As in I used to go to some school. everyday. Boards got over, those days were fun, in their own right. Uncomplicated life. The beginning of 11th was rather sad. But that's all I remember. back then, I was a big time introvert. No friends. Nothing to do. Not a geek. Knew many people. But knew noone. I was happy. And then I changed.
1 year ago:
I had just entered IIT. Couldn't get myself to be fond of this place by then. working in Rendezvous 2004 changed that somewhat. Slowly got the feel of this place. the college. The people. The hostel. The new taste of loneliness here. I adjusted.
5 songs I know all the words to:
*Words of most Backstreet numbers, and yeah words by boyzone too
*some of Lobo's classics
*Lotsa bryan adams.
*Several old hindi songs, cant start naming them.
*A few gazals .
5 Snacks I enjoy:
* Muffin @ nescafe.
* Pizzas, generally.
* Tacky road side meals
* Maggi
* Anything I'm in the mood of eating.
Things I'd do with $100 million dollars:
* Gift my friends a lot of things I know they want.
* Get myself a lovely car, new comp, new lappy, digicam, i Pod etc etc etc.
* Travel a lot
* Make my mother go for shopping all she wants.
* give the rest to my dad.
5 places I would run away to:
* Home.
* Hostel.
* Any hilltop where there's noone.
* Middle of the sea, alone.
* Any place where I can be alone.
5 things I would never wear:
* nothing. I love experimenting with clothes. 5 things I'd never wear in IIT would have been a
better question!
5 favourite TV shows:
TV's almost extinct in my life.
5 greatest joys:
* The smile I see on someone's face that appears once I made an effort for that.
* When anybody smiles back because I smile.
* When my Ma gives me a hug on seeing my home every 20 days.
* When I can do absolutely nothing, or when I have LOTSA things to do.
* One I get when I make a friend, when I get someone to trust em even an ounce.
5 fav toys:
* Minds.
* My ten year old doll.
-----------------------------------------
Time to pass the baton...
Do this if u want to, i'm just passing it on.
Tag#1: Vertigo, Shalabh, conufsed, arpz
Tag#2: Manu, The Last czar, TGHH, shaurya, voice
I never thought i'd follow Pradyot's tag of the 55-story ever. It's just two less for me.But anyway, here's some crap. 55 words.One story. Or is it?
SILENCE
Silence.
Empty.
Dull.
Lifeless.
A flutter.
Freshness.
Life.
A smile.
Silence.
Suddenly warm.
Suddenly alive.
The eyes.
Depth.
Promise.
A blink.
Silence.
Excited.
Happy.
Anxious.
A surge.
Apprehension.
Desire.
Nerves.
Silence.
Terrified.
hopeful.
Courage.
Collected.
Fragile.
A final sigh.
A hand.
Outstretched.
Words.
No words.
Silence.
Pregnant.
Murderous.
Another blink.
Another smile.
Her.
Me.
Silence.
-------------------------------------
Anjul sir has also bestowed upon me the privilege(?) of a tag, and I thought I might as well do that too.
5 years ago:
I was studying. Supposedly. As in I used to go to some school. everyday. Boards got over, those days were fun, in their own right. Uncomplicated life. The beginning of 11th was rather sad. But that's all I remember. back then, I was a big time introvert. No friends. Nothing to do. Not a geek. Knew many people. But knew noone. I was happy. And then I changed.
1 year ago:
I had just entered IIT. Couldn't get myself to be fond of this place by then. working in Rendezvous 2004 changed that somewhat. Slowly got the feel of this place. the college. The people. The hostel. The new taste of loneliness here. I adjusted.
5 songs I know all the words to:
*Words of most Backstreet numbers, and yeah words by boyzone too
*some of Lobo's classics
*Lotsa bryan adams.
*Several old hindi songs, cant start naming them.
*A few gazals .
5 Snacks I enjoy:
* Muffin @ nescafe.
* Pizzas, generally.
* Tacky road side meals
* Maggi
* Anything I'm in the mood of eating.
Things I'd do with $100 million dollars:
* Gift my friends a lot of things I know they want.
* Get myself a lovely car, new comp, new lappy, digicam, i Pod etc etc etc.
* Travel a lot
* Make my mother go for shopping all she wants.
* give the rest to my dad.
5 places I would run away to:
* Home.
* Hostel.
* Any hilltop where there's noone.
* Middle of the sea, alone.
* Any place where I can be alone.
5 things I would never wear:
* nothing. I love experimenting with clothes. 5 things I'd never wear in IIT would have been a
better question!
5 favourite TV shows:
TV's almost extinct in my life.
5 greatest joys:
* The smile I see on someone's face that appears once I made an effort for that.
* When anybody smiles back because I smile.
* When my Ma gives me a hug on seeing my home every 20 days.
* When I can do absolutely nothing, or when I have LOTSA things to do.
* One I get when I make a friend, when I get someone to trust em even an ounce.
5 fav toys:
* Minds.
* My ten year old doll.
-----------------------------------------
Time to pass the baton...
Do this if u want to, i'm just passing it on.
Tag#1: Vertigo, Shalabh, conufsed, arpz
Tag#2: Manu, The Last czar, TGHH, shaurya, voice
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Class notes
Na baras itna, ki baras jate hain
Woh jo nahi barse hain kai barson se
Bebas si barsaaton mein
Barasti andheri raaton mein
Waqt bhatak-sa gaya hai ashkon mein...
Woh jo nahi barse hain kai barson se
Bebas si barsaaton mein
Barasti andheri raaton mein
Waqt bhatak-sa gaya hai ashkon mein...
IGNORED QUESTIONS
I did not intend to write this post, but I've been propmpted to think, and think seriously about something by Ekanta, who, before anything, deserves a few apologies from me and some others for being ignored as spam, because of the same vague comment left on several blogs at the same time. I'm saying this again Ekanta,we're sorry for our carelessness.
Anyway, this was the question Ekanta left, and it's certainly deep enough to be thought of and discussed upon.
If you like rooms that echo, is it that you like hearing your own voice and sounds being enhanced and elaborated upon? Is it that you are curious to hear what you sound like to the rest of the world and to have your sentiments communicated. Do you seek or feel some sort of response in the sound that continues and repeats itself? Is there something profound to be recovered/retained/remembered collectively?
The quetions essentially, in extremely articulate language and brilliant expression, intend to question, from where I see it, the psychology behind the 'need for expression'. Simply put, they could mean to a lot of us as why we communicate, or even more contemporarily, why do we blog? Everyone has their own reasons, needs and explanations, infact there needn't be any at all, and that's a good enough answer in itself.
The second question posed above is extremely thought-provoking...isn't it true that we want our opinions to be voiced, the hidden and hideous to be visible sometimes, and we wanna see how our thoughts look when given a form and structure, and most crucially, how do others respond to that very integral part of us that we've put under public purview?
Echoes in particular are mysterious things. Everyone loves them for their own reason, but not everyone an single that reason out. To me echoes appear as something big and important that comes to me and only me. It makes me feel important, though smaller at the same time. I don't know if I sound like making any sense here, but then, on some issues, none of us can make sense, isn't it?
There is a depth lying beneath everything that needs to be acknowledged and discovered. Everything.
Anyway, this was the question Ekanta left, and it's certainly deep enough to be thought of and discussed upon.
If you like rooms that echo, is it that you like hearing your own voice and sounds being enhanced and elaborated upon? Is it that you are curious to hear what you sound like to the rest of the world and to have your sentiments communicated. Do you seek or feel some sort of response in the sound that continues and repeats itself? Is there something profound to be recovered/retained/remembered collectively?
The quetions essentially, in extremely articulate language and brilliant expression, intend to question, from where I see it, the psychology behind the 'need for expression'. Simply put, they could mean to a lot of us as why we communicate, or even more contemporarily, why do we blog? Everyone has their own reasons, needs and explanations, infact there needn't be any at all, and that's a good enough answer in itself.
The second question posed above is extremely thought-provoking...isn't it true that we want our opinions to be voiced, the hidden and hideous to be visible sometimes, and we wanna see how our thoughts look when given a form and structure, and most crucially, how do others respond to that very integral part of us that we've put under public purview?
Echoes in particular are mysterious things. Everyone loves them for their own reason, but not everyone an single that reason out. To me echoes appear as something big and important that comes to me and only me. It makes me feel important, though smaller at the same time. I don't know if I sound like making any sense here, but then, on some issues, none of us can make sense, isn't it?
There is a depth lying beneath everything that needs to be acknowledged and discovered. Everything.
Saturday, September 17, 2005
A good laugh or two, in oblivion...
Once upon a time there was a girl, and there was a guy, and no this is not a love story. They never met, and there are no love stories to talk of. Infact there is no love, and no story to talk of here. It's just a tiny bit of reality. It's about two people I know, rather knew, for I can't boast of still "knowing" them any more. They have drifted too far apart, mentally that is, to be fathomable any more to me. And that makes me sad. I don't intend to be boring, and I don't intend to tell a long tale about two people who don't know each other, and who are hardly known to most of u likely to be reading this. But the only reason I mentioned them is this...pretence. We all probably wannabe somebody other than who we are, and trust me this is sad. But it's also equally human. Dissatisfaction is the name of the game for most of us. It's one thing to try and learn things we admire from others around and quite another to self-ridicule onself, and sometimes ridicule even others on the basis of skewed perceptions of "qualities" that one possesses, or doesnt possess, for that matter.Am I sounding in one of my preach-modes again? Maybe yes, and I'm sorry, but the only one I wanna preach to at the moment is myself. I'm appalled by the number of people around me dissatisfied with what they are, that is why they look upon others, then they get insecure, then they either want to be like that, or convince themselves that the other person, or that particular attribute of his personality is SO BAD so that they can get back to being comfortable with thier oh-so-small selves, and then all they end up is with more dissatisfaction, because in the whole process they forgot whatever 'good' qualities they themselves have, eventually losing them, and they forget the basic funda of 'life is a learning process, a journey, not a destination' so soon. Queer observation? Well that's not the only thing that's wierd with me.I'm sad today, because the guy in question was once a very good friend of mine, but slowly, bit by bit, he became so different from what i knew him as, that today, the image I have of him in my mind, the first 'him' that I got to know, has become so different form what he is today that it hurts me a lot. Why did this happen, I dont know for sure. Maybe he was trying to fit in with his peers, the rowdies around,and in the process lost what made him so different, and so much better than everyone else. He's become someone else now, and I can't even identify my friend. But I'm hurt. The gal I talked about was also a victim to the tide of change also known as peer-pressure and changing-with-the-times. She tried becoming oh-so-cool, but sacrificed her own ideology for that, the basic principles she said her life stood on. Is that fair? I don';t know. It's her life, she's absolutely free to decide. I can't say anything. I won't. I'll just sob in silence staring at the dark oblivion that's swallowed two bits of my life.
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I didnt intend to be so serious this morning. But sometimes early mornings on weekends, when the world sleeps, and insomniacs like me think, it happens. Still, I don't intend to invite "Oh-my-God-Phoenix You're thinking!!!" reactions now, so lets move to the brighter parts of life now.
RENDEZVOUS is the first word that comes to my mind when I think bright. The second word is messy. Even though on the whole things are moving somewhere, at times everything appears so chaotic, everything so much behind schedule, and the workload so ill-distributed, it's disturbing. I know most of these glitches would be over and smoothened and the fest wd be able to rock, but inefficiency in general always irks me. Gosh! I AM the most dissatisfied person on earth.
Hell, I was supposed to talk of good things right. The five funniest things that come to my mind at the moment are:
1. Shahrukh goody-goody Khan in the LUX ad...Gosh..he's hideous. The pet cry baby of Bollywood is now in the bath tub. (If r an SRK fan, sorry, but I can't stand most of his 40yr-old-loverboy-in a see-through shirt-love-my smile-sequences in movies)
2. The look on Ponting's face when England won the Ashes, and whatever crap has been written/said/happening as an aftermath. Seriously their politcian's can be just like our own Laloo!
3. The hysteria that this JEE pattern change has generated. OK know it's not funny, it's about the career of so many, and I have genuine opinions of my own on this(have actally had heated debates ont his), but the daily sloganeering by FIITJEEians, the mass invasion of insti by the press, footage and interviews of students and profs and absolutely anybody on all channels(which includs me too, for two days I've been shown on Aajtak, Zee etc, plus arbit 'opinion-interviews' at God knows how many channels :D) is kinda amusing.
4. A poem that I wrote, but it's so funny, and so sarcastically funny, and so mindless, but might offend some people, so am not posting it.
5. I realise I can't think of anything funny or good at all. Please read colourful Keeda's and Shalabh's blog(secy sir), links in the side bar, for some genuine fun, and a good read.
-----------------------------
“Every dark cloud has a silver lining, but lightning kills hundreds of people each year who are trying to find it.”
--------------------------------------------------------
I didnt intend to be so serious this morning. But sometimes early mornings on weekends, when the world sleeps, and insomniacs like me think, it happens. Still, I don't intend to invite "Oh-my-God-Phoenix You're thinking!!!" reactions now, so lets move to the brighter parts of life now.
RENDEZVOUS is the first word that comes to my mind when I think bright. The second word is messy. Even though on the whole things are moving somewhere, at times everything appears so chaotic, everything so much behind schedule, and the workload so ill-distributed, it's disturbing. I know most of these glitches would be over and smoothened and the fest wd be able to rock, but inefficiency in general always irks me. Gosh! I AM the most dissatisfied person on earth.
Hell, I was supposed to talk of good things right. The five funniest things that come to my mind at the moment are:
1. Shahrukh goody-goody Khan in the LUX ad...Gosh..he's hideous. The pet cry baby of Bollywood is now in the bath tub. (If r an SRK fan, sorry, but I can't stand most of his 40yr-old-loverboy-in a see-through shirt-love-my smile-sequences in movies)
2. The look on Ponting's face when England won the Ashes, and whatever crap has been written/said/happening as an aftermath. Seriously their politcian's can be just like our own Laloo!
3. The hysteria that this JEE pattern change has generated. OK know it's not funny, it's about the career of so many, and I have genuine opinions of my own on this(have actally had heated debates ont his), but the daily sloganeering by FIITJEEians, the mass invasion of insti by the press, footage and interviews of students and profs and absolutely anybody on all channels(which includs me too, for two days I've been shown on Aajtak, Zee etc, plus arbit 'opinion-interviews' at God knows how many channels :D) is kinda amusing.
4. A poem that I wrote, but it's so funny, and so sarcastically funny, and so mindless, but might offend some people, so am not posting it.
5. I realise I can't think of anything funny or good at all. Please read colourful Keeda's and Shalabh's blog(secy sir), links in the side bar, for some genuine fun, and a good read.
-----------------------------
“Every dark cloud has a silver lining, but lightning kills hundreds of people each year who are trying to find it.”
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Parting Ways...
This poem is extremely close to my heart. Can't explain why, but I'm just too attached to it. That's why never posted it till today, though it's been quite some time since my writing it. you may not like it, you may not understand it even, or you may find it too ordinary, but it is, and shall remain extremely close to me. I'm posting it today only because someone insisted, and I expect him to give me the reaction now...
PARTING WAYS
A Relationship Turned Sour
When we'd so much to say
There was no time to share...
Love-longing to be expressed
Waited...till it wasn't there.
It isn't there- any more
The twine snapped long ago
Without a whisper the bonds broke
without even letting us know!
The madness of life
Robbed us of itself
We've everything today..
Except-outselves!
Today we've time aplenty
But nothing to tell each other
Today we walk adjacent
But we're not together.
We've never needed to ask questions
There were never any myths to shatter
then-because we knew all answers
Now-because nothing matters!
Somewhere down the way
We lost the meaning of living
The essence of love
The togetherness of being!
The wall's grown taller and stronger
The rifts have become invincible
The emotions have disappeared
The indifference is too visible.
But life has to move on
So from today and thereafter
It's each one his own journey
Alone we move- with our tears and laughter!
Let's leave ourselves to the flow of life
Let's see it takes us where
Just one last thing-
TAKE CARE!!!
A Relationship Turned Sour
When we'd so much to say
There was no time to share...
Love-longing to be expressed
Waited...till it wasn't there.
It isn't there- any more
The twine snapped long ago
Without a whisper the bonds broke
without even letting us know!
The madness of life
Robbed us of itself
We've everything today..
Except-outselves!
Today we've time aplenty
But nothing to tell each other
Today we walk adjacent
But we're not together.
We've never needed to ask questions
There were never any myths to shatter
then-because we knew all answers
Now-because nothing matters!
Somewhere down the way
We lost the meaning of living
The essence of love
The togetherness of being!
The wall's grown taller and stronger
The rifts have become invincible
The emotions have disappeared
The indifference is too visible.
But life has to move on
So from today and thereafter
It's each one his own journey
Alone we move- with our tears and laughter!
Let's leave ourselves to the flow of life
Let's see it takes us where
Just one last thing-
TAKE CARE!!!
WORDLESS
I'm at a loss of words again. I have been tagged to write a story, but 55 words is impossible for me. Anyway, have no mood to write more crap. I have lots of opinions on lots of things but I can't write that, because either I don't know how to put that feeling in words, or I'm reminded of the reprimand that I recently got: "You have an opinion on almost everything, how can you think and know so much about everything!". I'm scared of the person who scolded me with this, and I also realise I deserved the rebuke, and that having an opinion on everything is a very bad thing. So I won't say it. The third reason is that I want to write about some people..people around me, friends, foes and aquaintances, who affect me because they're a part of my life, or atleast my immediate environment, but I can't write it for I fear offending someone, somewhere. I'm always genuinely intrigued by people, and the complexities of their mind. I like understanding people. I like approaching situations from the points of view and understanding of another mind. I like smiling and crying 'with' others. This is one process that helps even a self-obsessesed attention-crazy maniac like me to forget myself. I especially like people who are unpredictable: with them you always have this uncertainty of "what next"and that's what makes life interesting! It's my luck I have quite a few people around me at the moment who fall into the category and that's why life, and my thought trains, have become fun these days. Some of them read this blog, some read it and do not want to publicise that they do, and the remaining don't, but in most cases there's a friend who does. I'm normally very honest with what I feel about anything and anyone-rather I'm way too blunt!- which means I say absolutely whatever I feel about him/her to the person concerned on his/her face. The only problem is, if I write all that here, several others will read it too, and more than that, I fear being misunderstood and misquoted even with the person concerned. Gawd, couldn't things be a little easier! These days even a genuine expression of respect is taken spectically and with a BAG of salt. Praise doesn't necessarily have to be loaded with malice, or coupled with selfishness and buttering. Sometimes, it CAN be heartfelt. Sarcasm is a good thing, but only as long as one does not hunt for it everywhere.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
ABSOLUTELY RANDOM
Lots has been discussed in blogosphere not too long ago about JEE, the pattern, the examination etc. etc. Yesterday's press release about the final word from the authorities on the changing pattern predictably caused a few discussions and more than a few reactions. And why not? JEE is taken by so many people, a drastic change like this afects so many people. Esp. some of the proposed changes are going to affect a certain section in students very badly. From what I feel, I think three clauses could be relaxed for this year's examination at least, for it's already September and so many students would have made decisions relying on JEE-2006, that it would be grossly unfair to them to force sch changes immediately although at least I support the change in the question format.These three are:
a. They shd aloow second time droppers o give JEE this yr. What about those who have already dropped? It's too late for them to secure admission elsewhere. Their career can be destroyed with this.
b. For this yr at lst, 12th std exams shd be delinked, or at least the 60% criteria should be removed. This is also mainly for the benefit of droppers, who can't change anything NOW.
c.This rule of not allowing IITians to sit for JEE again is too arbit. Atleast if imposed suddenly.
--------------------------
Now, the funny part. I was woken up from a (very rare) half-an-hour afternoon siesta by both a realisation that I has a tut at 3, and a noice of Hai-hai and more slogans that was eching in my room, and infact the whole hostel. a little investigation revealed there was a huge crowd assembled at the main gate protesting against the pattern change. Basically, FIITJEEians who'd nothing better to do. But it was all exciting stuff and all kinds of reports came out from there. there were TV reports too, but thankfully or unluckily, it's been ages since I even went near the TV.
-------------------------
The Ashes have finally returned to England. Finally, the Australians have lost! And the English victory is well deserved too. Also Pieterson has finally announced himself in the world arena. Warney rocks. So does the English team, for playing good cricket.
--------------------------
Witnessed at the superannuation ceremony of two professors in a departmental function:
A. A "matki"(M.Tech. female student, for the unaware junta) giving a tehnical presentation in a frog's voice.
B. A Prof. dozing off in a technical presentation! Wasn't it always the othe way round.....Perhaps not always, Kyunki prof bhi kabhi student the...
C. One of the retiring profs narrated an incident from a few yrs back when the only two students in his course happening to get A's were both females. Naturally, the guys felt wronged and apparently went and told
the prof this...
"sir aapne dono bandiyon ko ikke diye hai..not fair"
"Beta jaise aapko ladkiyan achhi lagti hain, waise humein bhi lagti hain!"
Everyone but one of the two females in question, who was sitting right in front and also happens to be the current G.Sec. of the dep society, was into peals of laughter.
----------------------------
Getting up at 7 and attending a function I wouldn't have attended at all had I not been asked to compere: Sad, so minus 100 bucks.
Free tea and snacks: 50 bucks
Free lunch at Sip n Bite, coupled with the joy of avoiding Mess lunch: Rs. 500/-
Taking SKG's(my prof+ Ass. Dean of students) snap when he's almost lying down in the chair, with eyes shut, mouth half open and both his sleeves and trousers folded up: Priceless!!!!!!!!!!
-----------------------------
A fucha asked me today: 'Mam, REN-DEZZZ-VUSSS' ki date kya hai?'
-----------------------------
I now have Rock show volunteership too, in addition to deco and marketing plus other stff that I already have. gosh, am i enjoying myself!
(The only sad part is that I coudn't go for a non-comp quiz though I wanted to, for I was occupied with too many things and got late. Still, i atleast went there for some time later, when I got a chance, just to get a feel of it.)
----------------------------
It's been raining for two days now, and the weather is lovely. Somehow, good weather always cheers me up. i think I'm someone who's greatly affected by space-time coordinates. I dont think it's a very good thing.
Money is the opposite of the weather. Nobody talks about it, but everybody does something about it
----------------------------
Rajat hasn't called up at all after that day, forget turning up. In a way, it's good, but this way all the excitement is killed. [:(]. I was almost hoping at one point he turned up. anyway, good riddance!
---------------------------
Why have I become such an insomniac?I have been working all day, it's already past 4, and I know i'll attend my 8 am class tmrw.
a. They shd aloow second time droppers o give JEE this yr. What about those who have already dropped? It's too late for them to secure admission elsewhere. Their career can be destroyed with this.
b. For this yr at lst, 12th std exams shd be delinked, or at least the 60% criteria should be removed. This is also mainly for the benefit of droppers, who can't change anything NOW.
c.This rule of not allowing IITians to sit for JEE again is too arbit. Atleast if imposed suddenly.
--------------------------
Now, the funny part. I was woken up from a (very rare) half-an-hour afternoon siesta by both a realisation that I has a tut at 3, and a noice of Hai-hai and more slogans that was eching in my room, and infact the whole hostel. a little investigation revealed there was a huge crowd assembled at the main gate protesting against the pattern change. Basically, FIITJEEians who'd nothing better to do. But it was all exciting stuff and all kinds of reports came out from there. there were TV reports too, but thankfully or unluckily, it's been ages since I even went near the TV.
-------------------------
The Ashes have finally returned to England. Finally, the Australians have lost! And the English victory is well deserved too. Also Pieterson has finally announced himself in the world arena. Warney rocks. So does the English team, for playing good cricket.
--------------------------
Witnessed at the superannuation ceremony of two professors in a departmental function:
A. A "matki"(M.Tech. female student, for the unaware junta) giving a tehnical presentation in a frog's voice.
B. A Prof. dozing off in a technical presentation! Wasn't it always the othe way round.....Perhaps not always, Kyunki prof bhi kabhi student the...
C. One of the retiring profs narrated an incident from a few yrs back when the only two students in his course happening to get A's were both females. Naturally, the guys felt wronged and apparently went and told
the prof this...
"sir aapne dono bandiyon ko ikke diye hai..not fair"
"Beta jaise aapko ladkiyan achhi lagti hain, waise humein bhi lagti hain!"
Everyone but one of the two females in question, who was sitting right in front and also happens to be the current G.Sec. of the dep society, was into peals of laughter.
----------------------------
Getting up at 7 and attending a function I wouldn't have attended at all had I not been asked to compere: Sad, so minus 100 bucks.
Free tea and snacks: 50 bucks
Free lunch at Sip n Bite, coupled with the joy of avoiding Mess lunch: Rs. 500/-
Taking SKG's(my prof+ Ass. Dean of students) snap when he's almost lying down in the chair, with eyes shut, mouth half open and both his sleeves and trousers folded up: Priceless!!!!!!!!!!
-----------------------------
A fucha asked me today: 'Mam, REN-DEZZZ-VUSSS' ki date kya hai?'
-----------------------------
I now have Rock show volunteership too, in addition to deco and marketing plus other stff that I already have. gosh, am i enjoying myself!
(The only sad part is that I coudn't go for a non-comp quiz though I wanted to, for I was occupied with too many things and got late. Still, i atleast went there for some time later, when I got a chance, just to get a feel of it.)
----------------------------
It's been raining for two days now, and the weather is lovely. Somehow, good weather always cheers me up. i think I'm someone who's greatly affected by space-time coordinates. I dont think it's a very good thing.
Money is the opposite of the weather. Nobody talks about it, but everybody does something about it
----------------------------
Rajat hasn't called up at all after that day, forget turning up. In a way, it's good, but this way all the excitement is killed. [:(]. I was almost hoping at one point he turned up. anyway, good riddance!
---------------------------
Why have I become such an insomniac?I have been working all day, it's already past 4, and I know i'll attend my 8 am class tmrw.
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