AN UNSUITABLE BOY!

This world we live in-in its real, fictional, as well as dreamworld incarnations- abounds with stories of mishaps in love. Infact, as many as 90 %(or more?) of all love stories have one or more tragic angles to it, and many a times these angles are responsible for the disappearance of the "love" such that yet another woeful story is all that remains... We all have either lived through or seen, experienced or heard many such miserable experiences, where the lightning of disaster strikes upon love either in form of triangles/quadrangles, or as compatibility issues, or as family problems, or as ego and time constraints, or as the perennial "we're just friends" rejections, or as lonely tales of unconfessed love.....the list is endless.

The point that I'm trying to make is, that there are virtually an endless number of broken hearts all around us, and an equal number of reasons that led to the 'Great Shattering'. I don't think there's anyone who doesn't know all this. The pain, the jubilation, the hurt, the ecstasy, the agony, the elation, the smiles, the tears, the anxiety, the confidence, the loneliness, the companionship, the ditching, the flirting, all the goods and the bads- all these are emotions so familiar in the whirlwind of love that I can almost feel them when I write these lines....

People break up for all kinds of reasons and non-reasons, not that they get into relationships with any really logical ones, but basically the whole thing scares me so much I've virtually abstained from relationships all my life. Not that the emotions cannot be felt otherwise, but why invite so much pain on yourself...

Anyway, I've seen sufficient numbers of love stories and loveless stories, but the worst kinds of heartbreaks are those that are mostly silent. stories where love stays unconfessed and unspoken for so long it loses it's vitality, and even the right to an identity!! The hurt of experiences which end with lotsa shouting and cursing is perhaps more bitter in taste, but I believe the wounds heal faster there. In any case, i'm definitely not pronouncing opinions from an experinced platform, so let me not comment too much on this.

But among all the teary eyes and sore hearts and silent woes, what if the worst happens...What if you fall in love with someone who you KNOW is the wrong one for you, but you just can't help it? What if you struggle with not just an unspoken love, but your own conscience reminding you how wrong ur choice is, in effect ensuring the "unspoken" bit? What if your own mind ridicules you for being so stupid, but the heart doesn't listen anyway? When you look at him/her, and want to keep looking at him/her whatever, but the "logic" bit keeps banging in your head and eventually u bow ur head, wipe ur moist eyes, and try and walk away from all this? When you wanna run away even from yourself? When you hate yourself, but just can't help it? When you curse him/her in front of everybody who cares to listen or doesn't, but still pray for him/her everynight? When you keep explaining yourself how cheap/ useless/ worthless/ unsuitable/ undeserving/ characterless/ ugly/ mean/ selfish/ uncaring he/she is, but still at the end of all this, end up with a "I still love him/her...dunno why but I do!" confession to yourself?

It's so difficult to wait for the right person in your life, esp, when the wrong one is as nice as...

It's just the worst feeling in the world. I just hope nobody lives through all this, I just hope this world becomes utopian all of a sudden and all love stories become embodiments of happiness overnight. I know it won't happen, I know it can't, not even in a dream...then this is life...but hope.....

Enough crap! I've cracked out I guess...
But can't help it....

I'm in love with the wrong guy!

:(