I got company!

There are some times that are dark, really really dark. There are some stories that are dark too. This is one. And I'm writing it because I wanna put it on record that I've been stupid. But also, that I wasn't myself-perhaps. It's past now, but some moments are really scary, especially from hindsight. It's like going to the verge, to the extreme boundary; it's like pushing the limit. I like the term "strain hardening". Though I had learnt it as a part of my technical education, I like interpreting it my way. Pain makes us tougher, stress increases stamina, and difficult times help us cope up better with life. No, this is not a story of pain. Pain isn't a tangible thing to most of us. To those who it is, it is too obvious, too omnipresence, too omnipotent, and so much of a "forever there" thing, that it doesn't matter.

Read this.

You don't write about obvious things-part of the routine- do you?I don't. I don't write about glass bottles breaking all the time; I don't write of obscure chemicals in the lab;I don't write of stainless steel and how it's strong and corrosion-free and ductile so that you can make so many day-to-day objects like blades and knives out of it; I don't write of trivial things like water and ropes; I don't write of the heights and depths. They're trivial to me, inconsequential. I write only about the moment; I write about the last wish; I write about the happy histories and the sad past; I write about the unsaid and the unheard; write of the unspoken facts, of the dying angels and of the heartbreakers; I write about myself. Yes, that's it. I'm a narcissist. One day I'll die because I'll fall in love with my own reflection in water and die from the frustration of incompletion-just like the Greek legend. But it will be far that day. Death is my bride. It's awfully sexy. I feel excited. But I must be patient. Because I have too much to do before that day comes. And more importantly, I'm not that lucky.

I'm sorry, for being hasty. I'm sorry for doing what I did. I'm sorry for hurting when I shouldn't. I'm sorry for being deceptive, and not being deceptive too. I'm sorry for being funny.

But you know what, I'm not really sorry. I'm too vain to do that. I'm just making things up, trying to befool whoever sits up there. Please be befooled. I know I'm gonna do that again.
I know you won't believe me. Nobody does.

But there has to be a way out. It's about just a little time. And then, there'll be the ultimate completion. The end, or the attainment. One day. And no, now's not right. I'll consummate my love, but not now. It's not adequately hideous.

.............An extract from somewhere........the diary of someone who almost decided to commit suicde and didn't, 21 times, and then thought death hated her. Then suddenly she fell in love with someone. Her life became good and happy. The day before their marriage, she was killed in a road accident.

As far as I know, it's a true story. Her diary has been published after his death, haven't been able to locate much content, but it's said to be scary. I love psychotic people. I read this one and a bit more and found that life is so complicated, so funny, changes so much, scares so much. Hits THE low, comes back till you get a high, and then everything disappears from under the feet. I'll try and glue the sole of my shoes now. I'm scared. :D

P.S. If you found it too vague, sorry, I guess it is, but i found something there so posted it when i saw it.

If you are reading too much into it, CHILL.

I'm reminded of the Exorcist now. That movie has never managed to scare me. Obviously, no other horror movie has, either. This is close. I'm excited.