Does anybody know oneself? Naah, I don't think so. I believe there are two versions of us-the people we are, and the people we think we are!
Actually there's a third too sometimes, the people we want others to think we are- the kinds with which we decorate Orkut profiles, job resumes and the like...
Anyway, no further discourse here. I got to write twenty things 'about me', that's Anuj's tag, and I wish to be honest. At the same time I am scared of saying too much, or too soon.
Let's see how far can I get....
1. I'm known here as Phoenix, but I go by several names at several places. It's almost an infinite list...Mystery, Laddoo, Chuhiya, modak, True, tomato, Dee-Dee, Jhad-Jhankar balika, Sadu, photon...there're just too many. Kiddo is one of my favs. It's been one year now since this name was kept, by him on Orkut, and then it became a part of my real life too!
2. Blogging is a favourite pastime, almost a passion. (I know u know this!) It's fun, and a good outlet for whatever crap I wanna say. That's why these pages are full of nonsensical posts.
3. I need expression. I have to express myself somehow. Even talking to myself, or thinking to myself is expression for me. Coherence is a pre-requisite. I love my diary, public and private ones.
4. I like writing, esp in the middle of boring lectures, and I like reading as well. People feel I'm opinionated and aggressive. they hate me. I love them.
5. I'm confused about myself a lot, because I find myself being both a kid and an 80-yr-old interchangeably, and frequently. In the middle of it, I get lost perhaps...or maybe THIS is wat I'm. I hope this explains the confusion, but theek hai, I'm just a kiddo...:P
6. I enjoy thinking, and I love intellectually stimulating thoughts and talks. I like studying people. Nothing whets my appetite more than a good conversation. A discussion, an exchange, a healthy argument, and insight, a perspective -that's all I need.
Don't call me greedy. I know I am.
7. I don't know what I'm doing in engineering, esp IIT. and esp esp my branch. I dont know if I even deserve this. I won't say I hate all this, there is just too much to love to even begin to think about hating, but I often find myself a misfit.
A senior once told me if one doesn't know what to do after school, then it's not a bad idea to get into engineering if u can. It's so useless, yet not a bad place to live, to learn, to decide or to use as backup.
8. Several things intimidate me. Several people as well. Most of these are people I like or respect. Sometimes close friends/admired strangers are scarier than all the Gabbar singhs of the world. I am afraid of losing people I like. I'm afraid of being misunderstood. I'm afraid of being loved.
None of this is without a reason.
9. I'm a hopeless optimist once in a while, but mostly I'm a bigtime pessimist, though I'm one of those who like to call themselves 'realists'. Pretty dangerous breed for sure!
10. One of my basic philosophies in life is that I want to go back to bed each night not-feeling-guilty about anything. Whenever I have to make a decision, I think and decide whatever the 100% of me feels is right. If I cant convince myself 100%, i don't do it. Once I do, I stick by my decision.
I know a time may come when nobody would respect my decisio-it might be horribly wrong-but once made, I need to respect and stick to it.
I hate regretting.
11. Some people call me 'deceptive'. I'm still trying to figure out what that means 100%. also if it is any good or totally bad?
12. I enjoy talking. A lot of people call me a chatterbox! Has to be genetic!! Though I don't really mind it. I say(show-off?) proudly that soem of the biggest introverts talk to me comfortably very soon, and quite a lot. I strike rapports fast.
I was once a big time recluse and introvert. Three years is such a long time.
13. I like smiling. It is a great cure. And I like people who smile. I also like guys who blush. And gals who are warm.
14. I respect time, and I want everyone to do so. Especially others; time. I hate being late. People should value punctuality. To divulge a slight-secret, in general, gals like guys who respect time, talking on a generalised scale. If u wanna get your gal, never make her wait too much. that's negative points!
15. I like making friends. And keeping in touch. One effective way for me to do that is remember everyone's burthdays etc, which I do, and wish them. It feels very nice.
16. I'm in general very stupid and very wierd.(a wierdness test recently clocked >99% for me!) But then, everyone is a little wierd anyway. Even if I'm an accentuated person, so what.
I think I'll end up in an asylum soon!:P
17. I know that I'm a big time psycho. Sometimes I freak out, and then do crazy things. I am a masochist too, though not a sadist. Anyway, let's not detail the psychotic harkatein here.
18. Yes, I have amazing, stupendous, huge, wide-ranging, quick mood swings. All girls, did u say? Do u know me? Think.
I know it's a whacky thing to say, but theek hi hai.
Though I'm trying to 'stabilise' with a low-to-moderate level of success.
19. I like adventures, music, dangerous things, observing things, debating, poetry, dramatics, WORK.
I hate to sit idle. I like keeping myself occupied all the time. I need work I enjoy, even for trivial things like studying i don't enjoy and that still need to do one night before the exam-it's a simple funda:
If u can't do what u enjoy, start enjoying what u do!
20. I dont get angry for too long, if at all, unless,..ego fight ho samne wale ki
I dont really hate anyone or anything. Thats too strong a word...but whatever!I dont like this habit, TOI, Kareena, etc etc.
I want to LIVE....till i Idie.
Hopefully soon.
Actually there's a third too sometimes, the people we want others to think we are- the kinds with which we decorate Orkut profiles, job resumes and the like...
Anyway, no further discourse here. I got to write twenty things 'about me', that's Anuj's tag, and I wish to be honest. At the same time I am scared of saying too much, or too soon.
Let's see how far can I get....
1. I'm known here as Phoenix, but I go by several names at several places. It's almost an infinite list...Mystery, Laddoo, Chuhiya, modak, True, tomato, Dee-Dee, Jhad-Jhankar balika, Sadu, photon...there're just too many. Kiddo is one of my favs. It's been one year now since this name was kept, by him on Orkut, and then it became a part of my real life too!
2. Blogging is a favourite pastime, almost a passion. (I know u know this!) It's fun, and a good outlet for whatever crap I wanna say. That's why these pages are full of nonsensical posts.
3. I need expression. I have to express myself somehow. Even talking to myself, or thinking to myself is expression for me. Coherence is a pre-requisite. I love my diary, public and private ones.
4. I like writing, esp in the middle of boring lectures, and I like reading as well. People feel I'm opinionated and aggressive. they hate me. I love them.
5. I'm confused about myself a lot, because I find myself being both a kid and an 80-yr-old interchangeably, and frequently. In the middle of it, I get lost perhaps...or maybe THIS is wat I'm. I hope this explains the confusion, but theek hai, I'm just a kiddo...:P
6. I enjoy thinking, and I love intellectually stimulating thoughts and talks. I like studying people. Nothing whets my appetite more than a good conversation. A discussion, an exchange, a healthy argument, and insight, a perspective -that's all I need.
Don't call me greedy. I know I am.
7. I don't know what I'm doing in engineering, esp IIT. and esp esp my branch. I dont know if I even deserve this. I won't say I hate all this, there is just too much to love to even begin to think about hating, but I often find myself a misfit.
A senior once told me if one doesn't know what to do after school, then it's not a bad idea to get into engineering if u can. It's so useless, yet not a bad place to live, to learn, to decide or to use as backup.
8. Several things intimidate me. Several people as well. Most of these are people I like or respect. Sometimes close friends/admired strangers are scarier than all the Gabbar singhs of the world. I am afraid of losing people I like. I'm afraid of being misunderstood. I'm afraid of being loved.
None of this is without a reason.
9. I'm a hopeless optimist once in a while, but mostly I'm a bigtime pessimist, though I'm one of those who like to call themselves 'realists'. Pretty dangerous breed for sure!
10. One of my basic philosophies in life is that I want to go back to bed each night not-feeling-guilty about anything. Whenever I have to make a decision, I think and decide whatever the 100% of me feels is right. If I cant convince myself 100%, i don't do it. Once I do, I stick by my decision.
I know a time may come when nobody would respect my decisio-it might be horribly wrong-but once made, I need to respect and stick to it.
I hate regretting.
11. Some people call me 'deceptive'. I'm still trying to figure out what that means 100%. also if it is any good or totally bad?
12. I enjoy talking. A lot of people call me a chatterbox! Has to be genetic!! Though I don't really mind it. I say(show-off?) proudly that soem of the biggest introverts talk to me comfortably very soon, and quite a lot. I strike rapports fast.
I was once a big time recluse and introvert. Three years is such a long time.
13. I like smiling. It is a great cure. And I like people who smile. I also like guys who blush. And gals who are warm.
14. I respect time, and I want everyone to do so. Especially others; time. I hate being late. People should value punctuality. To divulge a slight-secret, in general, gals like guys who respect time, talking on a generalised scale. If u wanna get your gal, never make her wait too much. that's negative points!
15. I like making friends. And keeping in touch. One effective way for me to do that is remember everyone's burthdays etc, which I do, and wish them. It feels very nice.
16. I'm in general very stupid and very wierd.(a wierdness test recently clocked >99% for me!) But then, everyone is a little wierd anyway. Even if I'm an accentuated person, so what.
I think I'll end up in an asylum soon!:P
17. I know that I'm a big time psycho. Sometimes I freak out, and then do crazy things. I am a masochist too, though not a sadist. Anyway, let's not detail the psychotic harkatein here.
18. Yes, I have amazing, stupendous, huge, wide-ranging, quick mood swings. All girls, did u say? Do u know me? Think.
I know it's a whacky thing to say, but theek hi hai.
Though I'm trying to 'stabilise' with a low-to-moderate level of success.
19. I like adventures, music, dangerous things, observing things, debating, poetry, dramatics, WORK.
I hate to sit idle. I like keeping myself occupied all the time. I need work I enjoy, even for trivial things like studying i don't enjoy and that still need to do one night before the exam-it's a simple funda:
If u can't do what u enjoy, start enjoying what u do!
20. I dont get angry for too long, if at all, unless,..ego fight ho samne wale ki
I dont really hate anyone or anything. Thats too strong a word...but whatever!I dont like this habit, TOI, Kareena, etc etc.
I want to LIVE....till i Idie.
Hopefully soon.
51 comments:
"soem of the biggest introverts talk to me comfortably very soon, and quite a lot"
Very right, I guess.
"I was once a big time recluse and introvert."
If you could tell how you overcame it'll be a lot of help.
Actually, more to say, but I'll leave it for the next time.
Hey Kiddo!
I am almost like you, from atleast 15 of your 20 things about yourself.
Moddy,almost addicted to blogging, need for expression, intellectual discussions,mood swings (typical girl),cant be angry for long,chatter box, making friends, apprecating punctuality:) gosh! they are just too many!!!
Wow! thats why they say, you are almost alike than you think you are..
Loved reading about you.
P.S-Had started calling you Kid too, but did not know if you would like that, chappat always fights with me when I call him a kid:)
BTW, the above comment was from me. Somehow did not understand your new template..
Baap re :O,kiddo+8.9r+greedy pig+heavy intellectual:P+engineer[to be;)]+easily intimidated+pessimistic optimist[(pessimist+optimist)/2=Realist]???+guilt free :)+deceptive[i presume they mean size dekh ke lagta nahi itna bak bak karegi :))]+chatterbox+a totally extrovert former introvert+metrosexual male lover+has a good personal organizer[aka orkut :P]+totally wierd+massochist:O+a poori cult freak+hates TOI.EE kya hai bhai,yeh kya ho raha hai,arey yeh kahan aa gaye hum.Ladki hai ya pandora's box :)).
>>Well I've been one of you anonymous commenters for a while. Just call me dee.
Views of the anonymous person from above :p, at 17:46
I got this comment.. is this "dee" you?
I got the same tag... I did it today too :))
And who is this "him on Orkut" the link has been removed X-( unfair!!
ok. a few things... first you are what you choose to be... and engineering is not a completely pointless exercise.. but as I said IIT is a good place to learn... i think you would not have said the same thing if you would have been in a small engineering school...second being intimidated by people you respect is a kind of contradiction ... so either you are do not respect them or wrong choice of words....you may not agree but i am also opinionated and aggressive.
@The anonymous
gosh! you are quick man!!:D
Awesome..
1. Yes, it's right.
2. It takes first and foremost a will to change, at least starting with the superficial level. I believe if we really want to do something, we can, and we do. The conviction is the most important thing. The next steps are..
i. Learn to smile.
ii. Learn to be tolerant.
iii. Start with being a good listener. That's important to be able to talk yourself.
iv. Remember there are all kinds of people everywhere. Try and learn from everything, everybody. An observative inquisitive eye is important.
v. Give up shyness consciously. Remember not much CAn ever go wrong. so give up the fear of excpressing ur opinion.
vi. slightly difficult, almosyt a secondary step, but if u like someone decently, do not hesitate to approach them to initiate a conversation. The toughest I guess is initiating/maintaining conversations but in the initial stages interest+step i-iii coem handy.
these are the preliminary steps..and then there are more things to do.
Anyway, waitin for the rest of ur comment.
@ROS
Hey thanx!
Yeah i'm a Kid, aKiddo, and as i said I love the name.
so go ahead call me that. Besides, chapaat is stupid!;P
It's noce to know u find similarities:D
BTW, u have a knack of forging relations on blogs right!
Brothers, sisters, kids and wat not!:D
@Pradyot
Naah It's nt me..
will check ur post.
Will correct the link again.
@vertigo
Haan pandora's box he keh lijiye...
seedhi saadhi balika to nahi hoon
waise dekha jaye to kaunsi ladki samajh aa jati hai ek dum se...sabhi itni confusing hoti hain shayad!:p
Greedy pig!!!!!!!!!pig!!!:O:O:O:O
Deceptive ki definition achhi hai
waise apse kam bak bak karti hoon u drunkard!:D
metrosexual male lover?huh?:O:O:O:
kya hai ye sab!
@inhas
you are what you choose to be..
It's a nice illusion, nice desire, but not the complete truth.
i still say engineering is a good field to be in, to learn, irrespective of college.
U grow up in engg. very independently, almost uselessly, with a lot of exposure and with ample time to mull over anything, and yet have the security of a backup.
As far as the intimidation thing is concerned, I know it sounds wwierd. It's hard for me to explain. And it's another of those inexplicable peculiar things about me. But it's true still.
It's a different kind of intimidation actually.
Stems from the importance we attach to anybody. People who are important to us, their opinions matter, and vice versa. they also inspire a fear of loss, and a fear of misunderstanding.
and their reaction, opinuion everything becomes important and hence frightening.
It's almost as if they have a lot of control over ur life, which is not smthng u like to give to anyone, but they just have it. this shows their power, and hence ur psychological fear.
I still dont know if i make any sense
@knack of making relationships
:(
:(
:(
Well, relationships ka kya hai, banaye nahi jaate, woh to ban jaate hain.
hey cmon
i never said it's wrong..i emant that nicely, funnily and positively
cheers, didi!:)
:)
Good to know you more.
"I don't know what I'm doing in engineering, esp IIT. and esp esp my branch."
well these thoughts do come. It came to me too. But now when I have come out successfully from same alma mater, I feel IITD teaches u a way of life. Friends u make and the time u spend there. No place else can teach u as much as where u r right now.
No more nostalgia. Accha likha hai (nice post)!!
very true, and well said.
It's something everyone goes through. Cribbing, as I once said, is almost fashionable.
But thats what I said anyway. there are too many things to learn here,too many to love, and so little time.
where's the time to hate!
@Ritz
thanx
:o some of the admissions are surprising!
Testing..
BETA testing :P
hey, you've got to fix this, the above comment was made by me, I just wanted to see if anyone could leave a comment with any name and link, and see, it worked. Its kinda unsafe, for anyone can impersonate someone else. and why couldn't I delete my comment?
sorry for spoiling your comments section.
at least thats the catch romi
i can delete watever comments i want...
and no system is foolproof
evenin the older, std system one cd go to the "Other" section and fill in a false link
Anyway, wat did u find surprsing?
@Kon ??
:P
whats up?
u don't seem to be natural
did i do something wrong?
ABAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOUR STUPID TEMPLATE! ITS SO SO SO SO BLOODY CHAPE!
IT ATE MY COMMENT! SUCH A LONG COMMENT!!!
KILL IT.. KILL .IT
"Does anybody know, one, self naah, I don't think. So I believe"
Hmm.. you dont know.. and you believe no one knows ?
@romi
huh?
maine kya kiya
i'm the same
u found somethig surprising. What?
O
@mani
sorry yar
but how can i help it
i dont kow wat happened.
waise i know tu max wela hai:P
Anyway, I dont think there's anything as 100% knowledge about a person, even yourself.
who is "him".....
Good to know [confused about] u more.
tumne kisi ko TAG nahi kia.
i m also proud to say [:(] that i can make introverts talk to me...sometime even better.
loved reading this 1.
notify me when u write the next1
well,first of all a quite dark skin for your blog doesn't suit u i feel..i mean ur phoenix- one who rises from the ashes,should hav done something to match that--anyway its ur blog.
secondly,good to know somethings about you,if i were u and were in iit and didnt like it,i wud hav got myself checked at agra...lol
anyway its always a good reading exerience at ur blog,why dont u care to read mine?
Very honest indeed. And much more interesting than the "100 things" that many people do on their blogs.
now see tht wasnt tht difficult as u thought abt it. And hey i guess u wud like to say 20 more .. i m correct na :) ??
U have numerous names .. when the first time u told me tht ur name was TARU .. lol .. i thought u were kidding .. but then its a nice name .. and u have got other names as well .. KIDDO !!
Blogging id my passion as well. The omly thing i do these days is read & write .. havent seen books for long :(
i too love talkin to myself. And even i have this philosohy of no regrets .. but somehow i managed to get one under my arm .. and it sounds bad everytime i think abt it :(
Psycho, pagal, weird , stupid ... me too .. and i agree for urs as well :D
hmm it was nice to read a lot abt u .. and i know theres lots more to knw .. will tag u again somtime ... something like ... : " 20 more things abt u :P ' ..
hey good to know abt u more..esp the nicknames.. "Chuhiya"..almost fell off my kursi !!
"I enjoy thinking, and I love intellectually stimulating thoughts and talks. I like studying people." - that stimulates my interest..
" I don't know what I'm doing in engineering, esp IIT. and esp esp my branch." - u stole my words..but i think its a bad place.
I think I'll end up in an asylum soon! hope to c u soon...
I want to LIVE....till i Idie.
Hopefully soon. - fade to black !!
One more thing - is it bad to be introvert ??
Finally I wrote, small & crap, but yes I did.
@voice
Ah! that's an orkut-originated friend...his blog is listed in my sidebar as Ritz's Infocratic.
somehow I am not able to edit this link!
Naah I didnt want to tag anyone.
but if u feel ike, consider urself tagged, now go ahead write ur twenty things!
:)
@azeem
Good thought...but then, perhaps the name is a pseudo. i'm just rising from the ashes, havent risen! so I'm still covered in black, dark ashes.
If u were in IIT, u;d never say that:P
And yes, I read ur blog very often...it's very thought provoking, and sometimes it gets so serious in my head I cant tell u.
Yes, I havent left comments yet, but u incite thought.
Now I will.:)
@.:A:.
Thanxxx............Now I feel like tagging you.
@anuj
Yeah maybe it wasnt soooo difficult, but i got so exhausted i didnt do the second tag. so no new ones pls...
kuch jana hai to aise hi poochh lo.
nice to know we r slightly similar.
Waise this line is funny..u're reading and writing but have no connection with books!
@insane
One of my very good school friends calls me "chuhiya"!;P
Whhy do u think IIT is bad?
Which IIT are u from?
And when did I say it's bad to be introvert!
Just that occassionally it is "limiting" to be an introvert.
anything u write has gotta be a delight to read.
It is nice to know more about you. And nicer still it is to know some of your opinion on things.
One of my basic philosophies in life is that I want to go back to bed each night not-feeling-guilty about anything.
When I met you, I had a very positive opinion about you and this post has definitely confirmed it.
I just love this philosophy because even I just HATE to regret anything at all.
I mean, if you've decided something, then obviously you must've thought over it carefully , its stupid to go ahead with something you're just not sure of,and later, if it doesn't work out, its not anyone's fault. But you gotta do what exactly your instincts tell you to..and then that has to be your 100%.So no point in regretting. If its a mistake, you simply learn from it.
hmmm...cool template!!!...and nice post...as fpr smile...u know its infectious?...everytime u smile the ppl seeing inadvertantly end up smiling and its a chain reaction...so keep smiling!!!:-)
"One of my basic philosophies in life is that I want to go back to bed each night not-feeling-guilty about anything."
Let me be frank. Either you'll never satisfy this wish of yours, or you'll have to aim low, or ignore your negative side, your guilt. It's just my opinion, of course.
"a wierdness test recently clocked >99% for me!"
I never believed much in these tests before!! (kidding :-) )
"I think I'll end up in an asylum soon"
IIT is ummm...well.....o.k. not an asylum exactly, sorry.
Anyway, thanks Phoenix, for the tips.
Oh yes, there has been a lot of talk about enginnering, or should I say, IIT.
I feel the hype associated with IIT gets into an IITian's head.
Most IITians are trying to become someone else.
Most IITians are more intelligent, in many fields besides academics, than others of the same age, but then why not capitalize? No, I am not talking about money. Earning money is no intellectual challenge anyway.
Believe me IITians, you cannot live a "DU life" however much you long for it, it has less substance than your minimum requirements.
IIT rox.
IITians, you're not that great. Beware, times are about to change.
Phoenix, another digression I guess, I hope these are allowed!
all right then the lines that surprised me.are 1,17,18
I am not saying anything against them but only that they surprised me.thats it.
no connections with books as in the " PSYCHOTIC ACADEMIC " boooks . i guess even they r called books na . havent seen there face since long .. bad us aaakhri raat ka intezaar hai ;) [ the last night study u see ] . and yups we r similar on few things .... and abt tht tag .. lol .. wont tag ya till nebdy doesnt do tht to me ...but d day one tags me .. ur on kiddo :D . chal bye. cya .
@johney
:) Thanx
@mysterygal
Yeah that's THE thing...keep smiling babes!
@anchal
Thanx...waise I didnt even ask u, what impression u got of me after meeting me!
:)
anyway, wat u say is right...to regret is painful!
@romi
okay.
so u are surprised that i have sooo many stupid names
and that i'm such a psycho and a masochist
yes all that's true.
u just dont know me enought to have known that.\
@anuj
hehe
yeah, meri bhi last night paas aa rahi hai, exams aa rahe hai na:P
dont tag me this again uyar plss:P
@The Anonymous
Ah!I was waiting for ur comment:D
OK, that is not just a 'wish'of mine..that's almost the reality of my life...yes i feel sorry about a few things that i do, but that's mostly stuff that is done by me inadvertently, unintentionally, that just happens. Then, I regret it and feel sorry for it, and since regret is the thing I HATE doing, I learn from that mistake so that I never have to punish myself again.
I have a fairly good success rate at not repeating such mistakes.
Mainly, the choice is there only whn there is a choice, and I have to make a decision. At that time, yes, I make sure I do not decide anything I dont tOTALLY believe in.
At the end of the day, the only person I'm answerable to is myself. I HAVE TO ANSWER MY CONSCIENCE. THAT'S IT.
And trust me, this works as a thumb rule for me. No, I donnt aim low. and yes, I believe I'm happier this way.
I never believed much in these tests before!!
Neither did I. Not much yet too, but I believ in this one. i think u do too.
Yes, any kind of a digression is allowed, and infact, welcome.
It's not really a digressiona ctually. A very commonly debated and discussed topic.
I largely agree with what u say, IIT rox, and we are wasted, by ourselves.
Perennially frustrated cribbers, and lazy brains. Have u read an old post(article in CR) of mine on Unbecoming Engineers...it says the same thing.
baap re fir se itni bakar comments mein !!
anyway just read this :)
Oscar Wilde
"Only the shallow know themselves."
btw kuch naya likh na kitne dinon se ek hi topic par bakar ho rahi hai yahan :))
nice to know abt u...
Although I am still skeptic about it, but I believe I am at a loss to debate further. For one, I find that I sometimes don't learn from my mistakes. And I didn't realize it before you made me think about it, sometimes I do take decisions without totally believing in them. So, it's natural that I cannot comprehend this "guilt-free bedtime" way of living. I wonder if I need to change. Let me ask, have you ever bribed your conscience, or tried doing so.
I haven't read that article in CR, you cannot assume I am an IITian, I never told you I am, neither that I am not. Let me not, for it might affect the way you interpret my comments. But I think being an IITian yourself, you might guess!
why iit is bad..long story..will discuss some other day..at least my experience is really bad.
i thought u knew which iit i belong to & u did find my real name ?? .............neways am from iitr.
i wrote meant i wrote on my blog..u can check it.
@Kon ??
sorry yar..
haan nice one there!
@dhruv
:)
All thanx to anuj!
@insane
yeah..i was just confirming actually
and chill dude!:)
@The anonymous
I can assume it you know, your comments shriek that.....
I'm not that bad at observations...
Anyway, see a lot of times we repeat our mistakes because we dont realise the mistake, or forget it esasily. We cannot, however, overlook it if this funda of regrettin stays with us.
eventually it's just an effort, we fail sometimes, succeed sometimes.
about bribing my conscience, srtictly spealing, as far as i remember...NO
i'm too helpless in front of that one voice to do that.
and actually wat u r talkin about is like compromising, or adjusting with ur conscience. Thats convenient, but no, itry nt to do that ever.
The rule is simple:Expect nothing from others, everything from yourself!
You don't like Kareena?!!
Check out what your ment had once written 'bout her (you need to sign in to Orkut) :-)
"Expect nothing from others, everything from yourself!"
I feel, sometimes it doesn't hurt to lay your expectations in someone else, we live most of our life with just ourselves, but when you let someone else enter your domain, and change your definitions of perfection and your principles, it's a different feeling altogether. You don't reason then, just take it on faith. You can say it's rather foolish, but it happens.
You might have to compromise on your ideals, maybe sleep guilty sometimes, but it's a sweet feeling of resignation. You can say its faith, it's a decision one has to take without completely believing in it, but on the faith that the other person does believe. It might be an illusion, or a hoax, but this apprehension is far too weak to stop you when you start letting in someone. It's a different world maybe.
Anyway, nice observation and nice assumption.
It's good to know that you don't bribe your conscience, that's I think, one of the main characteristics of great people!!
What you are saying maybe true, maybe right and workable for soe people, or for most people, but not for me for sure, not so far..
If you rephrase your own words, u'd know u are talking of love and intimate friendships here. both are things I'm averse to, and scared of, at a very basic level.
I do not want to expect from anyone anything at all, esp not from one someone who grows too intimate. I'm not saying i'm perfect self-contained, I'm just coward enough not to repeat mistakes of the past.
this is the only place i dont work on faith.
Yes, it's a different world, but I guess I'm way too scared to be hurt.
anyway, let it be..this isnt the right place to discuss all this.
And PLEASE dont call me great. Ogf all things, I hate praise and false praise the most....
plus I know too well what i am.
do not misunderstand.
"I know too well what i am."
"Does anybody know oneself? Naah, I don't think so."
Phoenix, this isn't correct.
But I am sorry for the other things. I'll keep them in mind.
ok, ya, i contradicted myself i guess..
Very very smart!
but i mean different things
nobody knows themselves 100%, neither do I, but we largely get the basic premise right..
the fundas are the same, and strict and true
Nice CV. Pretty introspective :-)
Enjoyed a lot!
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"2. It takes first and foremost a will to change, at least starting with the superficial level. I believe if we really want to do something, we can, and we do. The conviction is the most important thing. The next steps are..
i. Learn to smile.
ii. Learn to be tolerant.
iii. Start with being a good listener. That's important to be able to talk yourself.
iv. Remember there are all kinds of people everywhere. Try and learn from everything, everybody. An observative inquisitive eye is important.
v. Give up shyness consciously. Remember not much CAn ever go wrong. so give up the fear of excpressing ur opinion.
vi. slightly difficult, almosyt a secondary step, but if u like someone decently, do not hesitate to approach them to initiate a conversation. The toughest I guess is initiating/maintaining conversations but in the initial stages interest+step i-iii coem handy."
A question about this comment ..if you wish to answer and if the expertise is still there :D
(i) to (iv) are fairly easy to do
... but the trouble is with (v) and (vi)
shyness probably stems from lack of confidence. Suppose you are able to overcome that and are able to make the very difficult first step and initiate a conversation ... at each step you will try to observe yourself and see if what you are doing is right and whether it fits the protocol and what if (this is very likely for a first timer) sometime later you realize, "Oh no, I have made a fool of myself" .. the immediate reaction would be to not repeat this 'mistake' ever again.. kind of like they say "it is better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt" ... any idea how you can overcome this?
actually there are a lot of things I feel like taking your advice on after reading your blog... lets see if I am able to do that some time
[Divesh]
Well must say your comment mae me think a wee bit again, mainly about those days...this conversation with Vibhav..it's fascinating in a way.
Anyway, coming to your point, I agree it is slightly tough, but honestly, it's tougher inside our head more than anywhere else, and only the first step is difficult. Don't underestimate will-power. Once you have the initial conviction, the will to change and can remember smiling and listening with tolerance, then one conscious effort can help you overcome the shyness. Failure comes mostly to those who are most afraid of failing. Give up that fear and it's a downhill journey. Most of us think we're fools to ourselves anyway, how much harm can it do if oncein a while someone else thinks so too (they do mostly too, anyway :P)
Kidding apart, the point of emphasis is to consciously let go of that shyness...tell urself ther's no need to be shy..and that helps in taking care of u not ebing over conscious abt wat u r doing or saying at the moment. After all, your mind cant be conscious of to many things together. Just change the focus on opening up. 99 times of hundred, you'd not regret it.
And otherwise also, it's always good to break free from the shackles of shoulds and rights and wrongs and protocol n the like..it feels freer than anything, trust me.
Hope it helps. )
fascinating, I am sure it must have been .. it is fascinating for me as a reader .. those discussions are what I dig for most of the times in the comments on your blog :D
Thanks very much for the guidance .. that could help (won't say 'that will help' because I don't know how much I will be able to implement ... there are other complications, I guess) .. but this was real good advice .. "tell urself ther's no need to be shy..and that helps in taking care of u not ebing over conscious abt wat u r doing or saying at the moment. After all, your mind cant be conscious of to many things together. Just change the focus on opening up. 99 times of hundred, you'd not regret it."
will keep dropping in your archives till you are fed up and stop replying :D
[divesh]
No doubt...I actually miss it sometimes...
Dont worry, I'd keep replying.. :)
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