RESIDENT EVIL

DISCLAIMER: I feel funny saying this but I need to spell this out. Whatever I have said in this post is purely an opinion, my honest opinion, probably stupid, extremely foolish and perhaps as irrational as one gets. But then I'm stupid, foolish and dumb, and that in no way stops me from having an opinion, and expressing it, at least here. BUT pls I do not wish to hurt anyone, or anybody's sensibilities. I beg for tolerance, and if that's not possible, pls ignore me as an inconsequential bit of scum, Thank you.

Are you religious?
I know this is a fairly dicey question to ask, if not outrightly absurd, but I really wanna know this: What is religion? And what is being religious? Also, what is, if at all there is, any difference between the two terms?

Of course I'm talking in the Indian perspective, mainly because that's what I'm really familiar with, but I'm NOT talking about any particular religion, in that sense of the term, at all. I refrain from elaborating on any one perspective of what I essentially call Faith-with-a-fraud-name, and let's not mix my views with anybody else's. I respect yours, and I just want a little space for mine.
Because I feel I'm a fairly confused youngster, who hardly understands life and some of the more important things there are in it. Maybe I will, with time. But currently I'm restricted with a narrow perview on most things, and I shall speak from what I observe and feel. Because last week, I suddenly felt I'm not the only one who feels lost and confused, and basically un-belonging, when it comes to domains like this. what is religion? what does being a Hindu, Muslim, christia, sikh or Parsee mean to us, or to the little kid who is growing up in a strange world where he's expected to embrace several things as HIS realities even without a choice or an understanding. We are told about religion, we are told that this book is holy, that this idol is of somebody with this name and this legend behind it, that this place and these places are holy, that these days are sacred, that these set of things demands respect, and that this defines you to the world. Even as I type this I feel again that it is a fairly strong statement to make, but isn't it then a fairly strong fact we accept as a part of our existence extremely conveiently.
I don't know what I'm getting to here, so I'll get to what brought me here. It was Diwali and Eid recently. Both are important festivals in India, and fairly significant because I feel I can use them for generalisation. Sitting in the Puja at Diwali, I feel slightly ashamed to admit that my mind was wandering a lot, away from the ritual. But there it is, I don't even know why I feel ashamed. Probably because I've grown up with something that tells me that I SHOULD. But at some level I can't connect with it. I feel helpless saying this but I always find myself arguing this to myself:

I'm not debating about the existence of God. It's essentially a question of Faith, and belief, and I don't find anything wrong in believing, or not-believing for that matter. It's highly individualistic and subjective. I can't profess strong belief in God, neither will I say I'm an atheist, but if one believes God exists, then God exists everywhere. He doesn't live in a temple or a mosque. Neither does HE demand ceremonies and "visible respect", and puja with certain things and foods. Do we remember God, 'only', or 'more', at certain days? Then why the farce of the "ritual" exercise! If it's purely ideological, how can we pas on ideologies to an individual who's only a kid yet as THE ultimate truth. Aren't ideologies 'adopted' BECAUSE we believe in them?
God to me is a faith, a self-moral-policing, an attempt at rendering FORM to your conscience, irrespective of what name we give this. It's an acceptance of superiority to thyself, and respect. We call certain ppl gods, and equally often. Gods do fall for us. Coming back to the religios sese, there's of course nothing wrong in the way this form is expressed and perceived by people, I'm nobody to decide that, but I'm sorta disillusioned by the whole thing. Yes, I accept I've been to temples, churches, gurudwaras and mosques-I don't know why, but maybe because my parents took me there, because I like the PEACE of these places, and I like the beauty of these places. But commodification and commercialisation of faith hurts me. When things become and are passed on and forced as customs and rituals, it hurts. When I hear remixes of popular Hindi songs as bhajans and watch 2 hour "religious" channels and see fashionable/painful "compulsions" of religion, I feel humiliated. I don't see any faith, any God, and any sanctity there. And I cannot bring myself to conform with the "shoulds" then.
People pray everyday, keep fasts and accept a lot of things and actions as holy, even thought they would agree with some of the irrationality that I just mentioned. At one level, that's hypocrisy, and yes, I accept that somewhere even I am a part of this. I'm a hypocrite. But in moments like these, these questions and absurdities return to haunt me.
I feel the evil is within, within everyone and inevitably a Good-vs-Bad war has to be set up, so there's the God outside, who has been benevolently given a physical presence so that we do the "good" things that we must somewhere. But as long as the evil is within, is there a point?
Is there a point in NOT lying in a holy place when you conveniently lie outside? God, IF HE exists, does He not exist outside?