Still Smitten...

I SUGGEST YOU READ THIS ARTICLE BEFORE THIS ONE...IT'S EASIER TO UNDERSTAND THEN...

Hours, days, months, years and semesters...and still the same voices. His same voice, and the same ease with which it rides over and above the din and reach my ears somehow, every single time. Almost every single time, that is. The noise of his breath, the screams of his soft footsteps, the clamour of the same old keychain in his hand, and the same eyes I can never-dare-look-into. The same him, the same me. And the same nothing. Just the voices.
I think I'm slowly turning deaf now to every other sound wave of the universe. These noises are maddening. I dont know what I want, except...
They say time is a solution to many things; it knows all and tells all. But I doubt it. Because I find even time to be helpless and stagnant when he's around. Time doesn't move, talk, see, hear...and everything freezes. Is time really powerful then? I hope yes, and if possible, let it leak into him, into his blissfully ignorant world, and let him know what I never manage to utter.
He was sitting next to me today. chance? Luck? Fate?
Perhaps..but only if something had happened! But anything-happening is defined as any-change occuring over a period of time. And here, time does not move. so the any-change, if any, is insignificant as well. Just like me.

I tried being worthy of him. But I now realise that all my so-called intelligence, dynamism, thought, planning, calculations, forethought, know-all-ness, credibility, belief, self-assurance- EVERYTHING- comes to a nought when it comes to him. I tried to be 'somebody'; everywhere else and with everyone else, succeeded to intrude the reals of existence and co-existence to some degree at least, but I could never intrude his space. such is his power, his control over the parameters of his existence and co-existence that I cannot even salvage any shreds of pride from the hope that some day he'd feel guilty about crushing my ego so cruelly today by a total refusal to acknowledge me-because he doesn't even know, and doesn't even care!
He was sitting next to me today, and time stopped. For the next thirty one minutes and twelve seconds, I could not move, listen, or talk. Perhaps the crowd around was still cheering for their hostels, there must have been applause and hootings, my friend sitting next to me might have said something to me, or attempted to restore the chatter we were into before I fell silent, perhaps his animated conversations with all his friends alluded to me as well, perhaps he.....ah, I don't know!
I just don't know what was happening till the hall was flooded with lights and celebrations , and everyone disappeared. It feels as if someone just stole a slice of time from my life; he has stolen a slice of my life itself. but still I feel guilty lke a thief would!!
My friend told me for the thousandth time that I'm foolish, that I'm totally incredibly inexplicably smitten with him.
I'm still struggling for the right word.....