THE FINAL NAIL...

I've been trying to write this for three days now.

Two huge posts have been typed and discarded, because words somehow don't do justice to what I feel like saying.

For the final time.

So I'll be objective now.

I started this blog at a time when I had my first one up and running full throttle, as a 'diarý', where I could write things other than the poetry n prose crap I wrote there. Then, one day, my blogging identity started fighting with my real identity, and I needed to free myself of ancient baggage and words that were trapping me. It became necessary for my survival, and thus on 15th of June, I shut it down. And this one too

At the beginning of this semester, I felt like giving life another chance, and restarted this one.

It worked well, I wrote fairly regularly, and over the last 75 posts this semester, this page got more readers as well. I'm grateful to all of you.

But once again, my blog is questioning my identity, and I dont want it.

I don't want that people read this blog just because it's a girl's blog, or even because it's mý blog, because a LOT of people know who I am, in person, and this very fact takes away from me my freedom to express what I want to, without value judgements and all other kinds of opinions being formed on me. I do not give anyone the right to decide on me and about me for random reasons. This is(was) my page, I wrote it for myself. But if people in ym college start calling me Phoenix instead of who I am, if random ppl who obviously know me make shocking comments anonymously like Comment #22 here or Comment #16 here, I feel the need of drawing a line, at the end of a very eventful semester.

I refuse to be exploited like this; I refuse to be made an object of observation and comment.

WHY DO YOU, IF YOU DO, EVER READ/VISIT THIS PAGE?

Because you like reading it?

I dont think so.

Most of you dont.

Reasons range from no reason to for fun to for curiosity sake, since this is a GIRL's blog, or because maybe I left a comment on yours someday.

Do you think I left that comment so that you came here, or for some other ''sinister'' reason other than the plain fact that I most probably liked reading what you wrote!

But reverred people now tell me that I comment because I have nothing better to do, and just to attract attention. I'm sorry but I wont take so much insult. Yes, I cant stop anybody from having an opinion. I respect their right to have one.

But I also respect my own self-esteem, my right to exist the way I want to, and my right to express wat I feel like.

Go ahead, call me a new-age insensitive woman if you want to.

As if I care!

I crave for equality(now my previous post makes even more sense to me) which was the reason I first started blogging because I had thought at least here I could be what I am, and I could be judged, if at all, based on what I thought and wrote irrespective of who or what I was born as, irrespective of whether I was Asian or African, rich or poor, boy or a girl.

I see that losing, and the "public" nature of this diary being way more painful than what I ever would have liked.

And that's why, I exercise my right to shut down the diary. I have my reasons, the ones I said here, and others, but I anyway dont see a need to justify myself any further to anybody.

Do me a favour, dont ask em questions.

If I need to express myself, I have other options. But no more posts here, and no more comments from me.

If you feel offended by anything I ever said, I'm sorry.

And thanx to all those who ever supported me.

A special thanx to my most dedicated commenter THE ANONYMOUS too.

I think this completes all the formailities.

Now just don't tell me I'm acting extreme, I know I am. But I dont need your opinion.

Infact dont just tell me ANYTHING at all...it's not gonna make a difference to what I want to do.

I know a "Phoenix" cannot die.

But it can certainly hibernate.

Or confine itself somewhere where it is not seen, or heard.

BYE.