Lowly
Incomplete
Failure
Essentially pointless
...but, it goes on. That, is life.
I'm living through almost easily the worst phases of my life. Bad, going on worse. Things that have happened to me in the last few months, both good and bad, have not happened ever before. The semester that's just over could be the best, or the worst, simultaneously for me. Depends on perspective though. But currently, it's bad. Like life. Like the state of my mind. Like this blog. Like the future. Bleak, dark, confused. With some faint promises and hopes, and lots of definite gloom. And yet, somehow, life goes on. Although not too long ago, it almost did meet its end. Twice in the last ten days, on either side of THE EXAMS, have I come close to The End, but some movies are painfully long. Some people, who really are angels in disguise but too stubborn to be angels, stubbornly fought with me and my desperate desire and somehow held on to me till the sorm abated a bit. I can;t even imagine the horror I brought to their lives. They cant even imagine the horror that has been living in my eyes, and the peace they have someho brought to me. If I say thanks, that would be belittling a huge thing by mere words. So I shall not. But these are painful times. And to all the pain I've brought to you people, I'm sorry. I wish I could pay back to you with my life.
So amidst high melodrama and some reel-life-like sequences incorporated in real life, the last ten days or so have seen too much to even sound non-fiction. A disappearance of this blog was one of those things. Fainting in the middle of the road a few times was another. The worst set of exams of my life, almost, which almost included flunking a couple of courses, was the third. An evaporation of self-confidence and belief was the last straw. And a few buckets of blood and tears, medicines and fears later, somehow I'm alive. Some lives are just too stubborn and undesired. But there are some people still who, I dont know why but they do, love me despite everything, and for their sake, I shall keep the promise I've made them. Vacations have started. I go to Sweden in August. Unless something happens beyond my control, I shall see them in August again, and hopefully after December too. Life, should go on, if only because it is now indebted too much to some people who matter.
Just one advice I feel like giving to everybody: Do love somebody way more than you can ever love or hate yourself. You owe this much to yourself.
14 comments:
"Do love somebody way more than you can ever love or hate yourself." Easier said than done though. Takes a lot of sacrifice to do so, no?
And while reading this, it seemed that I had been reading my own earlier posts. However, when you are out of that "life-ending" phase and when something positive comes your way, you are happy just to be alive. And thats why you should be grateful to life. It throws you lifelines just when you decide to let go.
Heres a cheer to your stay at Sweden, and looking forward to keep reading your posts.
No...not sacrifice. only limitless selfless passion.
positive ka mujhe pata nahi kab kya hoga..but haan hope to be optimistic now. and yes, grateful i am. to life, and to my life. and sm more factors and ppl.
Serendipity too.
life is funny
Someday in old age [:D], you might be sitting at a window, thinking of old times, then you might get a few laughs remembering all this ordeal. All this might be worth it, after all.
sweden huh! good luck with that. And keep posting. Thought that you were going down the lane of every other other blog who would just shut it down without even a farewell post.
hi,first landing here. nice post,
touching and sensitive.
its happens to all of us, uh?
but as you say, thee are some promises to keep, to others and to yourself,
happy time in sweeden!
kya hua tumhe, Ment?
I don't understand all these heavy words. bas, I'm concerned for you
As far as the grades bit is concerned, I've been where you're going. But trust me, you'll get over it. Just relax, and think Swedish thoughts. Que cera cera.
Abbe teri , ekdum satyajit ray ki movies jaisi post hai , both are complex and beyond my comprehension.Chill maar yar , watch a govinda flick ( I hear you wincing ) and pack your bags for sweden .Life is good !
[the anon]
hopefully i WILL laugh someday at all this
but what is life ithout the sorrows accompanying the joys.
[sid]
Naah....not soo bad:p
Nice to see u around waise.
[\dharmu]
welcome here..
yeah thats life..lows, but hopes..promises, kept unkept and broken.,,
anyway kepp smiling:)
[ment]
dont worry anymore
the bad part is over...
will catch u smtime
[vivek]
Merci beaucoup.
[hitler's soul]
abey lekin satyajit ray ko to award hbhi milte the movi banane ke..mujhe bhi award chahiye equally non understandable baaton ke liye :(((
aur govinda? yuck :P
Welcome back Phoenix! Missed you ! And as to your question - yes...it's possible..even if there's no reciprocation...:)!
just keep smiling.. and that would be enough for the people who helped you out.. it should be...cheers
hmm .. calm down & take ur time .
evry thing will be alrite .
take care .
kya ho gaya yaar...i know life sucks but it is beautiful as well. There are many momments in every1's life which are worth livign for all ur life..
"Do love somebody way more than you can ever love or hate yourself." ..very good advice..but easier said than done for the simple thing is there is a thin line between love and hate..if only we knew wat is love wd the world be so different
i m kinda agree with ur philosophy of life... nice funda..... respect...loner...
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