Friday, June 30, 2006

Cracked

I had summoned my death, and it's messenger was now staring straight into my eye.
I gazeed deeper as well, trying to look for the traces of coldness I expected there, and he sank into mine trying to see blood and malice. We were both evidently disppointed, for I saw compassion, a hesitant compassion. And he didn't know that blood had evaporated long ago from my eyes, and that compassion rarely managed to single out malice.
In the mirror of his eyes I saw my past floating by, but it was all too hazy too distant. Perhaps any history of a loss of love and innocence is bound to be vague and broken. Everything appeared to be broken into so many pieces, down to every atom of existence that I was afraid his eyes would crack if I continued reflecting. Sometimes innocence is disarming; I was surprised he didn't feel the use of any arms necessary to take me captive. Not that I would really have needed them, but I am too heinous for the complacency.
Maybe I should have tried to escape, he'd then have killed me instantaneously with his revolver and I'd have gotten the luxury of death at the hands of a pair of compassion eyes. But maybe I don't deserve that much luck. I think this wait, for a trial, for a judgement, for a shameful death of the last atoms of a cracked life, is certainly well-deserved.
[Excerpt from my story, in the process of being written]

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

For the one you love.

What can you do for the one you love? For the one person in the whole world you truly love, from the depth of your heart. Whether or not that person is in your life at the moment is immaterial, because each one of us has the certain “one” in our minds all the time. The one shadow we had been smitten with since forever. The love we have all imagined and nurtured in our minds, in our dreams and hopes, even since the time we have been dreaming. The hope to someday meet that one person never deserts us, and is I guess one of those sweet painful joys of living. Like it or not, believe it or not, but there’s always a difference between what you would have liked in your dreams, and what you actually manage in reality. This difference is called a mix of practicality, selfishness, lack of understanding, expectation and lack of realization. The magnitude of this difference is what varies from one relationship to another and defines its characteristic flavor and its depth.

I don’t know why my mind’s delved into such a topic right in the morning but I mostly write on instinct and I’m doing so now. There’s a
blog, one of those anonymous secret types that one uses to lessen the weight on the heart, that I had run into accidentally some days back, and I read it every morning without leaving a trace for the author. What he writes breaks my heart, and on some mornings like today’s it even gets awkward to have tears in your eyes in office. But that is the power of love, true love, and the pain in words is too intense to remain bounded within the pixels of the computer screen. As much as I pray that whatever happens to them eventually is for their good and peace of mind, the very knowledge of its reality shakes the soul.

What can you do for the love of your life? I’m not looking for promises of sun and moon as the answer, I’m looking for the reality whose tangibility will some day tell you the meaning of the most frequently used yet the least understood word in this world: love. It’s easy to say I love you with your mouths, it’s difficult to say it with your eyes and every atom of your body, and it’s the most difficult to say it with your actions of a lifetime. Yes, it’s not easy. A lot of blood sweat tears and patience could be inadequate unless topped with perseverance understanding and an abandonment of ego. Circumstantial difficulties, big and small, trivial and gigantic will always be there. As much as you’d like to live in your own small special world with nobody else at all, it doesn’t happen. As much as you’d like to unfailingly understand and be understood, humans do fail at times. And yet if you can take it in your stride and make only the one promise of giving all that you could possibly for the sake of that love, consider yourself blessed. I once wondered whether there was any room for logic in love. I haven’t the complete answer, but I can atleast say that one needs the logic to think if you can give this promise and to execute it, completely illogically, for love has its very own different logic.

What can you give for the one you love? Can you live for your love? Can you truly give your life? And I just don’t mean to be able to eat poison for the sake of the love. Can you give away whatever you think IS your life and makes your life with a smile for her/his sake? Even if your life really is her/him! Can you give him/her up if they wish or desire and for their happiness?

I can.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Bas Button Dabao...

Ladies and gentlemen, kids and grandparents!
Here's presenting the million- dollar opportunity to win..errr...ten dollars!!
Jee haan, grab the million dollar chance NOW and the ten dollars could be all yours!!
All you have to do is answer a simple question...

Q. What is the abbreviation for Short Message Service on mobiles?
Option A: MMS
Option B: SMS
Option C: Chat

Hurry!!
Pick up your mobiles and SMS the answer to 0000.
Just go to the "Write messages" in the short message section of your mobile and type ANS and send it to 0000 now.
Lucky winner gets ten dollars, so send as many as you want.
**Cost $1/SMS.


The above is kindly dedicated to all those who run SMS-ki-dukaan in our country these days.

Seriously, everything and anything could be yours, bas button dabao. Your favourite singer/actor/doggy could win on TV, bas button dabao. Request a song on Radio, vote in another online poll, get your results, chat with a celebrity or her aunt, shop, bid do anything and everything by an SMS to an expensive four digit number. Wow! Everything is a touch away. And everybody from watchman to a sabziwala to a beggar has a mobile now. And still some people claim India is a backward country? I should be surprised.


Actually I know why they call us backward. Just look at the standard of questions they ask. They are sooo simple and mindless that the obvious aim is only the profit from sms revenue. And I dunno what kind of people actually blow money over SMSing all this.

Like Sunday's poll in TOI read: Do increasing prices of vegetables fruits and cereals affect the household budgest? Yes or No.


Get my point? So what are you waiting for, make your voice heard and SMS me your opinion now.:P:P

Monday, June 26, 2006

Google Inc.

DISCLAIMER: All characters fictional. Any coincidences coincidental.

I went to a guy
and asked if he
was interested
in me.


Simple or compound
he asked of me
Depends on the rate
you see.


Then I realised
finance types like these
are not certainly
for me.


So I went to another
and repeated my plea,
(this one looked better
to me).


He took a long look
sipped a long coffee
popped out a paper rose
for me.


Said this is all I afford
From my huge salary
The rest my wife takes away
monthly.


I ran as fast as I could
For as long as eternity
Till my eyes stopped on another
entity.

He looked cute and all
Well dressed, metro-ish
I waited till his eyes stopped
on me.


I gave hime a pinky smile
and some eyelash flashy
He smiled; I was sure he had fallen
for me.


He walked up and I was nervous
His looks were probing me
I was sure he would prop the question
to me.


And ask he did, "Dear!
What brand chooses thee
Your nailpaint looks good
to me!!"


(His brand surely stank)
I screamed in disbelief
This guy was no less than
a calamity.


I looked all around
And all I could see
Were the good ones all taken
NONE by me.


The rest were old or boring
And one or two were scary
None seemed fit, or interested
in me.


Alone, abandoned, shattered
With footsteps slow and heavy
I walked to the dark corner,fit
for me.


A little light shone
Actually it was two or three.
And blared the welcome music
of windows XP.


Soon I was onto the place
The only respite sadly
And I found my happiness too,@ Blogger.com
by Google Inc!


Moral of the story: Google. Every other search is futile.



lolz...

Friday, June 23, 2006

NewsMaker.com

It's just been one of those days, when you feel really eerie for no reason...and then you run out of work and are completely resigned to the awkwardness of useless eerie hours that don't feel right. Hence you see the template overhaul and all on this page. Yes the breaking news of today is the new incarnation of Public diary, updated profile and all. Didn't have too much enthu, so did whatever little I felt like.
But speaking of news brings to my mind scary visuals and audios, complete with special effects and jarring colours, of the flurry of 24*7 News Channels on television these days. You know my mum has a thing about watching only 'light entertainment' programs on television when we eat in front of the TV. We used to watch comedies or things like that earlier, now we usually switch to a news channel for some bad-taste humour and "entertainment"! All I'm trying to put in words here is a near-disgust at the amount of commercialisation and marketing that has crept into the idiot box on the name of News- real or fictional, impactful or gloated. What I absolutely fail to understand is how come nobody knows the actual meaning of the term BREAKING NEWS. It was coined for really important news that would arrive right in the middle of bulletin, or really really important news that would arrive in the middle of usual programming, and cause sudden change of agenda for the broadcasters, in the good lod days, and the news readers would struggle with a script beign updated by the second. Guess what was the breaking news on some channel(don't know which, they all look the same) I caught last evening: Laloo paid 10 Lakh bill for his daughter's 30 april wedding at Ashoka hotel! What is 'breaking' about it...Goddammit he even paid it!!Somebody teach them words like Headlines, or Newsflash or something...[:(]
On a slightly more grim note, I just feel like talking of a news I saw this morning...about the sky-rocketing prices of virtually everything this week. In a space of less than a week, fruits vegetables grains cereals just about everything is costing two to three times its price. No wonder the common man is distressed. Afterall everyone needs to survive. There's no doubt about the fact that the inflation is happening somewhere between the peasant and the wholesaler, and I have a strong feeling it is purely an artificial scarcity created in the name of rains and other things by some people who want to protest over the fuel increase. I mean diesel has become slightly costlier, but not so much that tomatoes start costing 45 rupees a kg instead of 18. stinks of conspiracy?

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Of Cyber Salvation and Cyber Despos

Been a few days since this page was updated, so for those of you who thought and/or told me that I'm doing a vanishing act, here I am, just you and me, and there's nowhere else on net I'd rather be!!
***Insert welcome Music here***
OK OK, so what if you didn;t miss me, I'd continue to ramble and blurt like usual, and live my illusions. Happiness anyway comes more from within than anywhere else, so I have all the rights in the world to pamper myself sometimes with hallucinations...[8)]
Talking of life, well, days have resigned themselves to a pattern somewhat, though I'm not yet bored with 'routine' if only because I do not have another option at all. I'd not spend one waking moment at home, esp if I'm not all alone, if I could. And there's nowhere else I can go to. So everyday has become like the other, and the clock just ticks on. Life's extremely silent and lonely these days, so much that I think I'd soon forget how to make a conversation (and yes, despite several seat project mentor ambience changes, I still have found nobody interesting enough to talk to, though another girl, who I think is an intern sits not too far away but I can;t find enough reason and will to talk to her, and there was a rather foolish guy sitting nearby for one or two days who talked just too much, so overall, my latest arrangement is better than anything so far).I just occassionaly turn to the net for some salvation and a change, but when there's too much work, there's not much time either.
BUT but but, my life being my life can never be too far from something dramatic, even if it's short-lived. I spent a sad weekend mostly in a hospital, but the good thing was I got to sleep a lot:D. Then, on a lunch meeting on Monday I told the managing director the work given to me is not challenging enough! Rest assured, I have loads to do ever since.:D
Waise it's such a cool company...they call us for meetings over pizzas, and gift liquor to the intern who designs good posters for them!!! But wait till I tell you the not-so-cool part. Most of the people i've met or worked with here are rather nice and helpful, so much that the only time I've been scolded is for calling someone 'sir'. But yesterday I saw the tip of one of those monstrous workplace-icebergs...sexual harrasment. OK dont be scared, it was nothing so serious as it sounds, yet, but what i'm saying is no place on earth is free from 'cyber despos' and their cousins and that really really irritates and disgusts me. Read this for more gaalis I've already showered in the past... What happened was something commonplace, I got a flood of mails from some you-know-what kind of a guy seeking 100% pure franship with me, smitten with my aankhon ka nasha and mind blowing hassi..[[yucks]]..Reminds you of an Orkut CD scrap, eh? But what bugged me was that the mails were on my company mail account, and as it turned out, from someone who definitely sits on my floor and works here, though I don't know who he is in person. But that's because I'm too caustic about it, and since he hasnt mailed after a suitably threatening reply, I do not want to go about looking for him and spoil the taste of my mouth.
Grow up guys...you can never impress a girl by selling yourself so cheap...

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Mere bachchon ke naam...

General Observational Expertise Pvt. Ltd. informs me that a shocking amount of useless thought in millions of mind and a nauseating amount of super-useless talk between couples- real or imaginary, married or engaged, expecting or just committed, infact homosexual and just about any couple included- revolves around names of kids- mostly theirs but not always, real or imaginary!!!
(If you feel like puking, I suggest move away from the comp. If you are only smiling, or imagining kid-names urself, read on.)
Anyway, to continue with the reports, this rates as a relatively high-rated exercise in the list of SENSELESS COOCHY-COOING things that lovey-dovey couples do. Names, and characteristics of the children about to be born in a few months or years or never at all strive for a place to be discussed. Names that are derivatives of the parents' names, or borrowed from filmstars and popular 'heroes' and characters, or from friends and relatives. Long names short names and pet names. God knows how much your, and mine, parents debated over the choice of our names! That choice is something you have to live with all your life, like it or not. at least in my case they came up with a short uncommon easy to mispronounce name, but I feel a sense of pity to see two year olds call themselves Miss Samarpita Yashaswini!!!I hope you like your name, do you? Waise just for a try, I tried to think of a name I'd like to give my kids, and atleast i have a name for my daughter ready, if I ever have one. actually I have a second choice too, just in case they are twins..=))
Can't say, is parenting that much of a 'dream project'? So many hours diverted from simple love to debates and other things, for the sake of kids who would turn out to be God-knows-what-kind-of brats! Another mystery of living, eh? but the one doubtless thing this is indicative of is infinite parental love. Even if they end up saying, "You're the cause of all the miseries of my life, the troubles of this home, and the issues in this family" to their kids one day, they love us. Lots...

Monday, June 12, 2006

The Tragic Hope Trick

I read Erich Segal's 'Love Story' several years back, and am sure a lot of you would have read it too(if you haven't :O:O, do it ASAP or you're damned! :P). The book in my view deserves every bit of its popularity, because somethign about it is extremely touching and true. Yes, painful too, for some, on a first time read, but what makes it click according to me is the fact that it's short, pacy, realistic and very very direct to the heart. Without going into the story for the benefit of those(if any) who still have it on their To-Read list, it's obviously a love story as the name goes, with two peppy characters whose conversations esp in the first half wouldn't make you stop smiling, and it's rather easy to fall in love with the characters all at once. When I first read it, I loved the guy so much I read the book cover to cover once again immediately. It's a 45-minute read anyway!
A conversation today reminded me of the book again, and left me wondering if there's something about deaths and tragic ends that appeals to readers all over so as to establish a connect and hence a liking, or is it just me. I mean, (sorry for the give-away) the strongest binding point of this book is obviously the end, the death of Jennifer, and the way they both take it. A friend of mine loves to criticise about me that I have an acute fondness for death, because a lot of my stories have somebody or the else dying :P(but hey, my last two don't, though nobody has read them yet either:P). Further on, he says I always kill the guy and therefore am feminist=))
Ok, that's not too true, but somehow, I feel the punching effect of a story like that comes when the 'stronger' character, who can endure, despite grief, the death of the other survives. What I mean is the suffering of the loss is somehow better endured by the stronger, practical albeit emotional character, who'd cry and move on and therefore touch a chord with the reader. Somebody who grows hysterical at the loss and just loses it and kills herself/himself is somehow not-so-cool fictional material. And this is a trend I've seen at a lot of places! Infact it's more general. They say tragedies are easier to write, to be appreciated and to identify with, than say comedies or goody goody bits. That's because EVERYONE has their own tragedies, big or small, real or imaginary, and of course several times maginified in a personal frame of reference. I always claim humans are so ego-entric they remember only what happens to them, and everybody's own grief is probably the bigggest in the world. There is something enigmatic about tragedies thus, and that's why everyone from scriptwriters to novelists to TV serials harp on it. We just looovvveee to see the sugar heroine weep tonnes of salt water on TV screens, to see young 'true' lovers fight it out with parents and 'zaalim zamana' for an eternal union, to see or read heartbreaking tales of dying people, and so on and so forth.
Face it, tragedy sells. And maybe because subconsciously one feels lighter and emotionally vented out after seeing a tragedy, to see somebody else's grief bigger than my personal earthquakes. So always, the tragic hero, almsot as Aristotle theorised for Greek theatre centuries ago, is the strong character who endures the most, and even if he dies, it's never an ordinary death. Nobody would have liked DEEWAR if Amitabh Bachchan didn't face the 'circumstances' he did to take the 'wrong path'. Nobody would have read Hamlet and Ekta Kapoor wouldn't make crores through weeping tulsis and Prernas and whoever...
It's all a trick!! Game of hope and tears...(and TRPs and crores)
A drop of psychoanalysis: Think about it, have you ever imagined yourself as the super-sufferer, the all-enduring hero, the aggrieved-by-circumstance victim? Does it give you a momentary sense of superiority?

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Thought for the Day

No matter how bad you are, you are never entirely useless...

...you can always be used as a BAD EXAMPLE!

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Oil in the Desert, Camel in the Crowd

Day 5, almost 40 hours in office, and still, if you ask me what am I doing here, I don't think I really know. Factsheet speaks I'm doing an 8 week internship at this cool-looking heavy-slogging MNC. Worst of all, I'm working in an area probably I never will in my life, which is sheer tech, and to make it worse, sheer Chemical Engineering shit-tech. And the only thing I am 100% sure of at the moment is Hey, I'm a year too soon in here. I mean I barely
know of anyone in my senior year in my department doing a more 'technical' traning at the moment. And here I am, reading through HUNDREDS of documents and diagrams and design specs, all set to design this oil and gas plant in the middle of Sahara desert.

Actually, I think I have made it sound too bad. It isn't. Even chemical engineering isn't that bad, so I know that God forbid if someday I really am down to being jobless and homeless and starving, I might just take up a core job before thinking of suicide. For starters, this place is cool, like any MNC. I have a comfortable seat in a huge cubicle, my own internal phone, an official presence everywhere from the company's site to address books to mail accounts to employee data sheets. Every morning I need to reach at 8:30(yes I wake up at 6!! to get the 7:10 pickup)
all dressed up in formals, flashing my hi-tech Icard at the time recorder at the gates. It's all very grown-up types, and therefore looks nice atleast initially. since i do not have a very heavy workload yet either, even when I get home a full 12 hours after leaving, I'm still feeling good. What else could I want?
Actually I know what I want.
I seriously need some company, some conversation. None of the other interns is in my department, or even project, or even floor. I'm surrounded with Senior engineers and serious looking people who wouldn't talk to me even if I had the guts to approach them. Even my supervisor sits vertically opposite; he's very nice and he's the only person in this company, other than HR people and my cousin who works here in another building, whom I talk to. Two minutes back my supervisor told me they are changing my project and seat(and building, and maybe supervisor too)...now that I have learnt the basics of everything that's done here. So now when they give me realtime work, hopefully, I should get to do more interesting things. And I hope to get around to talking to someone.
For those who know me and still are surprised by the fact that I have a problem getting a single sentence going with anyone, firstly you don't know me, and secondly, I don't even see it as a problem.
Thinking of it, however, makes me wonder about something. In a big crowd of total strangers, what kind of a person would one be attracted to talk to, as in the person profile u r more likely to be at ease with at conversation initiation. For women, one thing I can surely say is getting to talk to another women around is rather simpler, so gender bias is a sure thing. (There are no women within a 15 seat radius around me) Then, it'll be something about the body language of the people around. Happier, smiling, easy to go, talkative people are the types easier to talk to for a start right? I think i'd get to some research on this, till it's time for the next meeting. Seeya.