It's official...

...looks are deceptive. Especially in bosses.

Their cuteness (and other such seemingly nice things, including apparent-coolness) has no correlation to their being jerks or not. :-)

Sometimes I wish...

... that I was super attractive and super dumb.

Then I would not have to work and I could still be rich because all rich people want to be with me and spend money on me

And the best part - I wouldn't have any existential questions at all.

 

 

Sorry for being sexist and sticking to stereotypes, but I say - being a dumb blonde is super awesome!!

 

I think I may like to belong to the middle zone...

..or maybe not, but I'm certainly bored of the orange zone :P

Love sex aur dhokha darling!

Bada difficult kaam karte hain
Subah aur shaam karte hain
Love tumse hi hai darling par
Bas kehne se hum darte hain

Tum saamne jab bhi aate ho
Dil dhak dhak dhak dhak karta hai
Love tumse hi hai darling par
tumhe dekh dekh roz badta hai

Har chehre pe fisalta hai
dil humse nahi sambhalta hai
Love tumse hi hai darling par
Sex bhi to karna padta hai

Karna nahi chahte lekin
very sexy is your neighbour
Love tumse hi hai darling par
Ye Love shove is lot of labour

Ye doori sahi nahi jati
Ab tumse contract karna hai
Love sex aur dhokha darling
sab kuch tumse karna hai

My boyfriend's instructions

Do's Act like a girl*! Grow up. Kiss me lots. Be explicit in communicating your needs. Do not keep things bottled up inside you. Be assertive. Dress hot. Be yourself. Love me more than I do. Eat salads. Eat. Need me. Help me study/work. Want me. Have a right on my time. Forgive me. Know it. Be there.

Don'ts Act like a girl*! Age more than 19. Kiss me when I don't like it. Expect. Use me as a sponge for your emotional outbursts. Be demanding. Dress *hot*. Be impulsive, excitable, blah blah blah, a hundred things you are. Love me more than I do. Eat vegetarian food! Get fat. Need me. Ask me to study/work. Be jealous. Ask for my time. Expect an apology. Want to know it. Be everywhere.

Sigh. Any wonder I spend all my energy finding the balance! Such a sweetheart, such a moron. :P :)
Boys...you can't live with them, can't live without.

Time travel must-have!

Parking: the invincible monster

This is a long overdue story of the famous five who wished one day, to explore the streets of the ancient city of Delhi and undertake a voyage to see glimpses of its heritage, despite all the perils that lay on their way, primarily the monsters of traffic. This is a story of the L, the Doc, the Kiddo, the Psycho and the Munna, and their ever-trustworthy, beautiful Taani partner, aka this. It was a wonderful Saturday morning, and we wished to spend the day merrily around the city, in particular exploring the delights of the Walled City.
It didn't begin so well, and we started an hour later than we intended to, yet we made up for it by treating ourselves to Wimpy's burgers, arguably the best fast-food joint burgers in Delhi, and sang our way along to Red Fort. We braved the nuisance of afternoon traffic monsters with the strength provided to us by the aroma of the Dilli-6, and managed to reach our destination, but then we were faced by a monster so mammoth, fear crept inside our spine.
Parking.
We searched and searched, through the bylanes of Red Fort and Chandni Chowk parking, mindlessly cutting right across 4 lanes from left-most to U-turns, but in vain. The only spot we saw was immediately occupied by an industrious clever entrepeneur cutting down his floor area cost and setting shop there. Then we decided to get to the Chandni Chowk metro parking lot, but when we finally reached the gates of that heaven, we found ourselves caught in a queue outside the gate, for Heaven was full! We couldn't go front or back, and the queue moved very slowly, allowing inflow only when there was some outflow. We waited, and to our utter joy, 15 minutes later, we were allowed in. We celebrated in delight, but before we knew it, Heaven turned into hell. All we could see was darkness all around. Darkness and metal. Rows of cars lined in every possible space everywhere one could see. We got lost in the maze, trying to find beloved Taani a place to wait a few hours, but all in vain. 30 minutes later, we gave up and decided to exit. The exit, just like the entry was a 45 degree slope with cars parked on both sides on the slope of what was originaly a three lane exit from the basement.
As we were trying to make the accent, two cars ahead of us, someone had prized a spot on the slope and was trying to park it in, when he suddenly stopped and walked out, with the car half inside both lanes. On being called, he said, "Aap log 5 minute ruko, main chai pi ke aata hoon".
!!!!!!!
A part of us died there.
Somehow, he was persuaded, we got out and ran for life. We went all the way to Old Delhi Railway station, but the parking was full there as well. The last hope had died. We just made our way back, seeing Red Fort for the third time from the windows of the car in the last two hours.
It was just not meant to be.
The retreat was easier, and Doc was just being helpful when he yelled out at the top of his voice to the motorists struck in a jam on the opposite side of the road, "There IS no parking. Go back!"
We stopped at Darya Ganj to nurture a beaten soul and stomach, then made our way to CP, where to find ourselves some solace, a brilliant idea and some more outrageous lane manoeuvering led us to Jantar Mantar. When we finally parked, Doc with the parking ticketin his hand said with tears of joy: Finally!
So we saw a different beautiful red building, and original destinations have been left as hurdles for another day. Food and drink at CP healed us for the day.

But there was more on that day to follow. Doc took us to watch ek kutte ki emotional kahani, Marley and Me. (Jennifer Aniston is OLD now). While we were pulling our hair in frustration, Doc insisted he loved the movie, and I suspect it was because of the really hot chick sitting right next to him. For the rest of us, the movie sucked out whatever spirit the afternoon had left behind.
And so we retired to the abode, armed with fresh spirits, and even as other comrades joined us for what tured out to be an eventually entertaining night courtesy couple of my really drunk and really funny co-warriors, the day left us with leassons to learn and memories never to forget.

PS If you ever wanna go to Red fort or old delhi, park at a metro station, and take the tube. That is THE only way.
PPS Wenger's at CP is awesome, if you already didn't know.
PPPS If you find a better burger than Wimpy's, let me know.
PPPPS Please do not ask NMG or L their drunk and partially censored adventures of the night. They really don't remember.

Cancer of the soul

"Saab aap ye samajh lijiye, aapki soul ko cancer ho gaya hai!"
"Itna bura to nahi hai yar"
"Hai, ab main kuch nahi kar sakta...badalwa lo warna kaam nahi chalega!"

(Translation: (sic)
"Sir, you need to understand that your soul has got cancer!"
"It can't be that bad!"
"It is, and there's nothing I can do about it...you need to get a new one else things can't work..")

That conversation, overheard, was enough to stop me in my stride and turn back to find out more about the prophetic diagnosis of a cancerous soul on the roadside. Although in the next thirty seconds it was clear that the conversation was centered around the worn out sole of a terribly battered shoe that the helpless cobbler did not want to repair, I had an inkling I would have found a diagnosis of a cancerous soul fairly credible, in these times.

Hello, unkill!

The other day, while looking for a certain mobile phone accessory that I've been looking for a while now, I checked out these two mobile stores in Saket. After being unsuccessful at the first one, where a middle-aged uncle wanted to sell me a cheap counterfeit that I really doubted would last or even work, I walked into the other one still narrating to my friend a randomly funny snippet of the conversation with that uncle, and just blurted without a pause to the guy at the counter "Uncle do you have...", still in that mocking mimicky tone.

Well, it just so happened the guy at the counter was a 25-26 something guy, barely a few yrs older than me (but he was balding), and he had the most shocked look on his face as he said a hasty no, I suspect, without caring what I had asked for. And on my part, I had realised what I had done as soon as I spoke those words, so I broke out into a giggle laughter right on his face, at the very moment when he was giving me his shaky no, and walked out immediately after even as my friend looked from me to him to me in a soundless surprised gaze :)

This is for that guy, sorry unkill. You don't look that old, despite the balding patch. :P :)

This happened one day...

One beautiful day, while he was waiting at the crossing...
His eyes stopped at her.
She was looking at him too.
Their eyes met briefly.
He tried to remove his gaze, to look elsewhere.
Still he felt her eyes upon him, fixed and staring.
He wanted to look again, but was afraid of finding her staring back.
It was time to move, he began ahead.
She turned behind him.
He moved forward.
She followed.
He moved forward.
She still followed.
He knew she was following, and tried to move faster.
She kept up.
He tried to escape, but she was still behind him.
He moved, she followed.
And this went on and on.
Until finally, he was forced to stop.

And give her a one-rupee coin.

Feminism

Dedicated to IIT girls

WATCH OUT!!

No matter how smart and sweet you are,
(and one day you'd surely be noticed for that too)
if you keep on outdoing them all the time,
(and making them feel suicidal)
one day they will get back at you.
By hook or by crook.

(just to be fair, you know...though I'm sure Vik n others would find better captions :P :P)

Dedicated to IIT guys

No matter how big you are, everyone needs a good shower.
Everyone. Everyday.

P.S. A junior of mine recently set a record of 78 bath-less days. Some people I know, despite the terrible humidity, seem set to challenge it. I'm gifting deodorant tomorrow.

The Poetic Rejection

Where Me meets You
It's just a Mew, meek,
not a roar.

When Fate comes to Us
It's just a Fuss, futile,
it doesn't fuse.

When We go to Life
I don't become your wife
only, barely alive.

No together, no forever
There's no U, Me aur Hum
Only: you me and mayhem

The idea so ain't cool, dude
Just plain old school, dude
For you to get joy
Needs you to forget moi
We so don't work, hon
Except like dullards, no fun!

Too many guys, too little time :P

One guy
too much brain
so many fundas
falling like a rain

Another one
killer smile
twinkling eyes
M'n'B style :P

Then a third
A heart of gold
But much too tall
And much too old

Expensive-dates Fourth
Rich spoilt brat
Small head
Too big a hat

Next one kind
sensitive mind
A bit too weepy
but interesting find

The crass the psychotic
the dirty sixth guy
2 swears a sentence
mr macho, never-say-die

Obsessed with sex
Yet charming style
A flutter, a flatter
A shameless smile

The guy next door
a little cute, a little bore
A little helpful, a little dumb
A little sweet, a slittle sour

The almost-mr-perfect
The one oh-so-taken :(
The unreachable morning of his arms
And the night in my eyes, forsaken

The super-duper geek too
married to his comp and code
romance a mere cryptic mystery
And love an unbearable load

One more dancer
Mister 'kewl" dude
Desperate for a 'trophy'
But mostly a brute

The sweaty footballer
sexy macho body
brain a bit too dirty
choices a bit too gaudy

And then the man of my dreams
The impossible amalgam who'd be mine
Until then, a long futile list
Too many guys, too little time!

Finally!

Okay, enough of being sad and crying over all that's lost. To hell with it, you know. Atleast I have something. And I'm good, so I can live with it. Enough of staying depressed. Let's get on with it, let's do something.

One important lesson though, in life, if you believe, someone, some people, anyone is going to be with you and there for you always, you are kidding. It's totally false. If someone was there for you at some point of time, congratulations, you are lucky, because that someone just coincidentally happened to be there at that time and coincidentally understood it all and happened to be a nice person at heart so stood by you. If you're counting on such coincidences all the time, you're stupid. If you think when people sing "I'd be there for you..." they mean it, wake up.
Now all of you who wanna fight and debate with me on this, stop it. If you don't, okay, it means you wanna learn it the harder way rather than accepting it when I say it which is the easier way. Fine by me, good luck. :)

On happier note, now that exams are over and a lot of work is due, after the dussehra weekend, it wd get dead hectic again. Wow! :P


***************************

What now...something fun?

Okay, this is one tag I think is really interesting to do. Maybe because it tells you how greedy you really are, inspite of howmuchever of a saint you think you are! It's called "Thoda aur chalega".

The rules are simple. You got to write five things that you do have and are quite fond of/proud of because they really are good/feel-good (at least in your own perspective). These things can be anything...qualities, people, pets, clothes, goodies etc. Then you have to add one adjective to each, indicating what else you'd wish (dream, fantasise etc.) these things to also have. Like the extra free chocolate topping on a five scoop hot chocolate fudge with nuts, chocolate sauce, raisins etc.
An example could be: My super cool super fast car....I wish I had a red-coloured super cool super fast car.

Here's my greed-list:

1. A sensible head....I wish I had a consistently sensible head. (one that can deal with my own mood swings. God those suck!) :P

2. The world's best boyfriend....I wish I had a very romantic world's best boyfriend. :P :P

3. Uncanny knack of pulling some people's leg and getting the better of them with sarcasm/scolding....I wish I had an invincible uncanny knack of pulling some people's leg and getting the better of them with sarcasm/scolding. :P

4. This blog that I love and that has given me a whole lot of lovely people and perspectives....I wish this blog that I love and that has given me a whole lot of lovely people and perspectives was more popular/better-read. :P

5. Parents who are very loving and supportive....parents who are very loving and supportive who were better friends with me.

Okay your turn now....I pass this on too:
Shantanu
Akshay
Desperado
Doc
Vikram
Tapasya
Arpz

and whoever wants to do it :P

In youth one lives as if one is always drunk...

-Aristotle

...and in old age in a constant hangover.

-Phoenix

Mobile (m)adness

Seriously, how "intelligent" is advertising on mobile phones by service providers? Not talking of "professional"services like mGinger Admad etc, brilliant ideas gone bust, but of the regular dose of phone beeps Hutch, Airtel, Idea, Reliance et al gift us. Some of it actually is good stuff, like more messages about schemes and recharges when my balance/validity is low and stuff, but most of the time, I get stuff like "Click ####### for beautiful pics of Pamela Anderson"or "sexy beach wallpapers"or some funny crap like that. Of course I never click those links, but frankly, I've never got one about hot hunky guys, or any of the male actors. And since the connection is in my name, some marketing guru should have ad the sense to tap female usage by at least remotely targetted messages (unless of course, they've assumed I'm lesbian). Assuming this way of making money is profitable on the whole, they're missing a lot of profit by skipping the women subscribers then, which should be substantial too.

Meanwhile, mobile menace in the age of mobility boom continues.

Cheers to that.

What Women Want-II

The one super-simple thing about women than men don't understand, and continue to call them (girlfriends, moms, sisters )infinitely impossibly complicated (which may or may not be true) is this:

Guys, when you don't understand what she says what she says or doesn't, or what she does and why, when she looks at you with eyes of expectation of something you can't figure out what, or with a silence you can't interpret (or one those thousand situations), don't fret too much, just look at her and tell her you love her, and say it like you mean it. More importantly, say it like she feels you mean it. And for that to happen, better mean it. Don't ask me what would repeating something so 'obvious' help? Just do it and watch the change. She knows anyway that it's hard for you to really understand the issue, but to calm her down to that knowledge, she needs to be convinced of your trust/sincerity/commitment. Try it.

Girls, what say?

Marital bliss