If I had a choice I wouldn’t have been her for sure. Not her. Anybody but her, if you ask me. But then, I never had a choice when I wanted (and too many where I didn’t want any), as usual.
She was attractive in a peculiar sort of a way. Most of the versions you heard of her made her seem alluring. And the some that were immediately repulsive also did not make you hate her in the way she out to be despised. Everything was inaccurate to some measure or another, but with her it was only to be expected. She was born with deception embedded in her system. Nevertheless, she had a powerful charm that was hard to miss or escape. If you too were taken in by her charisma at some point of time, I’d really not blame you. But I knew her better, or at least I got to know her better, and thus if I had a choice I wouldn’t have been her.
Among other things, her self-confidence was bewildering. It bordered on the edge of being remarkable once a while, but at other times it was uninspiring yet impermeable, something that always confuses me till now. Her cynicism was bewildering too, right from the instant when you begin to notice it. She had weird rules and weird ways to do things. Often her success was a fluke, but her failure was always much more conspicuous and disgusting. She lived with a self-created loneliness, sometimes only illusory. I liked the way she felt things though; she really felt them.
She spent a lot of time searching for me, because I always wished to escape from her once I was caught, but before today it was never a completely successful attempt. Still, I kept her busy often in her searches. She had lately begun to develop a liking for me though, and would talk at length. Mostly she would ask me questions, difficult ones. Sometimes she’d give me an answer and ask for the question too. We did become some sort of friends I must admit, and sometimes she would come to me when she was hurt and tired so that I could give her a warm hug and some comfort. But I could never be too attached to her. So I guess it’s ok now. I just knew her too well for her to be able to hide any weaknesses, and knowing all that it was perhaps impossible for anyone to like her any more than this. She wasn’t the best of companions anyhow; after a while she grew scared of intimacy with anyone and drove them away. And to top it, she was never too lucky with finding companions or people to be intimate with anyway.
Finally, today she drove me away too, and I‘m happy because as I said, if I had a choice I never would have been her. But then, look at the irony. Even today, people talk of me and not her, when they say ‘Ah…she was a good soul!”
She was attractive in a peculiar sort of a way. Most of the versions you heard of her made her seem alluring. And the some that were immediately repulsive also did not make you hate her in the way she out to be despised. Everything was inaccurate to some measure or another, but with her it was only to be expected. She was born with deception embedded in her system. Nevertheless, she had a powerful charm that was hard to miss or escape. If you too were taken in by her charisma at some point of time, I’d really not blame you. But I knew her better, or at least I got to know her better, and thus if I had a choice I wouldn’t have been her.
Among other things, her self-confidence was bewildering. It bordered on the edge of being remarkable once a while, but at other times it was uninspiring yet impermeable, something that always confuses me till now. Her cynicism was bewildering too, right from the instant when you begin to notice it. She had weird rules and weird ways to do things. Often her success was a fluke, but her failure was always much more conspicuous and disgusting. She lived with a self-created loneliness, sometimes only illusory. I liked the way she felt things though; she really felt them.
She spent a lot of time searching for me, because I always wished to escape from her once I was caught, but before today it was never a completely successful attempt. Still, I kept her busy often in her searches. She had lately begun to develop a liking for me though, and would talk at length. Mostly she would ask me questions, difficult ones. Sometimes she’d give me an answer and ask for the question too. We did become some sort of friends I must admit, and sometimes she would come to me when she was hurt and tired so that I could give her a warm hug and some comfort. But I could never be too attached to her. So I guess it’s ok now. I just knew her too well for her to be able to hide any weaknesses, and knowing all that it was perhaps impossible for anyone to like her any more than this. She wasn’t the best of companions anyhow; after a while she grew scared of intimacy with anyone and drove them away. And to top it, she was never too lucky with finding companions or people to be intimate with anyway.
Finally, today she drove me away too, and I‘m happy because as I said, if I had a choice I never would have been her. But then, look at the irony. Even today, people talk of me and not her, when they say ‘Ah…she was a good soul!”
6 comments:
R.I.P.
I think I know more than to believe this is just a post, and too little to help. sorry.
i don't think all this is entirely true about that soul. Infact all obituaries are known for being that way.. half true n half false!
[dreamcatcher]
Ahh,,
[vivek]
You dont needto be sorry for anything. i am sorry to you...
[the introvert]
This world is made up of half-truths all the way. But then, was there anything called the full truth ever.
Best way of answering is a counter question! Isn't it a full truth?
Now I wanted to say soemthing but the post was complicated for my tiny brain.But why u say its an "obituary"?
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