Things change all the time.
People change all the time.
Me too, but I think I change intermittently. Like pulses at random time intervals. That's why it's difficult, and maybe conspicuous. Or perhaps, it's just that I notice only from time to time, and realise the change, or the need for change.
I have been doing something that everyone does whenever they have time or opportunity. I've been thinking back on my life, from who I (think I) was and who I (think I) have become. For the first time though, I'm able to sense an ongoing change and see the front and rear of it as well. Time has slowed down. What I can't decide however, is whether I like it or not. But maybe, it is necessary. Even though I can see many not-so-good things happening sometime in the future, I feel maybe it'll be all for the good, like everything in this world anyway is. For the good.
Some of this is exchange effect. Considering I know of at least four seniors of mine who claim that exchange changed the people they were significantly, I believe exchange might just be called "EX-CHANGE".But it's ok. I kind of like it. Or I think I do.
People at IITD who would still remember me when I eventually return might be able to point out at the contrast better, but one of the things I have definitely noticed is that people repel me now, not crowds but known friendly faces. Conversations don't energize me any more. I still like them, but I don't die for them like I did till a month back. Once in a while one quite conversation does it for me. I had some friends from IIT over for a few days at my place, but although some of them were people I really enjoyed being with till the end of last sem, now I stayed as much away from them as possible. Now they've gone to Finland for some days, and I enjoy the silence and gloom more than anything. I really feel peaceful and happy. And i'm in absolutely no hurry to go to India any more. Most of the other things I noticed, or realised I should change are a bit too personal for discussion. But the bottom line is I've stopped being hyper-energetic and loud as I had become in the last three years. I don't think of India as my "home where I am dying to go back to" any more, except when I talk to mom and realise she's the only one really missing me and I should be with her. Lots of things I used to treat as "aims" or things to work to get or keep don't mean anything to me any more. Actually seem kiddish! Time seems even more powerful to me now. But I like idling it away into nothing even more. The silent moments when minutes gobble passing seconds and hours gobble minutes are just sangelic for they allow thoughts to wander off into untouched and forbidden domains. Books don't provoke me into much deep thought now. The only reason I want to write this post here is so that I can come back to it later and identify things, and writing in my diary isn't equally effective because I show much less restraint there. Objectivity is at a premium for me, as I had recently become hyper emotional. Eeks. I'm so silly! :P
OK, among other things, I've been wanting to write a looong Paris post, but because it must be long, I don't get the enthusiasm to. All I must say is I had a lottttttt of fun, and the city is truly amazing. I saw many places, but I wanna go back again.
Apologies for a rather silly post. Has got nothing for anyone to read. But then, I barely care these days. :)
People change all the time.
Me too, but I think I change intermittently. Like pulses at random time intervals. That's why it's difficult, and maybe conspicuous. Or perhaps, it's just that I notice only from time to time, and realise the change, or the need for change.
I have been doing something that everyone does whenever they have time or opportunity. I've been thinking back on my life, from who I (think I) was and who I (think I) have become. For the first time though, I'm able to sense an ongoing change and see the front and rear of it as well. Time has slowed down. What I can't decide however, is whether I like it or not. But maybe, it is necessary. Even though I can see many not-so-good things happening sometime in the future, I feel maybe it'll be all for the good, like everything in this world anyway is. For the good.
Some of this is exchange effect. Considering I know of at least four seniors of mine who claim that exchange changed the people they were significantly, I believe exchange might just be called "EX-CHANGE".But it's ok. I kind of like it. Or I think I do.
People at IITD who would still remember me when I eventually return might be able to point out at the contrast better, but one of the things I have definitely noticed is that people repel me now, not crowds but known friendly faces. Conversations don't energize me any more. I still like them, but I don't die for them like I did till a month back. Once in a while one quite conversation does it for me. I had some friends from IIT over for a few days at my place, but although some of them were people I really enjoyed being with till the end of last sem, now I stayed as much away from them as possible. Now they've gone to Finland for some days, and I enjoy the silence and gloom more than anything. I really feel peaceful and happy. And i'm in absolutely no hurry to go to India any more. Most of the other things I noticed, or realised I should change are a bit too personal for discussion. But the bottom line is I've stopped being hyper-energetic and loud as I had become in the last three years. I don't think of India as my "home where I am dying to go back to" any more, except when I talk to mom and realise she's the only one really missing me and I should be with her. Lots of things I used to treat as "aims" or things to work to get or keep don't mean anything to me any more. Actually seem kiddish! Time seems even more powerful to me now. But I like idling it away into nothing even more. The silent moments when minutes gobble passing seconds and hours gobble minutes are just sangelic for they allow thoughts to wander off into untouched and forbidden domains. Books don't provoke me into much deep thought now. The only reason I want to write this post here is so that I can come back to it later and identify things, and writing in my diary isn't equally effective because I show much less restraint there. Objectivity is at a premium for me, as I had recently become hyper emotional. Eeks. I'm so silly! :P
OK, among other things, I've been wanting to write a looong Paris post, but because it must be long, I don't get the enthusiasm to. All I must say is I had a lottttttt of fun, and the city is truly amazing. I saw many places, but I wanna go back again.
Apologies for a rather silly post. Has got nothing for anyone to read. But then, I barely care these days. :)
9 comments:
Paris is my favorite city too - pity I cant go there more often!
Change, it is said, is the only constant in the universe. We all change, or rather, evolve with time. It is something which is necessary too, for it takes us a bit closer to the near-perfect stage that we all aspire to and try to reach.
Parents and siblings are the only people who miss. Every other relationship is ephemeral I suppose. You shouldnt have expected people (friends, other family members, teachers, colleagues etc) to miss you when you are away. Life moves for everyone, and we all tend to get occupied and entangled in our own lives eventually.
must admit I was waiting for something like this from the Taru-I-knew camp ..bang! something akin to this was bound to happen ..and if most of wat u've written is true, then it'll be interesting to have u bak and observed :)
change is the law of life..trust me no1 misses any1 unless tht person is like ur soulmate or sumthing..everyone is engrossd in their own lives so it really doesnt matter wht others r doing and trust me i experienced it during my recent holiday whrin not a single frnd bothered2 call me or ask hw was i doin!!..family yeah they do miss us..but friends rarely..
change is the law of life..trust me no1 misses any1 unless tht person is like ur soulmate or sumthing..everyone is engrossd in their own lives so it really doesnt matter wht others r doing and trust me i experienced it during my recent holiday whrin not a single frnd bothered2 call me or ask hw was i doin!!..family yeah they do miss us..but friends rarely..
(I think) I should say that u think u r changing very fast - which actually can never happen. Or I think it can't.
You care too much these days!
nice post....
[ichatteralot]
:)
[taps, sweet angel]
There is nothing like perfection.
As far as your words about change and missing are concerned, thank you, but really I was not expecting anybody to miss me. The problem was that I was missing some people, and then I realised it was futile and ?I had to get on with life. Earlier I looked forward to going back so that I stopped missing them. Now, I realise that's ot gonna help, for neither those people nor me are the same. I'd still miss the old them, and it'll be worse. I just dont wanna go home now.
Mom is different, somehow, our parents learn to love us no matter wat all changes in us and the world. That's the difference.
[grain saint]
I dont know what was supposed to happen or not, but really once I get back, I frankly would not appreciate being "observed". Just leave me alone the whole world!!
[the introvert]
It's a phase. Of vulnerability.
[:)]
Really?
Babes... I dont know y... but I feel as if U write my mind and heart in ur blog......
As if.... Time is the same..... the characters.... the locations.... and the journeys are different.... yet... Experiences and feelings remain the Same......
This is the fav blog of mine till date.....
Keep writing!!!!
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