There used to be a life. Barely alive, yet existant. Tiny, contained, spiritless, boring, yet closed and content. With a big empty void resounding with silence and with blinding darkness. It used to question. It sought answers. And the rest of the time it amused itself by crazy forms of self-entertainment. It learnt sadism, but ended up practising masochism. And loving it. It learnt self-pity, and fell in love with misery. And that was when the downfall began.
Crazy forms of self-entertainment now produced joy, but only ephemeral joy. Crazy forms of self-punishment, however, had more lasting effects. And thus the life began to absorb pain from all quarters, as much as it could. In-house production of healing joy fell down drastically, both due to excess of wounds as well as scarcity of time devoted to it. Life continue to move on though, and strangely enough managed to grow a bit as well. The void grew along.
Then something happened. Thought penetrated in and brought in loads of energy. Life decided to try the path of hard work and continuous effort. The boundaries defining the life began to get merged...in other lovable lives. Life learnt giving and receiving care. Life learnt giving and receiving love. Life learnt what other lives called 'living'. Life knew it was not its fate to do that. But now life knew what it could not do and get.
Knowledge can be very dangerous at times, even more than ignorance. At the same time, more or less, the energy reserves began to gave away, the hard working path got hazy and tougher and the merged lives began to break away and apart. The rose period was over. Life found it tougher to live again. Darkness returned with deafening silences, both magnified with time. Things broke almost the same time as trust in them did. And life, which now also knew what it shouldn't have known, is finally getting tired. The void has been ignored for a lot of time now, but unfortunately it never ceased to grow. Now life is alone again, with all support, care and love disappearing or disappeared, left with the Void alone. It is alive still, though. Life is struggling, trying, losing, but don't ask me to predict the future.
I only live in the present.
27 comments:
//Life is struggling, trying, losing, but don't ask me to predict the future.
I only live in the present.
how ironic!
the destiny of phoenix, manifesting itself metaphorically in the story of the 'life'; live and then go to ashes, to be rejuvenated again...........
[arpana]
Repeating stuff does bring out the meaning better than anything else. :|
[catalyst]
life IS an irony.
Autobiography of an all-knowing IITian!
Very interesting. Yes and I did find it ironic too, like catalyst did.
Is this post true?
lovely...man! u gt good power of expression !!!
i kid you not...
no one and no one lives in the present...
Life might be losing now, but it'll win.
//I only live in the present.
Shocking, shocking.
The phoenix did not say that. I am sure, dead sure. For all I knew, she thought in memories, small, tiny fragments of memories which must always be preserved like valuable relics, because that's all we could gather. Am I right?
Let me echo V. Is this post sincere or just a rhetoric written as a product of one of the divers philosophical moods.
who doesnt live in present phoenix???:) "life is unfair,get used to it"
[the introvert]
The "all-knowing" was a mockery; the IITian a sad statement in itself.
[faith]
True.Perhaps.
Life, let me say, is a melodramatic irony, once u put it into words.
[v]
Pretty much. I'm not as good at metaphors as you.
[csa]
ah well..i did for sure..once..
[doc]
Hopefully, before the battle is over and decided.
[pRicky]
you are right. I say that in an effort to make it come true somehow, so that i can live at more peace, without ghosts.
[ankita]
Life is not unfair at all. I am. To myself and others.
[eternal damnation]
//I only live in the present.
Read through it and you'd realise the last line is a futile attempt at being escapist, at asserting an attempt to live just in here and now to steal some peace away from past and futures. Not to say that is easy anyway. I'm a person of moments, phoenixes live and die and relive, with everything forgiven not forgotten. Those are all I have anyway you;re right. Just that is it worth anything?
Just that, the Void is sucking me.
Just that, there is little rhetoric left now, but even honesty sounds so unreal.
So unreal.
"I walked the streets without regret
I stood alone and watched myself fall apart
Answered the voices in my head
Slipped through the chain link of a broken heart
When I'm tired and I'm feeling black
Spread the wings upon your back
Take us high above it all
Stroke your feathers until we fall
Back down again
But everything that's any good
I understand that I've been misunderstood
When I'm tired and I'm feeling black
Spread the wings upon your back
Take us high above it all
Stroke your feathers until we fall"
Keep spreading the wings :)
The present is too transient a state for anybody to live only in it completely :|
Not looking too much ahead into the future probably helps though.....
well just stumbled by ur blog.. but this one is one brilliant brilliant blog and had to had to leave a comment..
i guess a typical IIT girl's story... i guess u should compile it and add a little twist.. this will sell more than 5.someone ;)
donno who u r... but still gr8 work..
and omg more than that 3 lac visitors!!!!
[desperado]
I'm tired of flying
not allowed to fall
I smile still, without meaning
Like a disfigured doll.
[ab]
That's the idea perhaps...get so confused and dazed by the non permanency and transience of the present that the state to live in stays undefined, and hence life moves on.
With ignored Voids.
[nishant]
Thanks for your appreciation. Quite touching indeed. This blog has grown old now, seen much more glory and much more typical-IIT-girl-stuff in the past.
I might actually write some day, not so far away in the future, because there is nothing more fictional than reality.
I wanted to believe that u don't write the typical-IIT-girl-stuff!
And I still believe.
You are a better judge. You know, IITs, you know girls, you know ypical IIT girls, and you know the stuff I write.
This misunderstanding once caused me to shut my blog. Not again.
I'm not a typical Miss X, but my life does have some incidents fairly common to girls here. SOME incidents.
You decide.
To be frank, I haven't had much chances of knowing the iit girls closely, and so I may be grossly wrong in my definition of a typical Miss X. All I can say is that you don't fit the definition, and good that you don't!
And never even think of shutting the blog again :)
[The Introvert, Phoenix]
Typical IIT girl, talk about sample size! Seriously by the way, what is a typical IIT girl?
Don't ask me to define the undefined.
"Me didn't do it. Me wasn't even there!"
Don't ask me to define the oft-defined.
Oft-defined, little understood?
Yeah, I agree.
So much for the benefit of attachees. Nobody tells them the "oft-defined" tacit stuff of the campus.
Blessed are the attachees, for they have the bliss of ignorance.
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