I'm no feminist, or perhaps I am and I don't realise it. (Feminism, anti-feminism, pseudo-feminism, as long as you think about females at all(other than exclusively in THE one way) everything is feminism) Of all the posts I've ever written (and being accused about) revolving about girldom and womanhood, or with skewed worried discourses about gender or mysterious female characters, this one is (an attempt to be) perhaps the one with least statements/ definite stands, because I wanna actually ask a question I'm expected to know the answer to pretty much, being one of the species myself. It's this: does or can female bonding exist?
It's a bit similar to the oft-repeated "Can a girl and a boy stay just friends?"which can probably be answered only in conditional clausal manners (e.g yes, iff they're both seeing other people) to a certain degree of satisfaction, and yet not with certainty.
Female bonding is tricky, perhaps because females themselves define 'bonding'as something very complicated and overloaded with expectation, while men (I think) can find bonding in the ease of sharing a fag. Female bonding is also fragile. Tiny things and people are hurt, and they break apart. It takes 'n'shopping trips to bond, and a tinge of jealousy (over guys, jewellery (duh), complexion/beauty(duh-uh), marks/career (duh-uh-uh)) for it to break. From the very little I've seen and felt, it takes a lot of effort for women to actually come close and stay close to each other, despite the relative ease of initial stages. Male bonding in this sense is (perhaps) the opposite. And cross-sex friendships are a different discussion all together. But the more I think about it, and esp taking into account the recent events, the less I feel I understand it. I of course have had a few good female friends, still do. I have also seen many many really good female friends and best friends who have stayed together for a looong time. I have also seen such beautiful friendships end with ugly fights. I have also felt the need for a really really really close female frnd smtimes who I could tell everything.
But I still don't understand it? Despite a decent number of friends of both sexes, I still feel so lonely. Can you understand?
21 comments:
hey.... bonding is a term which involves emotional involvement, soft corners being created in each heart for the other.
In case of cross-sex boding... soft corners loose their definitions after certain point of time because females lose track of the meaning of that soft corner. ANd in case of female female bonding, it is more of understanding, space u give to each other, maturity and acceptance of each other's faults that matter.
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nd the rest u know.... none can understand u more than u can.... u'll speak they'll listen... but thers no way that they'll understand!!! dat part of conversation is always reserved for u!!!
kya sawaal sawaal karti rehti hai... chill maar!
I would say the kind of bonding between males is qualitatively different from that been women,which probably explains some of the points you raised,like the time it takes for females to bond compared to the ease with which guys do.I would say that guys wouldnt open out and share their feelings to the extent which girls do with each other(disclaimer: I havent observed too many girl-girl friendships from close quarters,so maybe I am wrong on this), so the concept of bonding for men is probly diff from taht of women.
Another aspect is that women are probably more sensitive than men, this enables them to care for others(fellow women and men) more than men would, at the same time, it also makes them feel hurt more easily, women tend to take things to heart a bit more than men do which explains why men can bond with each other even after a fight,while it is harder for women to.
i wont try to analyze the differences between male and female bonding for even if i have substantial to add on one side, I have next to nothing on the other. And I would prefer to regrain from theorizing or speculating since your last post has shaken my belief in doing so about your species :D
But i would say, can it be at an individual level, where one person though having a lot of 'friends' can not accept opening up entirely and thus not share the friendship at that level which you perhaps talking about.
Loners are common to both species and people with higher intellect level have statiscally shown more tendency towards solitude, though wanting the opposite some times
i am too interested in knowing what comes out of your quest :P
[eagle]
females lose track of the meaning of that soft corner
THAT is a blatant blame u have put....what abt an equal number of girls who develop crushes n more for the girl that smtimes ruins the frndship
and perhaps nobody else understands u totally, but to a very large extent it is possible...even if tough.
as is is it is tough to even understand yourself 100%.
[doc]
kuch sawaal zindagi badal sakte hain! ;)
[ab]
I agree, more or less, which is why i am nt sure if female bonding even exists...n hw often can it understand tests of times, misunderstanding, jealousy etc
[catalyst]
Boy! u r reading so much into that post;)
I hope u read one interpretation of the whole thing i gave in one of the comments...
but still that was fiction this is truth, and even if the boundary is blurred, the point is that all women arent necessarily that scheming. Your point about loners is valid, and that is normal...everybody needs sm amt of personal space n sm ppl need it more than others. good frnds understand that.
women, who are so good at understanding ppl in general, better than men in general, smtimes cant understand the ppl they r closest to, esp their female best friend. That is baffling.
a loner not only wants a lot of personal space most of the times, but more importantly, is skeptical and reluctant to let anyone have access to it. So runs an extraordinary possibility of being misunderstood.
What comes out of understanding other people, I dont know, if they misunderstand you in the very first place and you dont know about it. If this happens, how you can understand them when you dont know the reasons why they are behaving towards you so.
i think i have overstayed my welcome, time to find some one else to pester ;)
adios
Female bonding is measured by the level of sound energy generated by them when together; while female anti-bonding (/back-bonding) is measured by the level of sound energy generated by one against (/in favour of) the other in a group of females where the other is absent.
Sounds generated by them against each other, and that too in front of each other, are beyond the upper limit of any measuring device.
well-ll, it does. rarely though, but sure it does.
and what's it about a new pop-up just for posting ur comments? it's distracting, sort of.
:o)
Know what, you were right that "your mind is too simple to understand the whole picture". :) Kidding. Seriously I mean I can't even begin to understand the question - Does female bonding exist? I thought it was a given that yes it does, just like male bonding, male-female bonding etc etc. May be not perfect, but it exists. The fact remains that I've seen females being friends. Probably I can understand.
thtz all so goddamn true..well experiencd all of it..losing best buddies over guyz,petty issues but been fortunate enuf that it struck them that friends are also important over bfz..lol!
How can we answer that? Introspect yourself for that
A girl's complicated thinking always restricts her from being happy
I really can't understand why females have such a big problem with this? Why can't you just get along....jealousy the green eyed monster plays a big deal i guess....
i think the problem is because the gender is too subtle. Smile on one side, back bitin' snubs on the other....at least men(though sometimes crudely, in grunts and snorts) are more open about their likes and dislikes!
i think it's less to do with genders, and more to do with compatibility!
and damn all those boys who talk of women bitching! boys do it with as much pleasure and excitement! in today's world.. there's hardly anything that's restricted to any one sex; be it fashion or careers!
Great Post as usual...
It has nothing to do with the gender, but difference in the type of bonding appears when someone seeks more than a friendship while he's looking for a friendship..
and i thought they taught only covalent and ionic bonding at IIT [:D]
"I still feel so lonely"
....many feel that way...and more so when we r surrounded by grt frnds dont know wht we search for..we never seem to find the end
[catalyst]
for one, you are always welcome.
Secondly, everyone is a loner, more or less. Thirdly, most things, or at least the ones that happen corectly, are two way processes.
[vik]
lolz.
true perhaps. Dont know ;)
[kanupriya]
good for the world then ;)
[v]
what appears smooth from a distance, also reveals friction when you look closely enough.
[sweet angel]
so who did u get to keep..friend or bf?;)
[akshay]
that's gender-independent. Overthinking takes away happiness, Happiness is a simple ephemeral illusory phenomenon.
[bullshee]
the subtelty bit is true...females always read in between lines gestures words crap.
but men are jealous equally often.
[plain reader, dense critic]
Bingo!
[mnowluck]
and u r trying to tell em that complication is common between girls and girls, rather than crosss sex.
there must be far more lesbians in this world than i know then ;)
:P
[desperado
coordination, metallic, aur bhi kai bonding padate hain
he he
There you go again! Now you are overthinking about overthinking! Ek to I had to google "ephemeral" for it's meaning, upar se now I know that happiness is "illusory"! So 1) what according to you is the point of living life, if not this illusion and 2) Why, oh why did u take a philosophy hukka (apparently) in ur second/third yr!?
now u know na...to yaad rakhna
and i have taken onyl lit hukka in iit...no effort all the fun
philosophy to mujh paida hoen se pehle se ati thi ;)
The reason is this. A patriarchal society has been constructed such as to pit women against each other. One should be wary about essentialising hegemonic ideas that women 'inherently' have problems 'bonding' together. It goes far back in history. It's societal machinations.
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