Sneha

I have a friend. Or rather, till a month back, I had her. As one of my closest bestest friends. She understood me pretty well. I knew her a lot too. There was stuff we could share with each other better than anyone else, and often with no one else. We were there for each other most of the times when it mattered, and I say most of the times because somewhere down the line my definition of what mattered was skewed and therefore I messed it up. We shared moments, we shared fears, and we shared silences that said everything words don't. We shared a comfort that could be derived from each others' presence only. We shared love in a different dimension, that came both from fighting with each other to listening each others'crap to crying over existant and non-existant love lives and work lives. We were around each other in difficult times. In others though, we were there, around, but often not adjacent to each other...perhaps because I thought physical companionship in normal course of life could be discounted in view of other obligatory role-plays that life imposes. As it turned out, I was wrong. Whatever I did, was labelled superfluous. True, tiny things have all the meaning. And all the time I couldn't spend with her doing other things and catering to other people was counted under lack of intent. I had lost her trust, and that is all that matters. I have lost her now, because without trust no arguments yield anything. I had her for several years, which is why life seems so incomplete and difficult without her. People shouldn't be allowed to come so close. I hate myself for hurting her, because she believes I took her for granted. I know arguments are futile. I know I want to say sorry and start afresh, but I also know I can give her no reason to trust me again than just trust me again. For once, she didn't understand me. And for the first time, she left me alone.

Life seems so vacuous in the last month. Busy and empty. Un-understood once again. But friends, there's soemthing to learn here. People who matter, should not be allowed to go away. Keep them with you, with love and with little gestures that count. Don't allow lack of communication and understanding to ruin the few things that really matter in life...the few pillars of support you have. If you were to die tonight, wouldn't you tell all the people important to you how much they mean? Wouldn't you forgive and embrace? All your friends who we otherwise take for granted because we think they're there. Think, they might not be. Why not live each day like the last then?

When you love someone, show it. Let the person know you value and you care. Tiny things matter. Little words comfort. We care, but we don't let the warmth come across unless major crises occur. I have learnt that what we do everyday has a special meaning of its own. I have learnt your smile means something to people who care for you. I have learnt how empty it feels to lose what you really value because of silly mistakes. She may never forgive me, and I'll curse myself the restof my life. Everyone's loss. All because of me.

So, hate me BUT Learn from me.