Me, him and him

[[Fiction]] [[Part 1]]

I still remember quite clearly, the time I fell in love with him. The memory of those days and those events never fails to amaze me;it surprises me how I could fall in love with anyone, and more, how could anyone fall in love with me. But at that time, it felt the most natural, the most perfect thing. He was everything I wanted; we complimented each other to an astonishing degree. I listened to my heart and confessed my love. Those were the best days of my life.

Being with him has been an entirely new, much more colourful and much more complete life in itself. Even once the initial craze had faded, though it lasted a lot of time for me, it was the best thing to have happened to me. He was intelligent, good-lucking, very understanding and very loving. He had his flaws, whims, fallacies, yet he was perfect for me. Somehow everything worked out sooner or later. We didn't fight much and apologies exceeded disagreements at all times. I never had a future, or a certain future at least, with him, but it still was bliss.

Then, unnoticed, things became to change. It started with the distances of space and time we started living in, seeing each other very infrequently and hardly talking a half hour per week. Yet, it seemed smooth on the surface till a very long time. Actually, still does. But I don't know when, I, and perhaps him too, started feeling the emotional absence of love and support. Conversations are not just infrequent now, they are difficult because I don't know what to talk. When this phase started, I used to try to talk, tell him my deepest fears and joys like I always had, but increasingly I found him unwilling to listen, and thinking of the stress he was already under with his own issues, I silenced myself. He, on his part, had been too silent for quite some time already, and my questions and urges evoked no responses. He seemed to appreciate my silence, and thus irrespective of my lonely pangs dying to cry out to someone, I kept him out of it. The functional relationship with almost no functions that emerged out of this over a period of several months, is all that I have now. But still, I love him the same.

I think.

Because there is him whom I don't know what I feel for. He came to my life in one of those lonely pangs' stage, and with his good nature, patience and warm affection, soon became my close friend. It happened in a relatively short time, but I think we both just clicked, and even he used to like him when he got to know him as my friend. I was happy, or at least, comforted, for he gave me the comfort, the ears, the shoulder to cry on that he hadn't, or couldn't. I've grown very attached to him now I think, and the fact that he's always there for me makes him the most dependable and delightful company I have. As good as his company.It's great to have good friends, but I have a fear. I think I depend on him so much, I am already in love with him.

But is it possible? I've never loved him less. I can still die for him.

And him.

Can someone fall in love with two people at the same time?