It's an unspeakable relief to be back in college. Howmuchever bad, dreary and alone things may have become, IIT is still the best place, still the real 'home' I got.
Being in the fourth year is a strange tiring feeling in itself, as if the spark within you has passed over to the younger generation, and you're just there to watch things happen. Add to that the elongated existence dual degree students like myself have got engraved in their destinies, and you get a confused, tired, not even final-yearite 'senior' who, really, is only a little girl yet.
Once a kiddo, forever a kiddo.
(hopefully)
But then, it'd be lying to say things haven't changed. They have, quite a lot. Friends and acquaintances are few and far between. People I've spent most of my time in the past are either not there or not interested or are too angry to even look at you like dear old Best Friend. Academics are tiring, pointless. There's little to keep you busy, little to keep you going. Either yawn in the class, stare at the strange crowds at the wind-t, fiddle with memories and might-have-beens, teach yourself more and more numbness to avoid hurt, or else just lie down in the room, reading, staring, sleeping, wondering, etc etc. What a life!
But there are silver linings, and some funny goals to look forward to, e.g., hunting for cute fachas, doing some of the work, chat up strangers, think of the plot of the upcoming story, and yes, eat chocolates.
Thanks catalyst.
Being in the fourth year is a strange tiring feeling in itself, as if the spark within you has passed over to the younger generation, and you're just there to watch things happen. Add to that the elongated existence dual degree students like myself have got engraved in their destinies, and you get a confused, tired, not even final-yearite 'senior' who, really, is only a little girl yet.
Once a kiddo, forever a kiddo.
(hopefully)
But then, it'd be lying to say things haven't changed. They have, quite a lot. Friends and acquaintances are few and far between. People I've spent most of my time in the past are either not there or not interested or are too angry to even look at you like dear old Best Friend. Academics are tiring, pointless. There's little to keep you busy, little to keep you going. Either yawn in the class, stare at the strange crowds at the wind-t, fiddle with memories and might-have-beens, teach yourself more and more numbness to avoid hurt, or else just lie down in the room, reading, staring, sleeping, wondering, etc etc. What a life!
But there are silver linings, and some funny goals to look forward to, e.g., hunting for cute fachas, doing some of the work, chat up strangers, think of the plot of the upcoming story, and yes, eat chocolates.
Thanks catalyst.
24 comments:
Its the typical lull in life that comes with familiarity of a place, routine and people around... and it keeps coming somewhere or the other in life, so I guess we just need to ride it out and sustain ourselves with the little silver linings! :) nice post..
Really the real home.. However boring it is, it still is far more exciting than anywhere else. Welcome back :)
Ah, I should've avoided 'far'!
[still searching]
Hi. Welcome here, n thanks.
And you're right. Even if it's a duller than usual lull, I know it's a part of the bargain called life. so Hunting for silver linings and tiny consolations :)
[vik]
:)
When we exagerrate the qualities of something we have, we candidly admit our knowledge of their limitations.
Your second parA just described the life i once had and the life i now miss....take it from someone who's been there, enjoy it while you can, coz once u leave ye olde alma mater, that sense of pure joblessness will never come back to you, and thats when you'll miss it most!
sniff sniff
a couple of years left and you started with the customary rant already :P life is going to be tough :)
the second para makes an impressive read with all the melonchaly i could envisage, but to think of the mind that writes it.....i feel amused (i mean how can someone be so disinterested in life), awed (you are the second only person who ever confessed staring in your room, which i presume can only be at walls :D, the first one is also a great person though a little eccentric in his ways), certain (that either you deliberately refrain from ackowledging the positives or you are a pessimist) and worried....
funny goals, you really are a simpleton going by your modest goals and i admire you for that :)
ps- i do hope you got dental insurance :)
zenith is perhaps nothing but point where mind circumabulate...its always feel so ...the lull ..another page being turned..u being there..u gone somewhere...
cant do much except stare
p.s.will b back to read the sequels jst bit too occupied..tk buddy
[bullshee]
yeah, yeah, but i got two yrs of it and this is just the beginning, so I'm nt going to miss it cherish it etc yet.
waise trust me to find myself ways to stay busy anyway, despite the enveloping loneliness.
[anon :)]
Life is always tough, and come to think of it, if it were easy there would pe no fun in it.
(wow, you can quote me on that one)
you're nowhere near interpreting or guessing my mind, so don't worry and dont bother. its way more weird than u can imagine, for i m less disinterested than i sound, more cynical than i appear,staring connfirms weirdness though its mostly at nothing at all inc laptop wallpaper,and i am far from a pessimist, overall (ppl at the receiving end of fundas/lectures across a table from me wd tell u that)
and simpleton...:) :) :)
[dream catcher]
hey nice to see you back around... :)
and zenith..naah far from it...miles to go yet...:)
Guess real life IS boring.
quote you for such an obvious statement, common you have brains to come up with something better than this ;)
yeah i guess you are right there but i would anyway bother out of old habit :) dont you worry!
yeah yeah......you are cynical,weird, disenchanted yet revel in the vagaries of life, you see the darkness and the stars......you dont need to grill the point this hard everytime, by now i have understood that these are qualities you pride upon and any tinkering might elicit a nasty response (to remind you, i am scared easy )
fundae/lectures.........i dont have an iota of a doubt as to how much you might love the activity, sharing of and imparting wisdom, if i might add, is indeed a noble cause (no pun intended) :)
'simpleton'.......you seem to have taken offence at the word, to make ammends for my hasty presumtions let me say there was pun intended and the word 'complex' would have been an appropriately humble beginning.
and please,i didnt mean to say that staring absentmindedly is weird, if you dont happen to do it in continuation for 2 hours or more its fine by me(funny the guy called it relaxation from a day full of studying hard, no wonder i am a little apprehensive about high CGPA nerds ;) )
Hmmm... This is wht i experienced in my transition 4m UG to PG... Fewer friends, tiresome studies, uninteresting things but a few silver-linings... Probably all these an indicator to show that life changes gears with time...
i am sorry, never been so rude and mean in a long time. was irrationally annoyed at something, will ask you the question someday.
[vibhav]
Pretty much. When it's not dramatic, at least.
[naresh]
It's just less and less fun growing up.
[catalyst]
well, dunno what I've done to offend u so much, and really.....watever u say...
Oh it's really OK, this life..only involves a lot of commuting for me! You are a Dual Degree too? That's wonderful! So that gives me an extra year to work up my courage to meet you!
As George Orwell once said, "Live will go on as it has always gone on... that is badly."
[akshay]
You need a whole year still! Gosh...I dont eat people you know...seriously.
[johney]
True, perhaps. but then, it's never so bad it can't get worse :)
so true,
i thought i would feel differently than an IITian but then i realise its all just the same ;)
studying in the 3dr year of a 5yr course surely gets me confused about my "senior" status!
Nice Post :)
IIT is best anyday!!
[poison coated elixir]
Collge life is just the same for everyone, and the best. Third yr was still easy, no illusions of seniority, but wait till u come to 4th yr, esp since most of ur peers ae in their final yr too.
[zay!]
Thanks.
[neha]
Sure.
rote bahut ho....apne hindustan mein "seniority syndrome" bahut hai. 2nd year/sem mein ghuste hi wisdom of ages/experience hum mein ghus jaati hai
20 comments milte hai har blog post pe aur loneliness ki baat karte ho!!!
It's a strange feeling to realize that I can identify with some of your thoughts. Especially staring ad infinitum. It happens. A heavy work load can't occupy this time for myself.
And to think I'm in my third sem of a dual degree :|
Everyday, evening is what I wait for. So, I can play. When the sun goes down, I'd rather be heavily exhausted.
[pankaj]
tanha to bheed mein bhi ho sakte hain, bachpana to budape mein bhi kar sakte hain
jab gham aur khushi mil jul ke aa sakte hain, to ro to hum haste hue bhi sakte hain
[shady]
Too early for you to realise this drab. In my 3rd sem I was full of energy all the time, content to doing what i had to do and liked to do....let's not think to much...enoy life :)
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