Lesson of the day, relearnt

"A glass is broken only once."





I broke it.





Hate me.

Har subah tere naam se hoti hai shuru
Har raat teri yaadon ko odkar so jati hai
Har shaam tere aagosh kee talaash mein
Bhatakti-bhatakti andheron mein gum ho jati hai
Har pal poochhta hai ye aane wale pal se
Kya teri khushboo sath mein woh le kar aaya hai
Palak jhapakti tak nahi ab tere intezaar mein
aankhen kabhi has padti hai, kabhi ro jati hain

Finally!

Okay, enough of being sad and crying over all that's lost. To hell with it, you know. Atleast I have something. And I'm good, so I can live with it. Enough of staying depressed. Let's get on with it, let's do something.

One important lesson though, in life, if you believe, someone, some people, anyone is going to be with you and there for you always, you are kidding. It's totally false. If someone was there for you at some point of time, congratulations, you are lucky, because that someone just coincidentally happened to be there at that time and coincidentally understood it all and happened to be a nice person at heart so stood by you. If you're counting on such coincidences all the time, you're stupid. If you think when people sing "I'd be there for you..." they mean it, wake up.
Now all of you who wanna fight and debate with me on this, stop it. If you don't, okay, it means you wanna learn it the harder way rather than accepting it when I say it which is the easier way. Fine by me, good luck. :)

On happier note, now that exams are over and a lot of work is due, after the dussehra weekend, it wd get dead hectic again. Wow! :P


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What now...something fun?

Okay, this is one tag I think is really interesting to do. Maybe because it tells you how greedy you really are, inspite of howmuchever of a saint you think you are! It's called "Thoda aur chalega".

The rules are simple. You got to write five things that you do have and are quite fond of/proud of because they really are good/feel-good (at least in your own perspective). These things can be anything...qualities, people, pets, clothes, goodies etc. Then you have to add one adjective to each, indicating what else you'd wish (dream, fantasise etc.) these things to also have. Like the extra free chocolate topping on a five scoop hot chocolate fudge with nuts, chocolate sauce, raisins etc.
An example could be: My super cool super fast car....I wish I had a red-coloured super cool super fast car.

Here's my greed-list:

1. A sensible head....I wish I had a consistently sensible head. (one that can deal with my own mood swings. God those suck!) :P

2. The world's best boyfriend....I wish I had a very romantic world's best boyfriend. :P :P

3. Uncanny knack of pulling some people's leg and getting the better of them with sarcasm/scolding....I wish I had an invincible uncanny knack of pulling some people's leg and getting the better of them with sarcasm/scolding. :P

4. This blog that I love and that has given me a whole lot of lovely people and perspectives....I wish this blog that I love and that has given me a whole lot of lovely people and perspectives was more popular/better-read. :P

5. Parents who are very loving and supportive....parents who are very loving and supportive who were better friends with me.

Okay your turn now....I pass this on too:
Shantanu
Akshay
Desperado
Doc
Vikram
Tapasya
Arpz

and whoever wants to do it :P

Change-VI

Adapting to change is easier said than done. The more difficult part is when change is unanticipated, subtle and steady or unadjusted for. People change with time, and times change themselves. That makes it a lot of variables to handle calculations of and not make an error. And that is when you encounter the fact you always knew anyways, that life is not about calculations, and cannot be lived that way.
I live on a "feeling" and a faith, and it works most of the time. Sometimes, it backfires. Sometimes, the faith is blind. On the whole, still, perhaps, it's a gamble worth taking, but boy o' boy when you wake up and realise how much Ground Zero differs from expectations, that is one rude wake up call.
This summers, or just before it started, I counted a handful of people that really mattered, and that I thought I could rely on. One of them was really close while distant, but seems to have been lost now in preoximity. Unrecognisably lost. Why didn't I think of this change?
Another fought and left for a lot of time, all the time making me cry and grieve and finally when he returned, neither him nor me perhaps are the same for each other any more. We are not the same friends, perhaps can never be. Why didn't I think of this change?
A third, a really important third, is there, yet not there. The times between us have changed so much that something very important somwhere is gradually disappearing, despite our trying for it not to happen. I knew this would happen, I knew we would try, but I didn't think time wouldn't even allow us to try hard enough. And something within would change. Why didn't I think of this change?
A fourth has retreated from being an overwhelming part of my existence to an equally caring yet latent periphery, despite no change in coordinates, except inside maybe. I thought times here were keeping constant, but now I wonder why didn't I think of this change?
One more left, and with that person the change on the whole is only anticipated/nice, but even forseeably it won't last too much. Maybe it would suck even more then, because of current niceties. I shouldn't maybe have let the current niceties happen. Oh God,why didn't I think of this change?

Okay, I guess it's impossible for anyone to think of everything beforehand. Not everything's in my control, though some of this is blatantly foolish on my part. Yes, times have changed. Yes, you and you and you are not here, and wouldn't be, any more.

Change happens, kiddo. Just deal with it.

Smile. Come what may.

I watched you going
till you blurred in the horizon
Right where you left me
I simply stood on
Savouring the last sight
and thinking that you might
once, maybe once
turn backward to see
A separated us, a waiting me.
You didn't care, I hoped till hope
and now you are visible no more
I wonder whether to stay
for if you return
when you return
I want to be right here
so you can find me
but then I wonder
will you ever return?
Or should I move on?
Whatever that means.

There's too much noise!

Shhhhhhhhhh....

In youth one lives as if one is always drunk...

-Aristotle

...and in old age in a constant hangover.

-Phoenix

Different Strokes

Oh yes, I've been missing too long on this blog and elsewhere in this world, and I guess there is no one satisfactory reason for it. I just have been missing. I just haven't known what to write. I just haven't written even when I could and I wanted to. A weird kind of a withdrawal perhaps, for I just didn't feel like even reading or replying to comments on the previous post. I doesn't mean that I've been sad or disturbed of course. Not for the most part. In all senses, it's been perfectly normal with a blend of a thousand different things, just like life.

The last post I had written in the middle of Rendezvous. It was good, it was weird, it was elated, it was disturbing, it was refreshing, it as depressing and it was just the same again. In simpler words, it felt largely weird because for the first time I wasn't doing anything as such and was only watching and participating(won a couple of events too :) ). Had no company, or fixed company for the most part, and the feeling of loneliness in huge OAT crowds scares me so much I didn't even go there save once. Did end up judging Mr and Miss Rendezvous, so that was fun :P
After that it has been back to the usual grind, more or less. Acads are messing me up now, for I've loads to cover up in each course and just can't get in the zone while submissions continue to pile up. Also, get tired too easily these days, something is terribly wrong with the body; the energy is largely missing.

Extra curriculars can be fun and irritation equally too. Inter hostel events in IIT are getting worse by the day, and not in small measure due to over zealous competitiveness by some hostels that sucks the fun out of everything. Just why doesn't the atmosphere in IITD let us relax? Reducing the number of events to reduce load seems to have partly backfired in the sense people have decided to compensate with much-increased intensities, and thus nothing is trivial any more. At times, it doesn't even feel human.

People around me are also messing me up these days, which is to say all sorts of things are happening all the time which adds up to loads of confusion and stress. Someone I barely know is in love with me, someone who knows me too well to know I'm not interested is also in love with me, some people have tonnes of issues with me which they dont want to confront with yet cannt hide, others keep fighting on one pretext or the other, some people want loads of answers from me, some people just silently leave me with questions to fight with, some people I care for are hell bent on complicating their own lives in the stupidest manner possible and that gives me headaches no less, while cruel bosses and demanding subordinates suck the patience out of me. Someone else complains I've too little time to spare, while someone I'd love to spend some peaceful time with doesn't have any. And then there are those who think it's best to leave me alone with my life(?) when they know fully well I can't survive without them.

The number of variables in life has increased so much who can blame me if I get fickle. Or if I feel really lonely and unheard in the midst of a crowd. Or if I don't blog because my emotions change across the spectrum too often for me to write anything.

I know you all think of me as psychotic, definitely now if not already. I also think I probably aim. Difficult and psychotic. But the one thing life surely is, is interesting.

I hope and pray people around me get back to normal, that I can do my work right, and that someone, at least someone really trusts me. IS that too much to ask?

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On a lighter note, watched Loins of Punjab recently. Awesome movie. Mast watch, must watch :)