Gyaan

About five months ago, I looked at what I foresaw for myself in the coming six months, and then I looked at where I stood then, and then I said: Shit!

Today, when I look a little back and a little ahead, all I can say is that Shit, my friends, really happens. There is no other way to sum up the bad parts of this ongoing six month period. The good parts, I'd come to in a minute. If you've followed my blog (and its short disappearance) and thought that I'm a weirdo manic depressive freak, you're not widely off the mark. I've overworked myself and dabbled with extreme stresses constantly so I could push my own limits all the time. I've lost people closest to me and presently all equations have been left free to settle to new, distant equilibria. I managed my acads surprsisingly fine last semester, but this sem I look nothing but screwed. And now into the last three weeks of this madness(plus one more month of after-effects), I still congratulate myself for at least having survived through the worst time of my life...personally, professionally and spiritually, mostly all by myself.

There is a reason I'm letting this box of woes flow on a public domain. There is a catharsis hidden in the clamor my keyboard as I type, and in the knowledge that maybe someone would read and realize and remember that asking too much out of oneself is not a great idea. People should learn to say No, and especially to themselves because after a point you just cannot take any more crap. Four years in this institute I hardly remember an incident where someone would have asked me for help and I refused. Yet, when faced with complete thanklessness and indifference at the end of it all, I have belatedly learnt the feeling of ridicule and self-anger. This is a real world, where anybody can walk out on you anytime, for real or imaginary reasons. So one should not give oneself any more reasons to walk out on one, because when you lose your faith in yourself and your trust and strength, there's nobody lonelier.

Enough grim talk. Having hit the lowest of lows, there is only one way but skyward. And life, eventually, is beautiful, whether one can see that at all instants or not. So in these same six months, I've earned myself a couple more friends who're worthy enough to hazard more trust with, I've managed to pull off the Placement Season as coordinator rather fine(though the chapter isn't entirely over yet), I managed a rise in my CG last semester, our team managed to pull off TRYST 2008 much better than expected, our tech festival, which had run into unprecedented special circumstances that are characterized by their ability to suck all logic, strength, energy and emotional stability out. I managed to make a last-minute sticky decision by not going to US with the IITD delegation under complicated circumstances that I had to take a lot of banter for, from everyone including myself. And yes, I managed to survive insanities and secure the URL for this blog back after struggling for 2 weeks too!! :P :P

So you see, I am the best. ;) (Narcissism be forgiven)

Life's finally begun to slow down, though I have to do a lot of catching up. My body has begun to show signs of wear and tear too, with a constant fatigue and unexplained recurring aches and fevers. But I guess, things can only get better now. Maybe, just maybe, I'd write better again too.

Smile :) :)