Some moments are magical in the way they allow opposites to co-exist. Tonight is one such moment.
Tonight I am very emotional, yet calm and peaceful.
In this moment, now, there is a lot of happiness and a deep pain. There is fun and masti, and also disappointment. There is gratefulness, especially to God, and there is an anger, a complaint. There is nostalgia, a lot of it, but also a little hope. There is the terrible sorrow one feels on losing something really precious, yet there is a sense of extreme joy at the realisation of that something precious having been there all this while, having been mine, and that it will never be truly lost. There is a deep sense of attachment and a strong growing urge of detachment. There is loneliness, a dark, desperate feeling of being lost and useless, and there is a bright smiling light on the other hand, something that reassures me with a loving presence that I'm not all alone, not all unwanted. Being forgotten feels bad, but when there is someone, somewhere who remembers you and you realise those are the only people who really matter to you, you just cannot stay feeling bad.
In the end, life is not a war that you have to win. Life is just this moment, this one-fist-joy, one-fist-sorrow, this flickering hope, this affectionate pain, this paradox. They say sometimes winning is the only thing. I would like to disagree...it never ever is everything. And thank God for that. I maybe a loser, but I have what really matters and what I really need, at the end of it all. It feels great. Thanks.
Tonight I am very emotional, yet calm and peaceful.
In this moment, now, there is a lot of happiness and a deep pain. There is fun and masti, and also disappointment. There is gratefulness, especially to God, and there is an anger, a complaint. There is nostalgia, a lot of it, but also a little hope. There is the terrible sorrow one feels on losing something really precious, yet there is a sense of extreme joy at the realisation of that something precious having been there all this while, having been mine, and that it will never be truly lost. There is a deep sense of attachment and a strong growing urge of detachment. There is loneliness, a dark, desperate feeling of being lost and useless, and there is a bright smiling light on the other hand, something that reassures me with a loving presence that I'm not all alone, not all unwanted. Being forgotten feels bad, but when there is someone, somewhere who remembers you and you realise those are the only people who really matter to you, you just cannot stay feeling bad.
In the end, life is not a war that you have to win. Life is just this moment, this one-fist-joy, one-fist-sorrow, this flickering hope, this affectionate pain, this paradox. They say sometimes winning is the only thing. I would like to disagree...it never ever is everything. And thank God for that. I maybe a loser, but I have what really matters and what I really need, at the end of it all. It feels great. Thanks.
16 comments:
You made my day with that last paragraph. Thanks. :)
I found the post totally different from anything I read on your blog as yet. No, it ain't the only happy post, nor is it the only one talking about paradoxes etc.. but there is something about it..
This is an amazing post...Thanks for writing this.....
nice :)
[vik]
you're welcome, but I don't know what I did. I don't really realise what's different about this post, but now that you made me think about it...perhaps, perhaps, perhaps...this post _may_ be a marker of the point where the kiddo -- reluctantly, slowly, inevitably -- finally grew up.
[anand]
Well, thank you for reading. My posts are mostly staright of my heart. :)
[rohan]
:)
yes, you are right. Life serves u tidbits of happiness, and also large dollops of struggle, pain that you only can feel. Probably our life is in those moments of happiness and those moments of struggle. Sometimes it makes me wonder if life is really worth living..and yet I live for these moments..:)
That's something that sounds a lot like life. :) (Finally something like that, after a long time! phew! :P)
Detachment is good, because it doesn't mean not caring about something, just not caring about losing something. And with detachment comes the ability to enjoy every moment there is.
And yeah, you cannot stay feeling bad when you know there are those who love you in the silence of their hearts, and just that makes sure you'd never be alone, no matter how detached.
Really nice, the last paragraph.
Reminds me of a song "Ye Jeevan hai, is jeevan ka yahi hai rang roop".. on e of my favourites.
:-)))
I wonder how could you think of urself as loser...when you are in peace..??
[anu]
It's a strange variety, this pain that only you can feel and understand.Pata nahi why we live and for what, but it's fun while it lasts.
:P
[vibhav]
Long time?
Sachi?
[doc]
You and your fundas these days...but everybody cares, u know. Its just a qquestion of how well u handle a pain
[divesh]
Nice song that, really. Being able to sit back and appreciate life is a joy. :)
[chakoli]
because of the difference between thinking of abt smthng and knowing sthng, the difference being acceptance and the ability to move on...which brings peace
Only u can feel so many things at one time. Normal people would explode! ;P
Good Luck Boss... :)
[akshay]
:P
Enough leg pulling kid. Or i'd seriously explode, on u :P
[sakshi]
Thanks.
;)
Anyway, nice to see some sunshine on ur blog!
I so agree..at times not winning teaches u lot of stuff and its good to be a loser sometimes..
Post a Comment