Aman stopped right next to Kashish and looked into her eyes, a look potent enough to melt her heart. She smiled back.
They walked beside the road, and to her ears the noise around was perfectly inaudible. It wasn't a part of her world. Only Aman was. Not even she was herself allowed in. She was just listening to everything he said, and also what he didn't. And saying it with her silence.
She laughed at some inane thing he said. It was miraculous how that laughter came easy. He wanted to have an ice-cream. Kashish wanted to buy just one for the two of them to share, but she knew he'd frown at the suggestion...too much PDA. She bought two butterscotch bars -- she knew what he wanted, and she'd learnt to love everything he loved. Except herself.
Aman looked a little tired; she started telling him funny stories to cheer him up. All her joys were his. Then she squeezed Aman's hand and told him how great she thought he was, and how good his smile was. He smiled, she laughed back, and said,"You should leave now, take this cab here, I'd return".
"Is it convenient for you, this far?"
It's all about you, Kashish told him and smiled once again.
Walking back alone, remembering the moments just past, she stumbled and fell on the ground. The first cry of pain was the reflex, and brought Aman's name to her lips. The second was a silent cry, that numbed all pain and brought her back to reality. She stood up and barely managed to limp back. Her struggles were still her own.
Edit: As Maverick pointed out, I do think this sounds better and more real with the roles of the guy and the gal reversed. Your take?
They walked beside the road, and to her ears the noise around was perfectly inaudible. It wasn't a part of her world. Only Aman was. Not even she was herself allowed in. She was just listening to everything he said, and also what he didn't. And saying it with her silence.
She laughed at some inane thing he said. It was miraculous how that laughter came easy. He wanted to have an ice-cream. Kashish wanted to buy just one for the two of them to share, but she knew he'd frown at the suggestion...too much PDA. She bought two butterscotch bars -- she knew what he wanted, and she'd learnt to love everything he loved. Except herself.
Aman looked a little tired; she started telling him funny stories to cheer him up. All her joys were his. Then she squeezed Aman's hand and told him how great she thought he was, and how good his smile was. He smiled, she laughed back, and said,"You should leave now, take this cab here, I'd return".
"Is it convenient for you, this far?"
It's all about you, Kashish told him and smiled once again.
Walking back alone, remembering the moments just past, she stumbled and fell on the ground. The first cry of pain was the reflex, and brought Aman's name to her lips. The second was a silent cry, that numbed all pain and brought her back to reality. She stood up and barely managed to limp back. Her struggles were still her own.
Edit: As Maverick pointed out, I do think this sounds better and more real with the roles of the guy and the gal reversed. Your take?
35 comments:
close to the heart, thank you. But I'd rather imagine the roles reversed.
You're right.It sounds real on reversing the roles. Didn't have a clue what it would end up being when I began to write the post. But now on reading it,have to agree with you.
Thanks. :)
Nice read but I've a different view about the roles. The reversal of roles is what makes this piece different from any other trivial fantasy.
Its rare to read stories where a girl in insanely in love ,to the limit of day dreaming.
Yeah this might sound real with the reversal of roles.
But I agree with Anand, this is what making the fiction sound really good. However I don't agree that girls cannot be insanely in love with anybody...
Loved the line: "she knew what he wanted, and she'd learnt to love everything he loved. Except herself."
here i feel that if this was said by Aman, it would have sounded more practical. But still I like it.
Are there more parts, I would love to read more about Kashish and Aman
I've but one complaint - the names are too filmi! :-s
Done ur tag:-)
nah! I don't think the roles should be reversed....if at all, this is more real to me!!!
she reads, and as usual, she departs wordlessly, ever so quietly.
Hell no! Please allow the guys to look tired and be told some funny stories. It's so incredibly romantic! :P
There would be too many people who could write it with the roles reversed. We expect something different from you. :)
I wouldnt suggest reversing the roles...Kashish is someone every female can relate to ;)
(PS: Guys would never care what flavor of ice-cream is to be bought ...Haha !!)
I guess it is better this way .. wishful thinking is the only thinking that is fun, you know :D
and if the names are indicative of anything, it was meant to be written the way it has been
Another kind of reversal -
Aman stopped right next to Kashish and looked into her eyes, trying to make her feel as assured as possible. She smiled back.
They walked beside the road, and she appeared to be choosing every step with care, straining to be extremely attentive. Aman wanted her to be at ease, to look around, and be herself. He wanted her to assert herself, to show up in some way. He wanted her to interrupt, disagree, to make him feel her presence, but she was being too measured.
He told an old joke to make her laugh, and she did, but he couldn't be sure if it came from inside her, or because it would've pleased him. To make her feel easy, he suggested they have an ice-cream. Kashish offered to buy and he saw her buying two separate bars. He noticed she bought butterscotch - why was she trying so hard? What is she so insecure? Why does she ignore herself?
Probably she noticed the doubt on his face, she started telling him funny stories. He could tell she was trying real hard, but the stories all fell flat. He chuckled ocassionaly to encourage her anyway. Suddenly she held his hand and squeezed it. It was the first spontaneous thing she had done today, and he felt great. She again started something about how good he was, but it didn't matter, he was thankful she had brought herself to him, if only for a moment. He smiled, again trying to make her feel secure. But she suggested he left now. He knew he had to leave, but for a moment he fantasized her asking him to stay with her and blast everything else out of his day. He thought he would at least walk her back, but she asked him not to worry.
Sitting in the cab, he felt he would throw up. He knew there was something heavy that she always carried inside her that he couldn't understand. And probably she knew he couldn't, because she never said it, and tried so hard to hide any signs. He felt miserable and guilty. He wished she would put all her weight on him.
Awesome !! I guess it is unfair to say that girls can be in love so insanely and that could be a reason of role reversal. :-(
How about... Aman and Kashish were extroverted. They told EVERYTHING to each other - they lived real happy!! :P :P :P
[anand]
Why can't girls be insanely in love? I mean it's so unfair to take away rights to insanity from girls. I protest, and as a mark of my protest I shall be a little more insane now on! Hmph.
Thanks btw, fantasies are fun!
[shantanu]
"practical"..I dont agree...more commonly encountered/known, perhaps...Indian women in particular have a legacy of coming to love everything about the men they love, everything thats a part of their lives.
[kanupriya]
Ah well maybe..it's so hard to find "real" names :P And I like the names..
[chandni]
:)
[justso]
Her silence is getting to me.
Interesting but with a sense of mystery not able to understand the emotions completely yet...would like a sequel:P
Yaar ur fiction seems damn real. I often doubt ....... if u hv really lived those moments. :P ;)
jus kidding!
[chakoli]
:) yey
[vik]
Ah..the burden of having to be "different" :P
Lol....naah too much work..
Romantic to hai waise...
[taps]
Interesting na...all the girls here relate to this role assignment, all the guys think the alternate is more practical/normal etc
[divesh]
I just dont get it..how is it incredibly wishful!!! No wonder guys understand women so little..
[vibhav]
OMG...you're absolutely AWESOME, and I've never ever meant it as much as I mean it today...I've never adored u so much before...but u so thought just the way I did, and didnt want to write. Touch thy feet!
[sunshine]
PRecisely. Serious issues with pecrception here...
[akshay]
lol
my dear kid, sure in ur dream world...but in the real world, it is really tough to find ppl who talked about EVERYTHING and listened to everything as well..takes incredible amt of bondign n luck
[aditi]
Not sure if I would write one. Dont wanna give any more away.
[geetika]
Hehe...naah, not that interesting a life! :P
Nice one! I dont agree with reversing the roles.There are so many women (fictional and real) who are hopelessly in love with self-centered men. Isn't Vasundhara Das' role in Monsoon Wedding like that?
:) :)
[vibhav]
Touch thy feet. "Jai ho! Jai ho!" :P :P
but undoubtedly interested post :P
Yes true, that particular occurence may be improbable. But it is also possible that they never know everything about each other, don"t talk much or think much and still there isn"t any problem. That"s when you know love has smoothened everything out for real. Aise hi thodi ham love ko itna bhaav dete rahte hain!
lolz... well if you take the modern world into consideration, it is not only the roles of the sexes you'll have to reverse...
In today's context, you must even change the main roles... like it could be an Aman and Karthik together, or an Amrita and Kashish... you catch my drift? :)
Hey how come Pheonix transformed Renegade??????
[never mind]
Self-centred men! That's judgemental. But I agree on the women part. Remember Urmila in that Fardeen Khan-Kambaqt Ishq movie...Pyar tune kya kiya...
[vik, vibhav]
:D
[geetika]
:)
Just a small template-tampering error.
[akshay]
Yes, possible, dear.
But simple, happy lives don't make for intersting fiction, I guess! :P
[illusionaire]
Hehe...true...too many angles possible...I'd stick with the original :D
I think I owe you an apology for that comment. I did not at all intend to say anything mean there. It was just those last two lines(edit waali) that made me put it that way and was mostly so just for fun. I don't have anything against women ... infact it will be criminal to do so, I think
[divesh]
It's okay, never mind. Apology not needed. :)
wonderful!
you write really well. i went through some of the comments. i dont think the piece needs any role reversal. my opinion might not be needed here...just saying.
what vibhav wrote was relatable too!
good work!
This was the one I was looking for!
I had just started following your blog when this was first written and the content and the comments were too abstract for me to understand then. I also liked the reversed role version though :)
I think vibhav's version was fantastic
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