Vacuum -I

Fir shaam tanhaii jagi
Fir yaad tum aa rahe ho....

Life was a hustle, an escape and a chase following each other at arbritary time intervals. Life was getting dissolved in the hustle of every single such moment, and I knew he didn't mind it. What I didn't know was why. Everytime I looked at him, his eyes were opaque. They betrayed nothing except a stone cold numbness. And that was baffling for me, for I could sense something was wrong but couldn't put a finger at what and where. To be fair, I didn't know him at all -- well almost, we were acquaintances and I saw him almost everyday.

I knew I could be grossly wrong in what I felt and interpreted, yet, I was intrigued enough to observe closer the traces of silence in his almost unending laughter. He was hard to overlook in any social setting, such was his aura. He was weird at times, borderline disgusting occasionally but mostly downright hilarious. He always stood among his friends, he was just not the same as them; they were ordinary, mostly useless and wasted, but even though he was constantly around them and did the same kind of things, something about him was different, deeper. And just like him, that bit about him was impossible to overlook as well, at least for me, that bit where he was only unanswered questions, that bit where he apeared the anti-thesis of what he otherwise came out to be, that bit which finally forced me to confront him with a careful question, "You're unusually noisy today. Something wrong?".

I still remember that day distinctly. I knew I had to be calm, confident and look straight in his eyes when I said that. To my credit, I managed that. That was the beginning of our friendship.

Fir jaan nikalne lagi hai
Fir mujhko tadpa rahe ho....

"You know, all day you run from something..."
"...myself"
"and the thoughts in your head.."
"...that too"
"...but I don't think you ever escape.."
"maybe, but most times I manage to keep those ghosts away, immersing in activity, crowds, noise, waste, the world..."
"...the world is never on your side, otherwise the lonely moments which bring you face to face with yourself and every single thought in your head would never be able to catch up. But they do, sometimes, don't they?"
"...yeah, eventually, I so hate it. (pause) Don't do this to me."
"Ok"

(Part fiction, part real....to be continued...)