It's all in the head :)

I've been wanting to write for a few days now, but everyday, something or the other mutes my words. Not much of an excuse, but then, nobody can force anyone to write anything, including yourself. Hence my musing has been confined to talking aloud, which is what this post is going to sound like, most probably.

The summer semester is finally over. I'm thinking of taking a break now for a week before the next semester begins. I don't know how that's gonna feel like, with no friends, little work and the feeling of being terribly old. But then, I guess it's all in the head. When I speak to some of my old friends struggling to come to terms with their new work lives, I realise again, it is all in the head. :)

Thankfully, I'm much more at peace than I was two months ago. Life feels not bad most of the time, and that's a happy event. The feeling of not being listened to has been replaced by the urge of not wanting to talk, and it's liberating because now it doesn't need anyone, and is just happy when someone's there, not too sad when someone isn't. Speaking of which, Doc's going to US tonight(!)...I hope he's back soon enough, but I hope more that he has a blast there (and brings me chocolates :D). Jokes apart, it feels good to have some friends who want to see you sometimes; it feels great to see them once in a while and laugh like crazy. Real good. Touchwood.

Though underneath it all, the feeling of everybody moving on is sorta sunk in. How long can one live in denial anyway. Everybody has a life, their needs, their musts and their wants. Everybody moves on with it, and their relationship with you moves on to a different level as well. It could be indifferent oblivion, it could be a nominal hanging-on, or it could be something equally deep manifested at another level. I don't know why we are so scared of change, especially when it changes what we mean to someone. I know it's an awful feeling to feel unneeded all of a sudden, especially when you need them just the same still, and it's something that one can take forever to come to terms with. Yet, all I can do is hope it's for the good. And that I would know, and be strong enough to act, when the love's fizzed and it's time to move on. I hope it's not all in my head. I hope it's all for the good. :)

I shifted my room yesterday in my hostel, which meant hours of climbing up and down with enormous luggage (how much luggage do I carry!!) that I still haven't completely sifted. After 18 months of living in a dark corner whose darkness I'd fallen in love with so much that most of my waking hours were spent without the tubelight on, this one has a bright window behind my head. I wonder if that is a sign of things to come in the following year. I hope it's good.

I have stumbled on a few blogs of first and second year people recently, and each time something or the other becomes a mirror to the times that were, the excitement that even I was a part of. The archives of this blog help in remembering some of that, but the fun is when my statcounter tells me a number of users, some of them the same juniors, went through the archives just like I did. I hope they don't commit the same mistakes as I did.:)