Ansh was waiting for her, sure that she would turn up. He sat in the darkness, listening to all emanating sounds from the adjoining room very carefully, but it was unusually silent. At the same time he had to be careful not to let his tears dry, just somehow keep the tap open at constant minimum speed till she finally came. It grew darker and silent. Nobody came. The door was slightly ajar; Ansh kept staring at the faint white line of light at that corner of the room, waiting for a sign of movement, but none came. This had never happened before. Maybe everyone thought he had already slept by now. But she didn't even come for kissing good night? Was she this mad? A fresh supply of water flooded his face. Won't she forgive him ever? Why hadn't she come? Ansh was more sorry and more afraid with every passing moment, till his eyes got heavy of the wait and were shut before he knew it.
Noise outside woke Ansh up next morning. His cheeks felt dry and tight. He ran outside, determined to find her and show his anger for being denied love and forgiveness. He did find her, lying right in front of his eyes near the door of the house. They'd tried all night in the hospital to save her from the sever hemorrhage her accident caused, but couldn't. She had forgiven him, but couldn't tell him so. Six year old Ansh broke down out of shock. His mother was no more.
[[Question: If this is an excerpt, is the whole story/character of Ansh worth writing?]]
Noise outside woke Ansh up next morning. His cheeks felt dry and tight. He ran outside, determined to find her and show his anger for being denied love and forgiveness. He did find her, lying right in front of his eyes near the door of the house. They'd tried all night in the hospital to save her from the sever hemorrhage her accident caused, but couldn't. She had forgiven him, but couldn't tell him so. Six year old Ansh broke down out of shock. His mother was no more.
[[Question: If this is an excerpt, is the whole story/character of Ansh worth writing?]]
23 comments:
The name/title should have been a give away but for the one-dimensional thought process.
The "excerpt" was enough to get a few tears rolling down .. don't know what the whole story would have done. Not qualified to answer the question though.
Well written... but toooo sad :(
in expectation of something good i was browsing blog... this post came exactly opposite to my expectation but it did sensititized my heart...it did touch deep down....
'May God Bless everyone' is all I can say
**sad**
the idea is definitely worth developing
PS: If you say this is only an excerpt then I guess that you have already developed the story.
definitely worth continuing ur effort....
So do you intend to go to a flashback or would you tell us about the kids life ahead? Or both?
[divesh]
The name's there for a small purpose, and this is but an ansh of Ansh's life.
I don't know what the whole story would do, I haven't written it yet, but it's not supposed to make people only cry. I think.
[rohan]
Yep, sad part. Hmm.
[Passionate]
Ah, sorry to disappoint you. This kinda just came out of random middle of the night ideas that I wasnt very sure of.
Thanks for reading.
[anand]
I haven't written, or fully developed it, but I have smthng about it in my head. I'm not 100% convinced, or to be more apt, not 100% in love with the character to write it out yet...
[daman]
Hmm. Thanks. Maybe I will. :)
[vibhav]
A bit of both. Less flashback though, overall and more of the grown up Ansh, and how and why.
nice hai... rather sad though
btw.. your question begets the question - do you already have a story in mind?? not written mind you, but in mind :P
Obviously yes! No second thoughts about that.
All the best, and finish it soon. Pretty boring summer, this one.
OOoops...
sad...
and ur blog really needs a new template...
hi...in the last few days have gone through a number of your blogs....Do I need to say that u write good.
probably yes, was worth writing!
with such little background, the (anti)climax doesn't really shape up the element of surprise that well.
impressive base though! :-)
There is no story not worth writing...this is clean ,pure and if you hadn't told then somehow would have felt complete in itself also, coz it's well written...the rest of the story should be worthy of the excerpt.
yes, definitely....so much better than regular love story stuff. good luck!
Hey nice template :)
Now ur public diary looks more like a notebook :P
Just kidding!
I like the new look!! :)
Waise tumne mere ko yaad dila diya hai ki maine bahut dinn se template search n html modification wale fadde nahin kare :D
[arpit]
Sort of, a bit of beginning and some thing ahead, not the entire thing yet..
[munnu]
Thanks. I can imagine it must have become boring at home. :)
Take care, happy packing!!
[chakoli]
So, how about this one?
[anon]
Well, thank you for reading. :)
[i me myself]
I sorta never intended it to be a surprise. I thought it was pretty guessable, n anyway was just a random part of words of the entire story crawling in my mind.
Thanks anyway. And welcome here. :)
[aditi]
Thanks, that's kind of you. Hopefully the story, or the rest of Ansh, gets written. It isn't complete, and it could not have been
[justme]
Okie dokie. Thanks.
[geetika]
:)
Thank you. Bahut mehnat lagti hai template badalne mein. Still have to update the links!
hey frnd...
been a long time... template is just wndrful, baki bacha the current post...its very good and very sensitively written, my suggestion would be to may be expand it a little bit, keep it short for its effectiveness lies in its compactness. and u need to edit.
story's definitely worth writing...there is a simplicity about the sentiments and the sentences... easy reading...
template...very nice...
Oh please ..Don't..Come on now..lets spread joy na...
Or is Ansh going to become this super cool dude. helping out everyone when he grows up ! Oh Awesome :-)
I guess Ansh will live not because he will to, but he has to..
[oceanic mirages]
Yeah long time. Thank you very much for the suggestions. :)
And I think I'm sticking to this template for now.It's so miuch pain finding one.
[preeti]
Thank you very much for reading and your comment :)
[veikiin]
Yes yes, it's a happy story, but there's a complicated sad background, which is this post. :)
[mostlybhu]
That sounds like a prophecy :)
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