The title is a fallacy. Friends are not new and old, or lost and found. Friends are just friends, without adjectives. Once a friend, always a friend. People talk of friends-turned-enemies, or at least have heard of incidents like those. I was myself involved in a relationship that could be deemed as something like that to an outsider for well over two years. But when I honestly ask myself, and look closely at the world around me, I realize that it is something that cannot truly happen. The way we humans are, once we love someone, trust someone, care for someone and accept them in our lives, after that, even if at a later stage we drift apart, fight, forget, break trust, abuse, grow indifferent to or grow to hate that person, even then, heart of hearts we retain something that loves and cares for that person just the same, almost. We can overlook that corner, we may forget that exists, but we can't truly deny it. And it may come back to you at some moment offguard. But all I want to say is, somebody who's once special always stays so, even in their absence. Some of it maybe because of the inherent goodness of people, of us and them, because noone is really evil. Everybody is a precious gem to someone. Their roles and places maybe functionally filled by others who step in, and there will be times when you will say "I don't care any more" and mean it, as honestly as you can tell yourself. But then, even we don't know ourselves 100%, do we?
I have met a lot of irreplaceable people in 21 years of my life. Most of them have moved on, but not without leaving voids. And irrespective of the circumstances that separated me from them, I know I still care like I did, and I know I will. Losing friends hurts, and getting one back from nowhere is a feeling hard to put in words. so I continue to hope some more will come back. I continue to hope they know I'm waiting, they know I still care, and they know that petty differences of opinion or circumstances that may have looked important then, really aren't. Honestly, how many times do you even remember what the dispute was about in sour fights? So I miss the old friends, I hang on to the ones I have, and I grapple with the voids.
And at the same time, I look forward to making new ones. Playing the game. Risking the hurt. Gambling some more with the trust.
Because that's life.
I have met a lot of irreplaceable people in 21 years of my life. Most of them have moved on, but not without leaving voids. And irrespective of the circumstances that separated me from them, I know I still care like I did, and I know I will. Losing friends hurts, and getting one back from nowhere is a feeling hard to put in words. so I continue to hope some more will come back. I continue to hope they know I'm waiting, they know I still care, and they know that petty differences of opinion or circumstances that may have looked important then, really aren't. Honestly, how many times do you even remember what the dispute was about in sour fights? So I miss the old friends, I hang on to the ones I have, and I grapple with the voids.
And at the same time, I look forward to making new ones. Playing the game. Risking the hurt. Gambling some more with the trust.
Because that's life.
13 comments:
:)))
yups thats life dear :))
and frds are the most important part of ur life :))
You're too nice, I say :)
True, about the friends always remaining friends thing - but my theory is that you automatically adjust your own level of closeness to that person depending on your interaction (the fights, the differences of opinion, the idiosyncrasies), based on how fundamental they are.
:-) hmmm.
u r right. this risk is worth taking.
Friends are meant to be made once, and kept forever. :-)
People who affect us deeply, their influence might be buried deep, but never truly forgotten. Great post! Would like to use the last four lines in a song sometime.
me likes! :) This post literally read my current state of mind! nAice!
Sometimes things just end with some friends....we may never trust them again, we may never contact them again but there is still some amount of care we feel for them...
[chakoli]
:) True. :)
[rohanjain]
I contest. I'm just like everybody, like you and us. The point is not about closeness, the point is also not how much you think fo or deal with a person everyday. All I'm saying is, once that person is there, has been accepted by you, once he or she is a friend, after that, for as long as you live, no matter how far you are and if you ever meet or remember, that person is a friend. You cant stop caring
[oceanic mirages]
Yes. A gamble. But that's life. And the returns are good.
[natansh]
:) Right thing to say I guess. Hard to do always, but what the heck. Trying is life.
[onion]
Exactly my point. Thank you. You're free to use what you want. :)
[metallica bhakt]
:) It happens to us, doesn't it. Take care babes.
[aditi]
Unfortunate but true. And this is what happens. But at least some part of us, all of us, loves. Maybe this realisation is enough for us to return to an old friend, knowing that it is not unlikely that they'd accept us back.
Some of it maybe because of the inherent goodness of people, of us and them, because noone is really evil.
I hold entirely the opposite view. Nobody is inherently really good, and people are inherently evil. In happier times and with good friends, I may sometimes delude myself into believing that people are good. But really, people are totally evil. Evolution has made us so. Clans which survive are the ones which were able to wipe out other clans. Resources are always limited. There is always a fight for better resources, and a strive for better resources makes us intrinsically violent. As Hobbes so aptly put it,"man is solitary, poor, nasty and brutish".
@phoenix: makes sense :). Once drafted into the friendship zone, its hard not to care
@sumeet: Load of crap... totally disagree with you. People are inherently good period It's just that quite a huge chunk of the world is based on a zero sum game.
hmmmm..its odd dat u wrote abt sumthin dat's been runnin on my mind for the past few days..
I patched up with some old frnds of mine and it feels gud to have them back in my life..we mite fight n get hurt again but like u said..I'm willing to risk it :)
well written.
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