Yey!

Good news first, check this out: http://tarukapoor.com :D
My friend L, who has given me this amazing b'day gift, says someday this will save me a million dollars. :P Wow! Thankoooo!
Yep, today's my budday. Which means I'm 22 already. 22! Sounds so damn OLD, sucks!
I wanna be kiddo forever :D :D :D

Thanks Dork for the sweeeetest bday present ever, and thanks everyone else for giving me a b'day to remember, the last in IIT :)

Cheers to the new year, and anyone knows how to stop getting buddha, tell me! :D :D

Hello, unkill!

The other day, while looking for a certain mobile phone accessory that I've been looking for a while now, I checked out these two mobile stores in Saket. After being unsuccessful at the first one, where a middle-aged uncle wanted to sell me a cheap counterfeit that I really doubted would last or even work, I walked into the other one still narrating to my friend a randomly funny snippet of the conversation with that uncle, and just blurted without a pause to the guy at the counter "Uncle do you have...", still in that mocking mimicky tone.

Well, it just so happened the guy at the counter was a 25-26 something guy, barely a few yrs older than me (but he was balding), and he had the most shocked look on his face as he said a hasty no, I suspect, without caring what I had asked for. And on my part, I had realised what I had done as soon as I spoke those words, so I broke out into a giggle laughter right on his face, at the very moment when he was giving me his shaky no, and walked out immediately after even as my friend looked from me to him to me in a soundless surprised gaze :)

This is for that guy, sorry unkill. You don't look that old, despite the balding patch. :P :)

Amen!

Today was one of those days. It began poorly, albeit lazily with one of the worst cooked hostel mess breakfasts (which is, without exception, the best meal of the day). And then, there was Laptop trouble in store (again!) when I discovered the the wire of the Laptop charger has got cut at a point. Imagine an already super-bored jobless life, minus the laptop! :(

So, finally tired of being depressed and deciding to get it it fixed tomorrow, I abandoned my room to take a long walk, and threatened Dork into coming over. Together we ate and bird-watched in the market across the gate, and a little later, it happened. A life-changing idea, that sounded outrageously crazy at first, like many others, but quickly built into something credible and substantial. Something I know I will write, something that has potential to break all kinds of crazy records. I'm thrilled! And we treated ourselves at Nirulas' for that already, too. :D

I'm not going to give away any more here, but all of you, bite your nails in suspense, and pray I go through with it, because if I do, I know it's gonna be good, and if nothing, serious fun, for YOU too. :D :D :D

Amen!

Next is what?

Here, I changed the blog template. I liked the picture at the top more than anything else, and wanted a change anyway. So I changed it, and unless a LOT of people crib about it, and unless someone finds me a better one, I'll stick to it, for it's too much work, albeit such is the state of joblessness and boredom in my life right now (and expected to stay for some time) that work most of the time is a good proposition. However, not this, let this be tweaked a little if needed, but let this survive!!!

So, next is what? I came back to an almost empty hostel today evening. Had a little work, but mostly home and college are equally boring now, and equally lonely. What a contrast this is since those early years here when I hated staying at home, and so much exciting was always happening to life here. Now it's a terribly purposeless, friendless existence, where each day is no different than the rest, and the only difference between my room at home and at hostel is the availability and quality of food, and the answerability and freedom of killing my time. Worst part is, things don't look as if they could change for the rest of my tenure here, that is, till I actually start working. And even then, there's this question, where do I stay? Assuming I get the Gurgaon office, the choice between living at home (which is 35 long tedious kms away from office) and living on my own somewhere in Gurgaon isn't as easy as it seems.
For as much as I hate the commuting and the restrictive atmosphere at home, I don't really have a life anymore, can't imagine anyone I could possibly live with (people don't even like talking to me any more mostly, I'm that boring) and it's a lot of hassle of it's own.
Still postponing that particular question at the moment, fathoming what to do next is an immediate awful question. Reminds me of a certain book titled "How Opal Mehta got kissed, got wild and got a life". Pacy, fun, page-turner of a one-hour read. Wish my life was that happening.

For now I find solace in watching the beautiful foggy night, quietly celebrating Dravid's century (finally! yeyyyyy!!) :)

An intricate world

Lying at home these wintry days switching channels with the remote, I cannot help but wonder the amazingly intricate system that we live in, curse and live in still, and how because of it and despite it, we keep surviving. :-) Everyday the newspapers are full of people contradicting themselves many times over, from the Pakistani establishment to our own Home Minister and dear Leader of Opposition. And last night, as I was just wondering aloud to my mother, if both sides accepted LOC as as international border, called it the end of the Kasmir dispute, and with that the bulk of all things malign between India and hamara padosi desh, when my mom was like, imagine the number of people who'd suddenly be unemployed, the amount of money defence would no longer legally need, and the absolute disappearance of purpose it would mean for so many in Pakistan. And I am still stuck in that reflection. For a nation founded on the vision of hatred against Hindus, on an "us" vs "them", wouldn't the snatching away of a cause in focus cause them to disintegrate, especially when they look at the mess their rulers have put them in, for even in the worst case, Muslims this side of the border are on a whole better off. Whats the fault of common, innocent people, forever victims?!

And while on victims, as condolences, praise, sympathy and all sorts of emotions vent all across India and the world for the victims of Mumbai, and politicians and mediamen alike scamper to justify themselves and find a blamegoat, find something to hide against, the drama of Indian democracy goes on. It all makes for funny television, and sad reality. Sachin Tendulkar's stoic match-winning century and Viru'd blaze was more pleasant television, but then again, only an illusory joy. What an intricate world!

A world for me alone

The night falls again
again my heart flutters
again the lip trembles
not a word it utters.

My insides are flooded with an unnamed emotion. A part of me craves for acknowledgment, begs me to allow it to breathe and exist, pleads me to save it from the darkness it's banished to. There are no takers for its humble servings. There is no place for vulnerable innocence in this world. It belongs to a different world. A world for me alone.

The tear is sweet
the heart stole all the salt
and gave it to its wounds
lest the pain should halt

To the weightlessness of a free fall

In that moment, numbness broke like the wall of an aging dam in monsoon, plenty of frozen aches vaporized and the heart melted with the warmth and started flowing through the eyes.
In that moment, the things that really mattered stood out and everything else faded, like they always do eventually.
In that moment, memory chose to selectively forget and attentively remember and cherish.
In that moment, words failed themselves and eyes emanated hatred for petty emotions of pain and jealousy, guilt for greed, gratitude for the good, love for the worthy.
In that moment, life felt well-lived. If only for a fraction of a second.

Some moments once in a while, make one feel so much at the same time, lift so much weight up and drown with so much more, and so much of the ground shifts beneath the feet that even as you scramble for something to hold on to, you also look forward to the free fall, to the weightlessness.

Love you, yes I do.

Job Hunting-III

In the end all it meant for me was 8 back to back interviews, three offers and two decisions. And I was goddamn lucky, for sure. 20 placements on Day1 is crazy.

There would be several things to say about today, but for now, the only thing I can feel is relief. And feverish hope for others to get a job too.

BCG. Mark the name. Likely to become a regular at the blog.