To more beginnings...

2008, for the most part, wasn't a year to remember too fondly, not just for the world economy and for India, but even for me (as if that matters). Still, indulged in the customary nostalgia and retrospection reserved for this time of the year, I cannot help feeling that the last year brought a lot of us a lot farther than where we started from a year ago, and while the change has been more for the worse than for the better, it's been an enriching experience, and a test of character. This I say as much for myself (with somewhat conviction) as for India and the world (with some element of generalization). Lots of people have hailed 2008 as the year of Change, what with Obama's victory and the Finance industry earthquakes, but I suspect change is not in the stormy winds, but in the air itself, felt stronger sometimes than at others, but always there.

Philosophy apart, my 2008 was gloomier than most other years and had fewer crests and troughs too, but that is partly the fault of getting older. At some level, I had already had too much of college life 6 months back, and it's been more or less of a drag since. A lazy quest for purpose. The high points of the year were the stint with the Placement cell at the beginning, the three days of TRYST'08, the feeling of relief when March '08 ended, the daily momos-fanta evenings of a dreary summer, getting a job, and a handful of precious moments of feeling loved, for a change. The low points, there's no point counting.

What I expect out of 2009 isn't a lot different, either. At least for the first half, after which I'd be a part of another rat race to be kept occupied with. Till then, it's a jobless very lonely existence I can drift into with some peace, albeit I hope to find a few things I want to do, since now is the time to do just that. I wanna write more, much much more, for one. I'm thinking joining gym/dance classes could be fun too, for I can actually meet real people and it will help me reduce a few inches and a few kgs. So that's two wishes, but if I be honest, they're both half-hearted wishes, more from the mind than the heart. So I don't know if I'd keep them. There's a third, I really want to stop expecting some of the things I do and get rid of my pangs of insecurity and neediness. They're 100% despicable, although temporary. That's what I wanna do, so I can maybe just love myself and stop searching for it in cold corners of hearts I do not belong in (or in those where I exist but am so utterly dispensable).

Ha, stupid to start the year with a whine, no. You know, I'm enjoying the chilly winters of Delhi extensively. It's already so foggy even inside the hostel, and a walk outside make my cheeks turn pink. And talking aloud to myself in the fog feels like a dream (even with my voice).
Life, at some levels, feels like a dream too. Sleep is good. And then we can wake up and enjoy more beginnings, right? Happy new year everyone!!!