Mostly nothing

Nothing much seems to be happening these days, or maybe it is happening, but I don't feel a lot of it and certainly my life is pretty much in auto-pilot mode. Stress-free, relaxed, eventless. Doing a little bit of something, I've realised, is much harder than dealing with a lot of everything, or with mostly nothing, so I've basically shifted to the latter stance, because pushing yourself to do things for the sake of doing them by yourself is taxing, and I've a huge inertia problem. As I was just telling a friend, we spend most of our lives trying to "utilise" the time that we have, trying to derive outcomes after whatever obligations leave us with.

I, too, do that, and will do that shortly after this interlude, and hence, it is such a boring, repetitive, standard activity, it's almost repulsive. In short, consistent with my regular behavior, I oppose consistent rationality. Life is good. Alone, but good. In some way, it is reminiscent of my days in Sweden. And thus, I can almost sense the wave of change that'd gradually engulf me, yet again, in the next few months. I'm almost looking forward to it. I am tired of being me, at some level. I'm tired of being a certain way, a certain person for certain people. They want to fade away, I wanna let go. Yep.

There is one thing happening in the immediate environment though. I know February is the month of love, but the way people I know are getting married left right and centre, you'd think it's free to hold weddings these days. Three people my batch, who graduated with a Bachelors last May, are either married or gonna be married soon, and that includes the first one from my hostel. Ment, Kanu, Arpz, a cousin, a school friend, a friend's brother, a blog friend are all in the list too. I wish them lotsa happiness and luck. Maybe some day I'd understand why people get married at all. But not for a long while, that's gonna be, if at all.

As of now, I haven't even learnt the meaning or how-to of what another friend maintains is not just the basic step to understanding that, but also a necessity of to survival: To make myself necessary to someone.