May 10th.
I hadn't realized it in the rush that defines every morning for me- in fact, not till 11 am in office when I needed to schedule a meeting did I realize what date it was. And then it was in the calender, staring at me. May 10th it was. Eight years today. And I'd actually forgotten the date.
Life changes so much, so soon.
But once it was back in my mind, there was no getting away from it. The sharp pain returned, almost as if someone had removed the insulation that strangled its intensity so that one could always feel it there in the background but was practically numbed to it. I tried to work, but after another hour, gave up. The images wont quit flashing, tears threatened to well up, and my body felt weak. I tried to eat some lunch, but ended up running to the restroom to puke. There, in the restroom luckily empty at that hour, I looked at my reflection in the mirror. It looked pale, it looked guilty, it almost did not look my own. And then I started to cry.
Before the end of the hour, I'd managed to somehow explain sudden onset of illness and sneak out of office. But how was I to know where I needed to go at that hour, in that time. I felt the world was going to come crashing down - or I was going to faint and fall, one of those. I called a taxi and asked him to take me home.
25 mins later I walked in, drew all curtains till it was pitch dark, and collapsed on the bed. At some level, I couldn't believe just the memory of a date can do this to me- bring me back to the same darkness I found myself in for months altogether not so long ago.
But then again, it wasn't just any date. May 10th meant to me a world that was once all I knew. I tried to put myself to sleep.
(To be continued)
I hadn't realized it in the rush that defines every morning for me- in fact, not till 11 am in office when I needed to schedule a meeting did I realize what date it was. And then it was in the calender, staring at me. May 10th it was. Eight years today. And I'd actually forgotten the date.
Life changes so much, so soon.
But once it was back in my mind, there was no getting away from it. The sharp pain returned, almost as if someone had removed the insulation that strangled its intensity so that one could always feel it there in the background but was practically numbed to it. I tried to work, but after another hour, gave up. The images wont quit flashing, tears threatened to well up, and my body felt weak. I tried to eat some lunch, but ended up running to the restroom to puke. There, in the restroom luckily empty at that hour, I looked at my reflection in the mirror. It looked pale, it looked guilty, it almost did not look my own. And then I started to cry.
Before the end of the hour, I'd managed to somehow explain sudden onset of illness and sneak out of office. But how was I to know where I needed to go at that hour, in that time. I felt the world was going to come crashing down - or I was going to faint and fall, one of those. I called a taxi and asked him to take me home.
25 mins later I walked in, drew all curtains till it was pitch dark, and collapsed on the bed. At some level, I couldn't believe just the memory of a date can do this to me- bring me back to the same darkness I found myself in for months altogether not so long ago.
But then again, it wasn't just any date. May 10th meant to me a world that was once all I knew. I tried to put myself to sleep.
(To be continued)
15 comments:
This is so poignant. Evokes feelings of loss, sorrow and grief which pervade my life. I hope things get better for you. Take care.
If there were no calendars, or no cycle of seasons, we may have forgotten a lot of things we remember because of these cues, for good or bad.
very sad, and sounds so real.. as you say often, every fiction is someone's reality.
@vibhav
that is an amazing observation.. worthy of a full post.
Its awesome... really its very nice...
Lines Tells the Story of Your Life...Read Dev Palmistry....
if its fiction, its well written :) else... demands thought
Waiting for part 2
like voice...waiting for more
I once forgot my bday. and then forgot that i had forgotten my bday.
does that count?
new page..nice :)
nice...eagerly waiting for the next installment... :)
:-)
Poignant indeed. Yes, most of us stay alive knowing the evil that lives inside us.Looking forward to part II.
often we hurt the people we love the most..sort of like self mutilation...i have seen this many times...to feel alive they shake the foundation..sad but annoying ..depends on which side of the fence u r on, i suppose...
lovely writing
[all]
I apologise for the delay in replying as I wanted to finish writing the entire piece before responding to any comments. Didn't know it will take a month!
[ajay]
Thanks. Isn't me, thankfully. Just the protagonist of a fictional story. :)
[vibhav]
For good or bad indeed. The cyclicity of time is the most common cue, but if one wished to really forget, one should have had the choice to quit the space-time of a forgettable existence, so a place, a smell or a sight never triggered a memory either.
IF only :)
[divesh]
But fiction, because it is written or told, will always be an incomplete and crude copy of even the most simple to understand realities.
[Sumit, desperado, voice, Azeem]
sorry for the long wait till the end of the story. I hope you manage to read it sometime. :)
[JustSo]
No. And I can since your kids are going to give you a hard time. Request - dont forget them :P
[Raja, Bhushan]
:)
[Neena]
That is a sad realisation. Still, thanks for reading. Hope you manage to read the whole story.
[Tys on ice]
Probably. It's amazing, our capacity - even craving - for self=destruction. Thanks for reading.
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