Camouflage -V

[[Realised that this is still lying incomplete in my drafts. I know the story is quite crappy and broken, but posting it nonetheless to end it. Continued from here]]

The funny part is, of course, that it wasn't even a real romance. Other than the thrill of being forbidden, of being so "wrong", it meant nothing. But still, I went against every instinct and indulged myself in it. The day I realized I was pregnant - the world slid beneath my feet. I had so fervently hoped it wasn't true - I had prayed, cried, begged to the Lords in the sky. But it was, and I had no clue what to do. As I said, I probably should have asked for help and I definitely should have been saner not to get there in the first place.

But I was just a kid myself.

And I really couldn't have asked for help - I really couldn't have told anyone. I told him, of course, and he disappeared. The fires of the hell that I lived through that month still burn inside me. Every night, I silently bled and cried. Every night, my guilt and my pain dissolved my ability to love, to trust, to heal. And every morning, I would wake up, smile, and be who I was expected to be. Because no one could know. Because every shade of that darkness was my own.

Because the camouflage was now me.

Still is, I guess.