Are half-truths lies? If so, are they "better" lies?
Imagine yourself where you repeatedly tell a half-truth to someone because you think they'd not like or understand the full truth, or because you think they'd have a 'problem' with it but in your head is completely legit, just a point-of-view issue, so they don't really need to know. It is likely the "someone" here is important enough that you care how they think/feel/perceive you. How does telling those half truths make you feel? E.g. Telling your parents you're going out with friends while you're going out with a certain 'friend' because you don't want them to know/ overreact. Or telling your best friend you're going out with boring office colleagues when you really have to go out with a new close friend because it is quite awkward. Telling your husband you're crashing at your (girl) friend's place tonight, while really its one of your guy friends you'd crash at, because you're not doing anything wrong, just avoiding an inconvenient conversation.
I don't think it'd be hard to imagine what I ask for many of us. We say convenient half truths and little lies ALL the freaking time. So what's the big deal?
The big deal is to me, at least, sometimes these little lies rankle a lot. We say them because we care about the other person's feelings or beliefs, and want to sidestep rather than hurt them. We do it anyway because we're convinced we're not doing anything wrong, but we also would rather have them not know than know the full truth. It's a really fine line. Most days indifference is probably ok. Some days it's not. Some days the guilt wakes me up at night. Some days I wonder how I would feel if I were being led to. And then I realize I would "understand" quite easily and not 'think' much of it, but the way the 'lie' would make me feel is a very different kind of pain. The pain that lingers. The pain which 'knows' and yet where you're quiet because you understand.
And then I wonder, wasn't pain what we are avoiding in the first place anyway? Why damage trust for a little bit of convenience?
Isn't trust TOO precious for that?
Is it too hard to do a direct honest conversation upfront, battle through a bit of temporary heartache if any, and live peacefully truthfully thereafter?
9 comments:
nice work...
http://apparitionofmine.blogspot.in/
I think the difference between half truths and full truths can be a huge amount of convenience (and not just a little bit) - so, it is worth it..
Way I see it, for most people their conscience does the pain vs gain analysis all-the-time effortlessly(in your case "inconvenient truth" vs "casual gratification"). We do pain-gain so much so, it becomes a habit and it ultimately defines the frequency and extent of those "half truths", and yes, undeniably they are fact of life.
Ultimately its about the individual- where they draw their line between long term satisfaction(trust) and short term gratification(fun).
If life were driven by analysis, then long term sustainability is the only thing that actually matters, but isn't sometimes life all about casual "living".
These are times when I think life is bit absurd.
PS- Myself,First time commenter here. Well written blog. Very "Human" topics :)
If it's really just two people involved, there's nothing like direct honest conversations and temporary heartache to bring them closer. :)
hmm ... and when I posted something similar, you called me a cynic. :P
Believe me its a life time friction , what you are saying here is a friction between a yes and no. One cant live with a yes or no all the time. We need a balance between the two , it will be foolish to say truth every time and equally idiotic to lie all the time.
But i think that is where the FUN is.
:-)
This is a life time project , to sense , when to lie and when to tell the truth. Once can lie and can defend that he/she is right , or say truth and defend it. One cant live by saying truth all the same and same goes with the lie. One has to make a right balance between the two by using their conscience.
I think this bringing the balance between the two diagonally opposite extreme is the tricky stuff and this is what life FUN.
I think it's best to tell the full truth and face the music. Telling half-truth's to a loved one only insults their maturity and weakens a relationship.
Nice to read your blog again after so many years :-)
I came back on your blog after almost 2 years(partly out of curiosity if you still write this blog). I am glad you are!
I just feel the same connection to your posts as I did many years back :))
Dont know why, but "This too was spoken" brought a smile on my face!
I am overwhelmed with your each post... Keep going... God bless!!
-Anushree
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