A Broken Hibernation

I have been jolted out of my sleep, my hibernation.

Yes, I said I'm not coming back anytime soon, even though I'd always loved this page and everything that defines the "Phoenix" part of my identity. I was heartbroken when I shut this space down, but I had to choose between self-respect and this blog, and I chose the former.

This is not to mean that I have abandoned my self-respect, but only that I'm only human. And I care for those who care for me, and others as well.

When I left I was inundated with comments, emails, phonecalls, scraps and all sorts of queries. People asked me not to leave; they implored me to stay, and I cruelly refused. Like nice people, they understood. I was touched, and I was hurt. I wrote still, occassionally, but at an anonymous blog. I still can, and probably will, do that, but something has made me write this post.

This is all too impulsive, but I feel I owe it to myself, and others.

I don't know if anyone liked my writing, or this page, but I know that I have forged some very beautiful relationships on this blog. As for the senseless comments, frankly I don't care. And I never really did. That was just a good excuse to explain my disillusionment. Afterall, I can always delete any comment I don't like. I had my reasons, and I prefer to be silent about them.

But some things in life are bigger than any logic.

A few minutes ago someone asked me a favour, a very old promise, and I can't refuse that person. That person is way too important for me, and I have to keep my word. I will.

Don't make a mistake, I'm not doing this against my wishes or just because of that person. Once again, I have my own reasons.

I know I have lost most of my readers. I don't care if nobody reads this page again, though I know some people who still visit this.

I'll write, irregularly though, for I'm very busy, and also because I'm a little afraid of writing public gossip and public controversy here.

For the rest, I have my fingers crossed.

The sleep has been broken. Hopefully, this does not turn out to be a nightmare.

Meanwhile, this is what Anuj wrote for me here. I swear I'm moved!

Thanx a lot, Anuj!

If I be like [phoenix]

I wont be frequently blue

I would give that happy kiddoo look

And start right away writin a book

I know its difficult to survive

When some fu**ers piss around

But thats how the world revolves

With lots of dogs growling loud

So i would have growled louder

To the one who challenged my anonymity

I would have hit him harder

And wouldnt have taken any pity

But i guess thats not what a [phoenix] is

It grows high and wide

It aint darkness, its a bliss

Pulling up the one trying to hide

So u see its hard to be her .