Firang land

General Observational Expertise Pvt. Ltd. bulletin announces that Firang lands are peculiar places. Excuse the generalisation, especially if you are one of the boring types, but basically any foreigner in a foreign land among foreign people and so on would always come across so many peculiar things it should make even non-foreign types see the funny side in it all. Forty five days in Sweden and I could list at least ten times that number of silly things here or back home when the contrast presents itself to me. But then, I've a small cache in my RAM, so let me just blab about whatever I can speedily recover[:P]

The first has to be how the various kinds of firangis here treat a firangi, i.e. the foreigner me in Swedeland. There are at least a dozen countries and places I look like I belong to(Iran? Russia? London? Gujarat? Sri Lanka? Arabland?), and at least 30% of all those who have ever met me have seen/known someone who looks exactly like me. I mean I never knew I looked/talked like the sisters, cousins and girlfriends(the latter I suppose was a really bad pick up line, eh?) of soooo many people.
And then the moment they come to know it's India I've to explain for the next twenty minutes about the food, culture, language,Kashmir, Taj Mahal, history, politics etc etc. Maybe the Tourism dept of India should hire me for promotional purposes. I have a 20 mnute speech crammed you know! And then they give me the impressed look and I end up inviting them for some Indian food. Which reminds me all European food is so sweeeettt! I've eaten traditional Swedish Italian German French and Portugese food by now in great amounts and it's all good looking food with no salt and often pretty dry(ignoring the beer) when they themselves claim to love my spicy cocktails. Whatever...firangs!

Anyway, to slightly less boring things now, firangs love to make out with their girlfriends/boyfriends in public places, but they enjoy it even more on escalators, crowded trains and full-with-people kitchens/ bus-stops than say at relatively less crowded places. Swedes are good in this regard, they are generally very loyal and loving(though they dont like marrying the mother of their kids) till they break off and move to a new person the next second. ((For something really funny about Swedes and to know them close, click here [;-)] )) Chinkies like shrieking more, while making out and breaking out both. On the other hand french women are always tricky (has to be..the french word for love and like is the same, as is the word for kiss and sex....it always gets so complicated with them that I've seen too Germans getting a rough deal due to communication barriers..lol)

One of my professors wears red-coloured ties with colourful Mickey Mouse cartoons over his sleek blue suit to class everyday, and another takes pride in his sexy skin tight T-shirts that show off his cool body and keep me awake in the class (he even says Hi to me whenever I cross him elsewhere on his own :P). But what's peculiar to me is all those sexy women who teach us and wear those really hot tops and skirts even when it's chilling cold outside. And those who wear Indian style printed skirts and bags while tending a couple of their kids.

More peculiar stuff...no student goes to class without an i-pod in his ears. Every teacher apologises for giving a tough assignment. Train inspectors spend days snoring at random stations checking each train for arrival time. People mostly don't vacate seats for elderly. nobody believes in sharing an umbrella with a friend unless it's clear weather. There MUST be a pub in every department in every college. Children drink beer since they are 13 although you can't buy it unless you are 23. All firang women, esp. Swedish, act extremly sleazy once drunk. Spanish guys know great after-drunk songs. Spanish women, though, are usually too drunk to say anything at all. Europeans are bad at history and English, but they hate american accents and those who have them. Sense of humour is quite weird, and most swedes laugh as if they have to pay 50% tax at laughing too. Shops are the easiest place to steal/shop-lift at, with no close circuit cameras and barely anyone looking. What Stockholmers eat as their evening meal(dinner) is a word in swedish that means lunch. People in south Sweden eat the same for lunch though, at 3 o clock, and sleep early enough not to eat any dinners after that. Europeans believe Asians are more fun and more hard-working, while Europeans are pragmatic and to the point. Everything mediocre and in-between is simply American.

And yes, sometimes everything breaks down here also. Metro breaks down for a day suddenly which means no work (and no classes). Feels good to be an Indian in firang land.