Convocated!

Yey!

I am finally officially out of college. With two degrees, including a post-graduation, no less!!! :D
Master of technology...even sounds heavy! Not that I'm putting that exact degree to any immediate use...the tag is all that counts so far.
Graduate...oops, post-graduate!

I got the award for the second-best all round graduating student. There's been some controversy over the award for the "best" (aka, Directors Gold Medal), but thankfully none over my deserving what I good. Feels nice :)
Also, felt nice to see a lot of people, many we wouldn't see for some time now, and especially hanging out with department fellows.
The official snapping of ties with IITD. Or is it? :)

Now, for the next four weeks, I am officially unemployed, and do not belong anywhere.

No more a student. When that's all I have been all my life! Wow, this is new :D

Next is what?

So, it's another couple of days or so in IIT, for I dont think dilly-dallying the final formalities could take any more than coming monday or tuesday, and hence the end of college life (finally) and a hostelite mode of existence is definitely imminent.
The last few days have been eventful, but not in a nostalgic way. Just using all the time to spend with friends who'd now be much more infrequent in hanging around than desirable. And once I move back home, there are other issues to work with. Like the fact that BCG has decided our joining to be September 14 (!!!!!) which means finding something to do for the next 3.5 months! Or that they decided to send me off to Mumbai base office, which means fretting over living in Mumbai, finding a house/housemates and all that crap (Help!). And basically handling parents psyched out over these things. Finding an intern is another thing, though I have found one at Hindustan Times (thanks to this blog, partially :) ) for June.
Among all this, saying goodbye to IIT is almost irrelevant, but I will sure miss the atmosphere, the independence and the people once I'm out. That said, IIT feels like it has already left this campus the way things are these days. Things have changed in a way much too cold, and the end of nescafe was probably the last straw.

Onto newer things, now.

Farewells

The worst part of being in a 5 year dual degree thing at IIT is that not only your own batch, the 4 year variants, graduate before you, even your junior batch's 4-yr species finishes up a couple of week before you. That's so unfair that it even beats the irony that your department and your hostel actually give you a farewell in fourth year itself because it is more convenient to them when you are not going anywhere! The only possible thing worse I can imagine to top an extra year of torture is being invited to a reunion with the Graduating class 2009 instead of the entry year 2004 couple of decades from now.

So, while I await the final two weeks before the thesis defense, I attended tonight the one farewell that we still gracefully get, the one at Director's lodge. The place is beautiful, the dinner was supposed to be better than it was, and it is kinda nice seeing all those people. And then I was asked to speak something on the behalf of outgoing batch by the dean. I said something random, half out of the last Hostel mag article I'd written, and was thankful that almost nobody was listening, except the profs maybe.

The worst part though was the decision to wear a sari, with a slightly oversized blouse that aids my accumulated fat from the last six months and makes me look soooooo fat, I only realized how horrible after looking at the pics! :( I desperately need to lose some weight, and all that putting off till sem end because I did not want to gym alone and could not sustain exercising by myself turns out to be the worst ill effects of laziness. Time to say farewell to this extra laziness, and the extra flab, eh?

Old is Gold

First up, apologies to anyone who wondered about this huge absence from the blogosphere. No I didn't die, run off, or forget writing. In fact, for the most part, the blame lies with the recent power and internet crisis in the campus. For more than a week, life has been affected by absence of power (no working in the lab :) no net in the campus :( ) in a manner more severe than anything I remember in five years. Newspapers blame it on the ongoing elections (hell, does anything happen these days that cannot be blamed on elections?) because of which all states are apparently overdrawing from the Northern grid causing the grid itself to trip repeatedly. Tch tch.
Moving on though, plenty of interesting things have happened, not all of which can be shared here, primarily in friends lives. The title refers to the concurrent theme in most of these. Old friends suddenly connected, met up, shared a nice evening and rekindled memories. Events at campus continually glorified the past w.r.t the present (Hamare zamaane mein...) IPL-II started with a frenzy nowhere near the first edition, so far, and most of the stars till now have been the older legendary players...Sachin, Hayden, Gilchrist, Kumble, even Gayle and Ganguly, and of course Dravid. :D
And finally as the last few weeks at IIT approach and the weariness of old age (in campus) slows down the drag of the end even further down, the picture, the story, the chapter of college life is almost complete in the head.
:) Will be back, take care.

And happy bday Sachin! :)

The foreign hand

The 2008-09 season of shock, destruction and devastation appears to be absolutely unending. There has been few good things this past year, and while I'm thankful for the silver lining, there seems to be a grim and morose tinge in the air all round. The world continues to sink deeper and deeper into recession, and anger and frustration in people find more dangerous outlets each day. No doubt terrorism appears to be so damn recession-proof.
And for every fallacy, every blunder, there is a quick and easy tendency to find someone to blame for, someone to target all anger and frustration at, even if that is an elusive someone like the CDSs of insurance or the secret intelligence wing of the enemy country. Even when disputes in IIT boiled over around trivial things like trophies and competition to the point where things reached the lowest point ever, every single person involved continues to hurl the blame at the other side. Not my fault honey, "the all-powerful foreign hand" did it!
The finance industry shook and tumbled and took economies of several nations apart, and while banking and insurance industry as a whole will never escape the blame for it, people who got hefty performance bonuses during the mad boom will never be held accountable or imposed fines on. Afterall, who can say that the individuals did it? The blame will keep rotating until somehow some industries find a way out and a newer world order takes over in a few years. But that was just the beginning right? Inflation coupled with gloomy global forecasts gave everyone in India the license to impose high prices based on heavy margins, and when that scared away consumers, to take away jobs in bulk. And it's neither their fault, nor their prerogative to take proactive action to contain damage and work for greatest good of everyone. That just doesn't happen on Earth 2009. Greed is one of those things necessary in small amounts to enable self-preservation, but it goes out of hand too easy, and leads to scenarios where the real estate sector wants more and more rate cuts and sops, but will not cut down margins any lower from 40-50%, or when airlines will cartel to play with the masses, the govt will play with sops and policies to maximize election impact, and the rest of the politicians will be busy playing the blame game and earning brownie points as opposed to contributing anything constructive. The thing is, it's not anybody's fault, it's entirely US-imported (foreign hand) and it's convenient to all be victims.
Terrorism on the other hand seems to have grown by leaps and bounds of late, and the World War wisdom of War stimulates economy has found more and more takers, apparently, with the way the world, esp the subcontinent is burning. I wonder how much cash is stashed with these groups to continue funding terror in these times. Anyhow, Pakistan is the victim of its own friendliness with Taliban and encouragement to terror and the future looks really really grim. Yesterday's attack on cricketers was ghastly, devastating, horrific and absobloodylutely shocking. It's almost as painful as Mumbai 26/11 was, and is bound to kill cricket in Pak for a while. But just like India immediately blamed the foreign hand or Mumbai before investigating enough in her home, Pak has given the knee-jerk it's India, it's RAW reaction already. I don't know whodunnit, and whoever did has to be cruel, heartless jerks, but the only unbelievable thing about the RAW blame is that since when did RAW start doing anything, anything at all, including its job? I hope the perpetrators are caught and killed, I hope Taliban and LeT and LTTE etc etc is destroyed and peace returns everywhere, but I know this is wishful thinking, at least in the near future. The Lahore attack cannot happen without local support at the very least, and in a country half overtaken by Taliban and where nobody still got justice for publicly killing Benazir Bhutto, it's not even an iota unbelievable just like the Mumbai attack too, definitely had some degree of local support. But despite that, there will be more war-cries, Pak will make similar statements against India as India did with or without any evidence to nullify the diplomatic offensive on Mumbai and hope that there is an Indo-Pak war that will make the Taliban unite with them, stop killing them and start hurting India instead. Don't believe it?
It's all sad, and sickening, this world we have made for ourselves. What's really shameful though, is how people overlook the need for introspection entirely, and in their aim for self-preservation and greed for enemy-destruction, together become the victims as well as the perpetrators of wrong at the same time.

The death of an era?

An IITD student/alumnus reading this would understand what this means when I say the BRCA (Board for Recreational and Cultural Activities) trophy has been scrapped this year. That includes THE trophy, all club trophies and awards. Whether this will be a permanent phenomenon or trigger a change in future regulations, only the next few months will tell, but for this year for sure, the game's over.
To be frank, it wasn't entirely unexpected. When I look back at the events of the past year, things have been controversy-marred and awfully unhealthy. The actions of a handful of hostels have turned a fun, recreational, exciting place into an ultracompetitive unsporting fanaticism gradually over the last two yrs, but everything this year was just unpalatable. So today when the profs handed out the non-negotiable verdict, it seemed harsh n sudden, but it was probably the right thing to do. Honestly, RCA has lost its appeal for a lot of us for the sheer point crazy madness that prevails at events these days. The number of events were reduced to reduce pressure, but instead they've made every event a do-or-die affair, in the process killing fun and spirit first. And IITians being IITians, and RCA trophy being the Nobel of IIT stay, things got too competitive too soon. And shamefully, unethical too.
Still, for someone like me who saw the glorious days with twice as many events enjoyed harmoniously each year, for someone like me who inherited the culture of exploring talents , learning by competing and bonding with people genuinely interested in the same things as you, this marks a moment when things at IIT might just change forever hereon, to what we grew up with. There used to be small controversies on and off earlier, but most were hushed, well taken care of and more the exception than the rule. This year, the mud-slinging has been dirty and out in the open. I didn't enjoy one event all year.
I just wanna hope that this action puts things in perspective and at the right place. Let people realise what's really important, and even if the trophy is permanently scrapped (And I hope it takes BSP and BSW trophies along) I am optimistic for a smaller, nicer RCA with people who do things they enjoy, for the sake of the fun and the people, and not for a shiny piece of metal. But alongwith the optimism, there's a tinge of grief at what inevitably looks like the final nail in the coffin for an era.

Amen!

Today was one of those days. It began poorly, albeit lazily with one of the worst cooked hostel mess breakfasts (which is, without exception, the best meal of the day). And then, there was Laptop trouble in store (again!) when I discovered the the wire of the Laptop charger has got cut at a point. Imagine an already super-bored jobless life, minus the laptop! :(

So, finally tired of being depressed and deciding to get it it fixed tomorrow, I abandoned my room to take a long walk, and threatened Dork into coming over. Together we ate and bird-watched in the market across the gate, and a little later, it happened. A life-changing idea, that sounded outrageously crazy at first, like many others, but quickly built into something credible and substantial. Something I know I will write, something that has potential to break all kinds of crazy records. I'm thrilled! And we treated ourselves at Nirulas' for that already, too. :D

I'm not going to give away any more here, but all of you, bite your nails in suspense, and pray I go through with it, because if I do, I know it's gonna be good, and if nothing, serious fun, for YOU too. :D :D :D

Amen!

Next is what?

Here, I changed the blog template. I liked the picture at the top more than anything else, and wanted a change anyway. So I changed it, and unless a LOT of people crib about it, and unless someone finds me a better one, I'll stick to it, for it's too much work, albeit such is the state of joblessness and boredom in my life right now (and expected to stay for some time) that work most of the time is a good proposition. However, not this, let this be tweaked a little if needed, but let this survive!!!

So, next is what? I came back to an almost empty hostel today evening. Had a little work, but mostly home and college are equally boring now, and equally lonely. What a contrast this is since those early years here when I hated staying at home, and so much exciting was always happening to life here. Now it's a terribly purposeless, friendless existence, where each day is no different than the rest, and the only difference between my room at home and at hostel is the availability and quality of food, and the answerability and freedom of killing my time. Worst part is, things don't look as if they could change for the rest of my tenure here, that is, till I actually start working. And even then, there's this question, where do I stay? Assuming I get the Gurgaon office, the choice between living at home (which is 35 long tedious kms away from office) and living on my own somewhere in Gurgaon isn't as easy as it seems.
For as much as I hate the commuting and the restrictive atmosphere at home, I don't really have a life anymore, can't imagine anyone I could possibly live with (people don't even like talking to me any more mostly, I'm that boring) and it's a lot of hassle of it's own.
Still postponing that particular question at the moment, fathoming what to do next is an immediate awful question. Reminds me of a certain book titled "How Opal Mehta got kissed, got wild and got a life". Pacy, fun, page-turner of a one-hour read. Wish my life was that happening.

For now I find solace in watching the beautiful foggy night, quietly celebrating Dravid's century (finally! yeyyyyy!!) :)

Job Hunting-III

In the end all it meant for me was 8 back to back interviews, three offers and two decisions. And I was goddamn lucky, for sure. 20 placements on Day1 is crazy.

There would be several things to say about today, but for now, the only thing I can feel is relief. And feverish hope for others to get a job too.

BCG. Mark the name. Likely to become a regular at the blog.

Job-hunting-I

This is the season of knocking at the door of the Job Market (mostly gloomy,empty this year :( ). With one and a half foot still firmly back in innocent and fun (slightly evil and boring this year) College-World, and half a hand still clutching at the all important and coveted Degree that will stay elusive for at least (and hopefully no more) half a year more, we beg with half a hand (with a CV in the other hand, obviously) and down on one knee (and a half too, if you wish) to get a job. Yeah, that would be ten days from now.

So this is what is the graduating class of '09, IITD, can be found doing these days:

• Curse your luck for graduating in a recession
• Wonder why your GPA isn't better
• Curse the toppers for existing with better CVs than yours
• Wonder what the professor taught in your fundamentals class in Second year about your engineering discipline and how you reached final year without knowing that
  
• Curse Training and Placement cell for posting yet another "Company XXX will not be visiting this year" notice
• Wonder why do I want to join this company
• Curse inflation for the heavy bill of your Interview-Day gear: Blazer, shirts, shoes, folder, accessories, perfume, bathing soap...
• Wonder why people who tell me to be honest in interviews frown at me when I tell them my biggest weaknesses are chocolate, sleeping, dislike for bathing and sheer inability to work without a deadline hanging over at my head
  
• Curse companies with GPA cutoffs
• Wonder how the hell to tell someone "about yourself"
• Curse companies that did not shortlist you, every single time after that initial cray buzz goes in the campus whenever one is out
  
• Wonder just what is my greatest strength
  
• Curse your department, your profs, your project guide
  
• Wonder why do we need to know how to estimates the number of tissue papers thrown in dustbins every year and the number of lamp-posts in Stockholm
• Curse seniors who did not tell you in first year that you still needed to slog out after clearing JEE and getting into IIT
• Wonder how to put together that brilliant crisp, polite, true answer for every question that gets you a tick on Creativity, Leadership, Team-work, Communication, Analytical abilities, Relationship building, Fun-loving, Impact, Substance.............
  
• Curse all the TV series, movies and LAN gaming you did
• Wonder just how did that senior of mine manage that job last year
• Curse everytime a company has a huge 8 page form to be filled up in addition to the CV that says When did you put Mind over Matter and One weakness that you have overcome and how
  
• Wonder how did that person get that shortlist this year
  
• Curse yourself for not giving CAT seriously
  
• Wonder if going for a PhD is an option
  
• Curse
• Wonder
  
• ...
• ...

In the air tonight....

• Beauty. Beautiful, serene, wet water, and a slight chill in the air. I love rains!
• Fear. When will the global economic crisis end? How bad is the job market hit? Will India stop growing? Will inflation ever come down? Will we get a job this year? Will the climate change kill us before we do anything?
• Laziness. The weather makes you relax. Work looks doable, and hence, postponable. Sleep is good. Coffee is tasty. A laugh is worth it.
  
• Frustration. Why is Delhi traffic so bad in the rains? Why can't someone maintain the roads?
• Love. Season of being bowled over. Season of love. Of fifth yearites hitting the new couples list. Of old couples falling crazily all over each other again. Of sweet nothings. Of cuddles and kisses. Of looking at your life, smiling and saying touchwood.
  
• Panic. CVs? Job prep? MTP?
  
• Rendezvous 2008. Begins tomorrow.
  

It's all in the head :)

I've been wanting to write for a few days now, but everyday, something or the other mutes my words. Not much of an excuse, but then, nobody can force anyone to write anything, including yourself. Hence my musing has been confined to talking aloud, which is what this post is going to sound like, most probably.

The summer semester is finally over. I'm thinking of taking a break now for a week before the next semester begins. I don't know how that's gonna feel like, with no friends, little work and the feeling of being terribly old. But then, I guess it's all in the head. When I speak to some of my old friends struggling to come to terms with their new work lives, I realise again, it is all in the head. :)

Thankfully, I'm much more at peace than I was two months ago. Life feels not bad most of the time, and that's a happy event. The feeling of not being listened to has been replaced by the urge of not wanting to talk, and it's liberating because now it doesn't need anyone, and is just happy when someone's there, not too sad when someone isn't. Speaking of which, Doc's going to US tonight(!)...I hope he's back soon enough, but I hope more that he has a blast there (and brings me chocolates :D). Jokes apart, it feels good to have some friends who want to see you sometimes; it feels great to see them once in a while and laugh like crazy. Real good. Touchwood.

Though underneath it all, the feeling of everybody moving on is sorta sunk in. How long can one live in denial anyway. Everybody has a life, their needs, their musts and their wants. Everybody moves on with it, and their relationship with you moves on to a different level as well. It could be indifferent oblivion, it could be a nominal hanging-on, or it could be something equally deep manifested at another level. I don't know why we are so scared of change, especially when it changes what we mean to someone. I know it's an awful feeling to feel unneeded all of a sudden, especially when you need them just the same still, and it's something that one can take forever to come to terms with. Yet, all I can do is hope it's for the good. And that I would know, and be strong enough to act, when the love's fizzed and it's time to move on. I hope it's not all in my head. I hope it's all for the good. :)

I shifted my room yesterday in my hostel, which meant hours of climbing up and down with enormous luggage (how much luggage do I carry!!) that I still haven't completely sifted. After 18 months of living in a dark corner whose darkness I'd fallen in love with so much that most of my waking hours were spent without the tubelight on, this one has a bright window behind my head. I wonder if that is a sign of things to come in the following year. I hope it's good.

I have stumbled on a few blogs of first and second year people recently, and each time something or the other becomes a mirror to the times that were, the excitement that even I was a part of. The archives of this blog help in remembering some of that, but the fun is when my statcounter tells me a number of users, some of them the same juniors, went through the archives just like I did. I hope they don't commit the same mistakes as I did.:)

Dedicated to HRD Minister

Mr. Arjun Singh, you seriously need a brain transplant.
Now the HRD minister wants quota for IIT faculty!!! For heaven's sake!!
This is the height of ridicule. There's already reservation for all staff and now students in IIT. And as of the latter wasn't already going to diminish the standards and brand of this place, you now want faculty to get the caste flag. How divisive politics can be! This makes me so angry I want to kill him. And it's absolutely senseless too. Already we do not have the 'best' faculty owing to the low salary bars the govt fixes for IIT professors. Now, everything will be destroyed. Seriously, is this the British Empire days in disguise, divide India, rule India???
And this time, I can't see which vote bank he's trying to pander to, either. The number of people who potentially benefit from this move would be abysmally low, and the OBC community is enough appeased by whatever has already happened. But just the thought of something so outrageous in his head is disgusting for every single person with an ounce of brain in his head. It's like buying sub standard machinery to make guns during war time.

This govt, powerless enough to control inflation and powerless enough to go through with probably the only good thing they have brought up, the nuclear deal, has it now sold out the country too?!?!

Dedicated to IIT girls

WATCH OUT!!

No matter how smart and sweet you are,
(and one day you'd surely be noticed for that too)
if you keep on outdoing them all the time,
(and making them feel suicidal)
one day they will get back at you.
By hook or by crook.

(just to be fair, you know...though I'm sure Vik n others would find better captions :P :P)

Dedicated to IIT guys

No matter how big you are, everyone needs a good shower.
Everyone. Everyday.

P.S. A junior of mine recently set a record of 78 bath-less days. Some people I know, despite the terrible humidity, seem set to challenge it. I'm gifting deodorant tomorrow.

Things hardest to let go-II

The emptiness has set in already. Thirteen more months, 382 more days in IIT to go (hopefully not getting a degree extension). Phew! And the good times have already slipped past. Dual, or 5yr integrated degree that IIT dishes our, sucks for the simple reason that it has an extra year where you're the ghosts of the campus, who hardly anyone knows and nobody cares about. All your friends have left, most of your courses are over, you've even been given a farewell as the "batch of 2008" and nobody needs you anymore. But you still have to live here one summer and two semesters an oblivious life. Hmmm...but how do you let go of the habit of running into your friends in the institute who've suddenly gone too far, at least physically, or of msging them for momos and maggi, or of random nightouts? Why's it so lonely out here? Where are the people?
...and suddenly, there's nothing to do. A stupid project can only take so much of your time. What do I do about my workaholism? Especially when I've gone out to refuse all regular extra-curricular stuff for the coming year, the kinds I've been doing forever in IIT. Suddenly, there's so much time, and no activity. I'd planned to start working on a book, but so far I can't get myself to write a word. The plots in my head dont look convincing; I'm just so uninspired. Seriously, folks, give me an idea. Or a summer job which I can do with my project without traveling much in the heat. Or social work? Anything...

Things hardest to let go-I

All the best, guys. Will miss you.Love you! :)

Relief??

The semester is over, finally. Grades pour in tomorrow I guess, and though it's been academically a bad bad semester, at least I'm passing in all courses for sure( :P :D)! Yesterday when I submitted the final assignments of this semester, it felt a little relieving but surprisingly not light still. Work is light now, but there is still more or less a continuum with the Project (that's going to keep me here all summer, damn it's hot) work asserting itself. Especially after that horrible presentation on Monday. I cried almost an hour after it; my mood was already low and there was still plenty of work, but I'd nevertheless put in 8 hours for that presentation of which nobody saw a slide. I hate my department!
In fact most things I've seen happening in IIT since the majors have been ugly, something nobody will fall in love with IIT for. Millions of people outside this campus think this is the greatest place of all times, the best and all that crap. Lakhs of students dream about making it in here, but inside, there's so much filth at the wrong places and 80% of all students dream about getting out asap by the end of their term. This semester profs have had a field day with failing students. Sure, students have been at fault to some extent, but a large part has come without warning. Humanities alone has failed more than 150 students, most on attendance. There's a course where 33 of 44 students have been failed due to attendance, another in my dep has 28 casualties and there are a couple that have like an F at 65 or an audit at 80 or a C- at 75. Talk about being ridiculous. 75% of all people I know in the graduating batch currently are facing a serious problem in some course or the project. People will now have to forfeit IIM calls because some professor is heartless enough. And then they wonder why most IITians don't come back to their institute with love. Our batch was to take up a physics course in our final year, and some of us did it as extra credits, simply because our dep curriculum didn't have any physics courses in first year when all other deps had. And it was tough, more so because it used all JEE concepts and tricks which we haven't just forgotten, they're completely irrelevant to us today. It took me some scare and effort too, to pass it. IIT system is rotting, there are so many ills it makes me nauseous at times. But student say is limited, and the higher ups won't change anything. Plus, the attitude of mostly everyone sucks. Student politics is mostly a shame at the calibre of the students in this campus, but worse than that, even good hardworking people have this attitude for working for a post they want to hold next year rather than because they hold one at that moment. And since I'm blunt enough to say this ( and also refuse point blank a post in the next placement team), I get more than my share of brickbats. You know what, I'm cool with it. I've worked like a maniac four years, I want to try something different now. I want to just...disappear.
The sem's over, but the relief is not coming in. Most of my friends would be leaving soon. It's going to be a different life soon, one I'm not too relieved to enter into.

Still, so long and thanks for all the fish. And someone please magically cure this IIT system. It's gonna take a few lives more :(

Society

At my department farewell today, I got titled as the most popular girl in IITD, and got polled (by my dep-mates) as the "coolest bandi of the department" and "the most hated person of the department."
That pretty much sums up my social standing in my college, and pretty neatly too.

Things I learnt today-II

• Nothing is better than something, sometimes.
• Imagination is more powerful than you can imagine. Power is more imaginary than really potent.
• The single biggest fear that haunts every single IIT student is an explusion, losing the degree. It is also a remarkably well-exploited fear by the rank and file.
  
• Sadism is an art. Masochism is a science.
• With some people, nothing they ever say really reaches you. Even if you hear the sincerest I love you a 100 times, it just doesn't cut it.
• "Believe in the step function."
  
• You can live for someone other than yourself. It may not be the best or wisest thing to do.
• What people do to get attention!
• I still prefer an arranged marriage over a love marriage, and the margin is huge.