Beauty

A silent, beautiful night had set upon the beautiful, lonely cottage. My escapade in the hills had just turned divine. For as far as one could see, there was not another soul visible. The sounds of the night, although clear and crisp, kept themselves to the background. There was a leopard somewhere in the trees on that hill, but he too chose to silently admire the peace for some time. There must have been some vehicles passing, every now and then, some 2500 ft below us, but up here one couldn't hear any of them. The fire in the fireplace, under an imposing, still-scary head of a hunted tiger, made an occasional noise, but mostly it provided luminescence and warmth to an otherwise lonely night.

Outside, the full, bright moon filled the valley. It hung like a halo on the top right of the frame, and the freshly bathed hills below gleamed at the treetops. There were a few lights strewn across the hills, but from here they felt like dew drops. One couldn't actually see the valley, blinded by the clouds that floated slightly under the peaks of the hills like a haze. The sky, above the clouds, was otherwise clear and strewn with thousands of stars. When was the last time I had seen so many stars? Cities are too busy soaking in the glitz of man-made stars and stares to seek cover under natural hoods. There were flowers near my cottage, I knew, that splattered color on the scenery in the day - right now, they contributed to a sweet fragrance, something that made me believe more and more this was just a dream. It probably was, for something this beautiful, this peaceful, this heavenly couldn't possibly exist on this earth. I shut my eyes, but it was still there when I reopened. I looked at the moon, and it seemed to smile at me. It also reminded me, painfully, how lonely this moment still was. How beauty has never managed to cure pain...

I shut my eyes again. There was a chilly nip in the air, but suddenly the warmth of an embrace had taken it away. Suddenly, I wasn't alone, and the moment felt complete. Music played in my head, and I felt content like I could die without regrets. I knew you weren't there, yet I knew you were. I knew you'd come to make me complete, just for that moment, to make me capture the beauty in fullness in my heart. And once the beauty made home inside me, I realized, while beauty doesn't cure pain, it certainly makes it easier to endure it.

PS Partly fictional, inspired by real-life, by this place. More on the vacation in other posts.

Calm

 

There is a calm so peaceful, so serene in life - can't remember the last time it felt so light.

Words, they form on the precipice of existence, and them vaporise away, for somehow, there's nothing more important to say, than just living the moment.

The present.

And what a relief is it, the present, free from the burden of the past as well as the future.  

Jeevan hai barf ki naiya :D

...Naiya pighle haule haule

Chahe has le, chahe ro le

Kya pata zindagi mein kitne pal hain, par har pal mein bahut zindagi hai

Fact, simplified

I oversimplify a bit, but not much, when I say that you are responsible for the sinusoids of my life.

You bring me joy by being, and pain is when you aren't.

It is all your fault!

Parking: the invincible monster

This is a long overdue story of the famous five who wished one day, to explore the streets of the ancient city of Delhi and undertake a voyage to see glimpses of its heritage, despite all the perils that lay on their way, primarily the monsters of traffic. This is a story of the L, the Doc, the Kiddo, the Psycho and the Munna, and their ever-trustworthy, beautiful Taani partner, aka this. It was a wonderful Saturday morning, and we wished to spend the day merrily around the city, in particular exploring the delights of the Walled City.
It didn't begin so well, and we started an hour later than we intended to, yet we made up for it by treating ourselves to Wimpy's burgers, arguably the best fast-food joint burgers in Delhi, and sang our way along to Red Fort. We braved the nuisance of afternoon traffic monsters with the strength provided to us by the aroma of the Dilli-6, and managed to reach our destination, but then we were faced by a monster so mammoth, fear crept inside our spine.
Parking.
We searched and searched, through the bylanes of Red Fort and Chandni Chowk parking, mindlessly cutting right across 4 lanes from left-most to U-turns, but in vain. The only spot we saw was immediately occupied by an industrious clever entrepeneur cutting down his floor area cost and setting shop there. Then we decided to get to the Chandni Chowk metro parking lot, but when we finally reached the gates of that heaven, we found ourselves caught in a queue outside the gate, for Heaven was full! We couldn't go front or back, and the queue moved very slowly, allowing inflow only when there was some outflow. We waited, and to our utter joy, 15 minutes later, we were allowed in. We celebrated in delight, but before we knew it, Heaven turned into hell. All we could see was darkness all around. Darkness and metal. Rows of cars lined in every possible space everywhere one could see. We got lost in the maze, trying to find beloved Taani a place to wait a few hours, but all in vain. 30 minutes later, we gave up and decided to exit. The exit, just like the entry was a 45 degree slope with cars parked on both sides on the slope of what was originaly a three lane exit from the basement.
As we were trying to make the accent, two cars ahead of us, someone had prized a spot on the slope and was trying to park it in, when he suddenly stopped and walked out, with the car half inside both lanes. On being called, he said, "Aap log 5 minute ruko, main chai pi ke aata hoon".
!!!!!!!
A part of us died there.
Somehow, he was persuaded, we got out and ran for life. We went all the way to Old Delhi Railway station, but the parking was full there as well. The last hope had died. We just made our way back, seeing Red Fort for the third time from the windows of the car in the last two hours.
It was just not meant to be.
The retreat was easier, and Doc was just being helpful when he yelled out at the top of his voice to the motorists struck in a jam on the opposite side of the road, "There IS no parking. Go back!"
We stopped at Darya Ganj to nurture a beaten soul and stomach, then made our way to CP, where to find ourselves some solace, a brilliant idea and some more outrageous lane manoeuvering led us to Jantar Mantar. When we finally parked, Doc with the parking ticketin his hand said with tears of joy: Finally!
So we saw a different beautiful red building, and original destinations have been left as hurdles for another day. Food and drink at CP healed us for the day.

But there was more on that day to follow. Doc took us to watch ek kutte ki emotional kahani, Marley and Me. (Jennifer Aniston is OLD now). While we were pulling our hair in frustration, Doc insisted he loved the movie, and I suspect it was because of the really hot chick sitting right next to him. For the rest of us, the movie sucked out whatever spirit the afternoon had left behind.
And so we retired to the abode, armed with fresh spirits, and even as other comrades joined us for what tured out to be an eventually entertaining night courtesy couple of my really drunk and really funny co-warriors, the day left us with leassons to learn and memories never to forget.

PS If you ever wanna go to Red fort or old delhi, park at a metro station, and take the tube. That is THE only way.
PPS Wenger's at CP is awesome, if you already didn't know.
PPPS If you find a better burger than Wimpy's, let me know.
PPPPS Please do not ask NMG or L their drunk and partially censored adventures of the night. They really don't remember.

Amen!

Today was one of those days. It began poorly, albeit lazily with one of the worst cooked hostel mess breakfasts (which is, without exception, the best meal of the day). And then, there was Laptop trouble in store (again!) when I discovered the the wire of the Laptop charger has got cut at a point. Imagine an already super-bored jobless life, minus the laptop! :(

So, finally tired of being depressed and deciding to get it it fixed tomorrow, I abandoned my room to take a long walk, and threatened Dork into coming over. Together we ate and bird-watched in the market across the gate, and a little later, it happened. A life-changing idea, that sounded outrageously crazy at first, like many others, but quickly built into something credible and substantial. Something I know I will write, something that has potential to break all kinds of crazy records. I'm thrilled! And we treated ourselves at Nirulas' for that already, too. :D

I'm not going to give away any more here, but all of you, bite your nails in suspense, and pray I go through with it, because if I do, I know it's gonna be good, and if nothing, serious fun, for YOU too. :D :D :D

Amen!

Thank you

Thinking about you

through a collage of blissful moments

stumbling over those that make me fall...
over and over again, in love with you

and floating in those that swept me off my feet
with your inundating love.

You're beautiful, and so is life with you. :)

Summer 2007, 2008

I never review movies etc on my blog, but have to say Summer 2007 is a good watch. (So is Jaane tu...., while Thoda Pyar.... is sooo cliched and Love Story 2050 is so not watchable:P) The reason I say so for Summer 2007 despite an almost unknown cast and not the best direction in the world is the story and a not bad at all acting by at least Gul Panag and Ashutosh Rana, and even though the movie could do with some editing in the beginning (too many sub plots) and a tighter control on the script that would help develop each of the five main characters properly. In a lot of technical ways and norms of movie-making then, it is just about there, but not quite. Each of the five characters undergo a catharsis and reach a Rang de Basanti types awakening in the end, which albeit a fresher option than miraculous healing and closure of the entire problem, but the characters are so poorly developed you almost miss that catharsis and awakening at the individual level. Most of the rest of the cast looks promising, but again, more like getting there. The title is weird, it so doesn' resonate with the essence of the movie.
But still, I maintain it's a good watch because it's effective so far as its core issue is concerned. It manages to look real and disturbing and does not adhere to stereotypes (one of the villains is a modern, karate-knowing, slick, sexy, English-speaking female police inspector) And the movie almost made me jump and run and want to do something concrete, something helpful.
Ok, enough of this. I'm sure I'm not good at reviewing etc. Moving from summer of 2007 to summer of 2008, that is the here and the now, life is getting, or at least, feeling more pleasant lately, as I said in the last post. At least as much as it could get in boring vacations. It's the time of the year when my life is entirely dictated by the inertia of rest. I don't do anything hence I can't hence I don't. :P :P

But I like the nothingness sometimes, anyway. The rains, the pakoras, the slow pace of work, the gossip, the movies, the walks, the games. Not thinking is cool, I say. Very cool. :D

Things I learnt today-III

• Pain always comes from the same sources as pleasure. No wonder, the constant running that we seem to be doing, away-from-sorrow-towards-happiness, mostly in hindsight we realize is essentially a going-nowhere-jog. No wonder too, that people who seem to be greedy for pain apparently do well with the quota of happiness they manage to grab for themselves too.

• An idea can change your life. So can the lack of an idea.

• Girls ask questions. All the time. And almost the sole objective is to hear the answer they want to hear. So basically, they just want to thrash you. :|
  

• Nobody wants to be needed too little, or too much. Barely anyone even knows how much. Yet sometimes, in the middle of a dark silent life when you sleep evades you a little longer, you can't help missing someone and their (too much or too little) need for you; you can't help needing someone.
  

• Quoted: "Computer/internet are like girlfriends..." You don't know how much you depend on them and want them if you have them around easily all the time. In other words, you only realize the worth and feel the urge when everyone has it and you've never had one, or the one you had is suddenly not a part of your life anymore.

I couldn't argue with the person who apparently said that line first (as I was told) why the same can't be applied to boyfriends.

Paradoxes

Some moments are magical in the way they allow opposites to co-exist. Tonight is one such moment.

Tonight I am very emotional, yet calm and peaceful.
In this moment, now, there is a lot of happiness and a deep pain. There is fun and masti, and also disappointment. There is gratefulness, especially to God, and there is an anger, a complaint. There is nostalgia, a lot of it, but also a little hope. There is the terrible sorrow one feels on losing something really precious, yet there is a sense of extreme joy at the realisation of that something precious having been there all this while, having been mine, and that it will never be truly lost. There is a deep sense of attachment and a strong growing urge of detachment. There is loneliness, a dark, desperate feeling of being lost and useless, and there is a bright smiling light on the other hand, something that reassures me with a loving presence that I'm not all alone, not all unwanted. Being forgotten feels bad, but when there is someone, somewhere who remembers you and you realise those are the only people who really matter to you, you just cannot stay feeling bad.

In the end, life is not a war that you have to win. Life is just this moment, this one-fist-joy, one-fist-sorrow, this flickering hope, this affectionate pain, this paradox. They say sometimes winning is the only thing. I would like to disagree...it never ever is everything. And thank God for that. I maybe a loser, but I have what really matters and what I really need, at the end of it all. It feels great. Thanks.

Forgiven

There wasn't much light anywhere, save a red flickering tower-light in the distance. There was the half-moon of course, in whose glorious light the night bathed, and revered those that revered each other. There was no need of any illumination, for the hearts were bathed clean, and everything was so pure one could see it clear in the dark. Passion forgives anything; forgiveness is truly passionate, and in that passion the dust of time and the gloom of loneliness disappeared. What's forbidden in tempting, and when resistance fails, temptation becomes a full grown animal, sweeping anyone off their feet. Sometimes, it's good to give in, to let go, to stop resisting.

That's what they did. In a lonely night in the wild that their incredible fate had landed them into, by sheer chance, bringing to life in a flash all the moments years ago that were full of love for each other. And in that flash was forgotten the grime of time, the unspeakable distances, the fights and the tears, the pain, the failed relationship. In that flash was forgiven all the hurt, all the unsaid grievances, the marriage, the divorce, and all those years, wasted. They were young again, fresh growing-intimate-strangers and not worn-out indifferent-acquired-strangers any more.

Gaze locked itself in the eyes and the night melted around in a haze. Love is beautiful.

Long Drives.

I like analogies.

Life is like a long drive. Mostly, we are driving alone, in a car whose size changes with time and need. Some people have a load of people in their back seat who they have to drive for. A lot of times, there's nobody, just us, driving on, listening to the monologue on the FM. Some phases, out of city limits, are so lonely there's no FM either.

Sometimes we are driving in the fast lane, zipping past everyone else. Sometimes, we are stuck in traffic jams and getting nowhere in life. Sometimes, driving is a big pain, zipping through mad traffic and lawlessness, struggling to manoeuvre so as to get somewhere. Actually, to think of it, a lot of it is like that.

Sometimes it's raining, and the car gets stuck in deep water. Sometimes it's so foggy you can't see anything. Sometimes someone bumps their car into you, jolting you completely. Sometimes you run out of fuel or a tyre is punctured, and have to stop/push your car to the next station. If you're unlucky, once in a while your car breaks down completely, and then you need help to repair it and get it on the road again.

But you keep moving. Through roads and lanes. Sometimes even on paths that do not exist, on a road in the wild that you make as you travel. You just keep moving, till the end comes and you die in a fatal accident, on the road. That, is the rule.

And most of the times when you're driving by yourself, tired of the FM monologue you wish there was someone sitting next to you you could talk to: a friend. And you wish and you dream there was the someone special you could find who promised to stay by your side on your journey, someone who touched your hand everytime you moved it to change the gear.
Someone who bent over to kiss you at every red light.

Life, is a long drive. Sometimes, brakes fail.

Strange, perhaps

Since the last few days, an eerie feeling resides in me. I feel a strange, powerful revulsion from everyone...in the sense that I'm really comfortable only when I'm all alone and silent, mostly. I'm happy! But with people, even with my closest of friends and most loved ones in the whole wide world, with anyone except for work, there is an inexplicable unreasonable aversion (okay, that sounds a bit too intense, I'd say mild repulsion/ urge to escape) which is stupid as well as embarassing. I have to fight an urge to run off, and while I can successfully do that and the existing affections are acknowledged and strong, something's just not comfortable. I don't feel like chatting, don't feel like talking much to anybody more or less, am very nasty, bitchy, rude, blunt to a lot of people these days ( and it's strangely pleasing too :D) shun arguments and just adore silence.
I know this has got to be temporary, and I hope I do not permanently offend many people, but what the heck, I am happy.

Something similar happened to me just when I came back from Sweden, and I put it down to months of solitary living. I don't know what to ascribe it to now. I don't even know if I want a cure. :)

Aj mera budday hai

Aj main bada bacha ho gaya hoon.
Chalo chalo, jo jo mera budday bhool gaye hain, sare wish karo.
Aur jis jis ko yaad hai, usko thank you hai.
Meri mummy kehti hai thank you bolna chahiye.
Main apni mummy ka chhota bacha hoon
Aur main sabka kiddo hoon.
Doc ko big Thanks. Poora DORK hai but kinna cute hai.
Moti ko bada sa hug. thank you.
Catalyst, njo aur Ted ko bhi thanks.
Mere sare friends ko bhi de hi deti hoon.
Aur aapko bahut bahut pyar.

Phew. Bada hona kitna mehnat ka kaam hai.
Shit! So so old.

PS Dear God, ab tak ye din achha hai. Kuch bhi bura kiya na, to kabhi baat nahi karoongi [:(

Axioms of happiness

So, what do you need to be happy? The last post gave me many perspectives, which can be merged to give the following. Although some people wanted me to give me my defnition, I still choose to stay shut. Anyway, you guys have said most of what there is.

To be happy, therefore, you need:

1. To love. Love yourself, and get some love and respect, although the external part may be uncontrollable. I think it's important to be loved because it makes us feel needed, and it's important to love because it comes in buldled with axioms number 3 and 4 below.
2. To not have any desires. Since that's not practical(or else we would be Lord Buddhas all) it comes down largely to not having too many expectations out of others, and very little from your own self too, because Vik pointed out that having too high expectations/standards to meet for yourself will always make you unhappy. Fair enough.
3. To make others happy. This one sounds pleasing at first, for all moral science is based on this paradigm of spreding joy and helping others and the idea of being nice to others for feeling good about yourself seems a reasonable mix of selfishness and selflessness, which Vibhav pointed out, is probably at the core of happiness. This transitiveness (courtesy Shantanu) also, though sadly, translates to a dependence on other people, the ones that matter, for our own happiness which itself is one of the biggest reasons for discontentment in this world. Sigh!
4. A cause/purpose and a hope. Essentially you need to have something to do in life, something to work for/look forward to, and you should be able to enjoy what you're doing, including the process. There lies the need and essence of all the "what's the meaning of my life" solioquys in the world!
5. Lastly and most importantly, freedom. Freedom to do what you want to do and who you want to be. the freedom to choose your own reasons and paths. The freedom to love, and the freedom to fail.

That is essentially how I would sum it up for what you need to be happy. One more thing should be included though, another interesting comment, which I took as this:
In order to be happy, what you need is to really really want to be happy. And then, not to try too hard for it. :)

Tell me your thoughts!

As for mine, thanks people. I got it. Being happy is impossible. :)

An Evening to Remember

Somethings in life happen by pure coincidence. Or atleast, you may look at it that way and it seems more perfect, more delightful, more alive to me. A series of events and impulses that lead to pleasant or not-so-pleasant events...but then life truly comes alive in such moments. Sometimes you just discover such joy in a routine expected thing which just happens as it should, or because it simply doesn't happen. Sometimes, random decisions bring to you thrilling experiences that you cherish forever. Sometimes, the universe gives you energy to do some really meaningful things you had never planned on doing, but you were meant to!

Something somewhat similar, albeit not exactly, happened to me yesterday. It was a happy day, till it became happier, and eventually the nicest day I've had here so far. I had my first class, and I was naturally quite enthusiastic about it, because I really want to experience, compare and contrast education at KTH vis-a-vis IIT. Anyway, the class turned out to be nice and I find the course (Industrial Management) quite interesting. I met some NTU students, three of them Indians, so I have friends already. Then I met a Swedish guy for lunch. His name is Niclas and he's one of my three student mentors here. He's like really sweet and helpful, and yeah, quite fun to be with and talk to. So I spent like an interesting our with him, and thus it's been four dates with four Swedish guys (mentors) so far and yeah, they're all cute! (Jealous anyone? :P)

Unfortunately he had a class so he had to go, which was the end of my nice, happy day, and I was free for the day so I started getting back when I realised that the next morning (that was today!) I had a class at a place quite a distance away in the campus (It's another end really!). So it was a nice sunny afternoon and I had nothing to do, and thus I started walking towards the place equipped with a map in my hand and lots of reflections in my head, almost talking to myself. I had been walking 15 minutes when I reached an intersection and stopped to read what road I wanted, when the nicer bit happened.

A Swede, who looked quite tall and just a bit more mature to me than a teenager, walked up to me and asked if I wanted some address, and I showed him the place on the map that I wanted. He said he was walking in the same direction and could show me the place. And so we began walking and immediately he started asking me lots and lots of question about where I was from and so on. It turned out he's quite interested in India and Asia and he looked at me with a really high level of curious interest and lots and lots of questions, beginning with how soon could he learn hindi if he studied it 8 hours a day six days a week!! He really is interested in both langauges and travelling and I now know he knows at least 8-10 languages and has lived for a few months or years in many countries, just travelling. Now I felt nice talking to him and he just kept asking questions one after the other, till we stood at a place and talked for more than three and a half hours!!!

He asked me about india, about the people, about the differences from the west, about the history, about my opinions on everything under the sun, about what I do and how I have so much energy[:P], about India, Pakistan and the subcontinental terrorism(((EVERYBODY here knows about it really, and kashmir is the first thing I end up talking to a lot of Swedes on first mention of India...Views anyone?), about my impression of this place and the people, about current world affairs and governments, about imperialism and global unity today, about so many things that I can hardly recollect....but it was like I had a one on one conversation with someone after a really really long time, something like 5 months at least, and with all my blabbering energy and his amazing inquisitiveness in, i had a really heart-warming discussion and yes, I was loving it!!:D:D

So it felt soo happy and nice, and then we walked towards where I wanted to get and he actually helped me find the floor and the room I was looking for. Which reminds me an interesting thing I see in a lot of buildings here. Since the terrain is mountainous, so many times you enter a building and realise it is the fifth floor! And then you go two floors down and look out of the third floor window and in looks like the ground floor too. Know what I mean? :) So we entered from the fifth floor and exited from the second...

And we walked towards a shorter way to the bus to my home and to his university, when he suggested i see his university which was right there. It looked interesting and I agreed. All I knew was he's a Ph.D student in Languages and cultures from a Business perspective, and studied at the school of business management, where he took me and it was quite lovely. And then, right behind was this huge beautiful lake that I spotted and looked so excited he took me there to show me the view. It was just breathtaking! And then, from one view to the another and one path to the other we just kept talking and walking, and laughing and hiking and talking and walking along the lake for the next three hours!!!! He missed his work, but didn't seem to mind it, and I was astonished by this friendly guy (he was 44 and a bachelor, as I learnt) who took so much pains to telling a stranger like me every building, every anecdote, everything there was to see around that place. I mean had I been alone I would have enjoyed the place immensely, but since he took me along to the cliffs and we climbed to the highest point and he showed me the botanical garden and Japanese garden and he showed me other such things, I just LOVED it. I'm sorry I didn't click many pictures(next time sure) because I was so busy talking and having fun, but I shall put the few i have at flickr (link in sidebar). Oh how I loved the place! It was a breathtaking sight, and the weather was great and I just love hiking in the mountains myself! But the guy, Shell, he was quite amazing too, and then he was definitely amazed and impressed with me because according to him I knew so much and had such a perspective as a teenager. I didn't really believe him but basically I was enjoying his anecdotes so much I let it be.

There were a couple of moments that stayed with me during that walk before we finally reached another lake, then the road, and then walked through some farms and the Stockholm university till we reached the station and he dropped me in my train and left (polite and chivalrous :D:D). But the two moments were: one, when I was at that highest cliff and I saw all around and it was so beautiful and silent I could hear my heartbeat, and suddenly my heart took me to back home and I saw a beautiful dream with open eyes for a couple of minutes. It was plain passionate ecstasy. And the other was when he was telling me about his Master's days when he used to stay at a dorm nearby and run around the lake with some other guyes everyday. One of those days they were having one such race when one alcoholic who always used to sit at one particular bench, stopped them and said "Everyone has to die someday. But I would prefer to die of liver cirrhosis than of cramps and physical breakdown from over-exerted muscles!!" It was so funny, but the way Shell narrated it was funnier and we laughed aloud for a good two minutes when an old Swedish couple walking there stopped for us and said Hi and then the lady said in Swedish that the two of us looked really happy and she wished we always stayed so happy. He said thanks and both of us were equally touched when he translate that for me. It was such a nice thing to say. Wonder why we don't do it more often.

What is the price of a few kind words? And what is their value? Think about it.

At this moment...

...an incredible peace encloses existence, and all its current turmoils. At this moment, a strange feeling of death overrides every other emotion, felt and unfelt. At this moment, an alien (or perhaps way too familiar) silence is pouring down the recent cracks in the soul, and drop by drop it percolates to hitherto unknown parts of the being, bringing alongwith itself a fresh pain, a fresh numbness.At this moment, an astonishing amount of unheeded history and unacknowledged hurt is suddenly resurfacing from absolutely nowhere, for the lava only to be frozen by the here and the now into icy stones that hurt as they hit while falling upon the body, but leave only visible scars and no pain. At this moment, a bewildering listlessness is overtaking the senses, and it's hard to decide whether the sense of being lost overrules the lack of need for a direction, or vice versa. At this moment, darkness looms large before the eyes, and every 'ray of hope' is bright enough to be blinding, so it's only darkness that is, or is not, seen. At this moment, nerves reel under weightlessness of a free fall, but it's also relieving, with zero apparent stress on the system. At this moment, fingers feel in the keys something that is not meant to be said or read, thought or understood. At this moment, someone somewhere is trying to live, and trying to die, without knowing why, but is unsuccessful in either. Yet, there's a strange overriding bliss, a contentment of the sort that comes from wishlessness, a melodious harmony of the sort that emptiness sings, that fills the ambience at this moment.

At this moment, I have the voice in my ears which makes me breathe, the memory in my eyes that makes me smile, the warmth in this tear that has been missing for some time, the smell in my heartbest that defines intimacy and the touch in my hands that makes me feel alive.

At this moment, I am happy. At this moment, I'm loved and hated and kissed and scolded and blessed and cursed. At this moment, whether I feel it or not, there is a life within me. At this moment, there's the pillar of my existence intact and strong, touchwood. At this moment, my star is shining bright, only for me.

Who says then, that I am alone at this moment?

JUST KID(DO)ING....

One basic fact: the most basic, ultimate thing we all want in life is 'happiness'. There are several definitions of this happiness, and there are joys big and small, enjoyed and overlooked, derived and snatched...but let me not go into that right now. This is supposed to be a fun post, and I'm supposed to be, er, well..just kidding!

It's amazing, if you think a bit, how little it takes to be happy most of the times. It's all in the mind they say! But what's even more intriguing is the all-kinds-of-stuff we all do 'just for fun'. Somehow the most delightful memories, at least for normal people, reside in those light fun moments which we spend playing pranks, teasing each other, pulling someone's leg, laughing aloud, being on adventures etcetra etcetra. It's an endless list, and invariably reminscing about the innumerable instances makes me smile.

But there's also one pertinent question that remains conveniently unanswered and ignored: that how much of something is really 'fun', and where do we, if at all, draw a line? I ask this because there is a list almost equally long of fun-instances-gone-wrong...where things become a bit too much, where it doesn't really stay 'fun', atleast for some people, where the idea of fun is reduced to a certain sadistic pleasure of enjoying at the expense of others, which is a thing we truly realise only when the 'other' is US, or where misunderstandings, fights and physical or mental injuries creep up in something that really was 'meant to be' for fun; worse still, where the fun-for-us is outright demeaning, insulting, or morally violating for somebody else, and we do it either because we don't care/realise, or because we are rather confident that the other person doesn't 'know' about this!!!!!

(There are the PRANKS that can scare the living daylights out of someone. And of course, there are the infinitely bad PJs that are fun to us, but whoever is our listener can freak out with headache. Do we stop at that? Not always...but is our definition of fun getting all mixed up with sadism?)

I'm not saying that there's anything bad in having fun, or enjoyin life. That IS infact THE AIM of life and of living. Come what may, smile u must! It has to be a constant endeavour to look for fun in simple, small things of life, and somebody who can have-fun-and-be-fun indeed has the most successful of lives in the real sense. But there is the whole moral thing again-IF one cares to care- because eventually we all live in a society with other people around, and therefore tolerance and respect is essential. Howmuchever fun it sounds to the damn-care parts of ourselves, we CAN'T really say and act on the belief that my fun cannot hurt somebody else, because it is not intended that way, and even if it does- so what! One has to be mindful, respectful and a wee bit careful. One man's fun can't be another man's agony.

But then, inspite of the fact that we all realise this, how many times do we err!!:(

It's OK to some extent within friends, as long as we are sure that it is not taken to-the-heart, because it's mostly a fair game, and we all have days when we are the laughing stock, so that it does even out(unless u r damn clever, or bossy, or damn lucky...but I feel even that is not much fun!:P) But there are limits at several places, and we should know them.

Not exactly on the point, but just to quote an instance, a few days back I was browsing the IIT LAN, and someone had put up a few pics from IITK's recent fest where our team went, calling the folder IITK_mein_photography_studapa. soem of you might have seen it, but for the sake of everyone, let me tell u wat it was, though I feel 'cheap' typing this: it had afew pics of some girl, taken from the top view, if u know wat I mean. Now I'm sure it was great fun for whoever took and saw and enjoyed those pics, but just think once, how violative an act that was, if the girl knew that? Would he have enjoyed the same had the girl being his sister, or mother?

Sorry if this sounds accusative or feminist, I am just trying to highlight how misplaced our definition of fun can be. Maybe u feel it wasn't a big deal because the gal wd probably never know. Fine. But that's not the point. It's about setting the stds, drawing the line.

Sigh! Why do I always get all worked up with my posts...soooo digressive!

Forgive me, I'm just a tiny kid who knows nothing..ur own stupid kiddo!!:D

Anyway, this post was meant to be for fun..so if u have time, check out this fun link.