Too serious? :)

It's a small world.

Life - I can't decide whether it's long or short, opinions flip flop on that one - but life is reasonably long to make us forget a large part of it, as it happens. We get over most of it easily.

Some, of course, we like to hold on to. In tinted, hazed versions. In pictures, boxes and words. In stories we remember every time it rains, or cry to in the darkness of nights.

But since it is a small world, and as I said, life is reasonably long on an average day, sometimes we run into figments of our own life that we had forgotten, lost or gotten over. Bang, they're right there in front of us. Those people, those places. Those pictures, boxes or words. Stories we half-remember. They tend to take us down nostalgic lanes, mostly hopping over things we have held on to, and sometimes revealing forgotten milestones that surprise us -pleasantly or unpleasantly.

I do not know if this ever happened to any of you.

"Hey I knew this person... I spent a good year sharing all my secrets with her, crying over her shoulder and hiding behind her to avoid getting caught for my pranks. What happened? Why don't I remember why we got over each other?"

"Ah! I don't remember ever drawing these things. God, how silly was I. Why did I ever stop?"

"This place looks familiar, and still doesn't. I know I spent years jumping around these halls, but.."

Of course, you move on. Things lose relevance quickly. That's relatively speaking. At that moment, the pace of time is slow enough to make it feel like the entire universe, or the biggest tragedy in the country upon a human being - as the case maybe. Things feel different when they happen to you, I guess. The funny part is, once time has passed, we get over them so quickly that it's easy to be distant and forgetful, even more than if it were to happen now to a stranger in front of us.

And of course, this holds for about 95% of the people we meet and 98% of the events we live through.

It's amusing how seriously we take life still!!

I wonder if this will happen to this blog, say, 10 yrs from now. Would I care so much? Would it exist? Would I remember? Who knows...

But the archives will always state that here, in the 600th published post on this page, I acknowledged that in the roller coaster of life - hopefully, not a long one - these archives would have their own special place. :)

Cheers!

Borrowed words

Once in a while you read/hear something that you identify with so much you wonder why you didn't write that yourself. Also, sometimes answering somebody else's questions helps you know something about yourself that you didn't know.

Both those things happened today. :-)
Heard this:
आज तक कायम है उम्मीद तेरे लौट के आने की
ज़िन्दगी अब तक उसी मोड़ पे खड़ी है|


And read this. Below was the answer I found myself writing.

How do I exorcise my grief?
I don't.
My grief isn't evil
My grief isn't a ghost
My grief doesn't flatter to deceive
My grief doesn't boast
My grief doesn't abandon midway
like seasonal love, like the joy of success
My grief doesn't ask for "space" of its own
My grief is mine to possess
I soak in my grief
and let it pass through me
in the darkness of the nights
it helps me get to know me
My grief is my friend
it strengthens me when it leaves
rather, when it hides in the shadows
waiting, till my heart grieves
My grief hears my sighs and screams
My grief embraces what my eyes won't
How do I exorcise my grief?
I don't.

Life is amusing :)

On why google is evil

We have always known it's a bad thing one big fat company's servers hold so many bits and pieces of our life stashed with them, and a few clicks by someone somewhere could affect us unjustifiably, still until it happens to you, it feels like cynicism and some more. Now, after suffering a virtual homicide of some sorts in blogosphere, I'm forced to wonder - is it time for an un-google-ification. Here's what happened - all the comments I've ever made across blogs, including on my own, have vanished. Without as much as a trace (or an email). Sucks!

That's more than 5 years worth of comments. Did I have no right on them at all? Or the people on whose blogs they were made (like him). I've posted a complaint and stuff, but don't see any help forthcoming. What next - tomorrow this blog can just vanish in thin air? Or, horror of horrors, my gmail account? Makes me furious.

Do I need to prove to google I'm not a spamming bot but a real person - has the world come to this already?

Google is evil.

News flash

I'd be in Mumbai this Sunday, and will stay on till the next Sunday, 2nd August.
Any of you dear folks wanna catch up an evening/weekend, let me know!
Also, if someone can help me find a home in Mumbai, or knows someone who needs a roommate, be my saviour!!

:)

4 years, 500 posts

Happy birthday, blog.

Yes, it's been that long! :D

Lead India, Bleed India

With elections round the corner, political fervor has caught the virtual world with as much fervor as the real one, or at least as much as the TV/print media. Obama-style online campaigning may still be a few years away in India at least so far as effectiveness is concerned, and really, 'active' Indian bloggers alone is a relatively small 50k-ish community, at least so far as readership and impact is concerned. Still, the chatter is almost relentless, and hopefully, a percentage would get converted into real action too. The efforts of Janagraha through the Jaago Re! One Billion Votes Campaign to get people to register for voting has found a mention earlier on my blog and it is good to see that the Election Commission has done its bit by parallel campaigning of its own as well as co-operation with efforts such as these. Activity is bound to get more frentic in the month to come, meanwhile, it was amusing to look at two new related websites, both finding some advertising space on billboards on Delhi roads. One is the Times group's Lead India'09, and the other is a sorta-reply in a rather pessimistic, funny yet utterly non-constructive way: Bleed India. The former appears to be one of many such forums with limited membership/ideas that keep cropping up these days, not forgetting Advaniji's own site (which doesn't tell you too many constructive things except a complete biography either) while the latter appears to be a manifestation of a lot of energy vent out in frustration. The ringtones section is cool though.
If there's one thing really free, that's opinion, and in a free, democratic country with whatsoever ills, there maybe, each one deserves to be aired and respected.

What's yours?

Next is what?

Here, I changed the blog template. I liked the picture at the top more than anything else, and wanted a change anyway. So I changed it, and unless a LOT of people crib about it, and unless someone finds me a better one, I'll stick to it, for it's too much work, albeit such is the state of joblessness and boredom in my life right now (and expected to stay for some time) that work most of the time is a good proposition. However, not this, let this be tweaked a little if needed, but let this survive!!!

So, next is what? I came back to an almost empty hostel today evening. Had a little work, but mostly home and college are equally boring now, and equally lonely. What a contrast this is since those early years here when I hated staying at home, and so much exciting was always happening to life here. Now it's a terribly purposeless, friendless existence, where each day is no different than the rest, and the only difference between my room at home and at hostel is the availability and quality of food, and the answerability and freedom of killing my time. Worst part is, things don't look as if they could change for the rest of my tenure here, that is, till I actually start working. And even then, there's this question, where do I stay? Assuming I get the Gurgaon office, the choice between living at home (which is 35 long tedious kms away from office) and living on my own somewhere in Gurgaon isn't as easy as it seems.
For as much as I hate the commuting and the restrictive atmosphere at home, I don't really have a life anymore, can't imagine anyone I could possibly live with (people don't even like talking to me any more mostly, I'm that boring) and it's a lot of hassle of it's own.
Still postponing that particular question at the moment, fathoming what to do next is an immediate awful question. Reminds me of a certain book titled "How Opal Mehta got kissed, got wild and got a life". Pacy, fun, page-turner of a one-hour read. Wish my life was that happening.

For now I find solace in watching the beautiful foggy night, quietly celebrating Dravid's century (finally! yeyyyyy!!) :)

Of young and rebellious women

This post has been delayed too much, and so has the question I wanted to think aloud over in the previous post. The title would be a giveaway, yet, my question arose from something more specific, and this is what it was...just what is the deal with the "young and rebellious" image of blogs written by female authors in blogosphere? My point is, think a little, and you'd suddenly find that a lot of blogs written by women, especially the more popular ones, seem to either fit or endorse or trying-hard-to-fit the image of a young and rebellious blog, or if not that, at least a modern, young, rebellious women author.

This is by no means a general statement or an allegation, but this is a feeling I can't stop getting whenever I'm randomly blog-hopping. It maybe in the look or the blog or in the author's attitude, in the words chosen or in the response evoked by the readers. This element is almost unmistakable. An element of so-called progressiveness and rebellion. An element of out-of-the normal individuality (maybe, simply because of the fact that the normal of our world does not allow for individual expression of themselves by women, more or less) that is either inherent, or the author is trying very very hard to portray. Almost as a matter of pride. In fact, some of the blogs I've come across sometime while browsing randomly are so loudly and promiscuously feminine that the insensitivity in the name of free expression is scary, and I'm afraid may be a reason why the modern rebellious women is stereotyped (so wrongly) with a negative connotation very often. I don't get the point behind all the noise, and sometimes, all the sensuality.

I'm not saying it's a good thing or a bad thing. In fact, I won't be surprised if someone came and told me that this blog also somehow fell into the same category. I'm just exclaiming at something I can't fail to notice. Some of the more read blogs have a larger element of this kind of a modern, rebellious, confessional streak in them, and somehow, it happens with the female authors all the time and less (but definitely does happen) with the men.
Is that some kind of a division in blog world? Does this world of apparent anarchy and freedom also have some kind of, possibly biased for or against, rules of its own? One of my friends once argued that all female blogs enjoy more readership than male ones, or to be more precise, he said that if your readers know you're a female, you'd get more readership if you were writing in complete neutrality and anonymity. I gave him a hundred counter examples at that moment, but maybe, partially, he was right in a way. And if there is such kind of a "favor", I don't like it! I mean, let's be fair, (and I may be offending a few feminists here) you're born either a man or a woman, entirely independent of your choice or anybody's control. It's just normal and natural. What is there to be proud of, or ashamed of, about your sexuality? You're neither less nor more because you're a woman, or in this case, a woman who blogs. But that's only what I think.

P.S. If you're bursting with anger at me for my remarks about women, blast me for sure, but before that read this, just to chill you a little (it's good news) :P If you're a man, irrespective of what you think about this post, go through that link too, because I want to say Yey! :P

Four zero zero

Similarly, just because this is the 400th post on this blog, it does not mean it is any special.
Or 400 times saner/useful/less(or more) crappy than the first one.
Real life isn't even interesting enough to be suitably perfectly gray.
Still, smile, come what may.

Surfing, fishing, eating

Everyone knows internet is an excellent place to kill time, especially during exams :D, and nothing's better than blogosphere (or my feed reader, for that matter) to do some good, varied reading. For instance, I was going through the archives of this blog, and only wondering at the average index of sentimentality of the girls of this world [:P], when I saw this post and the instantaneous index for not just girls, but even guys went up in a spike :P :P Point is, touching words (or movies, music etc...essentially "expression") makes even the most inert start feeling, and the sensitive crying!
It's nothing new, but it's still incredible, the power of dots of ink on a paper (or pixels on a screen) to evoke emotions in a perfectly unfeeling stranger. It's the power of something "artificially created" by another human being, something that's also a slave of the receptor's moods and sensory organs (and mind, is mind a sense organ? is mind an organ?) that is so immense, no wonder power of plain natural beauty and the perfectly natural miracle of life is too great to even begin to fathom and appreciate!

The writing bit also reminds me of this quiz I took eons ago, and that said I should become a film writer (rofl). These endless questionaires and all on net I tell you, I wonder who makes them. (And the countless ones on facebook!!!! Wat color heart are you? Are you a zombie? Mind blowing imagination!) Some of them are fun, some are pure stupidity, but I think they survive on their ability to feed curiosity and kill time. Sometimes, I like going back and finding permutations of answers that give certain solutions, till I find all the nodes and more or less the whole flowchart.

Blogosphere is an interesting read also because of the reactions that tag along with the posts, most delivered in semi-anonymously. So someone asks Keshi why is every third post of hers about sex and someone asks herwhy she doesn't write much about all the sex she has anymore and it sends me into fits of laughter. There is so much desperation out there in the world :P :P Shit, it must be hard to have your blog so widely read. Creepy.

There's the daily dose of poetry, and there's current affairs. IPL has also caused its share of turbulence in blogosphere, and not without reason. From cheerleaders to fan whines The best online timepass though, by far stays XKCD and its lesser cousins (phdcomics et al), including Kay's blog,. Check this one, and this:

Aath ka aankda

So...both the eternally optimistic Akshay and lovely Chandni want me to get my eights right. And after screwing two minors big time, the last one tomorrow threatens to uphold the law of inertia, so let me just do something constructive :) instead of killing more time.

Eight things I am passionate about:
Writing
Emotions...good ones...affection, care, taking care of someone
My love
My faith and beliefs
Dreams
Good conversations
My work...anything I love doing, when I do it, I do it with 100% passion
Chocolates, sleep and other such delicious reasons of living


Eight things I want to do before I die (In no particular order):
Write a book, even if nobody reads it
Feel complete
Open a nice comfortable book-cafe
Travel all over the world, small obscure beautiful alive places
Adopt a little girl
Own a fine dining restaurant
Ensure a comfortable life for my parents and brother
Open an event management company and force all my friends to give me the contracts for organising their weddings :P


Eight things I say often:
"Yeah/yep"
"Cuto..."
"So what?"
"You're so stupid! :P"
"Dude..."
"I know..."
"Love ya"
"nothing.."


Eight books I’ve read recently:
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's nest
How Opal Mehta got kissed, got wild and got a life
Satanic Verses
A Farewell to Arms
Life of Pi
Metamorphosis
The Inheritance of loss (reading)
Shantaram (just started)


Eight songs I could listen to, over and over:
Koi Fariyad, Tum bin
Coming Back to Life, Floyd
Everybody hurts, REM
Shaam se aankh mein, Jagjit Singh
Numb, Linking Park
Nothing Else Matters, Linking Park
I'd love you to want me, Lobo
Jab koi baat bigad jaye

**Current fav: Making Love out of nothing at all, Air Supply


Eight things that attract me to my best friends:
Easygoing/Approachable
Caring
Efficient
Understanding/ Perception
Reliable
Passion
Smartness
Strength


Eight people I think should do this tag:
Arpz
Dork
Yashshri
Vibhav
Venom
Oracle
Shantanu
Jeya

C.

Shantanu says, take the letter C, write a few words from it and what do they remind you of. And I say, aye aye sir! :P
Here comes:

C for...

• Childhood: Life. 99% of it. :)
• Coincidence: Rest of it.
  
• Care: What binds people together, even in absence of love and affection.
• Confusion: The default state of being.
• Chocolates: Happiness-producing pills!
• Cheeeeeese
• Cyanide.
  
• Chameleon: Amazing reptile, tricky people.
• Cats: Devil in the eyes.
  
• Computer: Your friend, guide and mentor. (I'm so glad computer wasn't the first thing I thought of, otherwise I would have been sure the nerdy disease a lot of my friends have is contagious! :P Wait, Contagious is from C! )
• Common man: The connect between R.K. Narayan and politicians' speeches
• Conscience: The master! The feeble voice that's always right, the only voice one's answerable to, at the end of the day.
• Convenience: Why we ignore conscience.
  
• Constant: Change.
• Change: One of those things you always have when you don't need any.
• Circles: What goes around...
  
• Clamor: Inside.
  
• Comfort: In the arms.
  
• Complications: Me.
  
• Completion: The goal.
• Cleavage: The path.
  
• Coffee: Elixir of life. What you do when you're not sleeping.
• Cigarettes: Enemies of life.
  
• An obscene commonplace gaali! :P
• Cancer

Enough I guess. Tag to whoever wants to do it :) Your letter is the first letter of your blogger nick :)

Back!!!!

Hi all (if someone is still here)

I am back. :D :D :D
Don't ask me why I left, temporary insanity has little justification. And sometimes, circumstances are beyond control. As I temporarily wrote here too, the thing about being a phoenix is that you have to rise back, but also, that it is your destiny to be reduced to ashes every once in a while. :)
Then blogger froze my url, and it took about 20 days and four mails using this very useful link and finally this morning, I got a mail back. Love you blogger!!!!

I'm back for now, and I want to write again, here, at my home.
I feel a little fuller again :)

Love you everyone....

Books! :D

So I've been tagged by Madam Dreamcatcher herself! How could I miss this one....:-)

Off already:

A book that made you laugh: Hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams...one of the few books which is a blast right from the word Go. Unputdownable once you start!

Also my all time favourite: Calvin and Hobbes.

A book that made you cry: I've contracted a crying disease in the last couple of months or so...I bloody cry in the middle of every half decent movie or book, most of the times unwarranted (half senti scene normally laughable in a B-grade hindi movie included!! Gosh I need a doctor..). Plumbing problems aside, there've been books beautiful enough to make me cry a little including The Kite Runner, Love Story etc

A book that scared you: Family Matters, Rohinton Mistry; Noi Chhoii.

A book that disgusted you: The one and only Mils and Boons I've ever read in life. Downright disgusting. I think it was called "Forsaking all reason" or something like that (sure did read like that!)

A book you loved in elementary school: Alice in Wonderland, Chacha Chaudhary, the first Nancy Drew I read too.

A book you loved in middle school or junior high school: Romeo and Juliet. Can't think of more immediately.

A book you loved in high school: Love Story, Eric Segal.

A book you loved in college: Plenty. I'm still in college, still loving books day in and day out. Loved Midnight Children, Salman Rushdie. Never Let me go and The Remains of the day, Kazuo Ishiguro. Shadow Lines, Amitava Ghosh. Siddhartha, Hermen Hesse. English, August.
And more and more...

A book that challenged your identity: Dreamcatcher's remark about Urvashi Butalia’s The Other side of Silence reminded me of the similar effect it had on me too. In addition there was Noi Chhoi, Siddhartha, Husband of a Fanatic, Fountainhead and a few more.

A series that you love: Lord of the Rings, including The Hobbit, by Tolkein.

Your favorite horror book: None. Still looking for one that could scare. The Exorcist was a nice read though.

Your favorite science fiction book: 2001: A space odyssey, and The Invisible Man.but if I included dystopia too, 1984.

Your favorite fantasy: LOTR.

Your favorite mystery: Used to love mystery when I was younger esp Holmes. Never swore by Sheldon or Dan Brown, but I remember enjoying If tomorrow comes.

Your favorite biography: will be the one I write for myself :P Kidding...My Experiments with truth, I guess.

Your favorite "coming of age" book: Fountainhead

Your favorite classic: Too many. Alice in wonderland, 1984, most by Marquez, Little Women. Macbeth, Pride and Prejudice.

Your favorite romance book: Love Story, Eric Segal.



I must have missed like a gazillion good ones in this impromptu listing. But still, books are awesome. They are the best, and sometimes the only, friends.

Tag passes on to:

Catalyst (to do in his own anonymous blog and mail me the post :P)
Vikram
Vibhav
Vibhor
Arnav
Shantanu
Yashshri
Doc
Tapasya
Oracle
Akshay
Pooja

Blah..

Life is amazing. It has more colours, shades and variations that you can possibly imagine, and you keep meeting more and more of these randomly. Perhaps there are more dark, sad ones than not..perhaps...but that's besides the point. I keep saying it's amazing because it just is. Life is both good and bad at the same moment for me. I have reason enough to be depressed, reason enough to be highly grateful to life and reason enough to be pleasantly surprised. (That's why I don't always go by reason; miss reason is herself confused!!)

Pre-final exam time is always awful, though it never has been so bad. There have been just too many term papers presentations quizzes etc in these las 2 weeks, and no it ain't over yet. With placements around and other activities that need effort (add to it the weather, I just can't get out of bed (even when I'm sleeping alone!)) there is always a shortage of time. I so wish for exams to start so I can chillax!

On other fronts, thank you to Catalyst for delicious chocolates. Thank you to Doc for caring, and thank you God for giving me some sort of a reason to stay alive even though I'm very very tired, seriously. And oh yes, for those of you who follow Arpz's blog too, news is that Genius is in love. Check her page for more masala! :P

I was thinking today about the book I intend to write next year when I have more time and I realised spontaneity is absolutely essential for creativity and hence I should NOT think at all. for example, the back of my class notes has some crazy scribbles, some of which read:

~ "If you wait long enough, you don't have to choose anymore...because life doesn't leave you a choice."

~ "I am so hard-working I hardly work."

~ "Wanted: Temporary boyfriend, permanent girlfriend, eternal friend."

~ "All coincidence is an act of fate and a nomenclature of faith."

~ "The point of life is lost on an over-stretched line that we all tend to toe."

300.

"Our arrows will blot out the sun."
"Then we will fight in the shade."

Not bad for inspirational stuff, right. Good movie this was, 300. At least if you could just enjoy the cinematography and gore and think of nothing else. :)
Among other things, triple century for the post-count on the blog. Wow, that IS a lot of crap, right! :P
For the rest, life is doling out a lot of crap interspersed with moments of activity, nothingness, fun and discovery. Pain inside you, pain around you, and a superceding survivor's instinct to fight, to live, till the sun's blotted out.
I guess I'm doing well still, and life will do, for the moment :) There's just one problem, too much faith, trust, hope has been destroyed -deacayed or killed, and it's tough learning to live with voids.
But never mind, there's no fun living without tough things to do. As for now, time to celebrate the 300th issue of crap on a Public diary

Schmooze, muse, views.

News headlines for the last week read I got schmoozed. No, that's not a African/Japanese/Bihari/Tollywood/Mayawati-christened/RSS-approved/Himesh-sung version of "smooch" (I'm wayy too hapless for even those corrupted incarnations). Apparently, this schmooze thing is about how well you traverse blogosphere and move, as Dreamcatcher who gave me this award puts, in sheets of conversations with other blogs. They move around blogosphere making friends, are not just limited to highly frequented blogs but they also keep there arms open to new ones and engage in meaningful conversation so they bug you more after saying hello …

Now I don't know who gave that definition, but it's interesting enough for me to pass the baton. Mr. Dreamcatcher himself is one of those, undoubtedly, but if I have to pick five more (which is very difficult, my list is TOO long)

(in alphabetical order)

Akshay... Cute, innocent, energetic. Writes well, charms better. Always hunting for blogs and bloggers, to read. His two cents are always the brighter perspective, even when he doesn't understand anything! :P

Arpana Crazy crazy crazy girl. Blabbers, cries, sings, does everything, and instantly make u like her...even her silliness. Very loving and a wonderous friend.

Keshi Vivacious, veteran, energetic girl totally in love with blogging and her blog-family :)

VibhavKnow him through blogs primarily, though we pass by too often in college not to talk. Still, his opinions, his warmth in this world, his invaluable observations and brilliant poetry make him a not-so-anonymous wonder :)

Vikram From poetry to frustaps, from life to death, from philosophy to humour, from encouraging comments to questioning ones, he has everything :)

There're at least a few more I must acknowledge...pRicky, Tapasya, Chitra, Jasmine, DC, Faith, Ady, Prude....

*******************************************************

Among other events, some of the questions raised in this post by me have invited responses even more thought provoking at times, and while I still reserve my own take, if any, on them, the one thing that gave me a strange pleasure to know was the question I thought was the trickiest for me also turned out to be the least answerable, for it concerned defining honesty, and judging people on that most important parameter. Invariably, all acceptable answers ran into the domain of intent, of "justified" lies, of morality...in short subjectivity. And thus intent remains for me the most important, most crucial concept and parameter, yet inaccurately known by its very nature. I've believed in concepts like...I don't care about whether you did it or not, I care about whether you wanted to/meant to.

And gladly, after all the thought, I still do. :)

*********************************************************

Request: One of my alter-egos, Madam as she is known for her strict bossy dictums and whims, has prevailed on me to command everyone to smile. So, for the sake of my job and health, please please please smile. :)

BECAUSE.

Does everything have a cause-effect relationship? And if yes, is it necessary, is it even possible, to assign and define the cause of everything that happens?

I have read some 50 blog posts in the last few hours, a good percentage of which were some very old posts on my own blogs. I notice that inquisitiveness is one of the basic, and infact good qualities of human beings. I also realise I question a lot, and a lot of my blog posts, including this one, begin/end with a question. Most of the times I do not have a definite answer to the question. At least to begin with. But reflection is a wonderful activity. At least most of the times. As I keep saying, moments of clarity are good for the soul, and most bright ideas come in the middle of complete chaos. Or maybe that's what they call the 'voice from within' that suddenly tells you what you always knew, but never knew you did. Which then, means, that 'why' is not that bad a question afterall, even though it has a risk of being reduced to rhetoric.(A good example of rhetoric would be "why am I the way I am?". A wasted 'why'. )

But the problem for me is when the question changes to "Tell me why, and do that quickly!".

The rider of time, or the vice of haste, couple with the question to reduce it's worth to often pitiable amounts, because the most brilliant questions do not have immediate answers. Similarly the most brilliant answers did not come with a constraint on time.

I think "What?"is a good question. "How much?" is helpful too at times. They help in identifying and acknowledging something that deserves attention. But "why?"needs more then just a little attention. And I wouldn't tell you why I say this, because I'm still figuring that bit out properly.

But still, having said this, Í'm not sure if there can and should be a'' why'' that is answerable all the time.

Reason, they say, is something all fears would fail in the light of. Perhaps. But I'm not convinced, yet.

"Why do I work?", for instance is something I'd like to ask myself, because it'd give me direction and perspective. "Why do I live?"is philosophy, and it's one of those things that'good to ask without obsessively waiting for the complete answer. "Why do I love?", however, is something I can never answer and I shall never ask. Because logic doesn't work, not for me, atleast, where passion can.

I'm faced with several whys in my life at the moment, and I simultaneously believe that whys are good questions and bad questions; they should be answered and they should not be answered, or even asked. I don't know what's right now. I'm struggling with many too many becauses.

You can blame me that I hardly ever take a stand, but I am genuinely confused at the moment(it's exam time afterall; I'm bound to be haunted with existentialism!).

Somebody tell me why does there have to be a 'because' to everything?

Ek Chhoti Si Love Story

I guess everyone has their own love story, or atleast a story about love, even if it's one about a-love-that-never-was, or why-there's-no-love-in-my-life!!!:P

But the story is always there...

Arey nahi, I'm not gonna narrate my own tale of tragedy or happiness here...I hardly have time to speak that much..:P
Just kiddin...

I was actually thinking a bit(what's new? :P) and just looking around myself I found more love stories per person than the number of people around;)

Teenache, did u say? Perhaps....
Despo-panti too. Accepted.
Attempts. From subtle to silent to outrageously desperate
Heartbreaks too, as well as loads of confusion.
Everyone has a muse, an inspiration, a dream, a desire, a him or a her. Visible or invisible.

And then there are the luckier ones...who have found their partners, atleast think they have.
The beautiful couples.

But this post is about this unique twosome, both of whom are my friends, and both share a lovely love story, though they are unaware about it themselves. And I can't decide what to do.:P
Because both Ms. A and Mr. B are pretty good friends of mine, and treat me as a confidante. So I know that both of them have very strong feelings for each other, developed absolutely seperately, and without ANY knowledge about the other's feelings.
No, absolutely no clue. DESPITE me being a crucial common link.
(See I'm good at this. I never leak things. You can always trust me with your deepest secrets. Seriously!!:D)

It all developed independently, and the simultaneity of it as well as matching intensities are only two aspects that make this story different! Even I got to know seperately, and almost by chance. Considering that in B's case, I'm the ONLY one who knows.
Now I'm stuck in a unique difficulty, because I am bound by promise I'd nvr utter a word, especially especially to the crucial other half of the couple, to BOTH of them. And I can''t break that. Besides, any suggestions to "Why don't you tell him/her?" are always rejected, and I get a scolding.:(
They're both too scared.
Even an occassional indirect hint as to "He/she likes you too" is not treated seriously at all, is included in my "consoling" and is actually dismissed.
What makes the problem worse are two factors:

• They are both EQUALLY good friends of mine. So cant take sides with one.
• They both love each other soooooo intensely(I know this) that it pains me to just watch everything silently and leave it on time/destiny. It even sounds stupid. But because nobody else even knows, it makes it difficult for me.
  

I had never realised being introvertish could be so problematic at times.
I'm in a dilemma. What should I do?

I'm an addict.

Agar Internet na hota to kya hota?


It's the 15th official anniversary of Internet...(the work on the project for the first website http://info.cern.ch/ launched on Aug 6,1991 began on November 13.) 15 years since arguably one of the biggest technological revolutions to touch our lives..

Maybe only phones ( esp mobile phones) have had a stronger impact...
We blog, chat, surf, mail, read, write, watch sports, listen to music, get news, trade, do almost everything on the net.
Especially people like me and u.

No, I'm not going to give a lecture or write an essay on the pros and cons of internet.
Sabko pata hai yaar....
The impact is undeniably very very strong..not all of it is god, but it's not much bad either.
Technology, and information, empowers.
It's comfortable living WITH it.
But are we net addicts?
Can we live without it?
Do we feel handicapped without it?

For a lot of people, I suspect the answer is yes...Just look around and know the difference net has made to us.
I have sooooooooooooo many friends only BECAUSE of the net. Be it orkut, blog, chat or simply the fact that I've been able to maintain and strengthen friendships only because of this powerful means of communication.
(I'm using the word friendship here in a very loose sense...koi kisi ka dost nahi hota. Never ever trust anyone.
If u want, dont even trust me when I say this.
But one day, u'll know too.)
Of course, it's another thing that I want to get on a people de-adddiction programme now.
I dont want anyone.
But I'm digressing.

Cyber cafes have grown into places where love mushrooms, sometimes culminating in marriages
(Of course, a looooooooooooooot else mushrooms in cyber cafes as well..)

There are infact more cyber cafes in India than post offices.
Woh din ab bhi yaad hai mujhe when I didnt have a computer at home, and actually paid 60-80 bucks an hour at a cyber cafe for reading my emails!

I don't know if this one will shock u a bit, but still, this is a fact: A 30+ housewife in Kolkata sold her own nude pics to a porn website through a cyber cafe!
Terrorists use this medium, so do fanatics, and so do the biggest entrepreneurs.
Wonder how many gruesome secrets(and Osama bin Ladens) are hidden in tis vast world without a government(Of crse, ignoring the fight between US & the rest for control over Internet also ignoring Google v/s Yahoo v/s Microsoft!)
They say u find EVERYTHING over the net, if u have the eye to look for it!

Do we find love?Maybe yes, I dunno.
But do we lose anything? Yes, lots too...but we dont think that way.
At a very micro level, we lose sleep, grades, concentration, morality, innocence and LIVES

But do we mind it?
Pata nahi.....
Because at the end of the day, even I'm writing this in my BLOG- a place I love, and thats so inextricably linked with the net.


I love the power this place gives me, and the ability to connect and to communicate.
I love it when I can copy assignments from the net.
Yes, it's addictive.
I CAN live without it, but I prefer not to.
I just want to live without people, i mean without depending on anyone, without trusting anyone, at step one.
Deaddiction drive!

Tab tak let the net corrupt me.
Tab tak...

Internet Zindabad........