News Headlines

• A belated Merry Christmas to all, and a happy new year in advance. God Jul och Gott Nytt År.
  
• I went on a cruise to Finland last week. It was the awesomest thing. I was HIGH without any alcohol at all and danced all night with despo guys and despo lesbian girls. I have a bunch of stories from that night. Too much to type!!
• The greatest part about Christmas this year was not the little belated snow, but the fact that I ran into a bunch of Indians at a party and they loved my aloo-poori. [:P]So we had another follow up party yesterday...
  
• A couple of exchange students lived nearby. somedays back one of them killed the other and fled. The body was found five days later because it stank. Now the other guy has been caught and it's discovered that they fought over another guy(!) and that let to murder! Murderous love...
• I'm 20.
  

Chasing moments

I am one of those who believes life is lived in discrete precious moments. In fact life is made up of tiny moments, each like one precious pearl, and we must live it like that. We lose so many moments of life all the time in trivialities we ironically call 'living', in sorrows and whines and all the muck of this world. Yet the few we manage to grasp are what define for us our life and its purpose forever. They become pearls of memory, or lessons of living. They become the windows from which we can look at our life, or the meaning of life itself. That is why, I am the silly one who tries to 'create' moments sometimes and to engrave them in memory. Silly but harmless fun!

This afternoon was a mini-exercise in creating moments from the Stockholm stay, now in its last month. I had a few hours to spare, and felt less lazy than usual. So I wandered to the city centre and started walking around familiar streets, now beautifully decorated for the approaching Christmas. Evening fell in and the lights started looking better in the darkness(my watch read 3 pm though, and my watch is working fine! :P ) I went in all those big shops I never went in, maunnly for window shopping. I wandered observing how people rushed about or strolled, how they behaved, the expressions on their face, the way they talked, the way everything existed around me..it started feeling surreal so I went up to the big Culture House library and fished out a Vikram chandra to read, sitting comfortably near the glass wall overlooking the sprawling city beneath. More wandering and more shopping later, I finally got home very tired but preserving a treasure of tiny moments.

However, the incident of the day was while I was coming back on the metro. There were a couple of Indian guys standing almost next to me talking in Hindi. Now because it's so rare, and feels so nice to hear something in a recognisable language in the chatter around me, I always turn around to notice who the speaker it is (even English, anything but Swedish) So these guys were blurting about their work when I sort of turned to notice them for a few seconds. One of them noticed me and began talking about me as I silently listened all the while turning away. The other said in hindi, so what if she's looking at us? Why do you have notice? Let her if she wants to. He replied, I dont have a problem yar, just that it feels good when some girl is looking at you. And so they continued, while I had a hard time suppressing my laughter. I had to get off soon, and while exiting, I turned to them and said, "Have you ever thought what if somebody could actually understand what you are talking, I mean ek billion Indians hain, kai jagah ho sakte hain na..." And walked out finally laughing.

I bet they were a little stunned.

Change-III

Two weeks back...it was autumn. It was coloured. It was pretty and silent.





This evening...it's winter. It's white. It's snow everywhere, and really really pretty.





Seasons change. Beauty, where it exists, persists.
Where it doesn't, you eventually see the dirt, the darkness, the malice, the cracks, the shallowness.
That's the job of change in life. That which is really worth it, persists and evolves.
The rest breaks down.

Change-II

Things change all the time.
People change all the time.
Me too, but I think I change intermittently. Like pulses at random time intervals. That's why it's difficult, and maybe conspicuous. Or perhaps, it's just that I notice only from time to time, and realise the change, or the need for change.

I have been doing something that everyone does whenever they have time or opportunity. I've been thinking back on my life, from who I (think I) was and who I (think I) have become. For the first time though, I'm able to sense an ongoing change and see the front and rear of it as well. Time has slowed down. What I can't decide however, is whether I like it or not. But maybe, it is necessary. Even though I can see many not-so-good things happening sometime in the future, I feel maybe it'll be all for the good, like everything in this world anyway is. For the good.

Some of this is exchange effect. Considering I know of at least four seniors of mine who claim that exchange changed the people they were significantly, I believe exchange might just be called "EX-CHANGE".But it's ok. I kind of like it. Or I think I do.

People at IITD who would still remember me when I eventually return might be able to point out at the contrast better, but one of the things I have definitely noticed is that people repel me now, not crowds but known friendly faces. Conversations don't energize me any more. I still like them, but I don't die for them like I did till a month back. Once in a while one quite conversation does it for me. I had some friends from IIT over for a few days at my place, but although some of them were people I really enjoyed being with till the end of last sem, now I stayed as much away from them as possible. Now they've gone to Finland for some days, and I enjoy the silence and gloom more than anything. I really feel peaceful and happy. And i'm in absolutely no hurry to go to India any more. Most of the other things I noticed, or realised I should change are a bit too personal for discussion. But the bottom line is I've stopped being hyper-energetic and loud as I had become in the last three years. I don't think of India as my "home where I am dying to go back to" any more, except when I talk to mom and realise she's the only one really missing me and I should be with her. Lots of things I used to treat as "aims" or things to work to get or keep don't mean anything to me any more. Actually seem kiddish! Time seems even more powerful to me now. But I like idling it away into nothing even more. The silent moments when minutes gobble passing seconds and hours gobble minutes are just sangelic for they allow thoughts to wander off into untouched and forbidden domains. Books don't provoke me into much deep thought now. The only reason I want to write this post here is so that I can come back to it later and identify things, and writing in my diary isn't equally effective because I show much less restraint there. Objectivity is at a premium for me, as I had recently become hyper emotional. Eeks. I'm so silly! :P

OK, among other things, I've been wanting to write a looong Paris post, but because it must be long, I don't get the enthusiasm to. All I must say is I had a lottttttt of fun, and the city is truly amazing. I saw many places, but I wanna go back again.

Apologies for a rather silly post. Has got nothing for anyone to read. But then, I barely care these days. :)

Les Rendezvous Parisiens

I'm back from Paris.......

Half-time

It's intermission.

Half-way through my Swedish vacation. Half-way through my semester at KTH. IIT has a huge holiday break in the middle of the sem. I'm half-way through a lot of things I set out to do when I cam here, and half-way through a lot of things I never wanted but they just happened.
And now, it's time for a short break. And hence, I fly to Paris tomorrow morning for a short 3-day trip. I hope to have LOADS of fun. Actually, whatever I do, I know I'd have loads of fun ;)Will return Friday with a full account of French adventures.

I don't know if I'm looking forward to going home, now that I'm closer to returning than coming here. For a little while I was, but that was the 'middle-age' syndrome. I love this place anyway, and I have a feeling things at home have changed too much now for me to have any fun going there. Staying here is much better than being an alien at home. I just hope my fears don't turn out to be true in Jan, but these days, a lot of my fears do come true. So much, that I'm afraid of fearing, whatever that means...

Anyway, cutting the crap, firang land has been a little interesting in the last few days. Although the weather of this place is such that I've become really lazy, and the laidback life we have and the lack of lectures in the past few days hasn't helped. But aside from feeling sleepy half the day and giving in to bad habits like watching Sitcoms, I've managed to see some cool scenery under the rains (it rains nearly 24 hours), work on submissions, reports and presentations at a frequency of three a day for the last whole week, and finally (almost) passed three courses. Saw a lovely Swedish movie As it is in heaven and loved it because it helped me snap out of a sinking depression. [:D] There's something peculiar about Swedish movies. At least it's been there in the three I've seen. Even if it's a family movie, people just take off all their clothes anytime any where for nothing. Even this one has a weird scene when the heroine suddenly decides to swim in the lake and takes off ALL her clothes and then begins another conversation with the hero, (not her lover) who quickly gets psyched out and runs away. Everyone watching the movie just goes :O :O :O :O :O at such scenes.

I celebrated Diwali by cooking and eating lots of good food, playing with candles and enjoying with friends. And most interestingly for me, found a cool person to talk to once in a while...my cute blonde Swedish guy-next-door who's just moved in. He loves what I cook, even if it is European food! And I love what he says, even if he just complains about his lovely girlfriend who doesn't go the normal girls' way and insist on 'talking it out'. He just hates having to do that because she doesn't. :D But he's good fun to talk to, whenever I bump into him.

And yes, I don't have fevers or legaches in the morning any more. Good thing right! :D Happiness, even if artificial, cures a lot of things...

See you Friday.
Bonne-nuit.

It's not a good morning! :(

I don't know why it's happening to me now, but am caught in this weird phase these days that I wake up every morning and end up saying to myself that it isn't a good morning. It's weird, and I don't like it at all, because even though I've never really been an early morning person, I've a serious thing about waking up fresh, which I usually do, and my efficiency and productivity during the day suffers considerably if I haven't woken up with lots of smiles and energy. That is one of the main reasons why I must sleep soundly before every exam even if that means skipping a tiny bit of course so as to sleep well in time. And most of the times, when I'm in IIT, a four-six hour sleep does me enough good(at least eight on exam days) that I peak next morning. At home or other places I sleep more, but the effect is the same.

But these days, from the last few days, every now and then I wake up feeling not happy, not energetic, and often pained. I've seen weird dreams all my life, but mostly they are funny. These days, they are not. No recurring dreams, but all with scary tragic ends with a variety of people. I've lost count of the number of mornings now I've woken up with real tears in my eyes. It's so disconcerting!

And then, on a lot of these mornings, esp yesterday and today, I wake up so tired!! My body is aching as if I've just run 10 kms, there's a weird pain in my legs, in my head, in my eyes, nearly everywhere. Not screeching hard pain, but pain. Discomfort. I wake up at 8 everyday, and unless there is a class or important work at 10 or something, I usually sleep off again to complete eight hours of sleeping time. And I wake up at 10 again in equally bad shape. Nothing seems to cure, not a long warm bath as soon as I get up, not an effort to think nice excited stuff, not reading. The only two things that have been slightly effective are hugging a teddy tight for ten minutes, or just walking out for a while in 5 degree Stockholm air without many warm clothes. The cold breeze in my head does something soothing, but dont know what.
And it's worsening this sort-of morning sickness. For three days now I've woken up with a slight fever, not much...only 99-99.5 degrees F, and it disappeares on its own in sometime, leaving a weakening ache. And I absolutely hate all this happening. I dont know why I'm tired because although I'm working many hours, it's usually sitting at a place and reading/wwriting/typing work. The rest of the time I'm doing nothing great. OK, granted that no work had always made me tired, but these days even work makes me so tired. I'm damn confused!

I guess I need a dream-interpretor or something. Or maybe, I just need a long warm hug.

Uncensored

I'd ditch protocol for this one, so please excuse the language and allow me to quote something I find funny...

As I said before, spanish guys know great after-drunk songs. And there's one guy I seem to run into so often, and he's almost always drunk when that happens. I get some of the loudest salutations as he moves on singing his one favourite drunk song which he insists is a real song and which he insists everyone should sing with him as loud and musically as he does!!!!!! And it really is loud...

Anyway, I don't know much of the lyrics, except the opening lines...but it is quite a sample!!
Here goes it.

"Is there anyone on the floor?
Who will f*** me like a wh**e
every night and every day
And never ask no more...."

I wonder which school he went to, and what nursery rhymes he learnt!

Firang land

General Observational Expertise Pvt. Ltd. bulletin announces that Firang lands are peculiar places. Excuse the generalisation, especially if you are one of the boring types, but basically any foreigner in a foreign land among foreign people and so on would always come across so many peculiar things it should make even non-foreign types see the funny side in it all. Forty five days in Sweden and I could list at least ten times that number of silly things here or back home when the contrast presents itself to me. But then, I've a small cache in my RAM, so let me just blab about whatever I can speedily recover[:P]

The first has to be how the various kinds of firangis here treat a firangi, i.e. the foreigner me in Swedeland. There are at least a dozen countries and places I look like I belong to(Iran? Russia? London? Gujarat? Sri Lanka? Arabland?), and at least 30% of all those who have ever met me have seen/known someone who looks exactly like me. I mean I never knew I looked/talked like the sisters, cousins and girlfriends(the latter I suppose was a really bad pick up line, eh?) of soooo many people.
And then the moment they come to know it's India I've to explain for the next twenty minutes about the food, culture, language,Kashmir, Taj Mahal, history, politics etc etc. Maybe the Tourism dept of India should hire me for promotional purposes. I have a 20 mnute speech crammed you know! And then they give me the impressed look and I end up inviting them for some Indian food. Which reminds me all European food is so sweeeettt! I've eaten traditional Swedish Italian German French and Portugese food by now in great amounts and it's all good looking food with no salt and often pretty dry(ignoring the beer) when they themselves claim to love my spicy cocktails. Whatever...firangs!

Anyway, to slightly less boring things now, firangs love to make out with their girlfriends/boyfriends in public places, but they enjoy it even more on escalators, crowded trains and full-with-people kitchens/ bus-stops than say at relatively less crowded places. Swedes are good in this regard, they are generally very loyal and loving(though they dont like marrying the mother of their kids) till they break off and move to a new person the next second. ((For something really funny about Swedes and to know them close, click here [;-)] )) Chinkies like shrieking more, while making out and breaking out both. On the other hand french women are always tricky (has to be..the french word for love and like is the same, as is the word for kiss and sex....it always gets so complicated with them that I've seen too Germans getting a rough deal due to communication barriers..lol)

One of my professors wears red-coloured ties with colourful Mickey Mouse cartoons over his sleek blue suit to class everyday, and another takes pride in his sexy skin tight T-shirts that show off his cool body and keep me awake in the class (he even says Hi to me whenever I cross him elsewhere on his own :P). But what's peculiar to me is all those sexy women who teach us and wear those really hot tops and skirts even when it's chilling cold outside. And those who wear Indian style printed skirts and bags while tending a couple of their kids.

More peculiar stuff...no student goes to class without an i-pod in his ears. Every teacher apologises for giving a tough assignment. Train inspectors spend days snoring at random stations checking each train for arrival time. People mostly don't vacate seats for elderly. nobody believes in sharing an umbrella with a friend unless it's clear weather. There MUST be a pub in every department in every college. Children drink beer since they are 13 although you can't buy it unless you are 23. All firang women, esp. Swedish, act extremly sleazy once drunk. Spanish guys know great after-drunk songs. Spanish women, though, are usually too drunk to say anything at all. Europeans are bad at history and English, but they hate american accents and those who have them. Sense of humour is quite weird, and most swedes laugh as if they have to pay 50% tax at laughing too. Shops are the easiest place to steal/shop-lift at, with no close circuit cameras and barely anyone looking. What Stockholmers eat as their evening meal(dinner) is a word in swedish that means lunch. People in south Sweden eat the same for lunch though, at 3 o clock, and sleep early enough not to eat any dinners after that. Europeans believe Asians are more fun and more hard-working, while Europeans are pragmatic and to the point. Everything mediocre and in-between is simply American.

And yes, sometimes everything breaks down here also. Metro breaks down for a day suddenly which means no work (and no classes). Feels good to be an Indian in firang land.

Angel Garden

Angels look over me

each night when I sleep.

I'm quite sure they do,

but they disappear

if I wake up at midnight

hoping to find them.

It's a beautiful night

tonight; and so I wish

to steal for my aching arms

one big hug of love.

So tonight I'm gonna fool them;

I'll sleep with a sneaky eye open!

*************************************

I wonder why I'm so irregular in blogging these days. Maybe because nothing much comes to my lazy head to write about. Anyway, nobody cares...so why should I?

I'm pretty happy tonight, after a lot of time and despite the fact that I've had a rather long day, and it's not for any one single reason. Just like that you know...sometimes you wanna smile, and tonight the weather is so wonderful anybody muct smile. So I celebrate the completion of my first full month in Sweden with a smile to warm up the coolness of the air and to brighten the stars in tonight's awesome night sky. There's music in the air too you know, and I've just returned from this cute slightly arty Swedish movie (with english subtitles) called "ånglagärd" (Garden of Angels).

Life is a lot about the way we look at it, right. Can I look at it somehow that makes it appear as a beautiful garden, with some thorns but never mind them, where angels play and even devils protect? I wonder...I should try though.

But right now I'm thinking of another super line...line of the week actually...perhaps it is a German saying, but only swedes and no Germans believed that.

It goes...Happy people have no histories...

mmm...What do you think?

Spotted at a Stockholm Restaurant

The best brand of whisky for Indian guests:

BOFORS

It really fires them up!!

Needs

I first started thinking about the idea of "luxury problems" when I read this. So many of what a lot of us think and fret over are not issues of survival or bare necessity, but of comfort and luxury, of improvement and greed, because we are lucky enough not to have to worry about a lot of the former at all most of the time, unlike so many others.

A management lecture that talked about Maslow's theory reminded me of this yesterday. Abraham Maslow, a psycholigist, gave his pyramid defining the hierarchy of human needs in which he defined five (sometimes seven ) levels of human needs...beginning from basic physiological needs to "growth" needs and needs of self-actualisation which are "being" needs. Essentially to me, as u go upwards in the pyramid, the needs become more and more pertaining to "luxury". I guess it's rightly said that to everyone his/her own sorrow is the biggest and most painful, until he/she wakes up to the sorrow of the world outside.

Sometimes this makes me wonder, do we even have the right to feel upset and depressed and worried about little things and complicated intricacies when so many others have to worry about every single meal? But it's not a rhetorical question. We do have the right, and also the need, to feelthe sorrow, to experience the pain, to fight the worry and learn from it...but we don't have the right to stop living or being gratefulabout what we already have and take for granted because we have other issues.

Countless number of people have told me my lifeis so good and enviable because at a broader perspective, there's so much nice about it. So much love, so much opportunity and so much luck in my life. Some years back I couldnt even imagine I'd be sitting in Sweden viewing life at this level. But still, am I the happiest person? Am I content and in bliss?

Mostly, no.

I have my hordes of luxury problems, and also alot of Level 3: Love and Emotional security issues. Some kind of physiological issue worry me a lot, but they're too personal to talk to anyone, but at the same time I'm so upset and bugged each time I find a friend or a dear one worried, and I overlook everything in wanting to go back to them. I share a love-hate relationship with the peace and solitude here and have flooded the blog with that. Sometimes I think I'm so unfair to life by calling life unfair all the time and never valuing it and its kindness enough. Sometimes we all become so engrossed in little worries, some deficiencies, some failures and personal desires and disappointments that we forget everything else. Even ourselves of the past and the future. Even ourselves at the bigger holistic level. The local depression sucks our life, belief and esteem and we need our self-actualisation tutitions again. In a worse case, we even lose Love, security and social esteem, and we wither in the hostile turn of events.

But it still could be worse you know. We still have no right to give up hope because we still have lots that others don't. We just need to fight again and build again. Fulfil our needs, and get them fulfilled one by one, starting from the lower levels of the pyramid and then upward...because that is the way, that is the only way to get back what we lose.

Needs are fulfilled by deeds, and only step by step.

When one trip is cancelled, many happen...

Before I start, reigning thought of the day...kids all over the world speak the same language!

Kids are really the sweetest things on earth, almost the only good part about the human race. There's a world in a kid's smile -- a world of purity, innocence and love. Needless to say, I just absolutely adore children, and love playing with them a lot, be it India or Europe. Kids here are soo cute and lovable, one could just watch them all day. Yesterday I made friends with a couple of Swedish kids and although I didn't really understand much of the little they said, it wasn;t hard to understand what they meant. Kids all over the world really speak the same language. I didn't even want to leave, but it was time to get off, so I handed them a few chocolates and left. Their smiles were truly amazing...beyond my words.

Anyway, back to the topic of the post, a long, good-weather but yet mostly dark and depressed weekend just ended for me, and I have eight hours of backto back classes to attend in a couple of hours. Still the weekend was all about existant and non-existant trips though. I had planned an awesome cruise trip to Finland with some of my Indian friends here for the weekend, and the nine of us would have had a rocking time if we didn't have to cancel last minute. It turned out that I, and some of the others, were too young and too single to go on that cruise. Ah! I wish I had a boyfriend, or I was a few years older. Whatever...

So that cancelled, the mood slipped into a lot of inactivity and loneliness for two days. Too lazy to do any work, i just lay in my bed till the mood went from bad to worse to pathetic, and the very few who tried to IM me, just got yelled at for nothing. Sorry folks! A long chat with a dear friend and a mini-feast at the end of a dull sad saturday did it for me, and the mood slowly got better, esp as I had more things to worry about. So that trip cancelled, I thought we should do something on sunday for the weather has been no nice and warm touchwood that I spent the whole day in Sleeveless nothings yesterday[:P]. Got three of my friends willing, and after lots of planning and cancellation,just decided to explore the city randomly. So it was a random picnic at some place we don't know yet(we just climbed in and out of buses [:D]) but it was real fun with all the talking, teasing, games and all the kids and couples around!

Got back to a heavy dinner and a sound sleep, but this trip wasn't free of trips of another kind for me too! As in, there are somedays right when you just keep falling or tripping or hurting yourself. Something got to me yesterday then, though thankfully nothing serious or even worriable happened. It all started with me hurting a knee in the morning when I got out of bed. That was followed by a mini-accident, when I was getting into the Metro and my leg slipped and turned and got stuck in the space between the train and the platform. It hurt, and wouldn't pull back, but being a sunday afternoon, there was such a crowd immediately and thankfully someone pulled the emergency brakes too. And then, here comes one of my three friends who were slightly far absolutely worried that "Sandal to gayi ab!!" But, thankfully, two minutes later both my leg and the sandal were out unhurt, only the leg slightly twisted. And worry not, my friend got to taste the same sandal for himself! :D

Anyway, it barely even aches now, so it's fine. But the trips continued all through the day, none causing too much damage. I cut my hand with a knife and leg with broken glass too, and nearly slipped in water once. But it was a lucky, happy day. so i'm still in one piece. However, the moral of the story is...when one trip gets cancelled, many many trips happen!! :D

W(h)e(a)ther or not!

Been quite some time since I posted anything...and come to think of it, quite some time since I wrote anything at all...no blogs no diary and the last time I wrote a poem/fiction was more than a month back! Perhaps I've forgot to pack my writing instincts in my luggage.

So I might just end up with a mediocre post here. But whether or not I do that, and whether or not I'm able to narrate all the happening things that keep happening in my life all the time, I shall post anyway!

When I started writing this post I was juggling between cooking lunch, eating breakfast and washing clothes. I left it in between to go to a class and then shopping and now I juggle a late lunch with room cleaning. Howzzat for multitasking!

But anyway, 'housewife-ish' harkate notwithstanding (and yeah, let me mention here that, just the way I've been boasting about it to everyone these days, I realise I can cook pretty decent food! Me and some others who I sometimes cook for actually eat it and like it. Wow!) life is pretty interesting. Classes have begun since a week, and I've already bunked more in five days than I did last semester at IIT!! Many of them have been because the timings clash and I can only be at one place at one time, and then most courses do not have attendance here, so if it is a really boring futile class like the one I should have been at the moment in, I just don't go! :D
Sweden is corrupting me, isn't it?

And a place where beer is cheaper and much more easily available than water is likely to corrupt anyone don't you think? Thank God it's not that cold yet, even though it'd getting cooler everyday (13 degrees already) so I can resist getting drunk at the moment...

As for studies, I really like classes here (yes I bunk but I still like them). They're so much cooler than back home, and I've made such an intelligent choice in courses that at the moment, none of them have an exam, only projects group work and assignments, which means I'm gonna keep really hectic till mid-October, and also that I'm gonna make some amazing friends by working in groups with them. There's a lot that IITs can learn from here, esp cooler profs. And by that I don't just mean cute profs who you won't mind just looking at even if you don't really listen to them, I mean profs who are obliged if you go to there class, who apologise if they forget to print the schedule which is on the web, and who would call the author of the book a bastard for using tough language in the text in class. This place can learn from IIT too. The students here are invariably smarter than the teachers, at least that's what I felt, and these people have succh weird class schedules! More on this later...

It's getting cooler, and it rains -- no, it pours -- almost everyday, but I still like roaming about in half sleeves and wearing jackets only when my 9pm class ends or if it's raining.Infact weather is the most dominant thing on everyone's mind here, but good weather or not,I make it a point to go out and explore the place when I have the time and mood. LikeI did last weekend when I had a rocking time with a friend, and luckily the weather often holds up till I decide toreturn home! :D

This place is good, beautiful and very comfortable, but India has it's own characteristic fervour that i miss some time. It wasone ofmy Indian freind's bday day before, and we celebrated it at night pure junglee Indian style, pouring cake and cream and what not on him and eventually us too. I miss being at college with all the noise and fun, but I wish to enjoy the peace and beauty of thisplace while it lasts. It's awesome, I have friends now from all over the world and the list is growing with every single day and esp every single class, and living independently has a charm that's almost addictive. You are free to be jealous if you wish, but I love this place anyway.:D

The only thing is, I love India too, and I love India more, so once this four-month period ends, whether or not India has this kind of silence and peace (and emptiness), whether or not it has all the facilities and infrastructure there exists here, whether or not I get to learn five international languages in one class, whether or not there are hunks and sexy babes wherever youlook, whether or not I get so much time to do things myself, I don't care, I shall still embrace MY home with more warmth than ever. I miss you people.

An Evening to Remember

Somethings in life happen by pure coincidence. Or atleast, you may look at it that way and it seems more perfect, more delightful, more alive to me. A series of events and impulses that lead to pleasant or not-so-pleasant events...but then life truly comes alive in such moments. Sometimes you just discover such joy in a routine expected thing which just happens as it should, or because it simply doesn't happen. Sometimes, random decisions bring to you thrilling experiences that you cherish forever. Sometimes, the universe gives you energy to do some really meaningful things you had never planned on doing, but you were meant to!

Something somewhat similar, albeit not exactly, happened to me yesterday. It was a happy day, till it became happier, and eventually the nicest day I've had here so far. I had my first class, and I was naturally quite enthusiastic about it, because I really want to experience, compare and contrast education at KTH vis-a-vis IIT. Anyway, the class turned out to be nice and I find the course (Industrial Management) quite interesting. I met some NTU students, three of them Indians, so I have friends already. Then I met a Swedish guy for lunch. His name is Niclas and he's one of my three student mentors here. He's like really sweet and helpful, and yeah, quite fun to be with and talk to. So I spent like an interesting our with him, and thus it's been four dates with four Swedish guys (mentors) so far and yeah, they're all cute! (Jealous anyone? :P)

Unfortunately he had a class so he had to go, which was the end of my nice, happy day, and I was free for the day so I started getting back when I realised that the next morning (that was today!) I had a class at a place quite a distance away in the campus (It's another end really!). So it was a nice sunny afternoon and I had nothing to do, and thus I started walking towards the place equipped with a map in my hand and lots of reflections in my head, almost talking to myself. I had been walking 15 minutes when I reached an intersection and stopped to read what road I wanted, when the nicer bit happened.

A Swede, who looked quite tall and just a bit more mature to me than a teenager, walked up to me and asked if I wanted some address, and I showed him the place on the map that I wanted. He said he was walking in the same direction and could show me the place. And so we began walking and immediately he started asking me lots and lots of question about where I was from and so on. It turned out he's quite interested in India and Asia and he looked at me with a really high level of curious interest and lots and lots of questions, beginning with how soon could he learn hindi if he studied it 8 hours a day six days a week!! He really is interested in both langauges and travelling and I now know he knows at least 8-10 languages and has lived for a few months or years in many countries, just travelling. Now I felt nice talking to him and he just kept asking questions one after the other, till we stood at a place and talked for more than three and a half hours!!!

He asked me about india, about the people, about the differences from the west, about the history, about my opinions on everything under the sun, about what I do and how I have so much energy[:P], about India, Pakistan and the subcontinental terrorism(((EVERYBODY here knows about it really, and kashmir is the first thing I end up talking to a lot of Swedes on first mention of India...Views anyone?), about my impression of this place and the people, about current world affairs and governments, about imperialism and global unity today, about so many things that I can hardly recollect....but it was like I had a one on one conversation with someone after a really really long time, something like 5 months at least, and with all my blabbering energy and his amazing inquisitiveness in, i had a really heart-warming discussion and yes, I was loving it!!:D:D

So it felt soo happy and nice, and then we walked towards where I wanted to get and he actually helped me find the floor and the room I was looking for. Which reminds me an interesting thing I see in a lot of buildings here. Since the terrain is mountainous, so many times you enter a building and realise it is the fifth floor! And then you go two floors down and look out of the third floor window and in looks like the ground floor too. Know what I mean? :) So we entered from the fifth floor and exited from the second...

And we walked towards a shorter way to the bus to my home and to his university, when he suggested i see his university which was right there. It looked interesting and I agreed. All I knew was he's a Ph.D student in Languages and cultures from a Business perspective, and studied at the school of business management, where he took me and it was quite lovely. And then, right behind was this huge beautiful lake that I spotted and looked so excited he took me there to show me the view. It was just breathtaking! And then, from one view to the another and one path to the other we just kept talking and walking, and laughing and hiking and talking and walking along the lake for the next three hours!!!! He missed his work, but didn't seem to mind it, and I was astonished by this friendly guy (he was 44 and a bachelor, as I learnt) who took so much pains to telling a stranger like me every building, every anecdote, everything there was to see around that place. I mean had I been alone I would have enjoyed the place immensely, but since he took me along to the cliffs and we climbed to the highest point and he showed me the botanical garden and Japanese garden and he showed me other such things, I just LOVED it. I'm sorry I didn't click many pictures(next time sure) because I was so busy talking and having fun, but I shall put the few i have at flickr (link in sidebar). Oh how I loved the place! It was a breathtaking sight, and the weather was great and I just love hiking in the mountains myself! But the guy, Shell, he was quite amazing too, and then he was definitely amazed and impressed with me because according to him I knew so much and had such a perspective as a teenager. I didn't really believe him but basically I was enjoying his anecdotes so much I let it be.

There were a couple of moments that stayed with me during that walk before we finally reached another lake, then the road, and then walked through some farms and the Stockholm university till we reached the station and he dropped me in my train and left (polite and chivalrous :D:D). But the two moments were: one, when I was at that highest cliff and I saw all around and it was so beautiful and silent I could hear my heartbeat, and suddenly my heart took me to back home and I saw a beautiful dream with open eyes for a couple of minutes. It was plain passionate ecstasy. And the other was when he was telling me about his Master's days when he used to stay at a dorm nearby and run around the lake with some other guyes everyday. One of those days they were having one such race when one alcoholic who always used to sit at one particular bench, stopped them and said "Everyone has to die someday. But I would prefer to die of liver cirrhosis than of cramps and physical breakdown from over-exerted muscles!!" It was so funny, but the way Shell narrated it was funnier and we laughed aloud for a good two minutes when an old Swedish couple walking there stopped for us and said Hi and then the lady said in Swedish that the two of us looked really happy and she wished we always stayed so happy. He said thanks and both of us were equally touched when he translate that for me. It was such a nice thing to say. Wonder why we don't do it more often.

What is the price of a few kind words? And what is their value? Think about it.

Swedish Bulletin

I wish I had something interesting to write, but there're very few things I find interesting all of a sudden. I felt like being lazy all day today, so havent stepped out still and am still trying to finish the huge pizza I made for lunch bit by bit. [OK, it was medium by india standards, and that's about the smallest in europe, but I can never finish a medium at once...]

But yeah I'm pretty pissed with myself for weird reasons. Like I had planned to go boating today, but didn't feel like, so made an excuse that I had a headache, and voila, a headache actually comes and hasn't left me for eight hours.

Is my tongue black or something? Lemme check...Naah, doesn't look like that...

Then I wanted to write and settled in a comfortable place with all equipment and coffee and all, and did not progress behind a few words. Tried sleeping, but will sleep ever come if you want it. Tried going for a walk, someone buzzed and I got busy for forty minutes and then I lost all enthu to go. Decided to read, and read about 9 and a half pages. Then tried to find someone online to talk to, but no, if you want someone, everyone's busy....and now, I can't even write a post straight. Huh!

Complete joblessness and freedom to do anything can be quite taxing. I have even watched a trash called KABHI ALVIDA NA KEHNA to punish myself for being so irritable to self hehe...

Which reminds me, yesterday I went towards old, central stockholm on a sight seeing trip and looked around the place, the sea and explored the Royal Palace where the king lives in quite detail. At that time, looking through huge apartments for each person in the palace to enter which you pass through four huge halls meand for the guards that protect the Prince's palace, we wondered what all did these king-types do when they got bored, and realised it must be pretty irritating to get to one's own bedroom itself is it is 300 feet inside the home. Don't think I envy that despite all the luxury and those pretty dresses...

Waise, the mix of people i encounter here is pretty cool...as in i share a corridor with an indian, a south korean, a chinese, a swedish, a french...and i dont know many people yet. And swedish people are generally sweet too. Maybe that's why "swedish" the word itself sounds like a dessert..:P

Oh by the way, I've put a few pics up. Follow the link in the sidebar if you wish...

Of woods and wooden floors

I have woken up the fourth time in this country already, which tells me that some time has now passed for me in Sweden, and I begin by asking myself if I've got used to this place. Like most questions these days, I'm unable to find a clear answer and everything is a mixed mess.

Except my room which still looks pretty neat, but then the room doesn't have to find tough answers. Especially to tough why questions like why am I here? It's all in the mind!

I'm engulfed with thoughts of all kind. And it is a luxury really, that I can afford because I've lots of time and nothing concrete to do yet. But there's one thing I've come to decide over time now. I'm NOT a tourist here, and though all this looks just like a vacation yet that'll end soon, I know it's not that soon either, and therefore I'm gonna live here like I 'live' here and not like I'm visiting. Which means I take things slow and easy, rather than trying to see a new place and experience new stuff everyday, which is what tourists do, and which is what almost everyone expects me to do. I talk to people back home and they're surprised if I'm home in the evening instead of exploring something all the time, or being to a party or something. But I don't feel like getting into too much activity. One of the most attractive things about coming on exchange to me was the peace, the slowed down pace of life and the solitary time for myself, which someone like me doesn't get a lot of in IIT, what with the frentic pace of life I lead there. I want to relax now, and sure I'd have fun, but I'd do it my way. I like meeting people, and I'll do that but I wanna do that slower instead of in a rush. I'm alone, not lonely and I'm enjoying it this way.

There is a huge forest right behind my apartment, and I just LOVE it. The road through the woods is just sooo beautiful, but the fun in walking down perpendicular to the track into the woods is out-of-the-world. Yesterday I wandered like that for nearly an hour getting wet in the rain and went pretty far till I realise I had got lost, and then turned back to retrace my way home. It was an elevating feeling, walking with yourself and just nobody else in sight.

And then, last night was a party...welcome party for international students. Lots of drinking and dancing, and yeah loads and loads of people. Everyone stuffed in the room- dancing, drinking, taking their clothes off, or just making out- and it was a charged atmosphere. And yeah, people did actually dance with almost all their clothes off. Maybe because of the heat in the room. Quite a sight. But the best part was to observe and meet people from across the world. 4.5 feet chinkys and 7 feet Europeans. People who dance kathakali steps to kungfu actions to bhangra freestyle to hoppers to seduction-dancing to mini michael jacksons irrespective of the music! Made a few freinds and met some Indians, so it was cool.

And now, it's a long weekend and I don't plan to do too much....just enjoy and soak it in.

And eat. Should make some breakfast now. So bbye!

The Other Side of Paradise

Good morning.

Although it's 11 p.m. local time, which is certainly not morning. And yes, local time is now GMT+02:00, rather than being GMT+05:30, which I have always been used to. And all this simply means that yes, my flight didn't crash or get hijacked, that I'm alive, and that home is now Stockholm. For 130 days.

A long flight brought me here yesterday afternoon, and the best part about that was that I got to see the really big Frankfurt airport. And of course the sight of Europe from a few thousand feet above is pretty spectacualr. I don't know if I loved the pollutionlessness more or the cloud castles, but I pretty much spent a lot of time gazing out of the window, even if it meant staring in the darkness...

It STILL hasn't sunk in completely that I'm actually in another country where I need to stay and study and live for so many months, but yeah, I look out of the huge window of my huge room and all I see identifiable is the rainy cloud in the sky.

Scandinavia IS beautiful. This country sometimes looks a bit like a hill-station in India, but the similarity ends at the mountainous terrain, and perhaps the current weather. You don't have these buildings and infrastructure in India. You don't have so many open spaces in India. You have FAR more people in India. I have a feeling this place can survive so well primarily because there are such few people.

About pics, I don't think cluttering this blog with them is a good idea. Maybe I'd put them on flickr or something and give a link if anybody's interested.

I've spent some time settling down, in a week everything should be ok, but the long shopping trip today was as much fun as travelling anywhere here is, in neat public transportation that takes you to non-pronouncable places! Not cooked too much yet either, but doesn't appear a tough ask. I have a couple of Indians in nearby flats too, so that's pleasing. Basically it means it's all good, and I think I'm now waiting to experience life here at the routine level.

Some things feel weird though. Or at least strange because of the unfamiliarity.

Like travelling in buses 20 feet long that arrive exactly at mentioned time schedules.

Like getting used to traffic since everything is right-handed unlike India.

Like not being able to read road signs and posters because you don't understand the language. Feels like an illiterate.

Like people wearing sweaters with minis and stilettos(nice legs, for the record!), or three half-sleeve T-shirts one above the other.

Like people making out with their girlfriend in full public view without being stared at.(Shit! that's like AWESOME fun. )

Like everybody being nearly twice your height and volume.

Like buying a banana for Indian equivalent of 20 bucks per piece.

Like meeting people who smile and say "Hej" all the time and "tack (thanks!)" every second sentence.

Anyway, should get used to it in some time. Once it sinks in that all this is real.

Things look good as such, and yes I'm having my share of fun. I love the peace, the solitude, the beauty, but I do miss home. Home as in India, IIT. And my people. Rest, everything is uncertain. But that's life right...full of uncertainties. (Heisenberg is God!) Let's see what the next morning has in store.

My mind has plenty of random thoughts, andI expect to have a lot of time too, so expect more posts frequently.

Till then, adios.

The word is...

...SURREAL

Because that's how everything feels since last night...

Realities often take time to sink in, especially HUGE realities...

I AM finally going to Sweden next sem, but i somehow cant get myself to believe that...staying for four months alone, it's SHIT scary.

And then, poltu@IITD is just over, and it's a really dirty time, like politics at most places. Finally it's done, and unlike last time, I'm not so shattered at the end, because my hostel and my friends got a number of deserving posts, and all's well that ends well. Or is it? Maybe all the preceding filth is not worth it, and sadly enough this well happen again next year. But for the moment, it feels happy. SURREAL, and happy.

I'm dying to write atleats two long posts, but I guess I would let life reach slightly steadier state.

Right now, I feel dazed, and trust me, I'm not drunk.

Yet.

To Whom So Ever It May Concern

"On today's auspicious occassion of the first birthday of this blog , a journey that began here and has somehow come so far despite glitches, it is hereby announced to all hot and sundry that the owner of this blog has been granted a chance to study here for a semester, thanx to this . "

Waiting for things to sink in.

Indecisively, pensively yours.

Phoenix