Let's build a new world
Let's think a fresh thought
Let's break another rule
Let's water an old drought
Let's smile a new smile
Let's wipe every tear
Let's fight a new fight
Let's bring someone near
Let's just give one more shot
Let's discover a new stream
Let's just start from scratch
Let's dream a new dream
Today, let's try.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Murder
How do you kill a kiddo? Simple...tell her, no yell to her, in her face till she's convinced, that all her dreams of her perfect fairy-tale world are false and illusory.
Show her the gruesome reality, the absence of faith, the farcical "forevers", the shallowness of love, the need to be selfish and then put the balm of practicality on it. And voila, you have a slightly hurt slightly shocked slightly jittery much grown up dreamless new member of your society, one who never again dreams of selfless compassion, the good of sharing and the Prince Charming.
You do this everyday, don't you?
Show her the gruesome reality, the absence of faith, the farcical "forevers", the shallowness of love, the need to be selfish and then put the balm of practicality on it. And voila, you have a slightly hurt slightly shocked slightly jittery much grown up dreamless new member of your society, one who never again dreams of selfless compassion, the good of sharing and the Prince Charming.
You do this everyday, don't you?
Monday, May 19, 2008
Friction
I hate that sound, that screeching one of an awry shrill chalk movement, of nails against glass, of a dry crumpled paper wiping a blackboard, that dry eardrum-piercing sound of unadulterated friction. It's exactly the sound I hear in my head when my thoughts drift in a forbidden direction and I rush to apply the brakes. It's a useful one if you want to disconnect, but it echoes in the air for a long time afterward, moist in the shadow of the forbidden memory. How hard do we try to remember, and forget, certain memories! How hard do we try to just control ourselves, especially our thoughts, and especially when we 'instruct' them to fly free...
We just don't get it, we humans, that there may exist a paradigm beyond the master-slave relationship, beyond the winner and the loser, beyond the controlling and the controlled. We always want to "know", we always want to be in charge, we always want to be well-guided, we always want to do the right thing, whatever that may be. We need to define everything, so it can be controlled, in some way. That's all this struggle of life is about. We are sheer control freaks, all of us.
The most interesting lesson in class 9 physics was that if there was no friction, we wouldn't be able to walk ahead. If there were no conflicts, no disputes, nobody to disagree, none of that uncontrolled 'noise', we wouldn't be getting anywhere. As much as we love and desire peace, the truth is that all we want is a peaceful disagreement.
And it's an amusing truth too, because it brings you at a peaceful agreement with the fact that those everyday niggles, those irritating aspects we bring ourselves to live with, those little arguments and the occasional yells that creep in all our relationships, they're okay, because it's the friction that prevents us from stagnating, and collapsing. It's the little friction that produces the little hug, the "sorry mom", the love you whisper. It's the friction, in just the optimum amount, that keeps love growing. Just a thought...
We just don't get it, we humans, that there may exist a paradigm beyond the master-slave relationship, beyond the winner and the loser, beyond the controlling and the controlled. We always want to "know", we always want to be in charge, we always want to be well-guided, we always want to do the right thing, whatever that may be. We need to define everything, so it can be controlled, in some way. That's all this struggle of life is about. We are sheer control freaks, all of us.
The most interesting lesson in class 9 physics was that if there was no friction, we wouldn't be able to walk ahead. If there were no conflicts, no disputes, nobody to disagree, none of that uncontrolled 'noise', we wouldn't be getting anywhere. As much as we love and desire peace, the truth is that all we want is a peaceful disagreement.
And it's an amusing truth too, because it brings you at a peaceful agreement with the fact that those everyday niggles, those irritating aspects we bring ourselves to live with, those little arguments and the occasional yells that creep in all our relationships, they're okay, because it's the friction that prevents us from stagnating, and collapsing. It's the little friction that produces the little hug, the "sorry mom", the love you whisper. It's the friction, in just the optimum amount, that keeps love growing. Just a thought...
Thursday, May 15, 2008
...and then it rained
The air was still. The heat didn't burn, but stifled with its humidity. I looked around. Everything seemed lifeless, inanimate. There was no movement, no noise. I began to walk.
Long walks have a cathartic quality; the mind races randomly in different directions, with different thoughts forming, colliding, bouncing, dying every instant. I like thinking nothing. After a while it put me in such a calm mood I began to hum a tune, an old favorite, as I walked. A cloud from nowhere drifted towards the sun's face.
And slowly I re-learnt several things I had forgotten, or overlooked. And slowly I realized, analyzed, rejected and accepted facts I should never have forgotten, or overlooked. A little breeze began to flow. A flight of pigeons were being noisy. Somehow, as I looked at them, the following lines came to mind: It's your problem. Above all, I just want to be happy now. I just want to fly free. I can survive, hopefully, so can you.
It was unconnected, I know. The breeze had turned into a wind. We are who we are, and where we are, because of the choices we make, and choose not to make, as we move along. I realized my choices, and understood they didn't match with all my expectations and needs, but they were consistent with the most important ones of those.
Some limits we don't set, because we can't. Some limits we never push away, because they keep us safe in bounds. And the rest of them, we just keep pushing at to test ourselves, and they keep shifting, we keep winning, we keep trying. I knew, if and when it gets difficult, I wouldn't quit. And you will fly. Finally, I smiled.
Some times, things trivial for most of the world are everything for somebody. With the thunder the things that meant the most to me shone at me in their apparent insignificance.
And then it rained. :-)
Long walks have a cathartic quality; the mind races randomly in different directions, with different thoughts forming, colliding, bouncing, dying every instant. I like thinking nothing. After a while it put me in such a calm mood I began to hum a tune, an old favorite, as I walked. A cloud from nowhere drifted towards the sun's face.
And slowly I re-learnt several things I had forgotten, or overlooked. And slowly I realized, analyzed, rejected and accepted facts I should never have forgotten, or overlooked. A little breeze began to flow. A flight of pigeons were being noisy. Somehow, as I looked at them, the following lines came to mind: It's your problem. Above all, I just want to be happy now. I just want to fly free. I can survive, hopefully, so can you.
It was unconnected, I know. The breeze had turned into a wind. We are who we are, and where we are, because of the choices we make, and choose not to make, as we move along. I realized my choices, and understood they didn't match with all my expectations and needs, but they were consistent with the most important ones of those.
Some limits we don't set, because we can't. Some limits we never push away, because they keep us safe in bounds. And the rest of them, we just keep pushing at to test ourselves, and they keep shifting, we keep winning, we keep trying. I knew, if and when it gets difficult, I wouldn't quit. And you will fly. Finally, I smiled.
Some times, things trivial for most of the world are everything for somebody. With the thunder the things that meant the most to me shone at me in their apparent insignificance.
And then it rained. :-)
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Things hardest to let go-II
The emptiness has set in already. Thirteen more months, 382 more days in IIT to go (hopefully not getting a degree extension). Phew! And the good times have already slipped past. Dual, or 5yr integrated degree that IIT dishes our, sucks for the simple reason that it has an extra year where you're the ghosts of the campus, who hardly anyone knows and nobody cares about. All your friends have left, most of your courses are over, you've even been given a farewell as the "batch of 2008" and nobody needs you anymore. But you still have to live here one summer and two semesters an oblivious life. Hmmm...but how do you let go of the habit of running into your friends in the institute who've suddenly gone too far, at least physically, or of msging them for momos and maggi, or of random nightouts? Why's it so lonely out here? Where are the people?
...and suddenly, there's nothing to do. A stupid project can only take so much of your time. What do I do about my workaholism? Especially when I've gone out to refuse all regular extra-curricular stuff for the coming year, the kinds I've been doing forever in IIT. Suddenly, there's so much time, and no activity. I'd planned to start working on a book, but so far I can't get myself to write a word. The plots in my head dont look convincing; I'm just so uninspired. Seriously, folks, give me an idea. Or a summer job which I can do with my project without traveling much in the heat. Or social work? Anything...
...and suddenly, there's nothing to do. A stupid project can only take so much of your time. What do I do about my workaholism? Especially when I've gone out to refuse all regular extra-curricular stuff for the coming year, the kinds I've been doing forever in IIT. Suddenly, there's so much time, and no activity. I'd planned to start working on a book, but so far I can't get myself to write a word. The plots in my head dont look convincing; I'm just so uninspired. Seriously, folks, give me an idea. Or a summer job which I can do with my project without traveling much in the heat. Or social work? Anything...
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Relief??
The semester is over, finally. Grades pour in tomorrow I guess, and though it's been academically a bad bad semester, at least I'm passing in all courses for sure( :P :D)! Yesterday when I submitted the final assignments of this semester, it felt a little relieving but surprisingly not light still. Work is light now, but there is still more or less a continuum with the Project (that's going to keep me here all summer, damn it's hot) work asserting itself. Especially after that horrible presentation on Monday. I cried almost an hour after it; my mood was already low and there was still plenty of work, but I'd nevertheless put in 8 hours for that presentation of which nobody saw a slide. I hate my department!
In fact most things I've seen happening in IIT since the majors have been ugly, something nobody will fall in love with IIT for. Millions of people outside this campus think this is the greatest place of all times, the best and all that crap. Lakhs of students dream about making it in here, but inside, there's so much filth at the wrong places and 80% of all students dream about getting out asap by the end of their term. This semester profs have had a field day with failing students. Sure, students have been at fault to some extent, but a large part has come without warning. Humanities alone has failed more than 150 students, most on attendance. There's a course where 33 of 44 students have been failed due to attendance, another in my dep has 28 casualties and there are a couple that have like an F at 65 or an audit at 80 or a C- at 75. Talk about being ridiculous. 75% of all people I know in the graduating batch currently are facing a serious problem in some course or the project. People will now have to forfeit IIM calls because some professor is heartless enough. And then they wonder why most IITians don't come back to their institute with love. Our batch was to take up a physics course in our final year, and some of us did it as extra credits, simply because our dep curriculum didn't have any physics courses in first year when all other deps had. And it was tough, more so because it used all JEE concepts and tricks which we haven't just forgotten, they're completely irrelevant to us today. It took me some scare and effort too, to pass it. IIT system is rotting, there are so many ills it makes me nauseous at times. But student say is limited, and the higher ups won't change anything. Plus, the attitude of mostly everyone sucks. Student politics is mostly a shame at the calibre of the students in this campus, but worse than that, even good hardworking people have this attitude for working for a post they want to hold next year rather than because they hold one at that moment. And since I'm blunt enough to say this ( and also refuse point blank a post in the next placement team), I get more than my share of brickbats. You know what, I'm cool with it. I've worked like a maniac four years, I want to try something different now. I want to just...disappear.
The sem's over, but the relief is not coming in. Most of my friends would be leaving soon. It's going to be a different life soon, one I'm not too relieved to enter into.
Still, so long and thanks for all the fish. And someone please magically cure this IIT system. It's gonna take a few lives more :(
In fact most things I've seen happening in IIT since the majors have been ugly, something nobody will fall in love with IIT for. Millions of people outside this campus think this is the greatest place of all times, the best and all that crap. Lakhs of students dream about making it in here, but inside, there's so much filth at the wrong places and 80% of all students dream about getting out asap by the end of their term. This semester profs have had a field day with failing students. Sure, students have been at fault to some extent, but a large part has come without warning. Humanities alone has failed more than 150 students, most on attendance. There's a course where 33 of 44 students have been failed due to attendance, another in my dep has 28 casualties and there are a couple that have like an F at 65 or an audit at 80 or a C- at 75. Talk about being ridiculous. 75% of all people I know in the graduating batch currently are facing a serious problem in some course or the project. People will now have to forfeit IIM calls because some professor is heartless enough. And then they wonder why most IITians don't come back to their institute with love. Our batch was to take up a physics course in our final year, and some of us did it as extra credits, simply because our dep curriculum didn't have any physics courses in first year when all other deps had. And it was tough, more so because it used all JEE concepts and tricks which we haven't just forgotten, they're completely irrelevant to us today. It took me some scare and effort too, to pass it. IIT system is rotting, there are so many ills it makes me nauseous at times. But student say is limited, and the higher ups won't change anything. Plus, the attitude of mostly everyone sucks. Student politics is mostly a shame at the calibre of the students in this campus, but worse than that, even good hardworking people have this attitude for working for a post they want to hold next year rather than because they hold one at that moment. And since I'm blunt enough to say this ( and also refuse point blank a post in the next placement team), I get more than my share of brickbats. You know what, I'm cool with it. I've worked like a maniac four years, I want to try something different now. I want to just...disappear.
The sem's over, but the relief is not coming in. Most of my friends would be leaving soon. It's going to be a different life soon, one I'm not too relieved to enter into.
Still, so long and thanks for all the fish. And someone please magically cure this IIT system. It's gonna take a few lives more :(
Sunday, May 04, 2008
Options
Sometimes, no matter what the options and what the consequences, silence is the option it is your duty to choose. Sometimes, if you are lucky, silence is the only option you got. Often, after all, silence is the only way to say what you have to and still avoid being heard.
I don't like noise.
I don't like noise.
Friday, May 02, 2008
Surfing, fishing, eating
Everyone knows internet is an excellent place to kill time, especially during exams :D, and nothing's better than blogosphere (or my feed reader, for that matter) to do some good, varied reading. For instance, I was going through the archives of this blog, and only wondering at the average index of sentimentality of the girls of this world [:P], when I saw this post and the instantaneous index for not just girls, but even guys went up in a spike :P :P Point is, touching words (or movies, music etc...essentially "expression") makes even the most inert start feeling, and the sensitive crying!
It's nothing new, but it's still incredible, the power of dots of ink on a paper (or pixels on a screen) to evoke emotions in a perfectly unfeeling stranger. It's the power of something "artificially created" by another human being, something that's also a slave of the receptor's moods and sensory organs (and mind, is mind a sense organ? is mind an organ?) that is so immense, no wonder power of plain natural beauty and the perfectly natural miracle of life is too great to even begin to fathom and appreciate!
It's nothing new, but it's still incredible, the power of dots of ink on a paper (or pixels on a screen) to evoke emotions in a perfectly unfeeling stranger. It's the power of something "artificially created" by another human being, something that's also a slave of the receptor's moods and sensory organs (and mind, is mind a sense organ? is mind an organ?) that is so immense, no wonder power of plain natural beauty and the perfectly natural miracle of life is too great to even begin to fathom and appreciate!
The writing bit also reminds me of this quiz I took eons ago, and that said I should become a film writer (rofl). These endless questionaires and all on net I tell you, I wonder who makes them. (And the countless ones on facebook!!!! Wat color heart are you? Are you a zombie? Mind blowing imagination!) Some of them are fun, some are pure stupidity, but I think they survive on their ability to feed curiosity and kill time. Sometimes, I like going back and finding permutations of answers that give certain solutions, till I find all the nodes and more or less the whole flowchart.
Blogosphere is an interesting read also because of the reactions that tag along with the posts, most delivered in semi-anonymously. So someone asks Keshi why is every third post of hers about sex and someone asks herwhy she doesn't write much about all the sex she has anymore and it sends me into fits of laughter. There is so much desperation out there in the world :P :P Shit, it must be hard to have your blog so widely read. Creepy.
There's the daily dose of poetry, and there's current affairs. IPL has also caused its share of turbulence in blogosphere, and not without reason. From cheerleaders to fan whines The best online timepass though, by far stays XKCD and its lesser cousins (phdcomics et al), including Kay's blog,. Check this one, and this:
Blogosphere is an interesting read also because of the reactions that tag along with the posts, most delivered in semi-anonymously. So someone asks Keshi why is every third post of hers about sex and someone asks herwhy she doesn't write much about all the sex she has anymore and it sends me into fits of laughter. There is so much desperation out there in the world :P :P Shit, it must be hard to have your blog so widely read. Creepy.
There's the daily dose of poetry, and there's current affairs. IPL has also caused its share of turbulence in blogosphere, and not without reason. From cheerleaders to fan whines The best online timepass though, by far stays XKCD and its lesser cousins (phdcomics et al), including Kay's blog,. Check this one, and this:
Thursday, May 01, 2008
Zindagi [edited]
Teri nafraton ki gehrayi se dar nahi lagta
Zindagi tujhe bahut shiddat se jiya hai
Tere kadamon mein raundein jaane ka gham nahi
Zindagi tujhe bahut fursat se jiya hai
Tu hath chhudake bhage, to hum nahi rokenge
Tere sannaton ke shor se bhi dar nahi lagta
Tune kitne hi dil tode hon, ranj humein nahi
Zindagi tujhe bahut mohabbat se jiya hai
Zindagi tujhe bahut shiddat se jiya hai
Tere kadamon mein raundein jaane ka gham nahi
Zindagi tujhe bahut fursat se jiya hai
Tu hath chhudake bhage, to hum nahi rokenge
Tere sannaton ke shor se bhi dar nahi lagta
Tune kitne hi dil tode hon, ranj humein nahi
Zindagi tujhe bahut mohabbat se jiya hai
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